


Heda's Warrior

by Alexis_Payton



Series: The Little Pauna [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bullets, Character Death, Death, F/F, Fighting, Grounder Politics, Gun Violence, Hunting, Read Clarke of the Sky People first, Sadness, Smut, Sometimes I make up my own Trigedasleng so don't quote me, Sword Fighting, abrupt angst, grotesque amounts of fluff, people beating the shit out of each other, physical fighting, protagonists getting hurt, trikru medicine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-09-28 02:56:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 97,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexis_Payton/pseuds/Alexis_Payton
Summary: Sequel to Clarke of the Sky PeopleNo summary, to avoid spoilers. But shit's gonna happen. Grounder politics mostly.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please read Clarke of the Sky People first, or you won't know wtf is going on.
> 
> Thank you to my Duckie, who gave this content a thumbs up xD

 

 

“They can’t make these things bigger?” Echo huffed, frowning at her pencil from where she sat behind a desk outside of the schoolhouse in Polis.

“Go get some crayons from inside then.” Clarke grinned, her eyes not leaving the mural she was busy painting of Lexa’s epic battle against Gregor ‘The Mountain’. It had taken weeks to gather enough materials to just build the giant wall she had vowed she would.

 “They’re for children.”

Clarke could practically hear Echo scowling.

“They’re for people learning how to write.” Clarke patiently explained, like she had done on one or two previous occasions.

“The children think we are friends when I use the supplies they do.” Echo grumpily continued her explanation, even though Clarke knew that Echo loved hanging out with the kids.

There were only about six pupils inside – double that when the Heda was in Polis – and they were absent more often than not, making it that much more difficult for Ben and Sarah to follow a particular curriculum. So the Osbornes had learned to adapt and were teaching each child individually at his or her own pace. There were few enough students to make that possible.

“They’re probably getting ready to go home.” Clarke murmured, absently noting the sun lowering in the sky.

Not knowing when a child would actually be there, the teachers tried to make the most of the time they did get with them. Though some still left – or arrived late in the day – when their respective duties required them to be home.

“We’ll get you some crayons of your own when we pack up for the day.” Clarke compromised.

Echo just grunted what Clarke decided to take as her agreement and focused back on her task with a deep scowl.

Clarke wasn’t sure why it had taken her so long to ask Echo whether she wanted to learn how to read and write. She’d come up with the idea when it became clear that Echo needed a distraction. Things between her and Bellamy had become tense when Bellamy told her that he wouldn’t be able to leave the Mountain; that he had a responsibility to his people. Echo had told him the same about Polis, effectively bringing a future together in question.

Clarke had briefly thought that it was Echo’s sense of duty to protect Clarke that kept her there, but Echo had very intently told her that Clarke – more than anyone – should understand why Echo - despite her sense of duty - did not want to spend any more time than necessary in Mount Weather. Clarke had hoped that the Sky People would move to Polis, but she guessed that given how they’d grown up, the Mountain offered them too much of the familiar comfort they were used to. The vote they’d taken had been largely in favour of staying in Mount Weather, so the Council, for political, sociological and psychological reasons, had renamed it, Arkadia.

So yeah, Clarke got where both of her friends were coming from and wisely decided to stay out of it. Echo was not the kind of girl to braid hair and complain about her relationship woes. All Clarke could do was try and distract her until Echo and Bellamy decided what they would do.

The eligible men of Polis were all waiting for Echo’s decision and one such man was Captain Kahlan, who was in charge of the Polis Guard. Clarke grinned as he walked up to them, like he – and most of Polis - tended to do about once a day to check on the progress of the mural.

Clarke actually really liked him. He’d become Clarke’s only sparring partner - save for Echo - since it became known that she was the Heda’s wife. No one would dare spar with Clarke for fear of hurting her and incurring the Commander’s wrath. Lexa’s bold declarations after spearing Gregor in the throat had made sure of that.

Nothing Clarke said would change their minds, and Clarke was sort of miffed at Lexa for not _ordering_ the rest of the guards to fight her. She knew she could convince Lexa to tell them it was fine, but Clarke suspected that even _then_ they would be wary and most likely go easy on her.

It was why Clarke appreciated Kahlan so much. He still saw her as the Little Pauna and not the Heda’s houmon. She hadn’t been able to beat him yet, but every fight, he pushed Clarke harder, cultivating her skills as a warrior. When Lexa finally got around to naming the new Gonheda of her armies - the Heda’s Warrior - the position once held by _Onya kom Trikru_ , Clarke would be certain to use all of the sway she held to make sure that Kahlan was appointed in the position of honour.

Not only because of the way he treated Clarke, but the way he ran the guard in the Heda’s absence. Lexa rarely lavished praise, but Clarke knew that Lexa trusted Kahlan to protect Polis and that already placed him high above all other candidates.

Indra of course would be an ideal candidate too, but she had her hands full leading the massive Trigedakru, and the General’s place was in Polis, as the right hand of the Commander.

It had been over two years since Lexa had lost Anya and Clarke wondered if Lexa’s struggle to name Anya’s successor was because she still mourned her loss, or whether Lexa was just being Lexa and meticulously screening all her warriors for the perfect candidate. It didn’t help that Anya had left _extremely_ big boots to fill.

Clarke smiled at Kahlan when she noticed him studying her work.

“Will I see you at the Pits later, Little Pauna?” He charmingly grinned.

“Definitely.” Clarke grinned back and after a friendly nod to an impassive Echo, Kahlan walked off again.

“I think he likes you.” Clarke murmured to her friend, trying to gauge whether Bellamy’s days were numbered.

Echo just snorted and went back to frowning at her page and practicing her script.

* * *

Clarke was midway through packing up her supplies when a familiar horn blared from the direction of Polis’s large gates. She didn’t need to listen to Kahlan issuing commands over the radio at her hip, Clarke knew what that sound meant, and her heart skipped a beat then started frantically thudding in delirious anticipation.

A few seconds later, and the kids in the schoolhouse had burst through the doors and were running down the street toward the main road. It took all Clarke had not to follow after them with as much - if not more - unadulterated glee.

Her eyes met Echo’s, who just smirked and continued packing up.

“Go.” She murmured. “I’ll make sure your precious supplies are stored inside.”

Clarke paused and bit her lip in contemplation. It felt wrong to leave Echo cleaning up after her.

“It’s fine, we’ll be done quickly if I help.” Clarke firmly nodded and gathered her brushes that would need to be cleaned regardless, and she doubted that Echo knew how.

She ignored Echo’s frustrated huff and only resisted mildly when the brushes were pulled out of her hand.

“I have watched you clean these for days, I can do it.” Echo seemed to read Clarke’s thoughts.

“We’ll help.” The Osbornes had appeared outside and were staring at Clarke with knowing smirks.

“ _Go_.” Echo sternly commanded again, and Clarke knew better than to argue with that tone.

She honestly didn’t feel like arguing.

“Thanks, guys.” She grinned, quickly hugged Echo who just sighed and allowed it, and sprinted toward Cocoa, smoothly mounting her, before galloping off toward the white house.

* * *

Clarke could see Lexa’s procession making it up the hill, almost home, and dreaded arguing so long with Echo. She wanted to be there to greet Lexa and have Clarke’s be the first face Lexa saw when she stepped foot inside the house.

So, Clarke rode Cocoa harder through the grinning crowds, ignoring the teasing calls directed at her rushing passed them.

Most of Polis knew how much Clarke missed Lexa when she was gone.

They’d been married just over six months and Lexa had been travelling for almost half that time. A necessity in the aftermath of the Tournament, but also a need, because very soon Clarke would be experiencing her first Earth winter.

The seasons didn’t pass the way Clarke had learned they did pre-bombs. Now, the Ground had two seasons, which lasted about four months each. Mild summers and rainy winters, and after two cycles of those, a six to eight-month snowy winter, preceded a hot summer of the same period.

The icy winter was when the Grounders lost most of their people, crops, and livestock to hunger and hypothermia, as they couldn’t hunt in the horrid weather conditions. The Heda’s main focus on her frequent trips, was to ensure that each clan had enough to stay warm and fed, and that resources would be distributed fairly amongst them.

Clarke would’ve gone with Lexa… She’d in fact asked to go with her and had then watched as Lexa internally debated it for hours before finally – and so very sadly – explaining that she thought it best for the people to see that the Heda still functioned independently, without any Skaikru influence.

Clarke had reluctantly agreed and had managed to stay strong the first time Lexa had left. She had kept the tears pooling in her eyes from falling down her face until she was away from all the curious stares that had been watching them.

It wasn’t only that Clarke would miss Lexa – she had Lexa’s name pressed into the back of her Binding Bracelet and sometimes it felt as though it was burning into her skin with how much Clarke would long for her - but every second that they were away from each other, Clarke was wrought with worry over Lexa’s safety, knowing that there were still people out there gunning for the Heda’s throne.

Clarke watched as Lexa dismounted her large black stallion and strutted up toward the doors, her guards perfectly synchronised as they followed behind her. It always gave Clarke chills to see Lexa in her full Commander regalia, surrounded by her guards; stoic and majestic.

When she finally reached the group of tired horses being cared for by the stableboys, Clarke fluidly dismounted and was rushing up the steps and toward the door a second later, knowing that Cocoa would be taken care of too.

Bursting through the doors, Clarke halted when she found Lexa standing in the centre of the foyer, arms folded behind her back as though she was just waiting there, and grinned when she saw the beautiful smile spreading across Lexa’s face upon seeing her.

Clarke rushed forward, and without any hesitation, jumped into Lexa’s arms and wrapped her legs around Lexa’s waist. Her lips crushed Lexa’s mouth a split second later; their teeth knocking through their elated smiles.

There, in their home, Clarke knew such a show of affection would be welcomed. The staff knew the way they were around each other and would discreetly give them their privacy.

_Their home._

It had taken a while, but it was really starting to feel like theirs and not just Lexa’s.

Concerned for Lexa’s back – even though the woman seemed content to hold Clarke like that forever – Clarke slid down Lexa’s body and just hugged her for a long time.

“I’ll go get some food ready for you.” Clarke eventually husked, and pressed a tender kiss to Lexa’s jaw. “I’ll be up in an hour or two.”

She pulled away from Lexa, who seemed reluctant to let her go, but when Clarke looked up, she found green eyes glittering with love and gratitude.

Lexa swallowed thickly and rigidly nodded, before pressing a sweet kiss to Clarke’s lips and walking off.

Clarke watched her go with growing concern, closely scrutinizing Lexa’s rigid demeanour. She didn’t have to ask to know that Lexa had had a rough trip. She’d been gone for nearly three weeks. Nineteen days to be exact. Though it wasn’t necessarily that odd, considering that the Ice Nation was situated at the farthest point from Polis.

Clarke turned on her heel and pulled out her radio as she made her way outside again. She instructed Kahlan that the Heda shouldn’t be disturbed and that everything should be run by Clarke first until the Heda met with him to get a report on what had been happening in Polis during her absence. It went without saying that Clarke would not be going to the Pits that evening. Clarke was perfectly capable of giving that report herself too, but she wanted Lexa and Kahlan to spend more time together. Maybe Lexa would finally take him on as her General and send Kahlan on some of the trips that took Lexa away from home.

Okay. So what if Clarke’s motivations weren’t entirely altruistic? It didn’t change the fact that Kahlan deserved the position and that she would get more time with Lexa as a result. It was a win-win. Clarke was almost excited for the upcoming Winter that would most likely have them snowed in together for at least six months. _Almost_ excited, because of how stressed the citizens of Polis were at the prospect and how earnestly they were preparing their homes and stocking up on as much resources as they could.

Clarke exited the front doors to where Lexa’s guards had retreated to give them some privacy, and threw herself at Wrex and Grunt who hugged her back with as much enthusiasm. Clarke missed them too and was glad to see them home safely and also needed to express her gratitude that they’d protected Lexa on yet another dangerous journey.

She made sure to take the tired warriors’ orders for supper too; the twelve men and women who would all give their lives for their Commander. They were their own little army, consisting of four expert archers, Tomas the Healer, Varris the Tracker, and Akhila, the smallest of the warriors, who when Clarke had asked Lexa about her, had been described as Lexa’s ‘Spy’. Apparently, the young girl was Lexa’s eyes and ears whenever the Heda needed her to be and could seamlessly move through crowds and break into houses and ‘enemy camps’, undetected.

After leaving the Heda’s Guard to get settled, Clarke went with Tali to the kitchens to prepare Lexa’s favourite: Boar’s leg. The warriors and staff all answered to Clarke now - for some reason - they even deferred to her when Lexa was home. Clarke didn’t mind the extra responsibility, so when Lexa had asked her whether she was okay with it, Clarke had agreed with a shrug. Lexa’s household ran itself most of the time, so it didn’t interfere with Clarke’s duties as Healer.

Even the Polis Guard answered to Clarke. Well they mostly did. Lexa had placed an entire squad on Clarke Protection Duty for whenever she left Polis’s gates, and no matter how much Clarke threatened them to not follow her around, they just continued doing so. At least they made sure to stay out of sight and after getting used to the idea, Clarke frequently forgot that they were even there.

She and Echo still hunted together as often as possible and on one such trip, Echo had to stop Clarke who had her tunic halfway over her head, getting ready to jump naked in a river, and reminded Clarke that they had several eyes on them in that moment.

After that, Clarke had tried to get Lexa to remove the guard, stating that she and Echo could take care of themselves, but Lexa sternly refused her, something she very rarely did. Clarke was the Heda’s houmon now. It made her a target to be used against Lexa and Lexa would make sure that Clarke was protected when she couldn’t be there to do it herself.

* * *

The first time Lexa had returned home from a trip, Clarke had made the mistake of crowding her. She’d of course missed Lexa terribly and had been so focused on spending time with her that Clarke hadn’t at first noticed how Lexa had remained rigid for hours; how Clarke had needed to drag out answers to her questions, and the strain at the corners of Lexa’s mouth as she tried to smile and struggled to be more open and comfortable. Lexa hadn’t exactly rejected Clarke’s affections, but she had clamped up the more Clarke had tried to help her relax.

The mask of the Heda and the expectations and concerns of the people, clearly took some time to shed. And Lexa was apologetic and guilt-ridden at her behaviour, but the harder she tried to let Clarke in, the more tense she had become.

After her fight with Gregor, Clarke had needed nearly two weeks of bedrest to recover. She was broken and battered and suffered an infection from where Sonja had stabbed her and her stitches had been ripped open by Gregor throwing her around like she was a ragdoll. It was time she would’ve rather spent making love to her new wife, but Clarke couldn’t regret it, because during that time, she’d watched Lexa and Abby’s relationship grow into something beautiful, as they both worried and cared for her and scolded her when she wanted to get up and do things for herself before she was physically ready to.

In some aspects, Lexa and Abby were eerily similar…

So, desperate and scared that her marriage was over before it had even begun, it was _Abby_ who Clarke had then turned to for advice when she’d visited Mount Weather to abdicate her position as Chancellor and had watched Marcus Kane being voted in her place. After having seen him interact with Indra, Victus, Hector and Luna, Clarke was confident that Skaikru would be in very good hands under his leadership and as part of the Coalition.

She and Abby had sat and discussed firstly, Clarke’s heartbreak that Lexa was still so guarded around her. But on further introspection, they had hardly dated each other, had they? They’d been in love for the longest time and shared a deep connection and understanding, but they hadn’t lived together, and they really hadn’t known each other’s behaviours. They were still learning, and even more so, Lexa had carried the weight of the world on her shoulders all on her own for the longest time.

Of course she had Indra and had had Anya and Gustus, and heartbreakingly briefly, Costia. But two decades prior, a Trikru Elder had had a dream sent to him by his ancestors that foretold of a child who would be born in a Trikru village. A child with green eyes and dark hair, who would defeat the Heda who had been terrorising the clans at the time.

Lexa had been one of thirty-two Trikru babies born that year, who matched the description. When that Heda had heard of the prophecy, he had hunted down all save seven of them in under a decade, despite the clan’s efforts to hide them. Eight years old and Lexa had been forced to hide while her parents were murdered as they protected her from the Heda’s soldiers ravaging their village. It was Anya who had found a young, scared little girl, and had trained her until she faced the other six in a Conclave which Lexa had easily won, cementing the faith her people had had in her, at the age of fifteen.

Clarke wasn’t one to believe in prophecies, but that didn’t change the fact that Lexa had done exactly what the Elder had said she would. It also didn’t change the fact that Lexa had spent her entire life trying to live up to that expectation and responsibility. No one could really understand, and everyone Lexa trusted had been taken away from her. And after speaking to her mother, Clarke finally understood Lexa’s reluctance to share her burdens, or at the very least, discuss them. Because Costia had been captured, tortured and murdered, because the Kwin had thought her to know Lexa’s secrets, hadn’t she?

But Lexa and Clarke couldn’t go on like they had been. It took Lexa a few days to get back to herself, and relax around Clarke, and Clarke needed to know what to do to help Lexa realise that their home was still the safe space it had been for Lexa before Clarke had moved in. Because Lexa didn’t need to share what happened on her journeys, but she could at least allow Clarke to be there for her, right?

Abby had told Clarke that though she couldn’t imagine what burdens Lexa carried, she could understand the need for space.

Up in the Ark, they possessed such advanced technology that on the rare occasion that Abby had lost a patient, she would be completely distraught and obsessed over what had gone wrong and planned on how to make sure it wouldn’t happen again.

Jake would occupy Clarke and give Abby her space and wait for her to come to him. It was something Abby had tried to change by forcing herself to focus on her family. But it hadn’t worked. It had only made her grouchy and snappish and she didn’t want to be that way around Clarke or her husband.

So Abby had advised Clarke to just give Lexa her space; that Clarke had the advantage of knowing what it felt like to carry the weight of the world on her shoulders. Clearly Lexa wanted to let Clarke in, or she wouldn’t have tried and failed so hard. They were still new, and would need to find how their relationship worked and how to be in each other’s space for a prolonged period of time.

Clarke knew that Lexa loved her and was fighting hard to change her behaviour for Clarke. It had Clarke deciding to just hang out in the periphery and each time that Lexa had come home since, the amount of time it took Lexa to fully come back to Clarke, had shortened.

It was then, with confidence - and an excitedly fluttering heart - that Clarke slipped into their room carrying a platter of meat, veggies, and a bottle of Jones’s Finest.

Even without the little parlour connecting them to the rest of the floor, it was still a very large space and felt more like a bedroom on one side, and a living room on the other. The floor to ceiling shelves were lined with books, a large comfy sofa stood in front of a fireplace, and a small wooden coffee table separated the two. Lexa – and Clarke’s – weapon rack, stood next to the balcony doors, where they kept the armour and weapons they wore daily. It was a testament to their priorities that a long full-length mirror stood beside the rack, instead of at their massive closet on the bed’s side of the room.

Clarke even had enough space in her part of the closet converted to a small dispensary where she kept her medicinal herbs, bandages and instruments. Abby had also insisted on leaving her cannulas, sutures, and some IV sets, even though Clarke predominantly practiced traditional Trikru medicine.

Their favourite space to spend time together though, was at the cosy wooden patio table with the four matching chairs on the balcony, where Lexa was predictably seated. It provided them a great view of most of Polis.

Lexa was dressed in soft leather pants, and a loose fitting white shirt that fell off of one shoulder because it was so big. She reminded Clarke of a pirate, with her hair unbraided and still slightly damp, the soft curls falling in waves down her back. Her skin shone golden and Clarke’s heart clenched at how beautiful she was, aching to touch her.

Lexa smiled at Clarke from where she was reclining in a chair, bare feet propped up on another one, even though the nights were growing cooler. But Clarke had discovered that Lexa’s blood seemed to run a lot hotter than everyone else’s. Still, they clung to each other at night and would rather kick off the blankets than let go.

Clarke reached out for her often when Lexa was away.

Far too often…

Lexa returned her attention to the sunset and Clarke placed the platter on the table before sitting down beside her. A comfortable silence settled while Clarke dished two plates and poured wine in the two glasses Lexa had already placed there. Clarke smiled at the gesture, knowing it was a sign that Clarke was wanted there.

Lexa rarely drank alcohol and when she did, it was never more than a glass, but she accepted the plate and glass with a soft thank you, and obediently began eating.

The first time Lexa had returned, it had taken Clarke far too long to notice that Lexa hadn’t eaten in almost a day.  They’d been too busy fighting for hours about fighting. Clarke shouting at Lexa that Lexa had only married her because she thought Clarke was going to die. That Lexa regretted it now having Clarke in her house, in her room, in her _space_. And Lexa had grown quiet and Clarke had cried, because it had looked to be true. God, it had been horrible and Clarke had threatened to go back to the Mountain and had actually been removing her clothes from the closet when Lexa had wrapped her in her arms from behind. Clarke had stood rigid and fuming, every sharp breath she inhaled had ached in her chest; the Little Pauna refusing to calm her heart until she felt Lexa trembling against her back, just before Clarke felt the wetness of tears over her shoulder and Lexa’s warm breath in her ear begging for forgiveness; promising Clarke that she would try harder, for Clarke to please give her a chance… For Clarke not to leave her…

Clarke had kissed her then, making love to Lexa with teary-eyed desperation and a resolve to try and understand, because Lexa was trying to change for her. And it was working. All Lexa needed now was to realise that she was home and that she could be Lexa again. Not the Heda who needed to analyse and anticipate every situation and interaction. Who needed to sleep with guards constantly surrounding her, for fear of assassination; who had the entire Polis looking after Clarke for fear of losing yet another person she loved.

So, Clarke was patient, because it was happening. At a very slow pace, but it was happening and Clarke was relishing in the chance to grow closer and show Lexa how much she loved her.

Lexa still wrote Clarke letters, which Clarke would find all around their house, or different staff members would give them to her on certain days while Lexa was away. It was too dangerous to communicate via pigeons, but Lexa suggested that they would attempt to once things have settled and they were more certain of who their allies were. Maybe the majority wouldn’t be able to read their notes, but especially because of that, it would seem strange enough to warrant unnecessary suspicion.

Perhaps Clarke could even start travelling with Lexa soon…

Clarke watched Lexa absently chew her food, seemingly lost in her own thoughts, gently frowning at whatever she was thinking. So Clarke started speaking about what she’d been up to. The baby she had delivered. Delivering babies was Clarke’s favourite part of being a Healer and Clarke knew that Lexa loved hearing about a new addition to Polis.

She patted herself on the back when the crease in Lexa’s brow eased, and she leaned further into her chair, sipping on her wine as she listened to Clarke speaking about Jonas who was thinking of handing over his business to his son and people actively protesting that, because said son was a deadbeat, likely to drink more wine than he actually managed to produce.

Polis was a fun, happy place, and Clarke knew that Lexa loved her little city, and loved hearing about everything she’d missed.

It was getting dark and chilly out though and Clarke rose from her chair and reached out a hand to Lexa, who took it without hesitation. Clarke led her to their bathroom where they got changed and brushed their teeth and stood taller when she felt Lexa’s eyes occasionally flitting to her.

_Three weeks_. It had been three weeks since Clarke had felt Lexa holding her while they slept.

Clarke was just reaching the bed when she felt and arm snake around her waist and she was pulled back into Lexa’s body. She bit her lip hard to keep from grinning wildly and slowly turned around in the embrace, circling her arms loosely around Lexa’s neck and stared into adoring green eyes.

“Mounin hou, Houmon.” Clarke murmured and smirked when Lexa’s eyes flashed and grew impossibly darker, before Lexa eagerly pressed their mouths together.

_Welcome home, Wife._

* * *

Lexa was the Commander and the Commander was Lexa, and sometimes she was one more than the other.

And as Lexa’s fingers entered Clarke - her entire body rocking in tandem with her thrusts - Clarke knew that it was the Commander taking her. God help her, but Clarke loved it and Lexa knew it. Clarke was addicted to the feel of Lexa’s muscles contracting and straining beneath her fingertips as she meticulously brought Clarke to a shuddering climax.

Lexa didn’t stop until Clarke squeezed her thighs together – overly sensitive and exhausted - and pulled Lexa into a languid kiss until their sweaty bodies slacked and Lexa was laying half on top of Clarke, cradled in her arms.

Clarke waited, gingerly rubbing Lexa’s arm and stroking her hair; waiting for a sign that Lexa wanted reciprocation.

“I missed your face…” Lexa rasped, and lifted her head to affectionately brush her nose along Clarke’s jaw and then playfully grazed her teeth over Clarke’s chin.

Clarke grinned and rolled Lexa onto her back, more than eager to welcome her houmon home properly.

* * *

Clarke woke first, something that rarely happened, and sleepily grinned when she looked down at a mop of dark hair, Lexa curled into her side, soundly sleeping in Clarke’s arms.

Clarke Griffin had numerous accolades after her name, but somehow having managed to make Lexa feel safe enough to sleep so soundly in her arms, made her the proudest. Their relationship was still a work in progress, but they had love, trust, and respect. It made Clarke feel confident that their marriage could survive anything.

When Lexa finally woke about forty minutes later, Clarke didn’t panic when she was asked to have lunch later, instead just nodding after returning the sweet goodbye kiss, before Lexa left their room.

Lexa had been visiting the Ice Nation – an ally – on her trip and Clarke worried what could’ve possibly happened that had Lexa so anxious.

* * *

When the sun was midway on its trajectory through the sky, Clarke went in search of Lexa. Well, it wasn’t much of a search, since Clarke knew exactly where to find her.

She softly knocked on the wooden shack’s door, the structure hidden away behind the stables, and slipped inside the neat candle lit interior when Lexa called for her to enter. She sat down on her stool in the corner, the one Lexa had brought in specially for Clarke, since no one else dared enter the Heda’s little workshop.

“Could you give me a moment?” Lexa softly requested, while she continued to carve an intricate design into a large bar of soap.

“Take your time.” Clarke murmured back, her eyes curiously flitting over the two workbenches and neat shelving all around the large space, as they usually did.

Lexa was such a neat-freak, everything in the room had its place. Lexa’s tools on one side, hanging on a customised rack, her ingredients making up the opposite wall, jars of honey, beeswax, various spices and dyes, organised and grouped accordingly and alphabetically.

Clarke was using one of the rooms on their bedroom floor as a studio, where she would paint whenever inspiration struck. It was a mess. Absolute organised chaos. She could see the way Lexa cringed whenever she entered Clarke’s space, her fingers probably itching to tidy up, like she would pick up Clarke’s clothes that had only been on the floor for two seconds. But Lexa said nothing, instead reclining on an armchair, reading a book or writing, while Clarke sketched or painted. Most times Clarke would get entirely distracted and her focus would turn to Lexa as a subject instead.

Lexa had been her muse since the moment Clarke had first laid eyes on her. She had an entire sketchbook dedicated solely to Lexa’s jawline.

It had been a difficult first few months of marriage, but it had also been the best few months of Clarke’s life.

Her wife made soap to relax.

The Commander of the Thirteen Clans was a _Soapmaker_. And a very good one at that.

Lexa’s soaps were sold in the marketplace and distributed throughout the clans. No one knew where the soap came from, Tali was the one sending out stock and collecting trade that would go to whichever Polisian family was struggling at the time.

The thought still had Clarke grinning while she watched Lexa’s intense concentration as she continued to carve away at one of the bars she’d left to set before her trip to Azgeda. At least Clarke had finally figured out why Lexa always smelled so good.

Clarke wondered how long it would’ve taken Lexa to tell her about her little haven had Clarke not happened upon the drying sieves of paper Lexa used to wrap her soap in. That was another perk to Lexa’s odd hobby; Clarke had access to all the paper she wanted. Lexa would mix and boil pulp from various trees and cut the paper to size according to Clarke’s needs; for writing and sketching.

Clarke loved everything about it: The charity and the artistry… All so Lexa could keep her hands busy and organise her thoughts. It was somewhat ironic that between the two of them, it was Clarke of the Sky People, who was the one to fight at the Pits, in order to clear her head.

“How has your morning been?” Lexa asked, while she neatly folded the finished bar into smooth brownish paper, before placing it into a half-filled crate.

“Spent it with Kahlan at the Pits, so it was good.” Clarke smiled and rose from her seat, not bothering to ask whether Lexa needed help, as she quickly and efficiently cleaned her tools and hung them in their designated spots.

“You must be starving then.” Lexa murmured back, wiping down her table, before rinsing out the cloth.

Clarke hummed lowly, while her eyes wandered over Lexa’s body who seemed to stiffen as though she could feel Clarke’s intent. She quickly hung the cloth out to dry and turned with a blush still colouring her cheeks, eyes dark, and smile tender.

“We should feed you then.” Lexa rasped, as Clarke stalked closer.

* * *

“So this Ontari person had been the Kwin’s protégé?” Clarke checked, after swallowing a piece of fruit, where they sat on their balcony a couple of hours later and finally shared the lunch they’d planned on eating.

Lexa nodded.

“We’re assuming that it’s her. At this stage, it’s all just rumours, but Azgeda is being torn in half, those who support Victus and those who believe that Ontari had been Nia’s intended successor to the Ice Nation throne.”

It really wasn’t much to act on, and Clarke understood why Lexa hadn’t mentioned anything sooner. It could be nothing, but if Victus were to be unseated as Leader of Azgeda, and this Ontari decided not to be an ally to the Coalition, Lexa would lose close to half her army in warriors.

“My spies have reported that Guwain and Abel have sent messengers to the Mountains surrounding Azgeda.” Lexa murmured and Clarke’s jaw clenched.

She was going to kill both of them. Lexa didn’t need to know it was her. They had caused enough trouble. Lexa might be apprehensive to act because there wasn’t any solid evidence to suggest those two were in fact involved in whatever was happening in Azgeda, but Clarke had still made a promise to kill them, one she had stubbornly told Lexa she would keep, one way or another.

But were Clarke to be caught assassinating a clan leader for apparently no reason, it would only make things worse for Lexa. So she sighed, deflated, and tried not to go on a rant about how much she hated Guwain and Abel.

“We don’t know how much truth there is to the reports, my spies could’ve been compromised. This Ontari could be a lie fabricated by Guwain and Abel to cause unrest within a strong ally clan… She had been a child when I had gone to kill Nia.”

Lexa had been a child too, Clarke thought. It had been on a similar evening where they’d sat on their balcony, looking over Polis and enjoying some food, when Lexa had told Clarke all about her childhood. Or lack thereof.

“I just don’t have enough information to act.” Lexa continued.

“So what are you going to do?” Clarke worriedly asked, understanding what had had Lexa making and carving soap that entire morning.

“There’s little I can do, Clarke.” Lexa sighed. “This is a dispute to be settled within the Ice Nation. Since there is no longer a monarchy left, they have chosen to uphold a policy where the leadership may be challenged by one-on-one combat.”

“Like how you become a Commander...” Clarke frowned.

Lexa nodded. It was that death, or choosing a successor, that would finally free Lexa from her position.

“It’s not my place to stop such a battle should Ontari honourably challenge Victus. I can do nothing until there’s a proven threat to another clan, or to the Coalition itself.”

Lexa was intimidating enough to not have been challenged for as long as Clarke had known her. The Grounders believed that when you took a life, you took that warrior’s power too. And Lexa had been a small sixteen-year-old girl who had defeated the previous Heda, nearly thrice her age and size, with a body count numbering _hundreds_ , after his name.

Some had still challenged Lexa over the years though. Seven had tried, and seven were now dead. It explained why Guwain and Abel stuck to scheming to get their way. It was also true that warriors didn’t always make great leaders, and the leaders of enemy clans, weren’t great enough warriors to challenge Lexa themselves.

Thankfully, the Heda could not be challenged by proxy, and Clarke felt more confident that no one would challenge Lexa, after she had defeated Gregor.

But if this Ontari turned out to be real and an enemy of the Coalition, and managed to unseat Victus – a seasoned warrior himself – then they would need to worry. Garrus had been set up to ascend the Azgeda crown after him, but now Victus had no one. At least no one that would be a better fighter and leader than him.

There was nothing they could do but wait, and neither Clarke or Lexa enjoyed not having control over things that might affect them.

* * *

The sun was setting as they lay in the darkness of their bedroom not having bothered to leave again after their late lunch. Lexa’s head was resting against Clarke’s shoulder again, as a cold chill blew in through the open balcony doors.

Lexa held her tighter and Clarke pulled the blankets up over Lexa’s shoulders when she curled even more into Clarke for warmth.

Clarke was happy and content, and as life had taught her, it meant that something horrible was bound to happen soon. All Clarke could do was try and be ready for it.

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey
> 
> Thanks for the comments on Chapter 1. It's great to see a couple of familiar tags along for this ride :)
> 
> Special thanks to My Duckie for encouraging all this cheese and fluff I need to expel from my system :x
> 
> xx

 

“You better be back in time for the wedding.” Clarke lightly warned while she buttoned up the Commander’s coat in the chilly morning air.

Sometimes Clarke thought that Lexa purposely left herself dishevelled – the woman didn’t even know the meaning of the word - just so that Clarke would fuss over her.

Clarke didn’t mind that at all.

The sun wasn’t even out yet and the Heda was readying to embark on her journey to the Desert Clan, her last official trip before the Winter Summit in Polis. After that, Lexa would stay home for half a year, _minimum_.

“I will do all that I can to be on time.” Lexa obediently vowed, smiling fondly when Clarke wrapped a scarf around her neck, neatly tucking it into her armour and pulled some of the fabric loosely over Lexa’s head, to form a hood. It would warm up later, but their breaths were puffing out clouds of mist and Lexa would be riding through a biting wind until then.

Satisfied that Lexa was as warm as Clarke would get her, Clarke circled her arms around Lexa’s neck, her chest aching when she felt those arms she knew she would miss so much, wrapping around her waist.

“Be safe...” Clarke murmured, her eyes fluttering closed when Lexa rested their foreheads together.

Their goodbyes always sucked so fucking much. No matter how many times Clarke had been forced to watch Lexa leave because of duty, the feeling of loss seemed to only intensify.

“Always,” Lexa murmured, “so I may return home to you.” Her warm breath caressed Clarke’s face and then her lips tenderly pressed against Clarke’s. “Ai hod yu in, Steltrona.”

Lexa had yet to unlearn the pet name and Clarke had learned to love it from Lexa’s lips. She had for some reason called Lexa ‘Baby’ once (they’d been in bed and Clarke was feeling extra mushy) and Lexa’s affronted reaction was enough for the term of endearment to stick in similar moments. But mostly Clarke called her Leks.

Leks was all soft looks, sweet words and tender touches... She was the part of the Heda of the Thirteen Clans that was all reserved for Clarke. The part that Clarke didn’t need to share with anyone else.  

“Otaim.” Clarke whispered back and had to fight her hand from grabbing onto Lexa, when she stepped away to mount her black stallion.

_Always._

“You guys better take care of her!” Clarke theatrically warned Wrex and Grunt to distract from the knot forming in her throat, and strutted toward them to say goodbye.

“Of course.” Wrex smirked, wrapping a large arm around her.

“We wouldn’t want to incur the Little Pauna’s wrath.” Grunt added, matching his teasing tone.

“And here I thought it was because you liked me.” Lexa dryly drawled from her saddle and Clarke and the twins burst out laughing.

She remained smiling until Lexa disappeared from sight and then heavily sighed when that familiar ache of longing and worry came to settle in her heart.

* * *

Clarke grunted when her sword mightily clashed with Kahlan’s at the Pits.

They trained in private these days, even though Clarke still went to watch some of the other friendly matches between the guards. She’d finished her mural - Lexa had been preoccupied with boasting to the people that Clarke had painted it, more so than that she was the actual subject - and had only two long-term patients to look after, so Clarke had been spending the majority of her free time sparring, while Lexa was away.

“Stop allowing your anger to lead you!” Echo angrily shouted, attacking Clarke from behind.

The call had alerted Clarke – most likely intentionally – of the impending attack.

She twirled and blocked, then spun back around anticipating Kahlan’s follow up strike. She’d been sparring with them far too frequently; they were becoming predictable.

“You’re one to talk!” Clarke growled back, and smirked at Echo’s deepening frown before blocking the vicious strike that went accompanied by an angry cry.

They started exchanging both verbal and physical blows, and Kahlan stealthily disappeared, upon noticing the familiar sight.

“Is this really only about the Mountain, or are you sabotaging your relationship with Bell on _purpose_?!” Clarke grunted when Echo kicked her in the stomach and she was forced to block another strike aimed at her side.

“Are you really such a supportive houmon, or do you secretly despise that Heda places duty before _you_!” Echo had barely spoken the words and Clarke’s fist connected with her jaw.

“Ignoring it won’t fix your relationship!” Clarke countered.

“Will you raise your yongon _alone_!?”

Clarke froze, and Echo just managed to divert her sword away from Clarke’s neck, instead inadvertently shoulder checking Clarke to the ground because of her momentum.

Clarke’s breath was knocked out of her lungs and when the impact shocked her back to reality, she swiped out her legs on instinct, and tripped Echo, who landed on her back diagonally from Clarke.

The two friends lay silently and heavily breathing for the longest time.

“You don’t want children?” Echo eventually rasped, the other things weren’t new to them. They shouted their shit out in the Pits and left it there.

“I don’t know…” Clarke murmured. The thought had honestly never crossed her mind.

“Does Heda want children?”

Clarke frowned at the fact that she and Lexa had never discussed it. What dangers would the child of the Commander be in? Would it be a distraction for Lexa? Would Lexa even consider it? Did Lexa want kids? Did _Clarke_?

Clarke was so lost in thought she hadn’t even noticed that Echo had gotten to her feet until her friend was reaching out a hand to her.

“Perhaps you should ask Heda.” Echo deadpanned and swiftly pulled Clarke to her feet. “Let’s go drink.” She announced, and turned to exit the Pits, Clarke thoughtfully following after her.

* * *

The friends were both severely hungover when they set out the next day for Mount Weather.

Echo had drowned her anxiety at seeing Bellamy again, and Clarke had been missing Lexa and thinking about babies and the babies with Lexa she realised she just might want. But what if Lexa didn’t want them? What would Clarke do then? Were babies that important? Was it the worst thought ever to think that she wouldn’t trade Lexa for a child and in fact _only_ wanted children if Lexa wanted them?

Clarke hadn’t realised that she was even remotely capable of becoming broody. She blamed Lexa for not being home enough. Maybe she just wanted a child to keep her company? But Clarke wasn’t lonely… she just pined way too much to be healthy.

So Clark sat on the wobbling cart, not a concern in the world, because Kahlan – on the Heda’s command – had sent fifty Polis warriors to accompany her. It was actually embarrassing.

Clarke planned on making a turn at Ton DC, to visit with the people and pick up Indra, as well as Lincoln and Octavia. The couple had heard of the wedding on their last visit to Polis. They had practically become nomads, as Lincoln had taken it upon himself to show Octavia all of the clans.

They told Clarke that they’d be spending Winter in the Boat Clan when they’d visited Polis a few weeks prior.

Clarke envied them their freedom… No, she envied them their togetherness. They could just be selfish and do what they wanted and run off together without a care in the world. Clarke wondered if Lexa would still be Lexa without the burden of her position… Would Clarke still have loved her so much? It seemed a strange thought that Lexa could be anything other than the Commander. So Clarke cleared her head of those thoughts and in between naps and nausea, she questioned Echo about what her friend knew about the Azgeda monarchy.

Echo only knew that Ontari had been adopted by the Queen once Nia’s son, Roan, had left Azgeda after a disagreement with his mother. Ontari had fled along with half of the royal council when a young Lexa had seized Azgeda, and if she was alive, she was indeed heir to the throne as Nia’s eldest was presumed dead and adoptive children enjoyed the same rights as any biological child in the clans.

Victus would have the option of abdicating, but if Ontari held Nia’s values at heart, he would fight her with all he had to prevent another clan war and maintain the peace he and Lexa had sacrificed for.

Word of the unrest in Azgeda had already spread to Polis and the guards were all discussing it on their journey. Clarke attempted to take comfort in the fact that Lexa was safely in an allied clan in that moment and tried to look forward to seeing her family and friends again.

* * *

It was late evening when they arrived at Arkadia, but Clarke still made sure that her guard was set up outside, warm and fed. She would only be taking ten of them inside with her. Not that Clarke thought she needed that much protection in Mount Weather – Jasper was the only one who’d been outright antagonistic toward her, and had disappeared a few months prior - but because that was what Kahlan had instructed, and Lexa had no doubt made him promise.

So, as to not stress out the warriors, who were already anxious at having to be inside the Mountain, Clarke just went along with it.

She sent Echo off with Bellamy, who had been awkwardly staring at Echo for the hour or so it took them to set up. Clarke had given Echo use of the tent again, as Clarke had done the last time she had been there with Lexa. Abby had insisted that the Commander not stay outside and had prepared a room for them, which Lexa graciously accepted despite her discomfort, and Clarke just shook her head at the complete turnaround from ‘I will cut out your tongue and your eyes’.

Clarke settled in the same room again, where she unpacked her and Lexa’s things. There was a long black dress, with maroon undertones, which Clarke hung in the closet and really hoped she could persuade Lexa to wear to the wedding. Clarke doubted that the Heda would though. Lexa was extremely tense in the Mountain, no matter her growing affinity for Abby.

It didn’t help that most of the Sky People wouldn’t – couldn’t? – stop staring at Lexa whenever she entered a room.

Clarke hoped that the more they visited, the more comfortable the Arkadians would become, and closed her eyes, settling in to a fitful night’s sleep, minus Lexa, and minus their bed and the familiar smell of their bedding…

Clarke pulled Lexa’s pillow closer to her chest, the one she’d brought with her from Polis. It would have to do till the next day, when she would see Lexa again.

* * *

The following afternoon, Clarke was busy helping with the decorations in the dining hall and it was going quicker, because Clarke’s Protective Detail was helping out too and seemed to actually be enjoying themselves.

“Hello, Clarke.” She heard a familiar voice she couldn’t quite place, before turning around to stare into the smiling face that greeted her.

“Mister Pike…” Clarke confusedly looked to him and then around her, wondering if she was dreaming, because her Earth Studies teacher had most definitely not been one of the Ark survivors.

A grinning Kane appeared next to Pike and placed a hand on his shoulder.

“We thought we’d keep it a surprise.” Kane excitedly explained. “A few weeks ago we came across _sixty three_ survivors who had been on Farm Station when it crashed on Iron Clan lands.”

Clarke watched Pike’s grin freeze and his gaze harden, and she tensed at the abrupt change in demeanour.

Because she’d been in solitary, Clarke hadn’t been part of Pike’s crash course on Earth Survival Skills. She’d heard stories about his ‘unique’ teaching style from the remaining Hundred though. Clarke only knew him as the mild mannered Earth Studies teacher who she received lessons from whilst still in school.

“Did you make contact with the locals?” Clarke enquired, wondering why Lexa hadn’t heard about it yet.

“You mean with those savages?” Pike bitterly smirked and the Grounders around Clarke all straightened from their respective decorating tasks to stare at him.

“Watch your mouth.” Clarke sneered, going to rest her hand on the pommel of her sword, remembering too late she wasn’t wearing it and it was laying on a nearby table where she’d left it to climb on a stepladder and pin some streamers. Had Echo been there she would’ve smacked Clarke upside the head.

Kane then tried to place himself in between Pike and Clarke, but they continued to glare at each other like he didn’t exist.

“Oh, I forgot…” Pike bitterly laughed, stepping back from Clarke when Kane pushed him away, ignoring the Chancellor telling him to ‘stop’ in Kane’s most calming yet stressed voice.

Clarke then noticed the unfamiliar faces - who must’ve entered with Pike - drawing closer, and felt her guards closing in around her too; it was at them the Farm Station survivors were glaring.

“…You married the Savage Queen herself!” Pike loudly announced, incredulously staring at his people for support at this apparent atrocity Clarke had committed.

Clarke lifted her hand and opened her palm and her sword was placed in it almost instantly and its tip was beneath Pike’s chin a moment later.

The hall grew quiet, nobody moved, save Pike, who pressed his skin into the blade till he bled, and icily sneered back at her.

“They killed your people, Clarke. We didn’t know where we were, or who they were and they cut us down like we were _nothing_.”

Clarke didn’t lower her weapon.

“You fell from the Sky and onto their lands. They didn’t know who you were, or what you were doing there. All they had heard was of the villages left burning in the wake of our crashes.”

Clarke had no idea why Thraxus – leader of the Iron Clan - hadn’t mentioned a ship with survivors crashing on his lands before. Whether he was an ally or not, it would’ve been something he would’ve mentioned during the tournament and especially leading up to it when the Skaikru were being considered to join the Coalition. Which meant he probably didn’t know. Which only meant one thing:

“What did you do to the warriors who attacked you?” Clarke lowly asked, her eyes slightly shifting to the woman that came to stand at Pike’s side, scanning her for weapons, but Bellamy had at least enough sense not to have everyone in the Mountain walking around armed, only the guards, who were wisely standing back at Kane’s command to not further aggravate the situation.

“We did to them, what they did to us.” The woman spoke and Pike smirked at the murmur coming from Clarke’s warriors.

Poor Kane looked as though he was about to have an aneurism. He knew better than to interfere with Clarke’s blade so close to Pike’s throat though.

“ _They should be placed on the cutting tree, Pauna_.” One of Clarke’s men angrily muttered in Trigedasleng.

“ _They were attacked and they had their vengeance, what are we persecuting them for?_ ” Clarke answered. “ _Heda will speak to the Leader of the Iron Clan and decide what will be done._ ” From the corner of her eye, Clarke could see him nod his acceptance, before taking a step back.

“You even speak like you’re one of them!” Pike shook his head in disgust and Clarke was too stubborn to move her blade back. He was already bleeding and she knew why he was doing it, to villainize her to his people and prove some point about her being a ‘savage’ now.

“That’s enough!” Abby entered the room with a stack of tablecloths in her arms that she immediately dropped and marched over to them.

Kane looked pained, most likely being torn in a million pieces. Pike had been his friend up on the Ark. Farm station were still outsiders and the Chancellor wanted – needed – them to feel welcome and settle in.

Clarke lowered her blade when her mother came to stand next to her, glaring at Pike, the woman, and Kane. “What’s going on here?” Abby demanded.

“Just a misunderstanding, I’m sure.” Kane tried to keep the peace, rubbing at his temple.

“No misunderstanding.” Pike coldly grinned, wiping the blood from his neck. “Your daughter has chosen to side against her people. That much has been made clear.”

“We’re all part of the Heda’s Coalition.” Clarke purposely declared, just to try and see if Pike would lose his cool.

He didn’t. Which meant his hate didn’t manifest as reckless passion, but as something calculated. And that was a lot more dangerous.

“I don’t answer to your Savage Queen.” Pike sneered.

“ _Kane_.” Clarke lowly warned, her hand tightening on her sword before her cold gaze met the Chancellor’s.

Kane didn’t wait for Clarke to say anything else. Giving up on a peaceful resolution to be had, he motioned the guards forward and ushered the Farm Station survivors and curious Arkers all outside.

Once it was only Clarke, her guards, and Abby, Clarke turned to her mother, who took her by the arm and guided her away from the unsettled warriors before Clarke could say a thing.

“The Council had hoped to change their minds before you got here.” Abby explained. “But the more we defend the Coalition, the more adamant they become.”

“They? All of them?” Clarke asked.

“Most of them. The rest just seem ambivalent. I’m not sure what exactly happened when they were attacked, none of them would go into particulars, but it changed them... They all stick together, no really integrating with the rest of our people.”

“Well, shit happened to all of us. We got over it.” Clarke muttered. “Are they a threat?”

“They’re not armed, and they don’t hold any guard positions. They make up less than a fifth of the original Camp Jaha population. We have it under control…” Abby tried to reassure.

Clarke didn’t buy it. She’d seen that look in Pike’s eyes before. It was the same kind of pure hatred she’d seen in Quint’s glare just as he was about to stab her to death.

“What do you think Lexa would do if he disrespected her like that in front of her warriors?” Clarke asked. “She would rip his throat out the second the word ‘savage’ left his mouth. She would be expected to.”

“I know.” Abby huffed. “But what do you expect us to do, Clarke? They’re _our_ people, and they need a safe home. We can’t just turn them away.”

Kane returned from wherever he’d sent Pike and Bellamy and Echo were hot on his heels. Clarke waited for all of them to reach her before she addressed Kane.

“Skaikru is part of Heda’s Coalition. When the Commander arrives, we expect her to be treated with respect and that her safety is guaranteed by the Council. Any action against her will be dealt with swiftly and mercilessly.”  Clarke intently threatened. “I’m not ever placing myself in between Skaikru and Heda again.” She warned, before walking off with Echo, up to their tent, to discuss this latest development.

* * *

It was strange that her mom was getting married again.

Even though Clarke liked Kane, she sometimes wished that he would be a little less diplomatic and a bit more - assertive? - in his leadership style. But the Arkadians respected him, and his methods were working well for the time being. Clarke was just happy that her mother was there to keep an eye on things. She and Kane balanced each other well.

“Do you think I’m being ridiculous?” Abby nervously asked, from where she was seated in front of her vanity and Clarke was pinning up her hair.

Clarke paused and confusedly met Abby’s worried eyes in the mirror.

“What do you mean?”

“This…” Abby motioned to her dress; her person. “Should I be doing this? Why even bother with a wedding at all? What difference would it make?”

Clarke smiled.

“I’ve always thought of wedding ceremonies as for other people more than the couple getting married.” Clarke smirked, continuing to carefully place a few pins. “They give everyone else hope that maybe they’ll find happiness next. So, this wedding will be good for Arkadia; think of it that way.” She winked, knowing that Abby was most likely thinking of Jake Griffin and the vows she had made to him.

Abby smiled at Clarke in that proud way that always made Clarke feel good, yet so very awkward.

“Are you happy?” Abby asked, already knowing the answer, but her mother liked to check and Clarke answered for her sake.

“I am.” Clarke couldn’t help but dreamily grin. Lexa wasn’t there yet. She was supposed to arrive the previous day, but a messenger had been sent ahead, apologising for the delay.

“Will you be giving me grandchildren soon to add to _my_ happiness?”

_And was there something in the fucking air or what?_

“Will _you_ be giving me a little brother or sister?” Clarke amusedly retorted.

Abby’s eyes flashed with scandalized shock, before she quickly settled on her pokerface.

“Kane has practically adopted Bellamy, so there, you have a brother. And Raven had taken it upon herself to take care of my broken heart when you left me at Camp Jaha, so you have a sister too.” She lifted a brow in challenge and Clarke laughed heartily, not having ever expected to have such a normal conversation with her mother. Their relationship had been strained even before her father’s death.

The Ground had been good for them, even when they lived over a day’s travel apart.

“As soon as Lexa and I decide on it, you’ll be the first to know.” Clarke promised, even though it was a lie.

Echo would most likely be the first to know.

* * *

It wasn’t a flamboyant affair, and somehow still felt like an intimate ceremony even with the entire Skaikru and a few Grounders in attendance.

The only real issue was that Lexa had been intended to officiate, but Indra stepped in in her absence. Lexa, in fact, was supposed to be there already, the messenger never said she would miss the entire wedding, only that the Commander needed to stay behind in the Desert Clan and would leave half a day later than intended.

Clarke was worried, but didn’t want to show it, because Abby would then worry too. So instead she focused on Indra, dressed in her Chief’s regalia. She performed the entire ceremony in English, smiling at the couple who she’d grown very close to, as Ton DC was the nearest neighbour to the Mountain and they often shared resources and skills.

It meant the world to Clarke that Abby and Kane had decided to get married the Trikru way.

Even Abby’s dress had been made in Polis, by Lexa’s personal tailor; a gift from the Commander. Clarke was wearing a traditional light gold dress too, her hair braided back from her face and falling down her back. She was supposed to be wearing ceremonial war paint as the Heda’s houmon, but she had opted against it. Clarke could practically feel Pike’s eyes on her, and despite every fibre of her being wanting to taunt him, Clarke didn’t want to ruin her mom’s day.

They were getting ready for the first dance – the reception was still in the tradition Abby and Kane’s families upheld - when the doors to the hall opened, to reveal Lexa. She was minus her war paint, but still wore her ceremonial armour and stern façade as she glided through the tables like an indominable spectre. Wrex and Grunt followed a few paces behind and the remaining ten of the Heda’s Guard, smoothly scattered between the tables to take up various positions around the room.

Lexa’s entourage had been at the Mountain only once before, and that was how they had acted the last time as well. The Grounders would never be comfortable there, and the Arkadians all still fell silent and just stared at them. Clarke’s eyes fell on Pike who was glaring daggers at Lexa, along with the same woman she’d learned was Monty’s mom, right next to him.

Clarke was happy that Monty had gotten his mother back, especially after losing Jasper, who they had searched for for weeks and had most likely not made it out in the wild on his own. But if Farm Station didn’t back down, they would ruin all the trust that Skaikru had slowly been building within the Coalition.

Lexa appeared oblivious to everyone and proceeded with her eyes trained on Abby, who was smiling broadly. Her mother was seemingly unaware or unaffected by how quiet the hall had gone and that everyone was staring. Some still held fear of the Commander who had killed Gregor the Giant and had abandoned some of them in Cage Wallace’s clutches, but they also couldn’t help but mix that fear – in some cases contempt - with unabashed awe.

Clarke proudly rose from her seat and walked over to join Lexa on her way to Kane and her mother, and smirked smugly when Lexa’s eyes found her and became stuck. The Heda almost tripped as she drank in Clarke and her formal dress and modest Trikru jewellery.

Lexa recovered in time though, and gracefully enough to have people doubt what they’d seen, and reached the newlyweds a moment before Clarke did.

The Heda of the Thirteen Clans then dipped her head low toward Abby as Wrex and Grunt used their bulk to shield the intimate moment from curious eyes.

“Bosh moba, Nomon.” Lexa murmured with eyes reflecting just how sorry she was for being late.

_Apologies, Mother._

Clarke didn’t think she’d ever get tired of hearing Lexa call Abby ‘nomon’. It had slipped out the first time when Abby had left Polis after Clarke had been mostly recuperated from her tournament injuries.

Abby and Lexa had been speaking quietly for a while and Clarke was curious about what they were saying, but also gave them space because she secretly – blatantly – loved it. They’d joined her again and Abby had hugged Clarke goodbye and then she hugged Lexa, who had at first been rigidly awkward, before she just sunk into the embrace. Clarke had then remembered that Lexa had lost not one, but _two_ mothers, and decided to happily share hers.

 _“Safe journey, Nomon.”_ Lexa had mumbled, before her eyes had grown wide, indicating she’d clearly not meant for it to slip out.

Abby had just pulled her back in when Lexa tried to flee the embrace and held Lexa tightly until the Commander surrendered again. Lexa had been bright red when Abby finally let go, avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially Clarke. Clarke had just grinned at her for hours after, until Lexa became fed up and pushed her down on the bed, making Clarke forget that she even had a mother for the rest of the night.

Now though, the interaction was more natural between Abby and Lexa, who had always been friendly with Kane, but had more of a peer relationship with him.

Clarke missed some of the apologies and happy wishes because they were speaking lowly as Lexa still refused to be Lexa in the Mountain.

Kane and Abby knew that it would be the Heda attending their wedding.

Lexa finally left them and her gaze focused on Clarke who forgot that the eyes of the entire Skaikru were on them and just dopily grinned.

She wrapped Lexa in a too quick hug and led her back to their side of the table, finally able to enjoy the wedding with the seat next to hers, occupied.

Abby signalled the music and started her first dance as Mrs Marcus Kane, most likely also just to get all the attention from Lexa, who was stiffly seated next to Clarke.

“Sure took your time getting here.” Clarke murmured.

“Flooding across our usual path. We needed to search long for a place to safely cross the river. It put us back another half day.”

Clarke took Lexa’s hand under the table.

“I was worried.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa turned to her and sincerely said. “I had sent a messenger, when I was first detained negotiating resources with Hector…”

Clarke nodded, the messenger had implied Lexa would be there the previous evening, hence Clarke’s worry when Lexa hadn’t shown up. Given that they still arrived that day, despite their detour, meant that Lexa had been riding throughout the night to get there in time.

“I’m just happy you’re here.”

“Me too.”

“I have a surprise for you later.”

Lexa’s eyes trailed over Clarke’s body and then hummed suggestively.

Clarke chuckled even as her stomach tightened.

“Not that, you horndog.”

Lexa just smirked.

“Well, not _only_ that.” Clarke corrected, knowing very well who the horndog was between the two of them.

Lexa’s smile at the statement had Clarke calculating when a good time would be to leave. She tried not to get her hopes up. Lexa wouldn’t be comfortable in the Mountain and they couldn’t camp up top. Well, they could, but neither Abby or Lexa would allow it, so Clarke was stuck in the Mountain with the Heda.

“I can’t wait.” Lexa murmured, her smile not dropping as she clapped with the rest of the crowd when Abby and Kane finished their dance.

* * *

“Dishing for your wifey… How very 1950’s of you.” Raven stepped in line behind Clarke, eyeing the two plates Clarke was carrying.

“Firstly, my wife feeds me grapes and massages my feet without me having to ask her to, so she gets served her dinner whenever I have the opportunity. And secondly, if she was in this buffet line with me, no one else would be, and we’d only finish eating after midnight.”

Raven chuckled.

“In a hurry to get out of here?”

Raven had always been way too smart for her own good.

“Please, you’ve met my _wifey_ , wouldn’t you be eager too?”

Raven just chuckled as Clarke smugly continued to fill their plates.

* * *

Lexa was in deep conversation with Bellamy, Raven and Wick, where they sat at their table a bit later in the evening. On her other side, Echo was scowling down into her glass of wine and Clarke was longingly staring at the dance floor.

She loved dancing with Lexa and had hoped that they would dance that evening too, but earlier that evening, Lexa had risen from her chair, and all movement in the hall had ceased when the Heda motioned to one of her guards and went with Clarke to present the newlyweds with a few gifts. Nobody else moved, until Lexa had retaken her seat and Clarke just knew that Lexa wouldn’t ask her to dance to avoid more awkwardness on Abby’s happy day.

Clarke sighed, but smiled when she thought of the first time they’d danced together, not during The Response - though that had been amazing, but still all Lexa - but a couple of weeks after Abby had left Polis…

* * *

“Where are we going?” Clarke sleepily murmured, resting her head against Lexa’s back.

She’d been woken before the sun that morning, Lexa practically dressing her and leading her toward the stables, where they’d mounted Lexa’s stallion and had ridden to the south-east side of the wall surrounding Polis. Lexa had then removed a few pieces of metal and wood and had guided Clarke and her horse through the doorsized gap. Clarke then realised how Lexa had escaped Polis that week before she’d been meant to face Gregor, without anyone noticing.

“It’s Trikru tradition that once bonded, a couple would spend a few days in the woods, to see whether they are able to work together and survive in the wild.” Lexa explained.

Clarke perked up from her perch behind Lexa on her horse, her arms squeezing Lexa’s waist when she realised that they were about to go on their honeymoon. Clarke had known of the tradition of course. Every newlywed she encountered had gone off with a tent and a few supplies and spent a few nights just making love to one another in the forest. Clarke’s stomach flipped and dropped and she rested her head back between Lexa’s shoulder blades with a large grin plastered on her face.

She hadn’t thought that Lexa would leave Polis, especially not since she was in the process of visiting with the clans in the wake of the Tournament and them coming out as a married couple. They had also fought a lot when Lexa had returned from her previous trip. So Clarke hadn’t expected it, and therefor appreciated the gesture immensely.

They had little supplies with them save their weapons, some rope, a water canister, and a bedroll and blanket. They didn’t even have any guards. Clarke should’ve realised that Lexa would take such a tradition seriously. For everyone else it was just a camping trip, and they would pack all the food and supplies they needed from home, but Leksa kom Trikru was adamant to test their survival skills as a couple against the world.

Clarke wasn’t even worried. They’d faced a pauna together and survived it.

It was mid-morning when they reached a cave perched high up on a rocky slope against the foot of a mountain. They could only climb their way up there and Clarke nodded, knowing that where they would sleep, would be safe and sheltered.

Lexa was just tying up her horse – her favourite one which she refused to name - and Clarke was already busy gathering wood. She hated gathering wood and whenever she and Echo went on hunting trips, Clarke would just gather all she could on day one, in hopes of getting it out of the way.

She smiled when she caught Lexa just standing there at the bottom of the cave, staring at her. The Heda blushed, but smiled back, before she nimbly ascended the rocks and started clearing out the cave.  Clarke wasn’t sure how long they were staying, but she’d gathered enough wood to last four nights. And then she internally groaned when she realised she needed to get it up top to the wide ledge at the mouth of the cave, where they would most likely build the fire.

After checking that Lexa wasn’t there, she shouted a warning regardless, and then lugged a log upwards and was already readying another, when Clarke realised she didn’t hear it hitting rock. Looking up, she saw Lexa staring down at her with adoring eyes, log in hand which she dropped down and tilted her head. Clarke smiled and started flinging logs like crazy, trying to throw them faster than Lexa could catch them.

She didn’t succeed. Because Lexa was a ninja, wasn’t she?

Clarke finished in record time and stretched her cramping back and fingers, before she took hold of the rope Lexa had secured to ease their ascent and which could also be pulled up during the night. When she easily reached the top, her eyes widened as she took in all Lexa had done whilst she’d been off gathering wood. The logs had been neatly piled in one corner, a circle of stone lined with kindling was arranged at the centre of the smooth rock, and inside the cave, Lexa had laid down soft leaves and grass, covered by the bedroll and a soft blanket.

Clarke bit her lip and stared at Lexa packing some logs onto the fireplace.

“Do you want to rest a bit? I can go hunting?” Lexa queried, looking up from her task in question.

Clarke had never gone hunting with Lexa and she hadn’t realised it was something she’d desperately wanted until that very moment.

“I’d like to go with you…” Clarke murmured, not knowing if Lexa preferred hunting alone. She always had Wrex and Grunt with her, maybe she wanted to just be by herself while she had the chance?

The smile Lexa sent her was enough to erase any doubts from Clarke’s mind that she was wanted.

They silently geared up, Clarke adjusting her sword and shouldering her bow and quiver. When she looked at Lexa, the Heda already stood waiting, only her knife strapped to her thigh and a small bag hanging from her belt.

Clarke lifted a brow, but said nothing as she followed Lexa down their rock and into the forest.

Lexa stopped only once to scoop up a tall branch, seated herself on the forest bed and proceeded to quickly carve out a long straight shaft. She then reached into the bag at her side for a spear tip and string, and attached it to one end of the wood.

Clarke watched her in silence, her eyes following every movement, already itching to try it herself. It wasn’t long though that they were on their way again. And just under an hour later, Lexa had speared a small doe before Clarke could even knock her arrow.

“I was hoping to catch us something too…” Clarke muttered, a little jealous, somewhat awed, and a whole lot turned on.

The doe had been hogtied to the spear and they were carrying it back to their camp in tandem.

“We could hunt on our way home and fill up the pantry.” Lexa stated as though this had always been the plan.

Clarke’s brows knitted before a grin spread across her face.

“So we have a camp and food for a few days… What else are we gonna do on this trip?” She slyly asked.

“I’m very sure you’ll think of something, Clarke.” Lexa smoothly rasped, without looking at her and Clarke shivered in anticipation.

Clarke had been worried that morning about how effectively they would work together, but she didn’t have to worry at all. Echo’s training had been similar enough to Trikru culture, that they easily moved around their little camp, skinning and cutting up the deer, grilling the meat with some herbs Clarke had impressed Lexa by finding and picking. Lexa had even shown Clarke how to lay booby traps all around their position, keeping intruders at bay and also alerting them of their presence.

By the time the first stars appeared above them, their stomachs were full and they were laying outside on the bedroll they’d placed next to the fire.

Clarke had been nervous about sharing the stars with Lexa… Something she knew to have been Costia’s passion. But Lexa easily spoke to her about Grounder legends and what she’d read in books, asking about what Clarke had learned in her astronomy classes.

Laying there, it was easy to forget that Lexa was the Commander, and not just the woman Clarke was madly in love with, as she curiously asked question after question and Clarke felt amazing that she could provide the answers.

Somewhere along the way, Clarke’s hand had slipped under Lexa’s vest and when her thumb brushed over Lexa’s bindings, the brunette’s breath hitched, stopping whatever she was about to say to look up at Clarke.

“We need to go to bed.” Clarke rasped, her whole body already on fire. “The stars will still be here tomorrow night.”

She could see Lexa swallowing thickly in the firelight, before she dumbly nodded her agreement.

“I’ll go check on the traps and the horse.” She whispered and then she was off, agilely descending the rocks as though she had night vision.

Clarke walked over to their water canister and washed her hands and hydrated for what she was sure would be a long and pleasurable night. She stood lost in thought for a long while as she inhaled the refreshing evening air and enjoyed the slight breeze rustling through the leaves and whispering across her skin.

When Clarke finally turned back around, she was startled to find Lexa standing by the fire, quietly watching her.

_Fucking ninja._

She scoffed at Lexa’s smug smirk and walked forward, intending to thoroughly ravish the arrogant Commander, but instead ended up just hugging her. It had been the _best_ day. After months of stress - becoming Chancellor and entering a deadly tournament - that one perfect day of peace and solitude with Lexa had already made everything worth it.

They started gently swaying and a large smile spread across Clarke’s face, pressed against Lexa’s shoulder, when the Commander softly started humming a familiar tune.

“Ai laik yu gona…” Lexa softly sang the words into Clarke’s ear. “Ai na get raun, you…”

_I am your soldier… I will atone…_

Clarke knew the song by heart, though a version a lot more up in tempo. It was mostly slurred by drunken warriors reminiscing about war; sung to the ancestors, to their families, to their fellow warriors… It was a chant of camaraderie and faith in your brethren, and oaths to your Commander.

In that moment, sung in Lexa’s silky-smooth tenor, the words were only about the two of them though. The battles they had fought together, a question of Clarke’s willingness to fight the ones that would surely come. And a promise that Lexa would fight for her too.

“Yumi na teik won sonraun au?” Lexa sang as she gently moved her feet and smoothly guided Clarke over the rocks.

_And will you take a life with me?_

Clarke followed blindly, her body surrendering, her soul answering that yes, yes she would take as many lives as Lexa needed her to.

* * *

Clarke woke from her reminiscing when she felt an arm sliding across her shoulders and looked to Echo who was nowhere in sight.

“She and Bellamy went to argue some more outside.” Lexa murmured, and pulled Clarke closer until Clarke’s head was gently resting against the leather at her shoulder and not her armour.

They’d done it so many times before that Clarke could find the sweet spot without even trying.

“Okay.” She mumbled back, lazily rolling her eyes when she caught Pike’s across the hall.

“Who is he?” Lexa whispered, absently playing with the braids in Clarke’s hair.

Clarke didn’t need to look up to know that Lexa was stoically staring down Pike given where his glare had shifted to.

“Survivors from Farm Station. Skaikru didn’t know about them until recently.” Clarke answered. “I’ve set up a meeting with the Council for you tomorrow afternoon to discuss them.” She rested her hand on Lexa’s thigh, watching the long slender fingers that instantly followed to intertwine with hers.

“Marcus doesn’t wish to spend the time with his houmon?” Lexa lazily murmured, and Clarke could feel Lexa’s nose in her hair and smiled at the public show of affection.

“He can spare an hour to inform you about the sixty-three new arrivals that crashed on Thraxus’s lands and killed _all_ the warriors who attacked them.”

Clarke felt Lexa stiffen and regretted having delivered the news so flippantly, but she was really pissed off at Pike and his attitude. She almost wanted Lexa to go put him in his place.

“I thought we were on holiday.” Lexa’s body had relaxed again.

She and Clarke had decided that they would take three days for themselves. Away from Polis and politics.

“Well, _you’re_ also allowed an hour away from your houmon, before she comes and drags you out of your meeting.” Clarke grinned when Lexa’s body lightly shook with silent laughter.

She absently looked around her and saw some of the Arkadians smiling at them.

Good. Yes, it was important that Lexa be seen and respected as the Commander, but Clarke thought it also good for them to see that Grounders loved just as they did. Lincoln had lived among them for a while, but he had mostly adopted Skaikru customs. The Sky People needed to see that even though they came from different cultures, they weren’t all that different.

“Do you ever wish that we had a wedding like this?” Lexa softly murmured against Clarke’s hair. “With your people in attendance and a large crowd to bear witness?”

Clarke was surprised by the question, but didn’t need to think of an answer.

“I don’t.” She shook her head. “It was ours and we were there.” She lightly shrugged. “I think our wedding was perfect... Would you like one?” She checked.

Clarke could feel Lexa shaking her head rather than see it.

“You look even more beautiful tonight.” Lexa crooned instead and Clarke flushed in delight when a pair of lips brushed her cheek.

“I missed your mouth.” Clarke whispered back and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of Lexa’s lips. “Do you wanna get out of here?”

Lexa rose so smoothly and quickly, that Clarke wasn’t sure what was happening until they were both upright and Lexa had her hand at Clarke’s lower back, gently guiding her toward Abby and Kane to say their goodnights.

‘Lexa was very tired after her long journey’, was the excuse she gave and absolutely no one believed.

* * *

Clarke silently cursed Mount Weather and its history, because the longer it took them to get to their room, the more the softness left Lexa’s face, and her body became rigid as her eyes took in her surroundings.

They’d left their guards in the dining hall to swap with the ones guarding the passage so that everyone could have a go at the buffet, and Lexa’s personal guard could get some rest.

“Heda.” The warriors chorused, lightly bowing, when Lexa stiffly walked passed them, nodding stoically before entering their room and Clarke was tempted to go up the Mountain and kick Bellamy and Echo out of the tent.

Lexa stood in the centre of the large room, it was the same one they’d been in last time. Clarke thought it must’ve belonged to someone high ranking at Mount Weather, but really didn’t want to think of who.

“Are you sure it’s fine if we stay here for a couple of days?” Clarke checked, knowing Lexa was doing it for her.

“Nomon misses you.” Lexa admitted her reasoning, and then smiled slyly. “And I have needed to meet with Kane and discuss the Mountain’s readiness for Winter.”

Clarke scowled.

Of course Lexa would find a way to make it about business and Clarke had been the one setting up meetings so she couldn’t really be mad at Lexa for seizing the opportunity given to her. Lexa had said that she would meet with Kane before the Winter Summit in Polis, but Clarke knew she would much rather get it out of the way as soon as possible, so that she could scratch it off of her list.

“Only an hour.” Clarke warned.

“Only an hour.” Lexa agreed.

“I’m going to run you a bath.” Clarke went with her plan, disappearing into the en suite and smiled when Lexa followed in after her.

The Heda intently watched Clarke as she placed some of Lexa’s soap in a dish, fluffed a nice clean towel, and then proceeded to light the candles she’d placed all across the room, while the tub filled up.

Lexa loved her candles and she loved soaking in warm water.

Clarke turned off the taps and tested the water temperature before instructing Lexa to get in, who had been fondly staring at her.

She ignored the look and was just reaching the open doorway when Lexa finally spoke.

“I will require some assistance with my armour.” Lexa’s lips tilted upwards, but she managed to remain mostly earnest as Clarke bit her lip and eagerly moved toward her again.

Removing Lexa’s armour was like opening a beautifully wrapped present; like peeling off the layers of the Commander to find Lexa waiting beneath.

Though Lexa had requested ‘assistance’, she didn’t lift a finger to help Clarke, instead just standing there as Clarke dazedly stripped her of her armour and boots, stopping when Lexa remained in her vest and pants.

Clarke had to stop right there, because she needed to go.

“You can handle it from here.” Clarke nodded, before spinning on her heel to leave again.

“Join me.” The soft command came, like only Lexa could deliver it.

Clarke’s stomach bottomed out and she slowly turned again, helplessly leaning a shoulder against the doorframe. She sent pleading eyes at Lexa who just smirked, eyes dark and inviting as she slowly tore off her vest, revealing that stomach Clarke absolutely adored, and a pair of lovely breasts hidden behind her bindings.

Clarke contemplated giving in for a long few moments. But Lexa didn’t wait for her to answer, instead just slowly unwrapping her chest and Clarke forgot why she needed to leave for a few minutes longer.

“I want to take care of a few things before bed...” Clarke eventually mumbled, watching Lexa massage her newly freed breasts before those long fingers drifted down her lengthy abdomen, thumbs tucking into the hem of her pants. Lexa then paused and tilted her head, lifting a brow in question.

 _What could possibly be more important than getting naked with me right now?_ Lexa wordlessly asked.

Clarke blinked dumbly.

“Are you sure, Clarke?” Lexa preened for her, shifting the hem of her pants over her hipbones in invitation, stomach muscles contracting purposely and Clarke’s thighs clenched in answer. She just wanted to run her fingers across Lexa’s skin, followed by her tongue… Clarke wanted to lick the faint panther claw marks that were barely visible, but Clarke knew exactly where to find them, and graze her teeth over the scar on Lexa’s left shoulder, left behind by an arrow during the clan wars …

Drinking in her fill of the sight, Clarke swallowed thickly and frantically shook her head no.

“Release me, devil woman.” Clarke muttered, clenching her fists, unable to hide her growing smile when Lexa threw her head back and flat out laughed at her.

God, the things a laughing Lexa did to Clarke’s heart…

Before she knew what was happening, the Heda was in front of her and giving her lingering kiss. “You know where to find me should you change your mind.” Lexa grinned charmingly, stepped back and pulled down her pants revealing long, toned, legs and… _stuff_.  

Clarke whined out loud and almost flung herself out of the bathroom to make her escape, closing the door behind her, before she lost all of her faculties.

* * *

Yes, she wanted sex, but Clarke also had a surprise for Lexa, something for them both really, that she wanted to reveal in a nice way. Because Lexa wrote her beautiful love letters and Clarke wanted to return the gesture somehow.

Sketching and painting Lexa was also something Clarke did for herself more than Lexa, so that didn’t really count. Though Lexa had thoroughly enjoyed the cartoon Clarke had drawn of Lexa spearing Gregor and then beating up Abel and Guwain, before carrying Clarke home over her shoulder. Lexa had repeatedly shown it to everyone in the house for three days on end, laughing each time and gushing about how talented and funny Clarke was.

Clarke had loved it though, for just how happy it had made Lexa. It was the first time she’d seen her so pure and unabashed. No Commander in sight, only Leks.

So fucking pretty and adorable.

Clarke hurriedly unpacked the rest of the candles she’d brought with her from Polis, placing Lexa’s gift on the vanity, grabbed the nightdress Lexa liked most, and ran down the hall to the communal showers where she quickly scrubbed the day off of her with Lexa’s soap.

And when Clarke rushed back to her room, Raven was waiting outside the door.

“You could’ve just left it.” Clarke smiled, taking the tray of desserts from her friend.

Lexa had a _major_ sweet tooth, yet seemed intent on dying herself the indulgence.

On her journey to the Ailonkru, she’d brought Clarke back some chocolates which she would longingly stare at, but politely refuse whenever Clarke offered them to her. Clarke eventually managed to shove them into Lexa’s mouth while they were making love one evening and the sounds Lexa had made in response still helped Clarke out during those long lonely nights when Lexa was travelling.

“I didn’t trust Jacob over here to not eat it all.” Raven winked at Jacob who was posted in the hallway.

Clarke frowned.

“Did you get something to eat, yet?” She asked him, unable to remember what shift he was on in all her excitement.

“Sha, Little Pauna.” Jacob slightly bowed in acknowledgement, smiling softly at Clarke.

“I’ll never get over that nickname.” Raven chuckled. “Little Gorilla.” She muttered under her breath. “So very true.”

Clarke decided to ignore that last part.

“Well, thanks Raven, for bringing these up.”

“You’re welcome.” She grinned. “And,” she hooked the satchel she was carrying over Clarke’s shoulder, “some wine to loosen the Commander up so you can have your way with her in a place she hates.”

Jacob coughed and awkwardly stepped away out of earshot and Clarke turned bright red.

“Don’t make it sound like that.” Clarke frowned, already feeling guilty knowing that Lexa was there for her. Yes, she needed to discuss things with Kane, but they still could’ve done that in Polis before the Winter Summit.

“Like what?”

“All… _Rapey_ …” Clarke grimaced and Raven sobered.

“Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Clarke stared at the door.

“Did I ruin things?”

“Nah, once I go in there, I’m gonna forget everything outside this door exists.”

Raven chuckled and turned the door handle, giving Clarke a nudge inside.

“Enjoy, Little Pauna!” She whisper-shouted, before turning around and slightly limping down the corridor.

* * *

After locking the door and placing the desserts near the bed, Clarke quickly lit all the candles around the room and walked to the bathroom door. She placed her hand against it and the other on the handle.

“Leks?” She called. “Can I come in?”

She wasn’t surprised to hear the laughter at the unneeded request, nor at the indulgent ‘yes, Clarke’ that followed, nor at the fact that Lexa was still in the bath, steam rising from the water, a level higher now. That’s why Clarke had purposely left some space for Lexa to top up on hot water.

She returned the Commander’s lazy grin and went to sit on the toilet seat next to the bath, cursing the soapy water obstructing her view.

“Earlier, I had spoken to Raven about a small generator for our house.” Lexa murmured, eyes hooded as she lazily reached a wet hand toward Clarke who took it and absently started playing with Lexa’s fingers. “She will give us two solar panels and a rechargeable battery. It would be more than enough to charge the geyser in our bathroom.” Lexa grinned, and Clarke smiled back, she knew this already. It was part of Lexa’s gift.

“It’s a frivolous indulgence, but we do have a tub we never use and it’s big enough for two.” Lexa didn’t look at her, but the smile on her face was suggestive, as was the way her nimble fingers were threading in between Clarke’s.

They showered in cold water back home and it was quick with the only purpose being getting clean. The first time they’d soaked together was in a mountain spring during their honeymoon. It was then Clarke had discovered the Heda’s little weakness, it was one of the few times she’d seen Lexa fully relaxed, and god knows, the Commander needed such relaxing moments more than anyone.

“After the snow has melted, we’ll start our search for old power lines and any cables we can restore, and lay them toward Tondisi.” Lexa continued chatting and playing with Clarke’s fingers. “Raven thinks Arkadia can relay power to them. It will be a good collaborative project.” Lexa nodded, her brow creasing and okay, Clarke was also excited to hear about that, but she didn’t want Lexa to be thinking about that now.

She probably wanted to go write an idea in her journal. The one Clarke knew contained a plan on how Lexa intended to implement a currency amongst the clans to make trading fair and unbiased. It also contained a more detailed plan of a school system. Lexa would sit at her desk and scribble in her journal or she would do so when she was lounging in Clarke’s studio while Clarke painted, and bounce ideas off of her. If only the clans could stop warring long enough for Lexa to actually implement them.

Clarke almost went to fetch the journal for Lexa, eager to discuss it with her, but stopped herself. Lexa wouldn’t forget it and Raven wouldn’t let her, so they could just push it aside for that evening.

“You’re turning into a prune.” Clarke rasped, stroking over the tips of Lexa’s fingers, biting her lip at the soft callouses she found there. Lexa’s hands were deceptively strong, since they looked so very dainty from afar.

“If you can’t love me as a prune, Clarke, how do I know you will still love me as an old woman?” Lexa pouted, and Clarke grinned, because a relaxed Lexa was delightfully silly.

Nevertheless, the Heda rose from the bath, graceful and sleek, and so fucking hot.

“We both know that I’ll love you forever...” Clarke absently answered as she blindly reached for Lexa’s towel, while her eyes lingered on the drops rolling down her body.

Lexa smiled a soft smile and obediently stepped into the towel Clarke held out for her.

“Get dressed, I’ll meet you outside.” Clarke swallowed thickly and rushed out the door again.

* * *

She paced in front of the dresser, used to Lexa taking her time grooming herself. Clarke was ready to go and all this restraint business was just riling her up even more. If she’d given in to her impulse, she and Lexa would most likely still be in that bathtub together and nothing else would’ve gotten done that night.

Still, it was an intoxicating anticipation, which Clarke secretly loved, and when Lexa finally stepped out of the bathroom, hair falling over one shoulder and eyes big and bright and impossibly _green_ , Clarke froze and her lower belly clenched as her heart grew twice in size.

Eventually Clarke remembered to reach out and blindly pressed play on the CD player, intently watching for the predicted reaction of Lexa’s eyes lighting up and a smile spreading across her pretty face.

“ _Clarke..._ ” Lexa breathed through her grin and Clarke smiled and stepped forward, straight into ready arms after the slow instrumental filled the room.

Lexa loved music and she loved to dance and was dependant on the Polis musicians to play for her when she wanted to really enjoy it. Clarke melted into her and mindlessly followed the gentle sway of Lexa’s body.

“That small generator Raven’s giving you will be able to power this.” Clarke whispered and smiled when Lexa’s head pulled back to look into her face, fingers threading impulsively into the hairs at the back of Clarke’s neck. “It can also play a thumbdrive, so tomorrow we can try to get you songs you like from some of the devices they’ve scavenged.” Clarke grinned at Lexa’s expression.

“Mochof, Steltrona.” Lexa breathed and pulled Clarke onto her lips, kissing her long and hard, before she gently pressed Clarke’s face into her neck and slowly swayed with her to the music.

“Thank you for being here with me.” Clarke murmured against Lexa’s neck. “I know you don’t like this place and would much rather be home. Especially after a long trip…”

Lexa’s arms held her closer and Clarke's eyes fluttered closed and she let out a contented sigh of pure happiness.

"Yu laik ai hou..." Lexa tenderly whispered into Clarke’s hair.

_You are my home._

* * *

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for your comments! it makes my toes curl with joy and happiness when you guys tie together CotSP and Heda's Warrior. This universe is different from canon and our heroins are different too because of it. Thank you for your support and loving this story. It's my favourite child, where I am Heda is my special child. You know, that special child that goes against the norm and makes you stress with how different they are and you somehow love them more even with the added gray hairs? lol
> 
> Anyway, this chapter has been Duckie Approved.
> 
> And I'm posting cause it's my birthday today and thought I'd give you guys a present xD

 

Clarke sat in the small field atop the high peak of Mount Weather where her tent had remained pitched for the last year. She was alone in the dusk though, as Echo had joined Bellamy for supper in the dining hall. Yet, when the elevator dinged open behind her, Clarke didn’t look back, nor did she flinch when a blanket gently covered her cold shoulders, soon followed by Lexa’s body moulding to her back and long legs framing her own.

Settling back into the warmth, Clarke pressed the side of her temple against Lexa’s jaw.

“So much for an hour.” Clarke mumbled on principle. Lexa had promised she’d only meet with the Council for an hour. It had turned into four. Clarke had anticipated it, so wasn’t surprised and wasn’t really mad, but a promise had been made.

Lexa – predictably - slumped in remorse, held Clarke a little closer, and tentatively kissed her temple. “My apologies, Clarke.” She murmured into Clarke’s hair. “I had taken the opportunity to discuss the Winter with Marcus since Indra had been there too. I suggested that the Mountain store food reserves for Tondisi and the smaller villages surrounding them. With their refrigerators, meats would last longer. So our people may hunt and fish more now and store it here. In return, Arkadia may benefit from these supplies, all they need to do is distribute it during Winter to their neighbours.”

Clarke just smiled, Lexa hadn’t told her of that idea yet. Arkadia would function similarly to Polis during the winter then. They were stocked up with enough supplies to last them and the surrounding villages for an entire year. Their fields had reaped bountiful crops and the clans had sent what they could to the Commander, so the tension in Polis had settled. They hunted casually now, but mostly the Polisians just worked to secure their homes and make blankets and clothes that went out to different clans on a weekly basis.

Lexa’s Coalition was running like a finely tuned machine. One that the Heda was manually cranking and oiling by visiting the clans and making sure all the cogs and mechanisms turned as smoothly as they were supposed to.

“Farm Station is a concern though.” Clarke could feel the annoyed click of Lexa’s jaw. “I don’t think Kane realises the extent of their hatred.”

Clarke nodded, she had thought that that would come up since she knew that Kane had been planning to formally introduce Pike to the Commander. She’d thought it the reason Lexa was stuck in the meeting for so long.

“What can the Council do, though?” Clarke had been thinking about it ever since she and Lexa had discussed it over breakfast that morning. “They really can’t cast them away. Especially not with Winter coming.”

“Nomon seems to be aware. She has promised to personally monitor them.”

Clarke smiled and nodded again, it was all they could do at that stage, just wait and hope that Skaikru wouldn’t mess up; wait and hope that Azgeda would stabilise…

“Kane does well with other leaders, but I think his guilt over the sacrifices in his past, stops him from being firm with his people.” Lexa astutely commented.

They both sighed at that.

“At least he has Mom at his side.” Clarke added. Abby had no issue with being firm with her people.

“Yes, and I wish that you’d been at mine.” Lexa softly confessed.

“You don’t need me to be a buffer between you and Skaikru anymore.” Clarke smiled and snuggled deeper into Lexa’s frame.

Wrapped in Lexa’s arms was Clarke’s happy place, no matter where the two of them were when it happened.

“No, I don’t.” Lexa agreed. “But you understand...-You understand me. You look broader than only one clan. You want the _Coalition_ to succeed just as I do and you know that sometimes that requires sacrifice...”

“I hate politics.” Clarke pouted and kissed Lexa’s jaw.

“You hate politicians.” Lexa countered with a smile. “You were born for politics, Clarke.”

Clarke groaned out loud.

“Fine.” Lexa chuckled. “I’ll stop trying to convince you for now and only keep you as my personal advisor.”

“As long as you keep on paying me in kisses.”

“I will pay you in more than just kisses if you decide to take on an official role in the Coalition...” Lexa purred into Clarke’s neck, causing her to whimper pathetically.

“Why must you be so fucking sexy all the time?” Clarke whined as she twisted around and pressed Lexa back into the grass, locking their lips together.

* * *

When she was home, Lexa always made time for Clarke, but it felt different laying there in the cooling evening, draped across Lexa on top of the blanket she had brought; Clarke’s lips sore from just making out. Not being in Polis - where someone was always looking for the Commander - and the Council meeting having been concluded, made Clarke feel as though Lexa was finally all hers. The last time they’d just been together like that, had been on their honeymoon and Clarke was suddenly grateful for the stupid Mountain where she had enough clout to ensure Lexa’s safety and allow such moments.

For a little while, they could just be Lexa and Clarke.

“Do you want kids?” Clarke unintentionally whispered. It had been on her mind since Abby too had mentioned it the day before. It had Clarke thinking about what family visits to the Mountain would be like.

The Grounders took care of their elderly, and family bonds were strong. Lexa had even mentioned before that they had enough space at their house should Abby and Kane wish to retire their duties one day and join them there. Clarke had learned that Polis was Lexa’s, established by her and her successor would therefore not inherit it, most likely ruling from whichever clan village he or she was from. Lexa had plans to one day hold a Conclave – similar to the tournament Clarke had entered – whereupon a successor would be chosen, should no one be able to unseat Lexa via challenge before then.

Lexa only stiffened for a moment at the surprise question, before relaxing again.

“I would be lying if I said that I had never thought of you as the mother of our children...” She carefully stated and Clarke could hear the soft smile in her voice and smiled too.

“I think I want them too.” Clarke finally admitted out loud, feeling it suddenly clearer knowing that Lexa was open to the idea.

“In the world we live in, there are many left orphaned and in need of good homes.” Lexa murmured. “Who's to say we cannot provide such a child with the happiness they have lost?”

Clarke’s mind had gotten stuck on IVF or artificial insemination, and yet it came as no surprise that Lexa would want to adopt. She'd been orphaned once too. Twice? And Clarke loved the idea instantly. No child remained orphaned for long in the clans. There was always a family willing to take them in.

“But,” Lexa hesitantly continued and Clarke tensed, “I think that we should wait until things settle with the clans first...”

Clarke exhaled and nodded her agreement. Given who Lexa was, any child of theirs would be in constant danger. They couldn't bring him or her into their world.

“We’re still young, and yes, life is short, but very selfishly, I wish to have you to myself for just a little while longer.” Lexa murmured.

Clarke grinned and lifted up to kiss her again.

* * *

“I need to go home.” Echo anxiously muttered to Clarke later that evening.

They were relaxing in Clarke and Lexa’s room and most of her friends were there, save for O and Lincoln - who were off to the Ailonkru on another adventure - and Bellamy, whose absence Clarke had already interpreted as bad.

“We’ll leave in the morning.” Clarke decided. It wasn’t as though Lexa would put up a fight. They could go spend the rest of their mini-holiday in Ton DC.

Echo rolled her eyes. “Stay here. Heda is less troubled, so enjoy it while it lasts.”

Clarke looked over to Lexa where she sat in a small group, Wrex and Grunt lazily reclining in another corner of the room. Lexa hadn’t really warmed up to her friends, but she did enjoy talking to Raven and Raven seemed to enjoy speaking to her right back. Both of them were always busy planning, and Raven was technically the only person Lexa’s age – save for Clarke and the Twins - able to hold a casual conversation with the Commander. So what if Lexa wouldn’t be able to just enjoy a barbecue in Polis in front of Echo’s house (the people would swarm them instantly), at least they had this, for now. It was the first time Clarke felt like they were just a normal couple, hanging out with friends.

“You’ll leave in the morning.” Clarke commanded, because she knew Echo, she also knew she couldn’t change her stubborn friend’s mind once it had been made up. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t try though. The road to Polis was a dangerous one, especially at night.

“I need to leave tonight. I have already postponed long enough to give you and Heda time to defile the mountain top.” Echo deadpanned.

Clarke would’ve laughed if she wasn’t so worried.

“I’ll only travel to Tondisi tonight and spend some time there before going back to Polis. Indra and her warriors will be leaving soon.”

Indra and Kane were discussing Arkadia’s storage capabilities and which Skaikru would join in on the hunts that would be taking place. It was also a good collaboration for Farm Station to see. Her wife really was a genius, Clarke thought, as she caught Monty’s eye, who was part of the conversation between Lexa and Raven, and he expressed his awe at the Commander too by raising his eyebrows, rounding his mouth into a silent ‘wow’, and giving Clarke two thumbs up.

Clarke smiled at him, but looked back to Echo again whose jaw was clenching furiously.

“Do I need to go beat him up?” Clarke seriously asked and Echo let out a hoarse chuckle.

At the heart wrenching sound, Clarke immediately stood up and guided her toward the door and away from everyone.

Lexa’s eyes shifted from Raven to Clarke, then to Echo, trailing her gaze over the Azgeda warrior, then shifted it back to Clarke, nodding that she understood. Clarke gave her a little wave before Lexa focused back on Raven again.

* * *

“He’s not doing anything I wouldn’t do.” Echo murmured while they walked the deserted hallways. “I’m not angry at him. He’s hurting too.”

Clarke bit her lip and nodded. “Maybe someday…” She trailed off when Echo shook her head.

“He will always be Skaikru. He will always feel that he is supposed to stay here. Because of what happened to the Maunon, what he did up on the Ark, and the three hundred that died because he stopped you from telling Skaikru they could breathe on the Ground.” Echo explained and Clarke’s heart ached even more at how well Echo and Bellamy knew each other. It also explained the strong bond that had developed between Kane and Bellamy, considering how much guilt both of them still carried. “It’s his penance.”

Clarke nodded again. “What do you need?”

“I need to join Indra on her journey this evening. Heda is with you, so you will be safe.”

“I can take care of myself.” Clarke mumbled.

“We know, Little Pauna.” Echo sadly smiled. “We just like to be there in case you’re outnumbered.”

Clarke rolled her eyes and then pulled Echo into a hug, sinking into the rare touch when Echo held her back for a long moment.

Clarke remained at Echo’s side when she went to fetch her things and only stood slightly back when Bellamy came slinking out the front doors of the Mountain before Echo was about to mount her horse.

Clarke had already said her goodbyes, she was just sad she couldn’t be there for her friend, but knew that Echo was someone who wanted her space to deal with emotional things. She would see Echo in two days’ time again to make sure that she was okay. Bellamy though… Clarke had to look away, a thick knot gathering in her throat, when he dipped his head to rest on Echo’s shoulder, his entire body silently shaking as he cried.

Echo patted him like a baby and if it was any other occasion, Clarke would’ve teased them both. Instead, she stood next to Bell and hugged him to her side as they watched Echo leave. And once she dropped him at his room, Clarke went to kick everyone out of hers, so that she could hold tightly onto Lexa for the rest of the night.

* * *

It was strange that Clarke enjoyed her time at the Mountain with Lexa and yet still felt relief and happiness once they were back home in Polis. It was nice. Polis was better with Lexa in it. The people were happier. Clarke was happier.

She’d immediately gone to see Echo, who welcomed her visit, but was very distant and even less communicative than usual.

Clarke had no idea what to do; Echo didn’t even want to spar. She didn’t say it outright to Clarke, but she always had an excuse at the ready. Some stupid non-urgent task she absolutely needed to go take care of.

Clarke didn’t push, she knew better than that. Instead she harassed Kahlan into spending his free time sparring her frustration out at the Pits.

That day, Lexa was there and watching her, like the Commander tended to do from time to time. Clarke put on her best show, but there was a reason that Kahlan was Captain of the guard. Clarke didn’t even mind being beaten by him. It sort of felt like an honour that he even deigned her worthy enough to spar with.

She grinned even through her exhaustion when he helped her up, and watched Lexa walking off again.

“Have you ever sparred with Heda?” Kahlan conversationally asked as they were exiting the training fields.

Clarke frowned. Why hadn’t she ever tried to get Lexa to fight her? The last time they’d come to blows could hardly be called a fight. Clarke could actually handle a sword now.

“I haven’t.” Clarke finally answered, eyes already excitedly scanning for Lexa who was walking up the quiet path to their house, with the Twins trailing a few yards behind her. The street was mostly empty because everyone was inside their homes with the cooling weather, readying for supper. Even the Pits only had a few new recruits still being trained.

“But I’m sure gonna get her to do so now.” Clarke grinned at Kahlan and waved goodbye when he laughed and turned the opposite direction to his house.

“Hey, Leks!” Clarke called when she was a few yards away, Wrex and Grunt only having looked up from their conversation to wave at Clarke when she greeted them as she ran passed.

Lexa stopped and turned around with a smile. “You’re getting very good with that sword, Little Pauna.”

Clarke’s chest puffed at the compliment. She hadn’t even realised how much she still wanted to impress Lexa with her fighting skills.

“Good enough to fight you?” Clarke challenged with a large grin which faltered when Lexa looked struck, before smoothly masking her features again.

“No.” She deadpanned, turned on her heel, and continued up the hill.

Clarke frowned in confusion at the cool rejection and stared after her for a few moments, before she drew her sword and ran at the Commander.

She yelled a quick war cry, not really wanting to catch Lexa off guard, just start a battle, but Lexa was already turning before Clarke had even opened her mouth and a moment later she’d ducked into Clarke’s space, a hand gripping Clarke’s sword arm, pushing the weapon away until they were nose to nose and an icy stare glared into Clarke’s eyes.

Clarke was so surprised by the unexpected move, she barely registered that her arm was being twisted, her body bending around with it, the grip on her wrist pressing a point that caused her to drop her sword, before her hand was awkwardly bent upward and pressed in between her shoulder blades.

It really fucking hurt, but Clarke refused to cry out.

“Do not make a scene, Clarke.” Lexa stoically warned against Clarke ear, her body pressed up against Clarke’s before she let go.

Clarke spun around to see Lexa already walking off again and rubbed at her shoulder. She tested the joint and the one at her wrist, and realised she would be fine in a moment. She then smirked behind Lexa’s back, glanced at the Twins laughing at her and a couple of people smirking at her too. She rolled her eyes at them, picked up her sword, sheathed it at her side and then ran at the Heda again.

She didn’t yell this time, knowing Lexa could hear her footfalls regardless, and jumped onto the Heda’s back, quickly hooking her elbow beneath Lexa’s chin in a sleeper-hold. Lexa had stumbled under the sudden force of the weight on her back, but all she did was wrap her fingers around Clarke’s thighs and shifted her into a more comfortable position.

Clarke stopped pretending that she was choking Lexa and relaxed against her back, leaning her face into Lexa’s hair.

“Why won’t you fight me?” Clarke mumbled, trying not to feel offended.

Did Lexa really think so little of her skills that it would be considered a waste of her time to spar with Clarke?

“You have Echo and the Captain of my guard; both proficient sparring partners and teachers.” Lexa huffed, having made quick work of the hill, but the strain was getting to her when she reached the front door, which a guard opened for them with a fond smirk at Clarke.

“They’re great, but they also have their own duties and I could really use someone else to spar with. I’m getting used to their styles.” Clarke rebutted as they entered the foyer and Lexa paused in the centre of it, to gauge the many stairs leading to their bedroom floor. They were both wearing light armour and Clarke knew that Lexa must’ve been struggling.

But she stubbornly remained on Lexa’s back, knowing that Lexa was too stubborn to put her down before they reached their destination.

“And I don’t see why I need another instructor when I'm married to the best warrior _ever_.”

Before Lexa could answer, Clarke shouted at a silently chuckling Tali not to worry about supper; that there were still enough leftovers to go around for the household, but to maybe just bake some fresh bread. She then flippantly proceeded to greet every guard by name who returned it with a ‘Hei, Little Pauna’ and a very stern ‘Hei, Heda’, managing to hide their humour at the straining Commander having slowly started her way toward the stairs.

Clarke could practically feel Lexa gritting her teeth as she stubbornly readjusted Clarke and carried her up the steps; Wrex following amusedly behind them. Their respective armour had to be hurting Lexa as much, if not more than it was hurting Clarke. It really wasn’t as comfy on Lexa’s back as Clarke was making it seem.

She may not be as good a warrior as Lexa, but Clarke equalled her in a battle of wills.

Wrex opened their parlour door for the tired Heda who breathlessly thanked him when she entered, walking into their bedroom and then purposely went to deposit both of their swords at the weapons rack first, Clarke still clinging to her, her thighs burning, but refusing to let go.

Only afterward, did Lexa stroll to the bed, turned her back to it, and shrugged Clarke off of her, who fell back into the soft furs with a light-hearted giggle.

“Seriously, Leks, why can’t you teach me?” Clarke lifted onto her elbows to watch the Heda discard of her light armour, tidying up the little corner Clarke referred to as an armoury just to irritate Lexa who was very proud of her actual personal armoury just down the hall. “You'll be here all Winter and you'll worry less if I can take better care of myself…” She reasoned.

“You don’t know what you're asking me to do.” Lexa sighed, turning to forlornly look at Clarke, whose brows furrowed at the unexpected emotion.

“I'm asking you to be my mentor as a warrior, as you have been as a leader.”

“The type of instruction I’m accustomed to and you require to push you to the next level as a warrior...” Lexa trailed off. “I can't do that to you, Clarke.”

“I can take it.” Clarke sat up on the bed, sliding her feet onto the floor, searching Lexa’s face to find some sense in this bizarreness. She really didn’t understand what the problem was. Lexa loved teaching her new things. “I've taken some really hard knocks.”

Maybe she _did_ think Clarke was too weak?

“But I don't want to be the one giving them to you!” Lexa suddenly shouted, making Clarke jump in surprise.

Clarke blinked dumbly at the outburst.

“I'm not going to sit next to your bed again and watch every bruise on your face, wishing they would heal and fade to ease my own guilt.”

“We've established that Gregor wasn’t your fault.”

“I'm not talking about Gregor!!”

Clarke frowned as she wondered what Lexa meant and then it finally clicked and she smiled softly even as her heart ached for Lexa. It took all of a second for the emotion to be replaced by indignation as her mind wandered. Clarke then angrily jumped to her feet, closing the distance between them.

“You're not allowed to feel guilty about that.” Clarke seethed, because Lexa, for some fucking reason, had chosen to carry the burden of what had happened during their first meeting after the betrayal at the Mountain with her all this time.

“I could've killed you.” Lexa rasped, green eyes intently staring into Clarke’s; guilt-ridden and filled with way too many emotions all at once.

“You could've, but you didn't.” Clarke countered. “You were angrier than I've _ever_ seen you and you still didn't even break a single bone in my body.”

In fact, Clarke could’ve shot Lexa, but instead had thrown her gun down. Lexa had disarmed too, and Clarke knew that the Heda’s knife could be as deadly as any bullet.

“That doesn’t excuse what I had done. You weren’t a warrior then.”

“Stop it!” Clarke shouted back. “I provoked you. I _wanted_ you to hit me. ‘Cause I was a fucking mess and felt guilty about killing over six hundred people. I _needed_ you to hit me so that I could hate you, ‘cause god knows I was failing miserably at that.” Clarke admitted. “I provoked you, Leks, and I made you hit me and I know that sounds like a horrible battered wife syndrome line, but you don’t get to take that moment away from me.”

Lexa’s brows knitted as she thought on Clarke’s words.

“I set out to get you and I succeeded. I got the Commander of the Coalition to lose her shit with only my words.” Clarke pompously smirked.

Lexa rolled her eyes and Clarke’s smirk turned into a fond smile.

“And do you have any idea how alive I felt during our 5 second fight?” She stated self-deprecatingly. “It's what caused me to start training at the Pits. To want to become ~~a~~ someone that didn't rely on levers, guns, explosives, and other people, for my own safety...” She explained. “And I know you'd rather I just play politics with you and have twenty men following me around and protecting me around the clock. But I _can_ take care of myself. And I'm disappointed, because you've always believed in me as a leader and it hurts that you would dismiss this part of me, the part that got me going again, that helped me make peace with the death in my past. The part that kinda got me you too... So it really sucks that you don’t want to help me be better at something that’s so important to me. Instead you just dismiss it as though I'm a child with a whim…” Clarke jutted her chin out and stared at Lexa intently listening to every word. “I'm a _warrior_ , Leksa."

"You’re my wife too.” Lexa whispered. “And that means I should protect you, whether you can do it yourself or not.”

"And you're head of a coalition that constantly takes you away from me and still I support you because that's who you are. You taught me how to be a good leader, please teach me how to be a good warrior too."

Lexa sighed and Clarke knew she'd won.

“I will teach you.”

“Like you were taught?” Clarke hopefully asked.

Lexa looked about to object, “Promise me, Leks,” Clarke urged. “Exactly how you were taught.” She didn’t want Lexa to go easy on her. Clarke wanted to learn.

Something in Clarke's eyes must’ve been convincing, because Lexa sighed and then reluctantly nodded instead.

“I promise.”

* * *

The Winter Summit was taking place in three weeks’ time. Lexa had already met with all of the clans regarding their plans and needs, but the Summit was a way for them to check in and report what still needed to be done and had been done, before the first snowfalls started.

Polis was fully – over – prepared though, for Winter and the Summit, which allowed Clarke time to start her training. And even better, her excitement had rubbed off on Echo who was very curious about seeing what the Commander had to teach Clarke.

That morning, Clarke had woken alone, the sun wasn’t even up as her training was due to start at sunrise. She didn’t bother looking for Lexa, instead she got ready, quickly ate some fruit and a piece of bread, before she went to meet Echo, who was already halfway up the hill to see her.

Lexa had converted the back of the stables - where her workshop stood and next to where her sieves were left to dry - into a small training field, and Clarke and Echo casually strolled over, enjoying the crisp morning air and the golden light of the sunrise illuminating Polis all around them.

Clarke forgot the sunrise entirely though when they rounded the wooden stables to find Lexa smoothly twirling a spear in the middle of the open field. It was a mesmerizing sight. Clarke had only seen Lexa fight once. And this, whatever she was doing, looked like a dance, all smooth, slick movements as the spear twirled and shifted with Lexa’s body; a sheen of sweat already covering Lexa’s brow. She effortlessly transferred the spinning spear from one hand to the other, with graceful arcs, ending in forceful jabs as her feet danced through the paces.

Clarke stared dumbfounded, thinking of all the sketches that would come from the scene, when a second later, there was a loud whoosh past her ear and she luckily froze as the spear was embedded into the stable wall behind her, the end of it lightly tapping Clarke on her shoulder.

Clarke’s ear stung, and she had almost pee ~~’~~ d her pants. She didn’t dare look at Echo who had gone equally rigid next to her. Both of them were staring at an angry looking Heda stalking toward them. Clarke folded her hands behind her back and straightened mechanically; heart pounding furiously as her excitement returned at what Lexa would teach her that day.

It was also fucking hot.

Lexa stared at her with impassive facial features, but fiery eyes shifted toward an ashen Echo.

“Bants.” Lexa growled and Echo didn’t even spare Clarke a glance as she hurried off to obey.

“That was really rude –

\- Shof op!” Lexa barked and Clarke frowned.

Okay… So verbal abuse was part of the training? Clarke decided to let it go. It was unsettling, because Lexa didn’t speak to her like that. She’d asked for it though, hadn’t she? To be trained like Lexa had been?

“I told you that we start at sunrise.”

Clarke’s eyes darted toward the east where the sun was just over two-thirds out behind the mountains. Clarke opened her mouth to say that it was technically still sunrise when Lexa’s hand shot up, palm on display in a ‘halt’ motion, and the action instantly silenced her.

Clarke’s jaw clenched shut and she glared at Lexa’s fingers raised almost daintily. Did Lexa have some kind of magical power?

“We start at sunrise, meaning you needed to be here before the sun rose.” Lexa drawled, pushing her shoulders back, somehow managing to tower over Clarke whilst only being two inches taller.

“Sha, Amin Leksa.” Clarke tried out the title Sekens used when addressing their teachers.

_Yes, Master Lexa._

Lexa’s eyes darkened, and her lips parted in shock and Clarke managed to fight back her smirk at the powerful impact her words had on Lexa.

“Gud.” The Commander swallowed thickly and then gathered herself again. “Now bring my spear.” She commanded, turned on her heel and marched back to the field.

As Clarke struggled to pull the spear out from where it was deeply imbedded in the wood, she thought that maybe she could have a little bit of kinky fun while she trained.

Yeah, it was gonna be real fun.

* * *

It wasn’t even remotely fun.

When she’d finally caught up with Lexa, Clarke was pointed to a pile of logs, a saw, an axe, a knife and sanding paper, all ready for her. Lexa had drawn three cylindrical shapes in the sand: One as big as a longsword, the second the size of a broadsword and the final one, as long as a spear.

Clarke had frowned, because yeah she was training, but Lexa didn’t need to start her from scratch. She could train with real blades.

“I can – _fuck_!” Clarke yelled when the blunt end of Lexa’s spear hit the back of her knee and she sunk down onto it. “Ouch, Leks! _Jesus_!” That got her another knock on her shoulder and Clarke almost cracked her teeth biting onto them to keep from swearing at Lexa again.

She got the fucking message though and set to work, Lexa watching her like a hawk.

Clarke wasn’t a fucking carpenter.

“How –“ she sucked in a pained breath when the wooden spear knocked her hand, it hurt so much Clarke jumped up on instinct - the Little Pauna roaring - but as soon as she was up, the spear moved lightning fast sweeping her legs right out from under her.

Clarke fell on her back with a loud thud and groaned when she hit her head. She groggily got up though, but the blunt end of the spear was jabbed into her stomach, knocking the wind right out of her and caused her to fall back on the ground.

Clarke wanted to cry, her tears burned her eyes as she laid on her back, not wanting to get up ever again.

The end of the spear was then shoved underneath her chin, forcing her to look at Lexa.

“Get. _Up_.” Lexa’s voice cracked and she swallowed thickly as her eyes glistened while they glared at Clarke.

Clarke would’ve felt sorry for her, if she wasn’t feeling sorrier for herself. She had wanted this, though. Clarke still wanted it. So she sucked it up and sat up, defiantly grabbing a log and started cutting at it. She could figure out how to make a few fucking training staffs. Wasn’t rocket science.

They didn’t have lunch. No, scratch that. Tali had brought out a table which she’d laid out with a very nice looking lunch. Clarke wasn’t sure whether Lexa ate, or if the food was just there to mock Clarke. Which it did, but she tried to ignore it and focused on her work. Her hands filled with splinters, the skin on her fingers chafing off whenever she lost focus.

And by the end of the day, they were blue and red and bleeding blisters, because each time Clarke stopped what she was doing, Lexa would beat her over her knuckles, making it that much more difficult to do her task as her hands shook and ached with every movement.

They were hit when Clarke’s training sword wasn’t the length stipulated. Too short, so Clarke had to discard it and start over again. She’d made one that was too long and wasn’t even finished with it, but she made the mistake of placing it with the finished ones and received another hit over her hands.

Clarke had cried out and was getting ready to shout at Lexa, when another hit landed across her back, stopping her from rearing up again.

Clarke wasn’t sure how many training staffs she was supposed to make, but didn’t dare ask. She made sure to make a few of each size though and was happy for not getting hit when she did. And as the sun dipped low over the mountain tops, the Heda walked forward and inspected her work.

Clarke didn’t look at her, she kept on sanding the staff she was almost finished making, until Lexa spoke.

“You’re done.”

And when Clarke defiantly continued sanding her piece of wood – honestly, at least she hadn’t needed to carve out hilts - she was hit over both hands again, making her drop the wood and her tools.

“I said: You’re _done_.” Lexa growled.

“Sha, Amin Leksa.” Clarke croaked, not having spoken for most of the day and then she flinched, not knowing whether she had been supposed to answer. Her hands flew up to protect herself from another strike, staring through battered fingers at Lexa who looked gutted again, her spear at her side, showing that a hit had clearly not being coming.

“Go clean yourself up.” Lexa gruffly ordered, turned on her heel, and stalked off.

Clarke watched the rigid figure until Lexa disappeared into her workshop.

* * *

The cold shower bit into Clarke’s cuts, but she still stood underneath it for a long time, finding the drops raining down on her soothing. Kane would be bringing the generator and Raven to the Summit. Which meant that they could have warm water throughout the winter.

Clarke couldn’t wait.

She was grinning at the thought of long baths with Lexa when she exited the bathroom to find the Commander rigidly standing in the centre of their giant room holding a large bowl in her hands, head bowed over it as though she was intently examining its contents.

“I’m starving.” Clarke realised out loud, after thinking that if that was the soup the cook had been making, it would be the largest bowl of soup she’d ever seen and she would happily drown herself in it as her tummy rumbled in agreement. “I hope you plan on sharing that?” She teased.

Clarke had been walking towards Lexa, but stopped when Lexa looked up, silent tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Clarke worried, hurrying forward, but Lexa side-stepped her and went to sit on the couch, carefully placing the bowl down.

Clarke followed blindly, giving her hand when Lexa reached out and sat down opposite her when Lexa pulled her to do so, careful of the bowl between them.

Clarke then noticed or rather smelled, the medicinal herbs soaking in the lukewarm water, just before Lexa took both of Clarke’s hands and placed them into the bowl. Clarke winced at the sting, even as the herbs soothed her cuts afterwards.

She might as well have struck Lexa the way the sound made the Commander visibly flinch.

“Please don’t make me do this anymore, Clarke.” Lexa gruffly rasped, staring at Clarke’s hands which she was still gently holding down into the bowl as though Clarke would remove them were she to let go.

Clarke would’ve, if only to touch Lexa’s face and get her to look up.

“Hey, I’ll heal… It’s okay…” She tried to reassure.

Lexa frantically shook her head no, drawing in a shuddering breath.

“It gets worse.” She lifted Clarke’s hands from the bowl, knowing not to let them soak too long and reached for the towel she’d placed on the coffee table. “And what if I’d done permanent damage?” Lexa muttered, brows creasing even as she gently patted Clarke’s hands dry. “Hitting them like this will help make them stronger, tougher. But what if I did something and you couldn’t hold a paintbrush or a piece of coal anymore?” Lexa seemed to be scolding Clarke, but Clarke knew it was directed inwardly. “That’s a different skill than swordfighting. You don’t only have warrior’s hands…”

“I want to be a better warrior.” Clarke stubbornly negated. The thought of not sketching made her heart ache, but Clarke knew that this was what she wanted. She wanted to be better, but she also wanted to go through the Rite of Passage like all the warriors at the Pits had done. She wanted to tell her own stories of how horrible it had been with a wide smirk that said how proud she was that she’d survived her Seken training and had come out better on the other side.

“Then will you compromise?” Lexa begged and Clarke knew that Lexa had been thinking about that all day.

“Depends on the compromise.”

“What if I taught you a different way. Not as I had been taught.”

Clarke opened her mouth to decline and Lexa’s fingers gently covered her lips to stop her from speaking.

Clarke stopped as obediently as though she’d been struck with that spear.

“I know that it’s important to you to know that I’m not going easy on you; that your training won’t be lesser than that of others.”

Lexa knew Clarke so well.

“But, if I promise to make you the best warrior you can be, will you promise to allow me to do it my way. And to trust that I will not insult you by coddling you.”

Clarke thought about it for a long moment. Part of her still felt distinctly Skaikru. Not that anyone in Polis held that against her, but because of Clarke’s own insecurities, she wanted to be a real Seken, like every warrior she knew had been.

“I’ve never had a Seken...” Lexa whispered, her eyes, for the first time that day, soft and sparkling with excitement, rather than sadness, guilt and pretend anger. “In a few years, I will start training a few to fight in another conclave to be my successor. You will help me to develop my own teaching style.”

Well, that was a good reason, Clarke thought. Clarke didn’t need to be taught by Anya’s method, she just needed Lexa to hone her skills. Echo and Kahlan had taught her plenty already.

“And as my Seken, you reflect on me. Which means that others will measure my success as Amin through measuring your skill. I won’t fail, so that you won’t fail. You just need to allow me to do this my way, Clarke, and trust that I have your best interest at heart.”

Clarke nodded and smiled, her heart melting when the tense set of Lexa’s shoulders finally sagged and the Heda bent down to gently brush her lips over Clarke’s battered fingers.

* * *

“Please don’t think bad of Onya.” Lexa whispered when they lay in bed later that night. Clarke was wrapped in her arms, her patched hands carefully nestled between them. “I had been half the size of the others… Small and thin… Onya called me the runt of the litter.” Lexa lightly chuckled. “No one believed that I would be the last one standing. But Onya had believed in me.” Clarke’s chest ached as she could feel the way Lexa’s breath hitched. “She told me that I was smart and fast and if I could learn to endure the pain that those who are bigger and stronger will undoubtedly inflict on me, that it would give me time to find their weaknesses, and strike…”

Clarke nodded, because Echo had taught her similarly. It was standard when you were a female warrior on the Ground and your opponents were often twice your size and could kill you with a single blow.

“I won the Conclave based on my skill as a warrior.” Lexa continued. “But I beat the Heda before me, with a broken wrist, a dislocated shoulder, and two eyes swollen almost entirely shut, because Onya had taught me to never stay down; that as long as I could feel the pain, it meant that I was still alive and could keep on going.”

Clarke had heard about Lexa’s battle with the former Heda from many people. They all sung her praises, spoke about her skill. None had mentioned her numerous injuries, the amount of pain she must’ve been in…

What would happen the next time Lexa was challenged? She’d had Anya at her side then, pushing her, teaching her, believing in her…

Clarke hoped that Lexa still had that fire inside of her that Anya had kindled and stoked until the little runt had turned into the greatest warrior the clans had ever seen.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's enough fluff and foreshadowing I think... How cute are these two, though? Suckers have no idea what's coming for them.
> 
> xx


	4. Chapter 4

 

Two weeks in, and Clarke realised that the training she’d had at the Pits was nothing compared to what Lexa was subjecting her body to. Every night Clarke would pass out exhausted in bed, mumbling a goodnight to Lexa still writing at her desk, or reading a book, or sharpening her knife...

Clarke had referred all of her patients to Nyko so that she could focus on everything she had to do to become a better warrior. And through the pain and the sweat and the bruises, Clarke couldn’t remember ever having felt happier.

“Lead with your _feet_ , not your arms!” Lexa barked from the side-lines while Clarke sparred with Wrex, using two training longswords, against his one wooden ‘broadsword’.

Lexa had decided that Clarke would learn to master dual blades. Dangerous, because of her small size which would mean that Clarke would need to block strikes one handed from often stronger opponents, but it would enable Clarke to strike faster, doubling the chances of a critical blow. It was an extremely difficult skill to master and where Clarke had at first been embarrassed that Lexa wouldn’t allow her to use blades to train with, she was grateful for it then, considering the pallet of bruises covering her body.

“ _Yes_ , Clarke.” Lexa crooned, sounding disturbingly satisfied when a sweaty and breathless Clarke nimbly ducked and twirled away from Wrex’s heavy swing.

It was distracting, the sound - the _tone_ \- and because Clarke had been too tired to take advantage of the fact that her wife was home for once. So of course her eyes and mind zeroed in on the Commander, allowing Wrex to curve his staff down and against Clarke’s calves, knocking her off of her feet.

Clarke relaxed her body and embraced the impact. It wasn’t even the first time that day that she’d ended up prone on the ground. She was just grateful that Wrex had chosen to teach her a lesson by sweeping her off of her feet, instead of striking her with the hard wood.

Clarke bashfully took the hand he offered to help her up, but then glared at Lexa, who lifted an eyebrow when Clarke marched over to her and pulled her aside.

“Could you please not do that?” Clarke muttered under her breath, because if either of the Twins heard what had distracted her, she’d never live it down.

“Do what?” Lexa seriously frowned, intently staring at her.

“The _‘yes, Clarke’_.” She put on in a mocking voice that sounded nothing like Lexa.

Lexa’s brows knitted even more.

“It sounds like,” Clarke looked around, then bent her head closer, Lexa mirroring the action out of pure compulsion alone, “you sound like when we’re in bed together…”

Clarke could see the moment it clicked in Lexa’s head and groaned out loud when a devilish smirk spread on Lexa’s face, but froze when the Commander moved even closer.

“Like this?” Lexa slowly bent forward and placed her lips to Clarke’s ear, their cheeks lightly brushing. “ _Yes, Clarke_.” She softly moaned and Clarke’s stomach bottomed out and she mindlessly nodded that yep, that was _exactly_ what triggered her. “Do you feel me around your fingers too?” Lexa smoothly queried, her lips brushing over Clarke’s ear.

“ _Yes_ …” Clarke whimpered, her body going slack and she leaned into Lexa, but had to quickly shift her feet and right herself, because Lexa moved away and smirked at the stunned blonde confusedly blinking at her.

“A great warrior knows how to focus during battle.” Lexa lifted her chin, eyes twinkling with mirth. “Under any and all circumstances.”

“I hate you, devil woman.” Clarke muttered, causing Lexa to grin broadly.

“You have a reprieve for a few hours though, I have a meeting to attend.”

Clarke sighed in a mixture of relief and disappointed.

“You will train with the weights on and then go clean my weapons.”

Cleaning weapons was a Seken’s job and even though it was grunt work, Clarke loved it because it made her feel like a real Seken and everyone else saw her as one too. Even though she was the oldest and most experienced Seken in Polis. It also helped Clarke to learn about the weapons themselves and Echo enjoyed helping her too - eager to play with Lexa’s private collection - and that was always good, since her friend was even more scarce these days, despite Clarke having reassured Echo that Lexa wasn’t going to go all Commander on her again.

“Are you sure these don’t need adjustments?” Lexa asked while she helped Clarke into the weighted vest. It contained numerous pockets filled with lead and sand, increasing Clarke’s mass. She had a belt, wrist and ankle bracelets too, all the pockets neatly secured against the leather straps as to not be a burden. “Are they comfortable?”

Lexa believed that wearing them whilst training, would not only make Clarke stronger and used to fighting with heavier armour - which had restricted her too much when she’d first tried to practice in them - but would also make her a lot faster without her armour on. The weights were comfortable and secure and didn’t impede her movement at all. Lexa had made very sure of that while she’d lurked over the dressmaker and blacksmith who had been tasked with her order.

“Sha, Amin Leksa.”

Clarke smirked when Lexa sucked in a quiet breath. They’d agreed that Clarke wasn’t supposed to call her that anymore. Well not in public anyway.

Payback’s a bitch though, and so was Clarke.

“You will stop your training early today.” Lexa commanded with darkened eyes and Clarke bit her lip and picked up her dual staffs.

“Sha, Heda,” Clarke bowed slightly, “my right hand does need some extra training to make it stronger.” She flirted, expertly twirled her staff in said right hand, and then rushed at Wrex, not looking back at the horny Heda, before she convinced Lexa to postpone her meeting.

* * *

“This is the second time you’ve managed to be the envy of all of Polis.” Echo murmured as she sharpened one of Lexa’s katanas in the Heda’s personal armoury.

They were seated on the floor, both wearing Trikru warrior masks that had chilled Clarke to the bone the first time she’d seen them. They still creeped her out, but Echo and Lexa had explained that each clan had their wear and markings to identify themselves during war time. The Trikru had their masks and warpaint, Azgeda their chalked white faces and facial scars, and the Flaudonkru wove strands of blue and white into their hair…

All the clans had their identifiers, usually colours to make sure they didn’t accidently kill an ally.

“How so?” Clarke absently asked, examining a small axe through the slits of her mask and wondered if Lexa would teach her how to use it; if Lexa even knew how to use it.

“First you became Heda’s houmon,” Echo explained, “and now you are Heda’s Seken.”

Clarke laughed. “Well, it had been hard battles to get her to agree to both of those.” She joked, getting up and taking off her mask to hang it in its place on the wall, because of course Lexa’s armoury would also be meticulously organised.

Clarke’s eyes moved to the mask in the glass box, placed up on a beautifully crafted mahogany stand. The warrior’s mask was a dark metal, lighter and smoother than usual and the eye holes were somewhat feline, adding a touch of femininity to its’ grotesqueness. The bottom part looked like a skull’s nose and the mouth didn’t have the usual metallic row of teeth, but looked like a little cage. On top was a band of metal, to shape the skull and fit onto the wearer. And on that strip, was a plume of pure white feathers, decorating it like a mohawk. It reminded Clarke of a Gladiator helmet and she found it oddly beautiful, yet still so frighteningly ugly.

Earlier Clarke had taken it out to clean the glass. The mask itself didn’t even have any fingerprints on it; no sign that it had been worn in battle, or ever at all. It was the mask of the General of the Heda’s armies, presented to Anya on her initiation day. It was mostly ceremonial wear and Anya had preferred war paint during battle, according to Lexa, and from what Clarke had seen first-hand.

“I’m going to suggest to Leksa that she announce Kahlan as Gonheda at the Summit.” Clarke murmured, more to herself, but wondered whether she had any right to interfere.

“He’s a good choice.” Echo easily agreed. “Now stop making me do all of your work, Seken.” She teased and Clarke moved away from the magnetic mask to grab a machete and went to sit down next to Echo again.

* * *

“Mou badas, Bro!” Lexa yelled and Grunt laughed as he struck at her with his sword, which she easily deflected.

_Harder, Brother!_

“Do you see, Clarke?!” Lexa queried as she swiped away his strike, the light clinking of metal showing that she wasn’t using much force in her counter.

Clarke didn’t see.

Clarke was staring tenderly at Lexa and Grunt and at Lexa’s slip-up in calling him brother.

Clarke had of course known how close the three of them were. Lexa and the Twins were together most of their days and acted like Heda and guards whenever anyone was near. They’d all been Sekens together and Clarke felt almost blessed to be allowed in their inner circle.

Lexa had spoken only once about having to tell them what she’d been forced to do to their father. Clarke wasn’t sure how they could understand something like that, but they knew Lexa, and they’d known Gustus and they know their people. There had been no other way. Gustus had given Lexa no choice once he’d been caught.

The Twins, in fact, had insisted on taking Gustus’s place at Lexa’s side, to restore the name of their father, who had ended up on the Cutting Tree, on charges of treason.

So yes, Clarke got a bit emotional whenever she saw the friends – family – together and relaxed; not putting on a show for anyone.

And luckily Clarke had gotten the message the first fifty times Lexa had drilled it into her head, so she knew what Lexa was trying to show her when asking whether Clarke could see: _Counter along with the strike, Clarke, don’t try to block it, use your opponent’s strength against him._

It was all common sense, and easy enough to understand. But Clarke’s problem was, when the adrenaline kicked in, she charged forward and let her instincts lead her. Which Lexa had told her wasn’t necessarily bad, but if Clarke could just learn to control the Little Pauna, Clarke would be more precise and deadly. Because in times of war, surrounded by enemies, it was only a warrior’s wits that kept him alive, not his skill alone.

Clarke snapped out of her happy daze when Lexa disarmed Grunt with a furious twirl of her blades. Clarke had only ever seen a move like that in movies like The Three Musketeers where they used tiny thin fencing sabres. Clarke was just happy that Lexa wasn’t expecting Clarke to fight like her, and was instead working with what Clarke could actually do.

“We will spar next.” Lexa decisively stated and Clarke’s heart leapt excitedly as she rushed to pick up her two battered staffs while Lexa went for a longer one.

They grinned at each other, Clarke holding her weapons up, trying not to get stuck in the way Lexa’s eyes shone at her.

“Bosh moba, Heda.”

“ _Nooo!_ ” Clarke groaned out loud, dramatically falling to her knees. “Go away, Tali!” She theatrically sobbed and collapsed down onto her back on the ground, arms and legs spread apart.

Tali only laughed at her and Lexa rolled her eyes, before focusing on the girl, most likely come to call her away.

“The Boat Clan have arrived early, Heda.” Tali explained, handing Lexa the handheld radio she’d been placed in charge of monitoring, because when Lexa heard issues being discussed, she rushed off to go try and fix it herself, until Clarke had guilt-tripped her into getting more training time with her Amin.

“Fucking, Luna.” Clarke muttered under her breath and covered her eyes with one arm.

The clan leaders would be there for three days. _Three_ days of Lexa ignoring her to focus on those egomaniacs. _Three_ days until she could finally spar with Lexa. If Lexa even decided that she still wanted to.

“I’ll be there shortly, Tali.” Lexa stated and Clarke could hear the amused smile on Lexa’s face.

She actually felt like taking a nap now that she was laying down in apparent darkness. Her body was buzzing and pleasantly warm from continued activity even in the cool pre-winter air.

Clarke felt the shadow falling over her, and inhaled when that familiar scent invaded her nostrils. She smiled when a pair of soft lips covered her chapped ones – she really needed to hydrate – and didn’t resist when her arm was gently pried away from her face.

“Grunt will remain to train with you.” Lexa whispered, reclining on her hip and leaning over Clarke’s body, stroking Clarke’s face with the knuckles of her free hand as though she had all the time in the world.

Clarke just nodded. What else could she do? She constantly had to share Lexa with everyone. And the Winter Summit was actually important.

“You could always come with me…” Lexa smirked and lightly laughed at Clarke’s glare. “Fine. Make sure to spend equal time sparring with Grunt and Echo. Perhaps both at the same time, so you may hone your instincts to swiftly adjust to your opponent’s size and strength during battle.”

Clarke just grabbed onto the front of Lexa’s shirt and pulled her down for another kiss.

* * *

“You brought _Pike_?!” Clarke angrily hissed while she pulled Bellamy away from the Skaikru delegation and to the side. She would’ve grabbed Kane, but that just seemed wrong and too disrespectful in front of all the guards present, all of them already trying not to glance at her and Bellamy.

“Kane,” Bellamy winced and pulled his elbow out of Clarke’s tight grip, “Kane, thought it would be good for him to see Polis…”

Though Clarke could understand that reasoning – it was why she had brought her friends to Polis so long ago too – there was something in Pike’s eyes that set Clarke’s teeth on edge and bringing him there during the _Summit_ was just the worst idea ever.

Clarke debated arguing some more, but there was nothing they could do about Pike’s presence now.

“Where’s Raven?” Clarke asked, even as she glared at Pike stood next to Kane staring down the Polis guards scattered around the foyer. His entire demeanour was antagonistic and everyone else was picking up on it too.

“With the weather getting colder, her leg and back’s been giving her a lot of trouble…” Bellamy murmured and Clarke slumped dejectedly.

“She’s okay though?”

“Abby’s trying to convince her to have this surgery that could maybe help, but you know Raven…”

Clarke nodded, and ran her hand through her hair.

“Pike’s here to set up the Commander’s generator though. Sinclair was supposed to come, but they thought it would be better…” Bellamy trailed off when Clarke’s hackles instantly rose again.

“That man’s not touching _anything_ in my house.” Clarke warned and stalked off, passed everyone, the guards opening and closing the door for her as she marched into the war room where Lexa was receiving everyone.

Clarke stiffly nodded to the Sanskavakru leader when all heads turned to her, but stood to the side and waited for Lexa to finish welcoming them. She managed a strained smile when they waved her goodbye on their way out and then walked right up to the Antler Throne, flanked by the Twins at the back, as per usual. Clarke took up position right next to Lexa, facing the same direction as the other three, and crossed her arms over her chest, back rigid with tension.

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa lazily drawled, resting an elbow on the arm of the throne, casually reclining with her knuckles propped against her cheek. She wore no war paint, just her light armour and her ceremonial sash.

“They fucking brought, Pike.” Clarke lowly growled.

Lexa’s demeanour didn’t change as she pondered the information for a long moment.

“Polis is known for changing even the most stubborn of minds.” Lexa charmingly smirked.

Clarke remained unaffected by it for once. Mostly because her attention was on the door.

“He won’t change his mind.” Clarke assuredly stated. After all she’d been through, all the men she’d fought. Men filled with hate. Clarke was confident in that assessment.

“Then we will remain vigilant.” Lexa accepted and sat upright on her throne. “What would you like to do?”

Clarke’s jaw worked, as her mind raced.

“He’s harmless without a gun.” She finally stated. Well, the Polis guard would stop him easier without a gun.

“Is he armed? Surely Kane wouldn’t be that naïve…”

Clarke shook her head. “Bellamy and the guards are armed though. He could get his hands on one.”

It only took one gun to cause way too much damage. Clarke’s fingertips dug into her upper arms, her stomach twisting uncomfortably. That feeling had been with her since Lexa had told her about the unrest in the Ice Nation. It was part of the reason why Clarke trained so hard; why she felt a need as much as a want to be able to do her part to protect Lexa and Polis if need be.

Lexa nodded at the information and motioned to the guard at the door. Clarke uncrossed her arms and rested her hand on the pommel of her sword. She lifted her chin and glared when Kane entered, followed by Bellamy. Clarke was almost disappointed that she didn’t get to kick Pike out, who remained outside with the Arkadia guards. As it should be.

“Welcome back to Polis, Chancellor Kane.” Lexa warmly greeted and Kane smiled brightly at her as he bowed down. “Councilman, Blake.” She nodded at Bellamy, who tried to smile back, but his eyes kept nervously darting to Clarke glaring daggers at them.

“Thank you for opening your home to us, Commander.” Kane replied and Clarke zoned out at all the pleasantries and formalities, glaring at the door and wondering if she should’ve rather placed herself outside of it, because what was Pike getting up to unsupervised?

“I will need to ask you to hand over your guns for the remainder of your stay, Chancellor.” Lexa stated and Clarke was snapped back to the conversation.

She grinned at the obvious solution, nodding to herself and looked toward Kane’s stunned face.

“May I ask why, Commander?” Kane frowned, looking a bit hurt at the apparent lack of trust.

“I have decided that while in Polis, and in my home, delegates have no need for weapons during peaceful talks. Don’t you agree?” Lexa smoothly replied as though this had been her plan for ages.

Kane slowly nodded his agreement, still frowning heavily.

“Call it a show of good faith. I will make sure to keep your weapons safe and they will be returned to you upon your departure.”

Her tone was friendly, but brooked no argument. If Pike caused shit in Polis with all of the clan leaders there, not even Lexa would be able to protect Skaikru. Everything they’d worked for the last year, building enough trust for the clans to actually trade with the Mountain, would’ve been for nothing. Because it wouldn’t be a Skaiyon having done something stupid out there in the forest. It would be a member of the leader of Skaikru’s delegation, threatening the lives of clan leaders. Lexa had already decided not to discuss the murdered Iron Clan warriors with Thraxus to avoid the inevitable backlash, and if it were to come out that she had known…

_Fucking Kane._

“Of course, Commander.” Kane bowed again.

“As always, you are welcome to enjoy all Polis has to offer.” Lexa genially continued, ignoring the disconcerted faces in front of her. “We may speak more this evening, over supper.”

“Mochof, Heda.” Kane murmured, deep in thought.

“Wrex, please escort Chancellor Kane outside and relieve Skaikru of their weapons. Also, inform Captain Kahlan that I wish to speak with him urgently.”

Wrex nodded and followed after them.

Clarke turned and grinned at Lexa.

“You agree?” Lexa smiled back.

Clarke nodded, took off her sword and placed it on the floor, before she sunk down onto Lexa’s lap, wrapping her arms around her neck.

Grunt just huffed out a chuckle and left the room too, most likely to stand guard outside.

“I wanna be there when you tell the other clans to give up their weapons.” Clarke smirked while she absently started redoing one of Lexa’s braids. Her fingers were so used to the action, she was finished in seconds and continued just playing with the strand.

“It’s a good rule to have.” Lexa softly answered, adjusting her arms around Clarke to secure her on the tiny space. “They shouldn’t need weapons here, and those who want the other dead can still challenge them honourably, or they can kill each other with their bare hands if they really need to.” She casually shrugged and Clarke snorted at the blasé attitude. “I will instruct Kahlan to assign them all personal guards and tell them that it’s my job to ensure their safety whilst they’re guests in Polis.”

“They’re still gonna make your life so difficult for this, though.” Clarke murmured, feeling guilty that Skaikru was always causing shit where enough shit was already happening.

“It’s time that I become more firm with my people too.” Lexa declared and before Clarke could ask about the sudden change, a pair of lips were on her own, blissfully distracting her, until the announcement of Kahlan’s prompt arrival interrupted them.

Clarke took her leave from the Heda then, to keep an eye on Pike and to make sure that Echo was aware that Skaikru had arrived in Polis.

* * *

Echo predictably disappeared the second Clarke informed her of her ex-boyfriend’s presence. Clarke would’ve been sadder at the way Bellamy’s eyes would wander in search of her, but she was too busy keeping her gaze on Pike for the rest of the day.

The large dinner that evening started off tense, with everyone’s weapons having been removed. Guwain and Abel of course made their passive aggressive comments, but for the most part, the fact that everyone was unarmed, relaxed the leaders enough to see that they were still on equal footing. No one believed that the Commander intended them any harm, and insisting on being armed would only raise suspicions that they intended to be a threat, as Victus had loudly accused a complaining Thraxus of, from across the room.

The Iron Clan leader, in turn, had smugly declared that he needed no weapon to be a threat, and then burst out laughing, taking a swig of his ale. Everyone seemed to decide to just eat and get drunk after that. After all, it was only the Winter Summit, where the Heda would ensure that they all had enough resources to survive Winter.

Clarke felt as though she was the only one tensed, as she tried to focus on what Luna and Hector were saying. Pike was dining in his room, Kane had thankfully realised his mistake, however belatedly, and had profusely apologised to Lexa. Clarke had insisted Bellamy guard Pike, because he was the only one she trusted to do so, and it would keep him away from Echo, who really had _just_ been getting better after their break-up.

But it wasn’t just Pike.

It was the first-time Clarke had seen Guwain and Abel since the Tournament. She’d promised that she would kill them and the desire to do so hadn’t abated as she watched them sending her surreptitious glares from across the room, before directing fake smiles at Lexa. Clarke would never trust them, and it was a real pity that Lexa had taken responsibility of all of their lives, because if anything were to happen to either of them, the Commander would be held responsible.

_Fucking Skaikru._

Clarke was busy glaring off at nothing when she felt a familiar hand on her lower back, nimble fingers lightly working into the muscle. Wordlessly, she followed the gentle pressure urging her forward and mechanically smiled her goodbyes as Lexa excused them both and left the dining hall.

Once outside, Lexa’s hand slipped around Clarke’s waist, pulling her close as they walked back to their room; Lexa’s thumb seemingly creating a calm inside of Clarke as it gently drew circles over Clarke’s hip.

They only detached once they entered their bedroom and silently got ready for bed, Lexa getting in first and holding open the blankets as Clarke slid in after her and was immediately wrapped in warmth as Lexa held her from behind.

“Reshop, ai hod.” Lexa whispered and placed a tender kiss to Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke exhaled a long breath as she pulled their clasped hands between her breasts and fell asleep almost instantly.

* * *

The clan leaders had all been gathered in the war room for most of the day and Clarke took it upon herself to spend that time with Bellamy and Pike.

That morning, while Clarke had been braiding Lexa’s hair, the Commander suggested that Clarke take Pike on a tour of Polis. Clarke had been mostly convinced to do so, but upon seeing Pike radiating vitriolic discomfort at the guards in the house, Clarke instead lead them to a small library, where they’d remained cooped up in relative silence.

Bellamy was the only one to speak about Arkadia and the hunts that had been happening in conjunction with the Trikru. Clarke had at least been interested in hearing about that and was happy to learn how well it had been going and all the food they’d managed to store thus far. But there was only so much they could say about that and after the conversation died down, they had each settled on staring at an open book.

Clarke knew she was just staring, and she was certain that Bellamy was, given that he hadn’t turned a page in nearly an hour and his book was upside down.

Pike though, was reclined in an armchair, looking to all the world like he was at home now that there wasn’t a Grounder in sight. But then there was a soft knock at the door and Clarke got up to answer it, trying to ignore the way Pike visibly tensed.

“Heda wishes to see you in the war room, Little Pauna.” One of the guards said in a low voice.

Clarke tried to wipe the confusion off of her face before she turned and glanced at Bellamy who wordlessly nodded that he would keep Pike away from everyone. Clarke nodded back and left the room without a word, already wondering what was going on in that meeting.

* * *

The tension was almost palpable when Clarke entered the war room. Everyone turned to look at her, no one smiled, Abel and Guwain sneered, but that was nothing new.

She straightened her spine and ignored them all, her eyes searching Lexa’s stoic features, noting the strain in her shoulders.

“You called for me, Heda.” Clarke spoke once she stood next to Lexa’s chair at the head of the round table, in between the Commander and Indra.

Lexa rose from her seat, her eyes apologetic, and Clarke’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.

“I thought it a good time to announce you as the next Gonheda.”

Lexa said it so casually, as though at some point it had been a discussion and agreement between them, that Clarke didn’t immediately register it.

Abel, however, instantly jumped up in defiance, but it was Guwain who spoke first though:

“She has no place in such an honoured position, Heda!” He bristled, as though offended, but at least remained seated.

“The Skaigada has no business leading our armies!” Abel fumed next to him, pointing a reproving finger at Clarke. “The Horse Clan will _not_ stand for this insult! My warriors will _not_ follow a –

Clarke would forever wonder what derogatory term he intended on calling her, because before he could even utter it, the Heda’s knife had embedded in Abel’s throat and he was knocked back onto his chair. Blood squirted out of his neck like a fountain, all over Guwain and Thraxus at either side of him, who had jumped up in surprise, along with everyone else around the table.

Clarke gaped with wide eyes, wondering whether she was dreaming.

“ _Sen daun_.” Lexa lowly growled in such an icy tone that the hairs on Clarke’s arms stood upright as the clan leaders all mechanically lowered back into their seats, equally shocked.

Clarke forced her jaws shut, and tried to calm her heart, because Lexa would never just kill anyone like that. Not without reason. Especially not a clan leader.

Clarke’s eyes rapidly took in everyone in the room, while they all focused on the bristling Commander, making sure to note all of their expressions. This was why she was there, Clarke realised, to be Lexa’s eyes while the Heda put on her show.

“I’ve been far too lenient, for far too long.” Lexa quietly spoke, her smooth voice almost deafening in the silent room. “Some of you have repeatedly questioned my decisions, disrespected me, and conspired behind my back.”

Clarke’s eyes scanned the reactions for fear and guilt, unsurprised with where she found those expressions. Lexa knew who her enemies were. Why she had chosen to act now and so drastically, was the bigger question on Clarke’s mind.

“I. Am. _Heda_!” Lexa slammed her fist onto the table and every occupant jumped at the sudden volume. “If I say that Clarke gon Polis will be the next Gonheda, then that is how it will _be_!” She was bent over, fist still clenched on the table, staring out over the shocked and, in most cases, frightened features of the clan leaders.

Clarke had to stop herself from reaching out and taking Lexa’s hand and as if sensing Clarke’s desire, Lexa seemed to remember herself, her demeanour smoothly changing to her usually cool, calm and collected self.

“Now,” Lexa stoically stated, straightening to her full height and towering over the seated delegates, “would anyone else care to question my decision?”

There was a moment of silence, before everyone muttered at once: “No, Heda.” Like a bunch of chastised schoolchildren.

All Clarke wanted to know was what the fuck was going on?

Lexa motioned to one of the guards to bring a chair from the other side of the room and Clarke was given a place on Lexa’s right by Indra, who moved over to Lexa’s left.

“Hector, you were telling us that your people are in need of blankets?” Lexa amicably suggested once they were all seated, as though they’d merely been interrupted for afternoon tea to be served.

Poor Hector, who wasn’t a warrior at all, nor a leader for that long, managed to keep his eyes mostly on Lexa as he stuttered out his report, but couldn’t stop his gaze from periodically flitting toward Abel, who was bleeding out in his seat, Lexa’s knife still impaled in his throat.

Kane looked a bit green under the gills, but Clarke had to hand it to the Grounders, they knew how to adapt. After Lexa’s outburst, it turned out to be the most civil meeting Clarke had ever attended. Everyone spoke when addressed, no one raised their voices and waited for Lexa to finish jotting down points in her journal whenever she felt she needed to.

All the while Clarke sat rigidly in her chair, watching all of them, wondering which one it had been that had caused Lexa to make such a drastic point.

Only later did it sink in that Lexa had called her Clarke of _Polis._ Not Clarke of the Sky People. The thought lightened her heart for all of a second, before Clarke remembered that Lexa had also appointed her General of her armies, without having even mentioned such an intent to Clarke before.

* * *

They went to the dining hall almost immediately after the meeting, everyone subdued, Clarke not sure how she was feeling. She was suspicious and concerned about the reasoning behind Lexa’s decisions sure, but Clarke was also somehow stuck between feeling honoured, yet also furious, at suddenly being Gonheda to the Coalition. A position Anya had once filled. _Anya_.

What the fuck was Lexa thinking? Clarke was technically still a Seken. No one was going to take her seriously. Clarke didn’t think that nepotism was a thing on the Ground, but Lexa had definitely proven her wrong.

And there went the little bit of honour she had felt out the window and instead a quiet fury replaced it.

Clarke stiffly smiled through the congratulations on her new position, many surprisingly heartfelt and confident that Clarke could fill the role. She stood next to the Heda when Lexa sent off the Horse Clan delegation without bothering to explain a thing to the perplexed advisors. Instead, Lexa absently cleaned her bloodied knife before sheathing it back onto her thigh. It was the only weapon Lexa had chosen to wear during the Summit and Clarke wondered how long it would take for certain leaders to get over their shock and accuse Lexa of taking their weapons away so that she could kill Abel.

As though he would’ve been able to stop Lexa’s hurtling knife with a sword harnessed and sheathed at his side.

Clarke remained next to Lexa throughout a temperate dinner, Lexa the only one starting conversations at first. But later on, Luna spoke up, inviting them both to her son’s inauguration to be held once the snow had melted.

Indra and Hector joined in as they were all good friends, Kane seeming to find his voice again to add a few words. Small conversations soon started up as dinner concluded and drinks were served. Clarke noticed the way Thraxus and Guwain avoided each other like the plague. But most of all, she noticed the slump in Victus’s shoulders... He looked… exhausted. There were bags under his eyes, dull and not as friendly and sage as she was used to.

If Clarke hadn’t been so caught up in her Pike obsession, she might’ve noticed it the evening before.

She was certain that whatever was going on, had to do with what was happening in the Ice Nation. So Clarke stayed at Lexa’s side till everyone had left – Lexa dismissing the guards too - and only Victus remained, the three of them sipping on their wine in silence while they each processed the day.

Lexa was reclining on an armchair, lazing back into it as though she didn’t have a care in the world… Clarke’s eyes followed the glass as it left Lexa’s lips, to carelessly hang over the armrest, dangling precariously by her fingertips.

Clarke frowned and her gaze travelled to Lexa’s face, to a pair of glassy green eyes.

Even though Clarke had spent most of her day at Lexa’s side, she’d been purposely ignoring the Commander, even as she studied everything and everyone else. So it had taken her that long to notice that Lexa was just past the point of tipsy, and it made Clarke frown even more as she watched Lexa bring the glass up to her lips again.

“Ontari has brought forward an Elder stating that she is to be the next Heda.” Victus deadpanned out of nowhere and Lexa spat out the sip she’d just taken, bursting into a fit of laughter so contagious that even the disheartened Victus joined in.

Clarke just scowled at them both and upon noticing her glare, Lexa instantly sobered and attempted to straighten in her chair even as she avoided Clarke’s gaze to look at Victus.

“How many have deflected?” Lexa earnestly asked.

“Not many.” He shook his head and took a sip of his wine. “But she’s reported to have enough warriors behind her to _make_ some of our people believe.”

Lexa nodded and lifted her glass to her lips again, but her eyes met Clarke’s over the rim and she slowly lowered it away again, placing it all the way down on the floor next to her chair.

“So she’ll challenge Leksa?” Clarke directed at Victus, ignoring her wife who she secretly believed had planned to be an adorable drunk just to get out of trouble.

_Devil woman._

“We can get you an Elder tomorrow and you can challenge me too.” Lexa mumbled and Clarke wasn’t sure how she had moved so fast, but the glass was back in her hand and she was sipping from it as though she’d never placed it down.

“The thing with prophecies,” Victus answered, and Clarke could see he was also a bit tipsy, “they tend to happen at least a few years before the actual event.” He smirked. “Not conveniently when you plan on usurping a throne.”

“Like they’d prophesized Leksa becoming Commander even before she was born.” Clarke nodded and Lexa snorted out another laugh.

“A calculated risk.” She mumbled and sat up a bit straighter when Clarke and Victus turned to her. She lowered her glass onto her lap and lifted her chin. “A child with green eyes and dark hair? Born that year? The way they trained us enabled us to fulfil this prophesized _destiny_.” She irritably rebutted. “Stop this nonsense about prophesies. Our people aren’t as ignorant as they pretend to be. There had been a need to stop the Heda before me, so a prophecy had been born and the people believed it because it was the only hope they had while they suffered. What does Azgeda need now? Do the people want me gone? Do I cause them suffering?”

Clarke’s heart ached at the hurt in Lexa’s eyes and turned to Victus for his answer. Lexa was an excellent Commander. No way the people wanted her gone. Not after all she’d done for them and was _still_ devoutly doing.

“You know that this isn’t about you, Leksa.” Victus sighed with a sad smile. “Ontari is Nia’s protégé. She had been promised power and raised to want it. She’s an entitled girl with an army of our enemies backing her so that she may take Azgeda and half of your army in an attempt to dismantle the Coalition and terrorise our clans the same way your predecessor had done.”

Lexa nodded as though this wasn’t news to her, and after what Clarke had witnessed that day, she wasn’t that surprised either. She had known exactly who was backing Ontari.

“Is that why you killed Abel?” Clarke wondered. “Because he’s part of this plan?”

“Their plan has already been set into motion.” Lexa replied. “Ontari is who the people see. Her claim to the Ice Nation throne is just, I cannot interfere there. We have no concrete proof as to who is backing her, it’s all rumours, even though I trust the words of my spies and Victus’s.” She sighed. “There is nothing I can do but wait for her to make a move and challenge me.”

“Which she most likely won’t do.” Victus inserted and Lexa nodded.

“Hence the need for an army of her own.” Clarke realised out loud.

“She will, however, challenge _me_ soon.” Victus stated. “If she wishes to keep Azgeda from fighting for Leksa, she needs to become Queen.”

Lexa sadly stared at Victus and Clarke’s heart broke again at that look. Lexa was mourning her loss already.

“I am old and weary, Leksa.” Victus bowed his head. “But there is no one else who can take my place.”

Clarke watched a million things pass between the two warriors.

“I will keep your people safe.” Lexa answered the questions in his eyes and Clarke watched him exhale as though that was all he had needed to hear.

“Mochof, Heda.” Victus sadly smiled.

“Let’s leave our planning till morning and enjoy the company of friends.” Lexa announced as she got up and grabbed the pitcher of wine.

“I’ll leave you two to it then.” Clarke murmured, meaning it sincerely that she wanted to give them some time together, but Lexa’s eyes flashed with panic.

Clarke ignored her – because she was still mad about the Gonheda thing - and went to kiss Victus on the cheek, bidding him goodnight.

“You’re in trouble.” She heard the Ice King chuckling at Lexa as Clarke drew the door closed behind her.

* * *

Clarke’s head was reeling as she blindly walked to her room, almost not seeing Echo waiting outside of it. Just as she was opening her mouth to ask what her friend was doing there, Echo was hugging her and _beaming_. And it was all just so _weird_.

“What’s got you so happy?” Clarke grinned back, because Echo’s mood was infectious, she rarely showed such overt emotions and for a second Clarke thought that just maybe she and Bellamy had managed to sort there shit out.

“My sistris is Gonheda of the Thirteen Clans.” Echo slammed her fist over her heart in the General’s Salute, as her grin remained plastered to her face and Clarke’s instantly faltered.

“How do you even know that…” Clarke wondered as Echo took her hand and led her off down the hall.

“Wrex told Tali, who told Akhila, who told Jacob, who came to tell me.” Echo explained, still excited and Clarke didn’t have the heart to ruin her mood, so just allowed herself to be led to wherever.

They came to a stop outside of Lexa’s personal armoury and Echo expectantly looked at Clarke who rolled her eyes and removed the key from her pocket to unlock the door. The room was cluttered with the weapons of all the delegations being stored there.

Clarke was tired and confused enough by the day to wonder what they were doing there until Echo’s wide eyes landed on the mask of the Gonheda; of the _Heda’s Warrior_.

“I don’t know what Leksa was thinking.” Clarke muttered and the joy was instantaneously sucked out of Echo as she turned to look at her.

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t deserve this.” Clarke breathed, panic finally setting in. “There are tons of warriors more deserving of this. What the hell do I know about being the General of the Heda’s armies? _Armies_ , Ekko! No one’s going to listen to me and Leksa’s gonna have to do both our jobs and I just don’t understand why she would do this… Kahlan would’ve been so much better.”

“Kahlan is a great warrior.” Echo agreed and Clarke’s chest ached with disappointment even though she hadn’t asked to be the General. “But you know that Heda would not make this decision lightly.”

No, but Lexa wouldn’t ever have just killed a clan leader because he was mouthing off either.

“Gonheda leads the armies on Heda’s command, but Gonheda is also a leader, able to act and decide when Heda isn’t there.” Echo patiently explained, her eyes sparkling at the mask in wonder. “Generals are leaders who win wars with their minds and the strength of their warriors. Heda won’t expect you to defeat every warrior you meet, Little Pauna.” She smiled, but Clarke’s mind had gotten stuck on one word.

 _Wars._ If Ontari took the Azgeda throne, they would most likely be in the middle of a war soon. A war that Lexa had anticipated and had called Clarke into a room filled with clan leaders so they would hear her place Clarke at the head of her armies that would be fighting in the upcoming war.

Clarke’s skin grew cold and damp at the thought of hundreds dying because of decisions she would be forced to make. Again.

“Clarke?” Echo stepped in, her hand feeling warm against Clarke’s sweaty forehead. “Do I need to get Naikou?”

“No,” Clarke took a breath and tried to smile. “I just…” There was no point in lying to Echo, whose gaze had already softened.

“Speak to Heda about your concerns.” Echo sagely whispered. “Let’s get you to bed. It’s late.”

Clarke shook her head.

“You go ahead.” She murmured, not wanting to go back to her room yet, in case Lexa was there. Clarke needed to gather herself first. “Take your usual room, we can speak more over breakfast.”

Echo looked at her for a long moment and then nodded, quietly exiting the armoury and leaving Clarke to stare at the mask of the Gonheda.

* * *

Exiting the shower in a pair of loose fitting pyjama pants and a top, Clarke felt a little bit better, even as her stomach dropped at the sight of the mask she’d for some reason decided to take from the armoury, staring at her from the bed.

The dark, shiny, metal glittered ominously in the candlelight.

Clarke walked toward it and picked it up, carrying it toward the full-length mirror standing near the weapons rack. Exhaling slowly, Clarke lifted the mask and placed it over her head, the ring of metal settling against her scalp like a crown.

Her heart thudded hard against her ribs as she stared at her reflection, subconsciously straightening out the white feathers, and puffing her chest.

Lexa wouldn’t have appointed Clarke if she didn’t believe it was the best choice for their people. None of the numerous arguments Clarke had had with herself during that day, could negate that fact. Lexa had been the first to really believe that Clarke could lead her people. When everyone had been shouting at her to do better, and blaming her for things beyond her control, Lexa had trusted and believed in Clarke.

Clarke’s hand moved to her side where her pommel would’ve been, grasping at nothing and grinned at herself, even as the mask remained set in an intimidating glare.

Clarke glanced at Lexa’s armour and was about to start putting some of the pieces on, when she heard the door to the parlour open and close. She took a step back from the weapons rack just as the door to their bedroom opened and Lexa slinked in, eyes zeroing in on their empty bed.

Clarke watched her face fall into utter despair before Lexa noticed her standing on the other side of the room.

Clarke hadn’t seen the breath being knocked out of someone yet. Well, at least not when no one was physically knocking it out of them.

Lexa just stared at her, frozen in front of the closed bedroom door, until Clarke remembered she was still wearing the mask and her back straightened with pride at what Lexa was so blatantly admiring.

Lexa moved forward a step, but then seemed to stop herself and rethink what she was about to do. Clarke was happy that the mask hid her disappointment.

“I’m sorry for not discussing my decision with you.” Lexa murmured, her eyes wandering Clarke’s face and body. “You’re the only one I trust in this position.”

Yes, Lexa believed in her. But it didn’t make what she’d done right.

“You don’t trust Kahlan?” Clarke lowly queried as she slowly stalked forward, her spine straightening even more as Lexa, subconsciously, backed away.

“Not as much as I do you.” Lexa whispered, stopping her retreat when her back hit the door.

“There’s a war coming, isn’t there?” Clarke sneered and Lexa’s jaw clenched, the arousal leaving her features, but she didn’t lie, she wouldn’t lie to Clarke. Clarke knew it. Clarke had also suspected that there was the likelihood of a war, but after processing all the information of that day, it seemed more of an inevitability.

“Yes.”

“Is this a way for you to just keep me safe by placing me in charge of thousands of warriors who would protect me as though I were you, or do you really believe that I can do this?” Clarke half asked and half accused, because as Lexa’s houman, she would most definitely be a target in any war, making Clarke Gonheda, turned her into a target with entire armies ready to do her bidding.

“Both.” Lexa rasped, and licked her lips when Clarke couldn’t help but press in closer.

Her heart started crazily pounding, and Clarke took off the mask, blindly throwing it onto the bed while their eyes remained locked together.

The way Lexa looked at her didn’t change, and Clarke’s chest rose with pride. It hadn’t been the mask at all… And it made Clarke inhale a shuddering breath as she pressed their hips tightly together and Lexa’s eyes fluttered closed.

Clarke trailed her hand down, clasping below Lexa’s knee, and lifted that long leg up over her hip, seamlessly slotting her thigh between Lexa’s and watched in awe as Lexa stared up at her through hooded lids, lips parted in a silent gasp.

She then moved her other hand around Lexa’s lower back, roughly pulling Lexa closer, who whimpered softly even whilst she used her calf to lock Clarke firmly against her.

Clarke shuddered at the agility. She knew from personal experience that Lexa could easily lift her leg a lot higher than that...

And was it normal? To still want your wife so badly after so much time? To look into her face and have the only coherent thought coming from your short-circuiting brain be just how damn _pretty_ she was?

Clarke moved her hands and ran them up over Lexa’s thighs, over her hips and toward her waist. Before returning one to anchor behind her knee again, while the other possessively rubbed over Lexa’s abdomen.

“Ai hod kom we yu teik ai…” Lexa rasped, and Clarke knew just how aroused Lexa must be, when she slipped into Trigedasleng.

_I love the way you take me…_

And no, it wasn’t the alcohol in her system that had Lexa arching into Clarke’s body like that; she seemed to have sobered considerably since Clarke had left her with Victus.

It also wasn’t the first time that Clarke had had the Commander pinned against some surface. It didn’t happen often, but when it did, it made Clarke feel weak as much as it made her feel strong; that Lexa trusted her that much, enough to surrender her body so completely.

Clarke could do nothing but kiss her, parting her lips when Lexa’s tongue delved passed and flicked across the roof of Clarke’s mouth. Her hips mechanically rocked forward and Clarke kissed Lexa back harder, as she mercilessly drove her thigh between Lexa’s legs.

Breathlessly, Clarke kissed down Lexa’s jawline and into her neck, trying to catch her breath again, and sighed in pleasure when Lexa’s hand fisted into her hair and kept her close. The fingers of Lexa’s other hand were spread over Clarke’s back, their tips sharply digging into her skin; desperately clinging onto her… Clarke shuddered, aching between her thighs… And no… She wasn’t in control of _anything_ anymore… On any other night, Clarke would’ve gladly relished in the feeling and would’ve just gone with whatever would happen.

It was always so good, so fucking _good_ … When she could literally feel the way Lexa’s body thrummed against hers with brazen _need_ …

But, even though it physically pained her, and with all the strength she could muster, Clarke gently pulled away, lowering Lexa’s leg down to the floor to steady her on both feet.

“You shouldn’t have blindsided me like that.” Clarke husked, once Lexa had stabilized herself against the door - passive in her confusion at the change of mood - and Clarke had managed to ground herself to the floor.

Lexa looked utterly _stricken_ at the words and then her entire demeanour showed her remorse.

“I didn’t mean to kiss you like that right now,” Clarke explained, running her hand through her messy hair to stop herself from reaching forward to tidy up a sexily dishevelled Lexa, or grab her again, Clarke honestly wasn’t sure what her hands would do if they touched Lexa in that moment, “things just got carried away, like they usually do between us.” She tried to smile, but judging from Lexa’s expression it was a complete failure. “I’m sorry if this seems mean, but I’m still mad at you.”

Lexa nodded her understanding and started straightening her clothes.

“I hadn’t thought that I would need to make a decision so abruptly.” Lexa husked, voice still thick with arousal.

“You’ve been planning this.” Clarke announced, her chest clenched as the day came crashing down on her again.

Lexa didn’t even bother denying it, nor did she look surprised at the accusation.

“Watching me at the Pits, teaching me, asking me every time if I wanted an official role in the Coalition...”

“You’re the best person for this position. You’re both a warrior and a leader. You’re even a skilled Healer. Do you have any idea what a difference you could make in a war?” Lexa’s eyes flashed passionately.

“You took my choice away from me though.” Clarke murmured and the light instantly left Lexa again. “Just like Mom shoved me onto the dropship and declared I should be a leader and then weeks later told me that I shouldn’t... You’ve always left me with a choice, though, Leks.” Clarke rasped through the sudden knot in her throat. “You’d always allowed me to choose my own path…”

Clarke hadn’t realised she’d been crying until Lexa’s eyes filled with tears and she reached out, but then pulled her hand back as though she thought Clarke wouldn’t allow the touch.

“Clarke…” Lexa seemed to struggle with what to say. “I’m sorry, I didn’t – I couldn’t…”

“You used me today.” Clarke sniffed, standing tall even a she wiped at her cheeks. “You used me to intimidate the clan leaders, to kill Abel and hope you somehow threatened them into backing off from their plans in Azgeda or at the very least confuse them enough to buy some time until you could figure a way out of this.”

Even as the tears pooled in Lexa’s eyes, they shone with pride at her for figuring it out, and Clarke really didn’t want to see that right then.

“I get why you did it, but it still wasn’t fair toward me.”

“I’m sorry, Clarke.” Lexa whispered. “I knew that it would catch you off guard, but it needed to happen then, I hadn’t realised the extent of the Azgeda threat. I had hoped that Victus would be able to handle it. But you saw him…” Lexa pleaded for the understanding Clarke already had. It was forgiveness she was stuck at. “And maybe I could’ve handled it without you. I _could’ve_.” Lexa honestly admitted. “I know it had been selfish, but I needed you there today. At my side. And if I had thought further, beyond that need, and thought about what I was doing by not discussing it with you first, I wouldn’t have done it at all. But I did, Clarke, and I can’t take it back now.”

God, Clarke really hadn’t missed seeing Lexa’s tears. That she was trying to stop them from falling and failing so badly, only made it worse. Because the only times Clarke had ever seen Lexa cry, had been because of _her_.

“I hope that you’ll forgive me.” Lexa murmured in shame.

Most of Clarke had already forgiven her, but despite her personal desires, Lexa had still made a decision with her head and not her heart that day, and Clarke couldn’t help but be deeply aware of that, given the previous war they’d fought together.

So even though she knew better now, Clarke nodded that she’d heard and understood Lexa’s reasoning and then heavily sighed.

“You should sleep on the couch tonight.” She whispered and had to look away when Lexa’s face fell even more and her bottom lip trembled. Lexa attempted to mask it though and just nodded, before walking to the bathroom and gently closing the door behind her.

* * *

Clarke lay on her back in the giant bed, unable to sleep. She kept on glancing over at Lexa facing the back of the big sofa. It was comfy, Clarke had napped on it a lot, so at least she was reassured that Lexa wouldn’t be too uncomfortable.

Clarke thought that she was doing the right thing.

She’d gotten into bed after blowing out most of the candles on her side of the room and placing some furs and Lexa’s pillow on the couch. She had then pretended to be asleep when Lexa left the bathroom seemingly a century after having entered it.

They didn’t exactly have an argument. Lexa didn’t deny that she was wrong, but she’d also known she was going to upset Clarke with her decision. Clarke knew though that Lexa hadn’t meant to hurt her. She’d seen the moment the gravity of her mistake had hit Lexa.

But what bothered Clarke even more, was Lexa expressing her need for Clarke to be _there_. Not her need for Clarke to be Gonheda, but to have Clarke at her side during that meeting and what was going to come. And from the sound of things, whatever was coming was going to be bad.

Clarke glanced at Lexa again, her heart clenching with love and longing, because if she was going to war, she would need Lexa there too. She would’ve asked first, like a normal person, but Lexa had explained that she hadn’t intended to announce anything during that meeting. She had needed her enemies riled up, and Lexa had known that at least Abel and Guwain would object loudly enough to warrant a reaction. They would leave the next day for their homes, so Lexa had only had a small window of opportunity to act in.

Clarke still remembered the speech Lexa had given Abby the first time they’d had dinner together, threatening to cut out her tongue.

Abel was definitely out of line and Lexa’s violent actions that day had only been a surprise because they’d come from _Lexa_ , who’d always chosen diplomacy and turned a blind eye to her scheming enemies, thwarting them without physical violence.

All Lexa had ever wanted was peace. The Elder had prophesized that she would bring it to the clans. Now there was war brewing. Again. Despite Lexa’s best efforts. And she needed Clarke by her side.

Clarke bit back the sting of cold as she got out of bed. She would need to make sure that the chimney was cleaned, they would need to start lighting the fireplace soon. She walked over the soft carpet, lifted Lexa’s blanket and got in behind her, using her body to scoot Lexa further in, to make room for herself.

“I know you’re awake.” Clarke murmured, wrapping her arm around Lexa’s warm waist and pressed her forehead into Lexa’s hair when she felt Lexa’s heart furiously pounding.

“And how do you know that?” Lexa hoarsely queried and Clarke’s eyes stung with tears because she could hear that Lexa had still been crying.

“Because you snore when you’re asleep.” Clarke mumbled, burrowing in closer, holding her tighter.

“I don’t snore.” Lexa unconvincingly protested and Clarke lightly chuckled.

It hurt her chest.

“I’ll always be at your side, okay?” Clarke murmured into Lexa’s shoulder, searching for skin underneath Lexa’s soft hair. “No matter what title you give me…”

Clarke moved back a little when Lexa slowly turned around until they were laying face to face, legs intertwined, holding onto each other.

“I was planning on asking you to be Gonheda during Winter.” Lexa softly confessed. “I still wanted to teach you about battle strategies, and all the wars our people have fought… I wanted you to want it…” She sighed. “I can still fix this, Clarke. If you rather not be Gonheda, I will find a way to explain so that no one would question your honour.”

Clarke softly pressed their lips together, her heart clenching at the taste of salt on Lexa’s lips. She tenderly kissed her cheeks and her forehead and then gently guided Lexa’s head down onto her chest. It was Lexa’s favourite spot to sleep in.

“No...” Clarke rasped while she ran her fingers through Lexa’s hair, feeling the tension leaving Lexa’s body. “Ai na em yu gona op, Leksa.”

_I will be your warrior._

* * *

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Duckie says you guys aren't gonna like me much after this chapter... *nervously gnaws at bottom lip*

 

Clarke stood on the front ~~-~~ steps of their house, next to the Commander, who’d been awkwardly cautious around her the entire morning. She suspected that Lexa didn’t really know how to be around her after their fight the evening before. Lexa still shied away, as if she wasn’t quite sure whether she’d really been forgiven or not.

“Heda.” Hector bowed down low when his delegation was about to depart for their homeclan. “Gonheda.” He straightened and smiled at Clarke as he placed his fist over his heart like Echo had done the evening before.

It didn’t help that every single person had bid their farewell in that way; Lexa’s spine stiffening each time they addressed Clarke as the General.

Kane and Bellamy had left earlier that morning and Clarke wondered what they were going to tell her mother about Abel’s death. Bellamy had been staring at Echo so Clarke hadn’t bothered asking him to be her eyes and ears for _that_ conversation. She knew though that when they spoke again, he would tell her regardless. Echo had ignored him and Clarke hugged him tightly goodbye in sympathy; Pike had ignored everyone and Clarke was just grateful for that.

Despite Skaikru behaving and not starting any wars of their own, the tension was still thick in the air amongst all of the clans since the Heda had struck down one of their leaders.

So Clarke reached out and let her fingers gently brush over Lexa’s knuckles when Thraxus and his people walked up to them next. Lexa immediately leaned the inch to her side and pressed their shoulders together when Clarke slipped her index finger beneath Lexa’s Binding Bracelet, soothingly caressing Lexa’s wrist.

Even as Clarke tightly smiled at the Iron Clan delegation, her gaze kept on flitting to where Echo and Victus had been talking for close to an hour. The Ice Nation were the only ones left after Thraxus’s departure and Clarke’s stomach was knotting nervously when Victus and Echo finally made their way over.

Echo stopped a few feet away though and Clarke’s gaze shifted from her, to Lexa, who stepped toward the Azgeda leader and wrapped her hand around the back of Victus’s neck, the Ice King mirroring the action as though they were about to kiss, before they rested their foreheads together.

It was the way mostly family members greeted each other in the clans; an intimate acknowledgment of someone’s importance in your life.

Clarke swallowed thickly.

“Ste yuj, ai lukot.” Lexa whispered when they finally let go of each other.

_Stay strong, my friend._

Victus seemed overcome by the gesture and what he was about to go back to. His people were far from prepared for the Winter because of the unrest, and Lexa would be sending as many resources to them as she could spare.

He bowed down low to Lexa, a sad smile on his face, before straightening up and turning to Clarke, his fist going over his heart.

“Take care of each other.” Victus’s voice was thick with emotion, and Clarke instantly nodded at his request, her hand blindly reaching for Lexa’s - already opened and waiting -  and laced their fingers together.

Lexa stood rigid as she watched the Ice Nation delegation until they disappeared through the gates of Polis. Her attention then shifted to Echo who had come to stand in front of them.

“A moment of your time, please, Heda.” Echo requested, respectfully staring at Lexa’s feet.

Lexa turned questioning eyes to Clarke, who shrugged that she had no idea what it was about.

“Of course,” Lexa answered Echo, “let’s speak inside.”

She then gave Clarke’s hand a gentle squeeze before letting go and turning to walk into the house. Echo followed without looking at Clarke, making it clear that Clarke wasn’t invited to the conversation.

* * *

As though she didn’t have enough to worry about, Clarke was now stuck wondering what Echo and Lexa were talking about and what Echo and Victus had been talking about.

_Echo better not have been volunteering to go join the Azgeda civil war…_

After lurking in the foyer for over half an hour, becoming increasingly tense when Echo and Lexa didn’t reappear from the throne room and with the house guards all referring to her as Gonheda, Clarke decided to go to the Pits.

When she discovered a smiling Kahlan, Clarke felt instantly guilty, as though she’d taken a promotion from him, until she remembered that he had no idea that Clarke had been planning on endorsing him. So she grabbed the forearm he excitedly offered in a shake, before he brought his fist up to his chest and offered his services to Clarke.

All Clarke had wanted to do was spar, but she guessed that she might as well learn what a General’s job was during wartime. So she and Kahlan quickly set up a few study dates around his duties and Clarke’s Seken training.

For the first time, Clarke felt ridiculous being called a Seken, but she needed the training more than ever. Lexa had encouraged her to continue using her single longsword when sparring with Echo and Kahlan, because though she was a natural, Clarke still wasn’t ready yet to fight with dual blades.

Kahlan agreed to spar with her after their scheduling was concluded and Clarke was just starting to feel better - her training with Lexa actually giving her an edge she’d never had before over her former teacher - when a house guard appeared to inform Clarke that the Commander had summoned her.

Clarke felt irrationally irritated that she was being summoned over two hours later, but she knew it was her hurt and dread over Echo’s behaviour fuelling that feeling. So she packed up and said her goodbyes to Kahlan and headed back to the house.

* * *

She found Lexa seated on her throne, Echo standing awkwardly in front of her. No one else was in the room as Clarke walked up to stand next to Echo, who was still avoiding her gaze. So Clarke turned to Lexa who seemed upset as she stared at Echo, before her expression turned stoic when her eyes shifted to Clarke.

“Last night, after you left us,” Lexa began, “Victus and I spoke about what could still be done to find a peaceful resolution to the conflict in Azgeda.”

Clarke nodded, her eyes flitting to Echo staring off at nothing - even though her entire body seemed to be intently listening to Lexa - and then back to the Commander again.

“I suggested that there would be no bloodshed were Ontari not able to challenge the throne. And the only person who the Azgeda people would not challenge, would be a firstborn heir.”

Clarke was half listening, she already understood the history of Azgeda. All she wanted to know was what that had to do with Echo.

“As you know,” Lexa continued, “Prince Roan of Azgeda is the rightful King, but no one has seen or heard from him in years…”

Clarke frowned, understanding dawning, because if the prince was on the throne, none of Ontari’s claims would matter. She couldn’t challenge him, even with an army. Ontari could still challenge Lexa though, but no one would follow her and declare war in her name. Even those who would, would be grossly outnumbered.

“Victus and I then decided to send a few of our spies to search for him.”

Clarke nodded. “You think he’ll agree to become King, though? He obviously left because he didn’t want to be.”

“I’m certain we could convince him once he understands that the safety of his people is at stake.”

“Okay...” Clarke murmured, looking to Echo again, then back to Lexa, narrowing her eyes, so the Commander would understand that Clarke was ready to hear what that had to do with Echo.

“Ekko has volunteered to join the search.” Lexa’s gaze and voice had gone soft as she delivered the news, but Clarke ignored her and stared at the side of her friend’s face.

“You volunteered?” Clarke asked, her heart hammering in her chest and her stomach pulsing in her feet. “To leave?”

Winter was almost on them and Azgeda wasn’t safe. And Echo wanted to leave? To go there and search for someone who didn’t want to be found? Was Roan even in Azgeda still? What if Ontari was looking too, in order to kill off the only thing standing in her way? Searching would require Echo asking questions. If she asked the wrong people, she would be in danger.

“I need to do this, Clarke.” Echo murmured, finally looking at her, both of them only half aware of Lexa quietly exiting her war room.

“When do you leave?” Clarke asked.

“In the morning.”

“When will you be back?”

“Once I find him.”

“You can’t wait till after Winter?”

Clarke doubted that anyone would wage a war in the weather conditions the Grounders were anticipating. If any war was coming, it would come after the winter.

“It would be too late then.”

Clarke stared at the floor, while she felt Echo’s eyes on her.

“Why are you doing this, Ekko?” She whispered.

“I have a duty to my people.”

“You said that Polis was your home now.”

“I meant to the people of the Coalition who will be forced into war if Prince Roan isn’t found.”

Clarke clenched her jaw. Chastised. Hurt. Frustrated.

“Leksa said that she and Victus have already sent out spies.” She argued. Echo didn’t need to go. Echo _wanted_ to go.

“I know the area; the people. I have a few ideas where to start searching and still have allies in Azgeda to assist me.”

“Are you leaving because of Bellamy?”

“Partly.” Echo admitted. “I would like some time on my own, but this also feels like something I could do. I have some family I want to check on too… And Heda will be home with you during Winter. You won’t be lonely.” She smiled.

Clarke thought she was going to smile back, but her eyes burned and shot full of tears.

Echo was her family.

“I don’t want you to go.”

Echo stepped forward and hugged her. “I will be back, Sistris.”

Clarke clung to her. She had no arguments, she knew Echo had decided and nothing Clarke could say would stop her.

* * *

The next day, they were standing in front of Echo’s house, saying their goodbyes.

It all felt so surreal. Clarke was just going through the motions, Lexa at her side, and it was just the three of them there. They were the only ones who knew where Echo was going and what she would be doing and why she was doing it.

Clarke had been ignoring Lexa since she’d left Echo’s house the day before, after making sure that her friend had everything she needed for her journey. She’d gone straight to her studio and had sat staring at an empty canvas till deep into the night. Too much was changing way too fast and Clarke had been lulled into a false sense of security over the past few months. Yeah, Lexa had gone on way too many trips, but she’d always come back and it was consistent. And now they were on the brink of war and Echo was leaving and Clarke would have no way of knowing whether she was okay and where she was, or when she would be back.

The previous night, Lexa had popped in to leave some food for Clarke, lingering for a minute. Waiting. Clarke hadn’t acknowledged her though and Lexa had left again and was asleep by the time Clarke had finally gone to bed.

That morning wasn’t any better. What made Clarke angry was how Lexa was acting as though nothing was wrong by speaking about Clarke’s Seken training, and Kahlan of course had checked with the Commander whether it was fine to teach Clarke battle strategies.

Echo finished strapping her supplies to her horse and Clarke was snapped out of her thoughts.

“I will miss you, Little Pauna.” Echo murmured, pulling Clarke into her arms. Uncharacteristically affectionate in a way that made saying goodbye feel that much worse.

Part of Clarke wanted to go with her. After all, had it been Clarke to set off on a journey like that, Echo would’ve been right by her side.

It all just felt so very wrong.

“I’ll miss you too.” Clarke croaked back, fighting her tears when Echo pulled away to face Lexa.

“You shouldn’t be in any direct danger, save for the cold and the raiders always roaming the roads.” Lexa stated and Clarke and Echo both knew it was for Clarke’s benefit, so her friend just nodded. “You are welcome to return home whenever you please.”

Echo bowed her head. “Mochof, Heda.”

“Be safe, Ekko.” Lexa softly smiled and Echo nodded again before turning around to mount her horse.

She waved only once at Clarke, before she galloped off.

* * *

“Clarke…” Lexa reached out and touched her shoulder, but Clarke shrugged it off and marched into Echo’s house, where her room was still kept as it had been when they had lived together.

Clarke sometimes slept there when Lexa was away and she and Echo had imbibed a little too much.

“You should’ve stopped her!” Clarke shouted the second Lexa closed the door behind them.

The Commander only tilted her head at the accusation.

“You think she would’ve gone without your blessing?!” Clarke angrily continued, her voice straining as it squeezed passed the knot in her throat. “She would’ve stayed if you’d just told her to!”

Lexa ignored Clarke’s shouting and stepped closer, tentatively wrapping her arms around Clarke, loosely enough so that Clarke could easily escape if she wanted to.

“This is all your fault.” Clarke hiccupped as she sobbed against Lexa’s chest, her body shaking even more as Lexa gently caressed her back.

Lexa held her for a long moment as Clarke only pressed her forehead to Lexa’s breastbone, her arms hanging rigid at her sides, fists clenched as her anger at Echo abandoning her, warred with her aching heart.

Clarke hadn’t even realised how much she’d been counting on Echo to be around. Echo had been with her since she’d opened her eyes in Polis. When she had become Doctor Clarke and Little Pauna; when Clarke had been elected Chancellor of the Sky People and had fought in the Tournament. Echo had been her rock. And Clarke knew it was selfish to be so upset that Echo wouldn’t be part of the next leg of her journey as Gonheda. Clarke wasn’t going to hold her back and therefore couldn’t be upset at Echo leaving to go do what she thought she could and be a hero to their people. So Clarke directed her anger at Lexa.

“Chit yu gaf in, ai hod?” Lexa softly asked.

_What do you need, my love?_

Clarke pulled her head away from Lexa to stare into her face.

“I need you to leave me alone.” She gritted out, the knot in her throat aching as she sniffed and attempted to glare at Lexa, who gently cupped Clarke’s cheeks.

Clarke mechanically leaned into the touch, when Lexa wiped away her tears and her eyes fluttered closed when Lexa pressed a tender kiss to her forehead.

“I’ll be in meetings till late this afternoon,” Lexa softly spoke and Clarke lazily fluttered her eyes back open, fighting the urge to fall into Lexa’s arms, “then I will be in my workshop until dinner.”

Clarke clenched her jaw and said nothing.

“Come home when you’re ready.” Lexa murmured and brushed a wet strand of blonde hair from Clarke’s face and tugged it behind her ear.

“This is all y-your fault.” Clarke’s breath hitched as she hopelessly tried to muster anger toward Lexa that neither of them believed.

Lexa only bent her head and lightly brushed her lips over Clarke’s, who melted into the kiss.

“I love you, Steltrona.” Lexa whispered, before she turned around and gave Clarke some space.

* * *

Clarke remained in her mood for a couple of days after, poor Lexa bearing the brunt of it and having practically locked herself in her workshop, churning out soap like a maniac to hide her hurt each time Clarke pushed her away or completely ignored her.

Clarke hadn’t gone home that first night either. Lexa had sent down food to Echo’s house and Clarke suspected that Tali had also been there to check whether Clarke was fine and report back to the Commander.

It took a distraught Kahlan asking whether Echo had died, because Clarke appeared to be in mourning, to wake her from her funk.

Echo wasn’t dead. Echo was very much alive and if she could do this one thing, she would save hundreds - maybe thousands - of lives. Clarke should be proud of her. Clarke _was_ proud of her, but she’d gotten too caught up in feeling sorry for herself.

Because ever since her father had been executed, it had only been a downward spiral for what felt like an eternity thereafter. Clarke had just accepted the fact that her life would exponentially suck until she died. But then she’d gone on her honeymoon only a few months back. Since then, Clarke had felt tentatively hopeful, as her relationship with her mom became something she never thought possible, her job as a Healer actually brought her fulfilment, and she had the most amazing wife and friends, ever.

She had Echo.

How many people could say that they had a friend they could confide in and trusted with their lives? Clarke had lost Wells in the worst way and now she worried that she would lose Echo too.

Despite that niggling feeling of dread she’d had since Lexa had come home from her trip from the Ice Nation, Clarke had just wanted to hold on to her happiness for a little while longer. She’d been on cloud nine when they’d returned back from the wedding in Arkadia and had started to make peace with the fact that her life was damn near perfect.

And then of course everything started spiralling again and Echo leaving just prompted Clarke to mourn an anticipated loss. She was angry at the universe, and she was taking it all out on Lexa who was still there; who had the threat of war bearing down on her, and yet was still trying to comfort a brooding Clarke.

So Clarke left the Pits after reassuring Kahlan that Echo was fine, and set out for the white house. The Captain knew better than to question Echo’s whereabouts, since Clarke had stated that Echo had left under the Commander’s orders.

It was mid-afternoon and Lexa was eating with Wrex and Grunt when Clarke arrived home. Green eyes softening with hope when Lexa saw Clarke enter the dining room, before they became guarded as Lexa visibly protected herself against an emotional onslaught.

Clarke cringed and attempted a smile, which Lexa cautiously returned.

“Wanna go for a walk when you’re done eating?” Clarke timidly requested.

Lexa looked down at her barely touched plate, then to Wrex when he placed a comforting hand on her forearm, sending her an encouraging smile. Clarke’s stomach twisted with guilt and she looked away, straight into Grunt’s hardened glare.

She hung her head in shame and stared at the floor, waiting for Lexa’s answer. It came when she heard the Commander getting up, and Clarke was about to tell her it could wait until she finished her lunch, but Lexa was staring at Clarke with so much longing and hope that Clarke couldn’t speak until they were both outside, walking around to the back of the house.

When they reached the path that would take them through the gardens that separated the house from the stables, Clarke finally mustered the courage to say something.

“I’m sorry for being such a bitch these last couple of days.” She mumbled and held her breath when Lexa’s brows knitted together.

It felt much later than it was, in the large shadow cast by the house right next to them and Clarke tried to remember whether Lexa had any meetings that Clarke was keeping her from that afternoon.

“It’s okay, Clarke.” Lexa murmured back, her eyes on the pigeon coop a few yards away.

Clarke frowned.

“Leks, I know I’ve been unfair –

Clarke stopped speaking when Lexa reached out and took Clarke’s hand, threading their fingers together.

Clarke stared at their hands then up at Lexa, who was already looking at her.

“I understand.” Lexa smiled and Clarke couldn’t help but smile back even as her heart didn’t believe it. Hopefully Lexa wasn’t being so compliant because she still felt guilty about the way she had gone about proclaiming Clarke Gonheda.

People didn’t forgive her that easily, so Clarke tried to explain some more:

“It’s just that everything had been going so well -”

Lexa stopped walking and Clarke held her breath, waiting to be shouted at.

“Ekko is a good friend.” Lexa told her. “And a lot is happening right now.”

Clarke opened her mouth, but stopped when Lexa shook her head.

“You need her with you when times are hard. In the way that I had needed Onya to guide me at first, and afterward, to just listen and be there.”

Clarke nodded.

“You haven’t lost Ekko...”

Clarke bit her lip, the guilt flooding her again.

“I know it’s not the same,” Lexa hung her head, “but I hope that someday you might learn to count on me as you do her.”

God, Clarke hadn’t even thought that Lexa’s mind would go there; that she would perceive it like that.

So she stepped closer and kissed Lexa, buying herself some time to gather the right words, and Lexa instantly fell into the contact.

“You’re already everything...” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips, having completely gotten lost in the kiss. She’d meant to stop, but instead pushed Lexa back through the shrubbery until her back hit the wall of the house.

“Ekko’s my best friend, but so are you, Leks.” She kissed up Lexa’s jaw, only stopping when Lexa slightly pulled back to stare at her in surprise and Clarke let out a soft chuckle. “You know me better than anyone.” Clarke affirmed. “And I’m gonna miss Ekko and worry about her safety, but that doesn’t mean that I’d be lacking someone to confide in.”

In fact, Clarke and Lexa spent most of their free time together, just talking about anything and everything. Clarke hadn’t ever felt that there was something she couldn’t tell Lexa. She’d purposely kept stuff from her of course, when she wasn’t in the mood to listen to reason, but Lexa either figured it out, or Clarke eventually confessed in the end.

“I’m very sorry I pushed you away. I’m just really stressed with everything that’s been happening.” Clarke explained, because sometimes she still forgot that she had Lexa as a partner now; that she wasn’t still living with Echo and pining over the Heda from a distance as her procession rode in and out of Polis.

Lexa nodded and accepted the kiss that followed Clarke’s statement. “You really think of me as your best friend?” She timidly murmured, causing Clarke’s heart to swell with affection.

“Yes.” Clarke mumbled into Lexa’s neck, her hands wandering over Lexa’s torso.

“Do you kiss all of your best friends like this?” Lexa smirked and Clarke laughed against her skin.

“No.”

“So I’m a better friend then.” Lexa continued to tease even as she tilted her neck to allow Clarke more access.

“The very best.” Clarke absently agreed, because her hands had found their way beneath Lexa’s clothes and were caressing over her stomach.

Lexa grew quiet, her breaths ragged, while Clarke’s hand explored her torso, blunt nails scraping over Lexa’s bindings, as their lips met again in a feverish kiss.

“I missed you these last couple of days.” Clarke dumbly confessed, a hand moving down to caress Lexa’s inner thigh.

Lexa only sucked in a breath, her hands gripping onto Clarke’s hips, as she kissed her again, her tongue invading Clarke’s mouth.

When Clarke cupped Lexa between her legs, the Commander whimpered loudly, and pressed into the touch.

“We should go inside.” Clarke distractedly suggested, as she continued to rub Lexa through her tight pants.

Lexa’s answer came in the form of her hand taking hold of Clarke’s wrist which she lifted away and then summarily pushed down into her pants.

“ _Fuck_ …” Clarke groaned, when her fingertips slid between Lexa’s wet folds. “Baby, we need to –

Lexa’s tongue entered her mouth again, one hand threaded into Clarke’s hair as she kept her in place, kissing her hard, and holding Clarke’s hand tightly between her thighs.

Clarke lost her train of thought for a long while after, her fingers having slipped inside of Lexa and smooth warmth completely took up her attention. She pressed down with her palm and twisted her fingers in that way she knew Lexa loved, and shuddered when a low moan served as reward for her efforts.

“We should go inside.” Clarke remembered to half-heartedly suggest again. “Anyone can find us here.”

“Clarke. If you stop. I will die.” Lexa earnestly panted and Clarke lightly laughed, before kissing her again.

“We should at least go into your workshop, where we won’t be interrupted.” Clarke continued to reason, she really needed to get Lexa naked and her wrist was killing her, trapped in Lexa’s tight pants at that awkward angle.

“No one will interrupt us.” Lexa huffed in frustration, pulling Clarke impossibly closer.

“You’re not exactly quiet when you’re in this mood.” Clarke groaned when Lexa’s hand cupped her ass and squeezed in encouragement.

“They will leave if they hear me.”

“How do you know?” Clarke pulled back and looked at her. “How many women have you had sex with in public that they would know exactly what you sound like to avoid it?” The thought struck Clarke out of nowhere and her hand stilled.

She hadn’t forgotten that her wife was known as the _Planripa_ and that Clarke often received glares from a few random citizens who hated her simply because Lexa had chosen her and not one of them.

“What…?” Lexa confusedly wondered, bottom lip stuck out in a pout and brows knitted together as she rolled her hips and tried to get Clarke to enter her again. “ _Clarke_ …” Lexa whined, sending her a pleading gaze.

“Why wouldn’t your guards come to check on you? How often have you done this?”

Clarke really hated herself sometimes. The insecurity. The jealousy. The random bouts of irrational anger even when she knew she was being ridiculous and unfair… Yet Clarke needed to know, even when she didn’t want to know at all.

“I’ve never done this.” Lexa had stopped attempting to get Clarke to move again and was just openly staring at her with bright green eyes and large blown pupils.

“Never?”

“Yes.”

Clarke’s brows knitted. “They call you Planripa… It’s okay if you’ve… been… _around_ …” Clarke tried not to cringe. “I just want to know why some of the women in Polis look like they want to scratch my eyes out when I haven’t even spoken to them.”

Lexa chuckled. “I’ve been with none of them.”

Clarke’s disbelief must’ve shown on her face.

“I’m under constant threat of assassination. I couldn’t afford to let anyone _that_ close…”

And there Clarke felt like shit again.

“No one?” She whispered.

Lexa shook her head. “Not since Kostia.”

Clarke thickly swallowed at the implications of that; of what Lexa must’ve felt to go from ‘love is weakness’ to kissing Clarke, in a span of days. It was a whirlwind of intensity and feelings between the two of them back then. The attraction had been unquestionable. Irresistibly tempting. Clarke had felt an instant connection upon their first meeting, even when she had still feared the stoic Commander of the Twelve Clans.

Clarke couldn’t believe that Lexa had trusted her that much. That Lexa had taken naps while Clarke had brooded over the maps on the war table in her tent. Lexa had barely known her and she had trusted Clarke and believed in her...

Clarke kissed her hard again; fingers slipping back inside. “I love you so fucking much.” She mumbled against Lexa’s mouth.

Lexa moaned out loud at the words and Clarke’s fingers sliding in and out of her. And though Lexa might not have cared who heard her, Clarke was still on friendly terms with the household staff. They would have no qualms in teasing Clarke. So she knew that she needed to get Lexa off and fast.

“Do you remember that day in the war room, after Indra left for Tondisi with the new commands for the Trikru scouts...”

Lexa seemed to not have heard her; all of the Heda’s focus was on Clarke’s hand pumping between her thighs and rolling her hips to match Clarke’s pace.

“…When I came to see you afterward and you were sitting on your throne…” Clarke husked over Lexa’s ear and smirked when she felt Lexa clenching around her fingers in sudden remembrance. “You like me down on my knees with your hands in my hair, don’t you?”

Lexa whimpered loudly and clung to Clarke even as they both sped up their movements.

“Yu spika na teik ai gon mou kwelen...” Lexa loudly moaned, her body sinking in closer, as her hips kept steadily rocking forward.

_Your mouth makes me weak._

“You always taste _so good_ , Baby...” Clarke mumbled, gently dragging her teeth over Lexa’s earlobe.

“ _Clarke…_ ” Lexa helplessly released a shuddering groan and feverishly bucked against her, grinding herself hard against Clarke’s palm, her head lolling back as she sharply gasped out shallow breaths into the air.

“I could suck on you forever…” Clarke dazedly mumbled and curled her fingers, pressing down with her palm, before she instinctively moved to cover her mouth over Lexa’s, to muffle the cry that tore from the Commander’s throat.

* * *

The days grew colder, and it completely baffled Clarke that the sky was still so clear - not a cloud in sight - and yet it was freezing whenever the sun was gone. She was now required to always wear a coat and a scarf when outside.

Her physical training continued, Lexa having her warm up inside of the thankfully large house first, before going to their usual spot behind the stables.

Lexa had so much free time that it helped Clarke miss Echo less and the Commander made sure to keep Clarke so busy she didn’t have time to worry. Clarke hadn’t forgotten that Lexa hadn’t sparred with her yet, but she made sure not to question Lexa’s methods. Clarke had promised that Lexa could teach her in her own way.

And most times, after dinner, when Clarke hadn’t been assigned a book on war strategies to read, or study the notes Lexa had given her, Clarke and Lexa would sit down on the floor on opposite sides of their coffee table and set up the beautiful chess set Gustus had given Lexa.

The pieces were made out of black and white marble, the board able to fold into a case, coated in aluminium. It was in excellent condition and Clarke had been afraid to even touch it at first, once she saw the caring way Lexa treated it.

Clarke enjoyed playing against Lexa because she actually won a couple of games. She didn’t have the patience to plan her moves so far ahead like Lexa could, but she was unpredictable enough to throw Lexa completely off of her plans. Lexa liked to tease that Clarke’s _Strategy of Chaos_ was almost impossible to defend against.

Wells had frequently complained about it too.

“You sacrifice too much of your army to protect your queen.” Lexa murmured, as she moved her black Knight into position.

Lexa had sacrificed her queen earlier on and it had cost Clarke a rook and a bishop to get her. (She was also greedy to get her opponent’s Queen).

“Check.” Lexa lightly smirked when her Knight pinned both Clarke’s King and Queen.

_Fuck._

Clarke wanted to smack her. But she and Lexa knew that her Queen was her weakness. Clarke found it difficult to play without her on the board, but she couldn’t change that and Lexa got her every time.

Clarke sulkily moved her King the only direction she could, and sat back, because she could see what would come next. Lexa didn’t even bother taking Clarke’s Queen, instead she lined up a Bishop.

“Checkmate.”

* * *

The room was still dark one morning when Lexa woke her up and started dressing Clarke in a warm coat and boots.

“What’s happening?” Clarke drowsily mumbled even as she lifted her foot so Lexa could slip on her boots and looked toward where the curtains were drawn across the balcony doors, trying to hear anything strange in the quiet house.

“I want to show you something.” Lexa answered, taking hold of Clarke’s hand and leading her out of the room.

Clarke’s heart thudded in anticipation as she willingly followed after Lexa, down the hall, and passed the few guards on night duty curiously looking at the two of them.

Lexa led her out of the front doors, down the steps and stopped a few feet into their front yard.

“There won’t be much today...” Lexa whispered, while Clarke just stared at the surprise, then looked up into the semi-dark, partly cloudy sky and her eyes fluttered closed when a couple of snowflakes hit her face. “I thought you’d want to see; it would’ve started to melt by the time you woke up…”

Clarke couldn’t speak, because the first thing she thought about when she realised that it was actually _snowing_ , was how much she wished that her father could’ve seen it. She opened her eyes and looked at Lexa, who seemed to be watching her with the same wonder Clarke felt at seeing the snowflakes.

“Thank you for waking me.” Clarke whispered back and smiled when Lexa grinned at her, a pretty blush colouring her cheeks.

The Commander remained quietly at her side, dressed in one of her regal ankle length, high-collared coats and leather boots, unbuttoned to reveal a pair of pyjama pants and a matching top.

Clarke just soaked it all in, lost in her memories of movie nights with her dad; that time he’d built a machine that spewed shredded insulation sponge into the air and all over his workshop floor when Clarke was six. It was sort of yellowish, but Clarke didn’t care, she’d been ready to jump out of her skin with excitement. What made it even better, was that he’d sat and played with her in it, and made ‘snow’ angels like they’d seen in the movies. Jake had even thought to get the fixings for them to build a papier-mâché snowman…

Clarke’s heart ached even as it felt light with joy and she gratefully exhaled and sunk back when she felt Lexa’s arms circling her from behind. She’d told Lexa about that memory, when Clarke had expressed her tentative excitement over the upcoming Winter. She wondered if Lexa could tell that she was thinking about her father, because Lexa didn’t ask why Clarke had tears pooling in her eyes.

Instead, they just quietly stood huddled together for warmth and comfort, watching the snowflakes glittering in the sky like silver fireflies, until the last of the night faded, and the light snowfall had stopped entirely.

* * *

It didn’t snow again, and a few days after, Clarke was returning home from helping Nyko with a complicated delivery- the baby had needed to be turned around, and it had been touch and go for a while - but both mother and baby were fine and Clarke felt ten feet tall, walking up the familiar path, leading Cocoa by her reins.

She immediately deflated though when she spotted the messenger with his Ice Nation flag leaving the white house and her heart dropped into the pit of her stomach.

 _Ekko._ Was Clarke’s only thought, as she swiftly mounted Cocoa and pushed her toward the house.

* * *

“ _No_.” Clarke firmly replied, even though no question had been directed at her.

She’d found Lexa in the war room, alone and slumped on her throne, looking entirely defeated. Clarke had thought the worst when Lexa’s eyes had locked onto hers and shone with remorse. But after flying up to hug Clarke and reassure her that it wasn’t news of Echo, Lexa dropped the bomb that she’d been invited to officiate the battle between Victus and Ontari for the Azgeda throne.

“They can come here if they want you to watch them fight.” Clarke lowly growled.

“It needs to happen on Azgeda soil, in front of their people as witnesses. Victus had suggested just after the clan wars, that the Commander being there as a requirement would prevent assassinations and foul play. I had agreed.”

“You knew that you’d be summoned to Azgeda for this and you didn’t tell me?”

“I hadn’t known it would happen before Winter, Clarke. But yes, I didn’t want you to worry about something you couldn’t change just yet. If I don’t go, Ontari will take the throne in whichever way she pleases. At least with me there, I can ensure that Victus has a fair chance, but I am also needed to swear in the new ruler to the Coalition.”

“ _No_.” Clarke’s jaws and fists clenched simultaneously. She liked Victus, but no way in hell she was letting Lexa go to Azgeda.

“I’ve already sent my acceptance with the messenger.” Lexa lifted her chin. “I will leave in the morning.”

They glared at each other for a long moment.

“Fine.” Clarke conceded. “I’ll go pack our bags.” She sneered and turned for the door.

“Clarke.”

And for fuck’s sake. Why did her body sometimes react to Lexa’s voice and gestures without her mind’s permission?

 _“What?”_ Clarke bit back, trying to regain some edge in the argument even as her body turned to face Lexa.

“You will be staying here.” Lexa formally informed her.

“No, I won’t.” Clarke matched her tone and stance, folding her arms behind her back.

“I need you here.” Lexa’s jaw furiously worked, shifting from side to side in that tell-tale sign of distress Clarke hated to see and especially be the cause of.

“I’m not letting you go into enemy territory alone.”

“I won’t be alone.”

“Without me.” Clarke corrected and Lexa’s eyes and body softened.

“Beja, Clarke.” She gently pleaded. “I need you in Polis.”

“Leksa!” Clarke shouted her frustration. “I’ve got a really bad feeling about this.”

“I need you here.” Lexa resolutely stated.

“No.”

Lexa drew in a breath as though for courage.

“Clarke.” She exhaled the name and turned big pleading eyes on her. “ _Please_ , just this once, will you listen to me?” Her voice was soft and small and nothing that Clarke could ever say no to.

She also knew that Lexa wasn’t going to relent. So much for needing Clarke at her side…

But Lexa wasn’t going to war and if she was challenged, it would need to happen in Polis. And if Lexa could beat Gregor, she would be able to beat Ontari. At least Clarke reasoned that way, she’d never met the woman. Besides, Clarke’s presence as newly elected Gonheda might send the wrong message to those who still doubted her. Right? Clarke really couldn’t make any sense of not going with Lexa, but she knew Lexa wouldn’t give in. Winter was on them and Clarke would slow down their travel time. She would distract Lexa from watching her own back in enemy territory…

Lexa stood tensed and waiting while Clarke debated with her head and her heart, ready to fight Clarke on it if it took all night. And even though she felt a fool just thinking it, Clarke hoped that Ontari would decide that she was happy with just getting the Azgeda throne… But no, she’d gone out of her way to get Elders to say that she would be the next Heda. Ontari’s thirst for power wouldn’t stop with Azgeda. All Clarke could hope was that Victus would beat her in single-combat, and he hadn’t seemed that confident about that happening, at all…

“Promise me you’ll come back.” Clarke conceded, her chest aching with dread as she tried to convince herself that Lexa would have her very competent personal guard with her and would be extra vigilant if she wasn’t worried about Clarke’s safety in the nation that had taken Costia from her, simply for being the Heda’s houmon.

Why was everyone leaving her?

Lexa pulled her into a fierce hug.

“Always, Steltrona.”

* * *

The only good thing with Lexa and Echo gone, was that, as Gonheda, Clarke commanded the Polis Guard and she could therefore instruct them to fight her whenever she wanted. And even more, they were determined to show her their skill. Somehow, even when Clarke lost, it still established a rapport between them and they never seemed to lose their respect. It actually seemed to grow as Clarke dedicated herself to learning from them, and even teaching some of the Sekens.

So she sparred hard and trained with Kahlan in war strategies and sword fighting. She exhausted herself every single one of the eight days Lexa had been gone, and still it felt like an eternity had passed until she finally heard the horns blaring from the front gates.

Clarke waited impatiently in their foyer, tempted to go out and greet Lexa, but knowing their reunion wouldn’t be interrupted inside. So she stayed and paced and ignored the house staff snickering at her.

Fucking finally, the front doors opened and Lexa stepped over the threshold and Clarke’s stomach violently twisted when she took in the pale features.

“Leks?” She cautiously questioned.

“ _Clarke._ ” Lexa’s smile looked delirious and Clarke hurried forward, reaching her just in time to catch Lexa as she fainted.

“Wha-

Clarke shifted panicked eyes to the shocked faces of Lexa’s warriors. “What happened?” She asked, accepting help from Tomas – Lexa’s Healer – to gently lay the Commander on the floor so that Clarke could examine her.

But then Clarke’s entire world froze when she felt the wet stickiness of Lexa’s clothes; the darkness of the material having hidden just how soaked they had been.

Mindlessly, Clarke pulled her hands from Lexa’s waist and stared at the red blood staining her hands.

* * *

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "They're gonna have an absolute shitfit." Is what Duckie said re: this chapter... I think she's exaggerating. 
> 
> Thanks for your comments and patience. Uncle Cliff is a drunk old bastard who loves hanging out where he isn't welcomed xD
> 
> xx

 

The loud ringing in Clarke’s ears was drowning out everything else, while she watched in a haze as Lexa was carefully placed onto their bed. Nyko had been summoned in record time and was working along with Tomas, to stop the bleeding from Lexa’s abdomen.

Clarke wasn’t even sure how she’d gotten upstairs with them. Had she walked? Had someone carried her? She didn’t remember moving. All she could do was stare at an unconscious Lexa until Wrex appeared in her line of sight, blocking her view.

Clarke rapidly blinked to try and see him properly.

“You need to look, Clarke.” His voice sounded muffled, his eyes desperate, even as he attempted to speak in a calming tone.

Clarke looked to Grunt who was staring at Lexa with wide eyes and then her gaze lowered to her own hands, furiously trembling and stained red with Lexa’s blood.

“What happened?” Clarke dumbly asked again.

“We were ambushed a few miles outside of the Iron Clan boundary lines.”

Clarke had been extensively studying the maps of the clans with Kahlan, so she knew that the Iron Clan and Trikru were neighbours, and Polis was about two hours ride out from the boundary line on the road from Azgeda.

“There were only six of them. It was as though they weren’t even trying…” Wrex frowned like he was trying to make sense of it all. “We disposed of them quickly and Heda hadn’t even needed to draw her sword. None of them made it anywhere near her...”

Clarke stared at her shaking hands and then at all the blood surrounding Lexa and her eyes widened in realisation.

“She didn’t say a word…” Wrex continued to explain to deaf ears. “She’d just gotten back on her horse and led us back home.”

Clarke rushed forward, Nyko stepping away in relief to allow Clarke some space, who ripped away all the bandages and then stared at the obvious bullet wound.

“Get my bag from the closet.” Clarke looked to Tomas, pointing him in the right direction, and he hurried to obey as Clarke applied pressure again.

Clarke wiped her forehead, feeling the way she smeared Lexa’s blood across it... Fucking Lexa who could’ve had Tomas look at her. Lexa had at least somehow managed to apply enough pressure to not have bled out yet, but Clarke had no idea how much blood she’d lost. Riding a horse for two hours with a wound like that? How was Lexa even still breathing?

Her head spun and her chest ached; Clarke just wanted to throw up and then curl into a tiny ball and lay there forever…

She tried to think through her frantic heartbeat, breathing deeply through her nose and smelling only blood. God, Clarke bit back her tears, fought down the ache in her chest and the anxious knots in her belly.

Lexa needed her to remain calm, so Clarke exhaled through her mouth and closed her eyes, keeping pressure on the wound until Tomas appeared next to her.

She then met Nyko’s eyes; they’d never treated a bullet wound before, but they worked well together.

“I need you to gently turn her so I can check if there’s an exit wound.” Clarke attempted to make her voice sound certain and confident, but the hoarse shake in her tone was unmistakeable.

Nyko’s brows knitted and he stared at the wound beneath the bandages and then realisation dawned and for the first time he allowed his panic and fear to show on his face.

“Naikou. Please.” Clarke begged, because she wouldn’t be able to keep her shit together if Nyko lost his. “Help me move her.”

Nyko nodded and did as instructed, Tomas replacing Clarke’s hands on the bandages, while she examined Lexa’s back.

“Fuck.” Clarke muttered; the bullet was still inside of Lexa’s abdomen.

Clarke motioned for them to lay Lexa on her back again, who groaned and mumbled something unintelligible, still semi-conscious.

“I know it hurts, Baby...” Clarke absently soothed, brushing a damp curl from Lexa’s face. “…But I’ll make it better soon… I promise.”

* * *

The bullet lodged in Lexa’s body cavity had ironically stopped a lot of the bleeding, because the second Clarke managed to pry it out of Lexa’s flesh, she had started bleeding even more profusely and Clarke almost ran out of the room, with how the sight had affected her.

Luckily Nyko and Tomas stepped in and Clarke crawled to her medical bag, her legs having felt completely useless; her head cloudy and dizzy.

She had refused offers from the larger men in the room and quickly hooked herself up to the bloodbag that would replenish Lexa.

So that was where Clarke sat, next to their bed, feeling her blood flowing out of her veins and into Lexa, who’d finally stopped bleeding, her wound closed and dressed, thanks to the fast hands of her very competent Healers.

Clarke’s heart was still painfully pounding and she felt too weak to argue when Nyko stopped the transfusion without Clarke’s direction. She wasn’t sure how much she’d given, but would’ve given every single drop, if it meant that Lexa would wake up again.

She allowed Nyko to pick her up – unable to offer any resistance - and carry her to the other side of the bed, where the bloodied furs had been replaced and Lexa had been dressed in her soft pyjamas by Tali.

After situating Clarke, Nyko then placed some bread on the bedside table, along with a glass and a pitcher of water.

Clarke shook her head.

“I’ll try to eat later.” She assured him. Clarke was very certain that she would throw up the instant she ate anything.

Nyko nodded. “Heda needs you strong.” He whispered his emotional blackmail to ensure that Clarke would take care of herself. “She’ll be sleeping for a while, you should get some rest too.”

“Mochof, Naikou.” Clarke thanked him for picking up her slack when she couldn’t focus, or didn’t give him much to go on.

She heard him leave and reached out her hand to intertwine her fingers with Lexa’s; their large bed and Clarke’s caution to not get too close and hurt Lexa, creating a wide space between them.

They didn’t know what damage the bullet might have done. It had entered Lexa’s abdomen just below her breast and if it had punctured Lexa’s stomach, she wouldn’t have made it home… So Clarke was at least certain that _that_ hadn’t happened. The bruising on her abdomen also seemed minor, indicating no internal bleeding or other affected organs… But, Clarke couldn’t count on what she could see on the outside, she needed to get a scan done to rule out any internal damage or ruptures. Clarke needed the facilities at Arkadia.

But Lexa had been shot with a _gun_ … Did that mean that the Mountain had been compromised?

* * *

Clarke wasn’t sure whether she had slept or not, she kept on startling awake from a half sleep to check whether Lexa was breathing. She was still very pale and Clarke wasn’t looking much better, so she forced down some food after checking on Lexa’s wound and monitoring the bruising that at least didn’t seem to have increased.

Clarke sat wondering whether she should send a messenger to Arkadia, to ask her mom to come. But Abby wouldn’t be able to bring the machines Clarke needed, and what if Skaikru was responsible for the assassination attempt?

No one on the Council would’ve allowed it though, which only expanded Clarke’s worry to include her friends and family. Wrex had told her that the warriors who had attacked them, hadn’t worn any clan identifiers, and none had carried a gun. The fact that the bullet had still been lodged in Lexa, meant the shooter most likely had been standing at a distance from the battle, which had probably been intended as a distraction.

You didn’t attack the Commander’s personal guard with only six men… That was plain suicide. Everyone in the clans knew that. There was a story at the Pits that Lexa’s entourage had successfully defended themselves against a band of over fifty raiders, who had been terrorising the road between the Sangeda and Flaudonkru for years.

None of Lexa’s warriors had even heard a gunshot though, but had admitted that they’d been very focused on the battle too. Clarke knew how adrenaline could drown out everything save for your pounding heart and the loud clashing of swords.

There was also the possibility that the shooter had used a silencer… She’d gone through enough inventory lists as Skaikru Chancellor to have noticed that Mount Weather had silencer barrels, even though the Ark hadn’t.

Clarke absently reached into her pocket and played with the bullet she for some reason couldn’t throw away.

Clarke had called Kahlan in that morning and had instructed the house staff not to spread word of the Heda’s condition. Clarke assumed that that was why her Idiot had decided to ride all the way back home before collapsing. There would be wide spread panic and the people of Polis would be camped outside demanding to know whether Lexa was okay and whether vengeance for the attack would be had, and Clarke wouldn’t be able to answer them.

Lexa looked to be sleeping, her pulse was weak, but there, and Clarke wasn’t sure if she was doing the right thing in just sitting there and waiting for Lexa to get stronger. She couldn’t leave Lexa to go to the Mountain to find out what was going on there, either. Because Clarke needed to monitor her health.

She would need to send a messenger. One that might not return if Skaikru had indeed become an enemy to the Coalition.

Could she do that, though? Send a man to his possible death to save Lexa?

Clarke bit her lip and rose from her seat. She would ask one of the men to volunteer and explain the danger. Still, Clarke had no doubt that every single warrior in the Polis Guard would volunteer for that mission.

Before she could reach the door, a knock sounded and Clarke instinctively reached for her pommel. She’d been armed the entire time since getting up from bed.

Drawing her sword, she carefully opened the door, and sighed in relief when she saw Kahlan standing there.

Noticing his face though, Clarke’s blood instantly ran cold.

* * *

Clarke sunk down into a parlour chair, not really shocked at the news she’d just heard, feeling only resigned, as her mind worked at a million miles a minute.

“How many?” Clarke murmured, motioning to the chair opposite, which Kahlan declined, his shoulders tensed and hands rigidly folded behind his back.

Yeah, Clarke didn’t blame him for not being able to sit down.

“Scouts estimate close to a thousand warriors.”

Clarke drew in a slow, shaky, breath.

“Did they see which clans were marching on Polis?”

“Ice Nation, Horse Clan, Iron Clan and River Clan colours and flags had been identified.”

Clarke nodded, hardly a surprise either. Azgeda had over a thousand warriors though. They might only have sent as little because Polis had less than half of that in their guard. They wouldn’t need more than that to easily take the city.

The Twins had reported that Lexa had sworn in Ontari as Queen of Azgeda, after she’d defeated Victus in battle. The grieving Commander hadn’t bothered to stay the night and had set out for Polis as soon as Victus had been laid to rest and the feast in Ontari’s honour had barely concluded.

Lexa’s ambush had clearly been planned since the armies would’ve needed to assemble quickly, or they wouldn’t have conveniently been attacking in that moment. Lexa’s delegation had apparently rested that night, giving Ontari’s messengers time to pass them toward the other clans, and set up the ambush and rally their troops.

If Lexa was still on her feet, she would’ve challenged Ontari to single combat to prevent a war, forcing her to either accept, or risk her warriors doubting her. Clarke knew that no one would’ve answered to Ontari had she not accepted such a challenge. Clarke struggled to understand why any would follow her at all, fake Elder prophecies or not.

“Clarke?” Kahlan twitched, the warrior in him ready for action.

Clarke had almost forgotten that he was there as her mind raced with calculations.

“Send a hundred warriors on horseback up to the house, make sure all our archers are on the walls and the foot soldiers are at the gate.”

“Sha, Gonheda.” Kahlan nodded, his fist slamming his chest so hard that Clarke thought he might’ve broken something before he rushed off, barking orders into his radio without questioning Clarke’s request.

A chill of power ran up her spine, and Clarke shivered at the feeling of being so blindly obeyed, before getting up and calling for Tali. She had the entire household staff pack what they could carry and then disappeared back into her and Lexa’s room, emptying a few things from Lexa’s still packed duffle.

“Go get your travel packs ready.” She commanded when Grunt and Wrex entered after also having been summoned. Clarke knew word had already spread about the army approaching their front gates, just over an hour’s march away. The Twins hesitated, looking at the unconscious Lexa for a long moment and then eventually nodded, leaving to do as instructed.

Lexa was such a sentimental being, and in that moment, Clarke’s main task was not forgetting anything of value.

She grabbed Lexa and Costia’s Binding Bracelets; deciding the telescope would take up too much space. She then went to Lexa’s desk where she removed the box containing the braids of Gustus, Anya, Costia and Lexa’s parents.

Clarke next removed the lance Anya had given Lexa from its mantle and placed it next to the duffle, before grabbing the chess set from the coffee table. Clarke’s heart then jumped and she frantically unpacked everything she’d just shoved inside, but stopped when her hand hit hard, dark, leather. Clarke paused her frantic packing then, and stared at the sheathed twin blades she discovered. Her mouth fell open when she removed one sword and examined the shiny metal and stark, black, hilt.

No doubt Lexa had intended them as a gift for Clarke given how carefully they’d been hidden away. They were slightly shorter than the usual long sword, but with a broader and thicker blade. And yet they felt a lot lighter in her grip, even though the gleaming metal looked close to indestructible.

Clarke hadn’t even realised how much she’d learned about metals whilst cleaning the weapons in Lexa’s armoury.

Her eyes stung with tears, which she quickly blinked away.

Then wasn’t the time for crying. So Clarke sheathed the stunning blade again and shoved both back into the duffle, shifting passed the remaining contents, until she found Lexa’s Journal and blew out a shaky breath of relief. She opened up the book to the last page and swallowed the knot in her throat at the familiar pressed petals on the now brownish stem.

It was the flower Clarke had given Lexa before she’d set off on the Hunt during the Tournament and had asked Lexa to be hers… Clarke hadn’t known Lexa had kept it until a few weeks prior, when the Heda had fallen asleep in Clarke’s studio and Clarke had lifted the journal from Lexa’s chest to cover her with a blanket and The Flower had fallen from its pages.

Sniffing, she carefully packed everything in the duffle, quickly shoving a blonde braid she’d cut from her own hair into the box, and then went to make sure everyone was gathered outside.

Clarke sent the hundred warriors waiting and ready for her command to the stables to help the house staff get ready, and called Nyko and Tomas up to her room again.

Clarke removed the thick, almost black, winter coat Lexa hadn’t had a chance to even wear yet, from their closet. It had been made with the Grizzly bearskin from Clarke’s kill during the Tournament Hunt. The collar was lined with a soft, dark grey, wolf pelt and Clarke had loved the way it made Lexa look both wild and majestic when she’d modelled it for Clarke. It was the warmest thing in their closet and Clarke gathered its bulk in her arms as she instructed Nyko to pick Lexa up and Tomas to get the lance and duffle.

Nyko cradled Lexa to his chest as gently as though she was a new-born baby and carefully carried her downstairs where Clarke wrapped her in the thick coat and a scarf, before they exited the house.

“You need to put as much distance between yourselves and Polis, as fast as possible.” Clarke instructed the Twins, not looking at them, instead watching the hundred men all standing at the ready, along with their entire household. “Go to Tondisi and tell Indra what has happened. Ontari had ambushed Heda and has chosen to strike while she’s weak instead of challenging her in honourable battle.”

Clarke said it loud enough for the staff around her to hear and saw how their confusion and doubt at running away, turned into anger.

“She shouldn’t be riding in her condition, Wrex.” Clarke said in a lower voice. “You’ll have to keep her as upright as possible and as soon as you’re able to, build a litter and carry her the rest of the way.”

He nodded. “You will come too, Little Pauna.”

Clarke shook her head. “I can’t.”

She ignored him and motioned the people into action, explaining that the Twins would show them the secret passage and where they would find their salvation, asking them to keep Heda safe so that she may return and take back their home.

“I will stay too.” Tali suddenly piped up and Clarke couldn’t help the anger that overcame her, she didn’t have time to argue with everyone. “Heda kom Azgeda will not kill the people.” Tali interjected before Clarke could say anything. “She will keep me here to serve her, and I will be a spy for Heda.” Tali defiantly stated, lifting her chin and Clarke almost cried at the absolute loyalty.

“I will stay with Clarke.” Grunt stated and Clarke spun around to object, but was interrupted by the Twins grabbing each other at their napes, foreheads almost smashing together as they simultaneously instructed the other:

_“Keep her safe.”_

Clarke’s heart clenched so hard the breath got knocked out of her and all she could do was go to kiss Lexa’s temple, whisper a too quick ‘I love you, please forgive me’ in her ear, before she rushed toward the front gate, with Grunt in tow.

* * *

Clarke stood on the outlook and stared at the empty forest, the grey morning sky making it seem dark and ominous. She couldn’t see anything yet, but she could hear the war drums approaching, even through the frantic beating of her heart in her ears. Lexa’s entourage would need to circumnavigate the entire army and then also put enough space between them and Polis. Clarke almost wished that the army was closer, so that she could at least provide a distraction while the others made their escape.

But Wrex would know to keep everyone clear from Ontari’s path. If Clarke knew one thing, it was that Lexa had one hundred warriors that would protect her with their lives.

“There are too many.” Kahlan murmured next to her and Clarke nodded. She knew that already. That’s why she’d asked for a hundred warriors, so she could at least save as many as that. They were all going to die that day and the only hope they had, was that Lexa would make it to Tondisi and call on the entire Trikru army to reclaim Polis.

Clarke refused to believe that Lexa might not recover from her injuries even if she did reach Ton DC.

She looked to their tiny army standing ready to march. Close to four hundred men and women, armed and ready to fight till their very last breaths.

“There is no need for us all to die here today.” Kahlan stated and smiled charmingly with earnest eyes gazing deep into Clarke’s soul. “They will only kill the warriors. Our people will be sent away, or kept to farm the lands, or serve their army.”

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek, understanding dawning. They were running out of time, so she needed to make a decision quick.

“One hundred will stay behind, defending from the walls, to provide time for the rest to escape to Tondisi and join Heda. We don’t have enough time to evacuate the citizens, and the children and elderly won’t be able to keep up at the pace that would be needed for an escape…”

Kahlan nodded.

“Ask for volunteers.” Clarke murmured, when Kahlan turned to his men already staring up at them and waiting for their commands.

“They are your men, Gonheda.” He softly reminded and Clarke’s stomach dropped and twisted into a million spiky knots.

Still, she nervously stepped forward on shaking legs, drawing in a deep breath for courage.

“ _Heda had been ambushed and injured on her journey home from Azgeda_.” Clarke started in Trigedasleng, needing everyone to know why Lexa wasn’t standing at the head of her army; that she hadn’t abandoned them all to die. “ _Ontari, the new leader of the Ice Nation, had weakened her in a cowardly attack, and along with the Horse, River and Iron Clans, they gathered the army that now marches on Polis._ ” Clarke hoped they would realise that they still had allies and it was only four clans acting against them. “ _The Coalition still stands, as I have made the decision to send our recovering Heda to Tondisi. Ontari had failed to take her down and Heda will make her pay for that mistake_!” Clarke watched the satisfaction shining in their eyes at the proclamation. “ _But for now I must ask something very difficult of you. To reclaim Polis and to stabilize the Coalition, to bring peace once again and destroy our enemies for what they aim to take from us today, I must ask you to run._ ” There was instant unrest and opposition. They all had friends and family there. Running was the last thing they would be inclined to do. “ _To join Heda in Tondisi and to gather with our remaining allies. Even more I ask, that one hundred warriors will stay behind to buy the others enough time to make their escape._ ” The guards settled and instead appeared to be pondering Clarke’s words.

“ _Heda has taught me that we need to choose our battles wisely. And by sacrificing today, we will ensure that we win the war!_ ”

She was met with an agonizing silence, until Kahlan stepped forward, slamming his fist over his chest.

“Deyon ai wan op, gon ai kru; gon ai Heda!” He valiantly shouted.

As one, over a hundred soldiers stepped forward and mimicked his action.

_Today I die, for my people; for my Commander._

* * *

Clarke was a mess, but she helped to choose a few warriors, needing to stop at eighty, because she couldn’t ask even more to die that day, even when there was over double that number ready to do so.

“Cover your trail.” She instructed Grunt, who gaped at her.

“Make sure everyone is locked up in their homes.” She turned to Kahlan. “We don’t want them to get caught up in the fighting once their army breaks through. We’ll surrender as soon as the walls are breached to avoid too much damage to the city, so let the people know to go to Tondisi for aid once they’re evicted from Polis.”

Kahlan relayed the message to one of his men, sending him off to make sure it spread as fast as possible, but like Grunt, turned back to stare at Clarke.

“What?” She asked.

Kahlan looked to Grunt for help, who sighed heavily.

“You will be leaving too, Clarke.” Grunt helplessly told her, anticipating resistance.

He was right.

“I’m staying.” Clarke stubbornly lifted her chin. Polis was her home. She was responsible for every single life there. “Take the men and go, we don’t have time to argue.” She commanded, causing a few people to stop their sad goodbyes and last minute messages to their families, to stare at the altercation.

“Clarke.” Kahlan came to stand in front of her, right in the path of Clarke’s stubborn glare. “We know that you feel as though your place is here with us.” He said loud enough for a few men to nod. “But think about it…”

Clarke finally looked at him.

“We are sacrificing ourselves so that Heda might come to save our people.” Kahlan carefully explained. “But if you died here today, we will have no Heda to save us.”

Clarke tilted her head.

“You are Heda’s strength. And you must be with her to protect her.”

Clarke looked to Grunt for help, for some reason, unsurprised when she saw the agreement with Kahlan written all over his face.

“We don’t know if Queen Ontari will be targeting our allies.” Kahlan murmured. “Heda’s armies are still outside these walls and they need a Gonheda to lead them.”

Clarke looked down to the ground.

“That is your responsibility. That is what Heda has chosen you for.”

Clarke wanted to slap him.

Instead she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Not caring who saw the tears running down her cheeks.

“I’ll make them pay for this.” Clarke huskily vowed when she pulled away again.

Kahlan sagely grinned. “That knowledge is what gives us strength today.”

* * *

Clarke gave up on trying to hide the tracks of hundreds of warriors and instead just divided them up into four groups and sent them in different directions to divert anyone following them. It would probably be obvious that they would head to Ton DC since it was Indra’s home, but Clarke hoped to at least cause enough confusion for a head start. Sending the warriors to Ton DC via a few different villages, would also inform the Trikru of what was happening and to be on alert.

Clarke was more worried about the citizens she’d been forced to leave behind and hoped that they would remain safe as that was the rule of war amongst the clans. In all her studies with Kahlan, that had remained the case. The Grounders were warriors born and bred, but they respected the lives of those who weren’t. They didn’t kill anyone who didn’t pose a threat.

After leaving Kahlan, Clarke had gone into her house and grabbed a few things. She had sent Cocoa off with Lexa, so wasn’t familiar with the horse she was riding toward Ton DC, far enough in that moment, that the ominous war drums weren’t audible any longer.

In her saddlebags was the Gonheda mask. The one that Clarke felt she didn’t deserve to wear, now more than ever, since Kahlan’s heroic sacrifice. Because Clarke hadn’t left Polis to go and be Gonheda to the Coalition, she had left because she needed to be with Lexa.

* * *

Clarke had checked on Lexa the moment she entered Ton DC, ignoring the questioning looks of everyone gathered outside, as parts of the Polis Guard periodically filtered in behind her.

Indra had welcomed the Heda in her two-bedroom cottage. Lexa had been nestled in a bed of furs in front of a roaring fire and had actually regained some colour in her cheeks despite the long trek from Polis.

After checking on her wound - which had started slightly bleeding - cleaning, and redressing it with an antibiotic poultice, Clarke had tucked her back in and then exited the house to stand next to Indra.

She’d instructed the Twins to stay with Lexa because she wasn’t quite sure how the hundreds of warriors would feel about being homeless and having retreated, now that the adrenaline had dissipated from their veins.

“She will be angry with you for saving her.” Indra murmured as they looked over their hopeless people.

“I know.” Clarke swallowed thickly.

“You made the best decision.”

Clarke nodded. If Lexa died, there would be no hope. And Lexa could still die, which was why Clarke had Nyko stay at her side too. If only Lexa could just wake up and give Clarke an indication of her pain…

“Have you sent out scouts to let us know should Ontari’s army follow?” Clarke asked.

Indra nodded that she had. “They would be foolish to follow. Currently the Trikru army is scattered amongst their home villages. If they attack one, or move past one, we will spread word to gather and defeat them in our forests. They will make Polis their base. It’s easier to defend.”

Clarke hoped that Indra was right. She’d never thought that someone would attack Polis. Because attacking Polis didn’t make you leader of anything. It just made you a dick for invading the homes of a city known for being neutral ground for all of the clans to enjoy.

 _“We should go back, Little Pauna!”_ Someone shouted from the crowd growing more and more agitated as they helplessly stood squished into the small plane and scattered between a few homes in the village.

 _“The Trikru will fight with us!”_ Another instantly agreed.

Clarke looked to Indra. “How long will it take to gather your warriors?”

“Perhaps three days.” Indra estimated. “Even with numbers, Polis’s walls provide an advantage to a defending army. It will also start snowing in a few days and our army will be weakened by it without proper shelter, should the battle last too long.”

Clarke sighed, marching on Polis wasn’t either their call to make. And not all of their enemies’ warriors were in Polis, many were still in their homeclans, able to offer support to Ontari and completely surround an attacking Trikru army. Maybe that was the plan, even? Clarke didn’t know Ontari, but she knew that Guwain was a smart fuck and not to be underestimated.

“Where are we going to put everyone?” Clarke asked. Ton DC didn’t have the space, and Winter would make it impossible to set up tents able to keep out the cold.

“I’ve sent out messengers asking our villages how many they’re able to take. I will need to send out more to our allies, as I hadn’t realised how many you had been able to save.”

Clarke was grateful for the delicate way Indra had described them all running away.

“Mochof, Indra.” She whispered, for everything the Trikru leader had done, and watched the crowd as they grumbled at each other and the panic and hopelessness finally reached its peak.

Yeah they had run, but now they needed a plan to focus on. Something to keep them motivated. Trembling furiously, Clarke stepped forward, slightly higher on the incline to Indra’s house, all eyes instantly shifting to follow her and looking to their Gonheda for guidance…

Clarke licked her lips, not sure what to say, and then frowned when every single warrior in sight fell to their knees and bowed their heads.

_What?_

Clarke spun around when she heard Indra’s front door closing and her heart and stomach decided to painfully crash into each other when she saw Lexa standing there.

She was so shocked at the sight, that Clarke couldn’t move as the Heda limped down the steps, right passed Clarke. Lexa had her war paint on, the dark grizzly coat covering her body and Anya’s lance gripped tightly in her right hand, being used as a crutch, yet also giving off an imperial air.

“Rise.” Lexa’s voice was gravelly, the effect might’ve been perceived as rough and angry, but it only made Clarke want to shove some water down her throat.

“War is upon us.” Lexa continued, forcing Clarke to plant her feet and rigidly listen to what Lexa would risk her life to say to her people.  “Not for the first time and most likely not the last.” Lexa gruffly stated. “We've been fighting so long to survive that our children are born warriors. The thirst for battle and glory flows in our veins...”

Clarke was glaring hard at the beads of sweat dripping from Lexa's paling forehead, the war paint doing enough to disguise some of her symptoms, but she was clearly weakened, though only Clarke really knew to what extent and she battled between defying her Heda and protecting her houmon, wanting to just drag Lexa back inside.

“Polis is our _home_.” Lexa growled through clenched jaws, looking fierce, but from Clarke’s point of view, she was trying to bite down her pain and discomfort. “That coward who has sent others to disable me instead of challenging me in honourable battle, has taken our home from us. Polis is not for _any_ False Heda to claim as her own!”

The people cheered at the anger and compassion and Clarke wondered if they could see the way the Heda’s eyes were glazed in agony; how heavily she leaned on her lance for support.

“Gonheda will find you somewhere safe to stay during Winter. Be good guests for our allies, my brothers and sisters.” Lexa’s voice broke and she started coughing and her eyes squeezed shut in pain. Clarke took two steps forward before Lexa lifted her hand and stopped her without even looking at Clarke. “Train and rest, and remember our families, who count on us to remain strong and focused.”

Of course Lexa would have thought of a plan. How long had she even been awake to know what was happening? Clarke glared to where Wrex and Grunt stood. Lexa wouldn’t have been able to put the war paint on by herself. They both instantly looked away in guilt.

“Because once the final snow melts, we will return to Polis and reclaim our home!” Lexa emphatically vowed and the cheers went up again.

And Clarke just wanted to take her back inside, scared of the hope growing in her own heart even as her Healer-mind told her that Lexa’s miraculous recovery couldn’t possibly be true. That Lexa was only making it so much worse…

“Ontari of the Ice Nation will _pay_ for her treason!” Lexa shouted.

The warriors started beating their chests and Clarke could see that Lexa was losing her strength – strength she shouldn’t even have had – to try and shout over the ruckus.

Clarke just want everyone to shut up so she could take Lexa back inside and determine how she was possibly standing upright and ask her where the pain was.

“All the traitors who have aided her in this deception; who have defied the Coalition; who have fractured the peace we have worked so hard towards, will taste what vengeance lies at the tip of my lance!”

Lexa was actually stupid enough to thrust the tip of her lance into the air, her warriors following suit with their own weapons.

Clarke visibly winced when she saw the sheer pain in Lexa's eyes and stepped forward, ready to forcibly take the stubborn Commander inside. But she stopped and tears of terror and pure pride shone in Clarke's eyes when Lexa growled the words that would keep the fire burning in the warriors’ hearts throughout the long Winter ahead:

“Jus drein jus daun!”

 _Jus drein jus daun, jus drein jus daun_ the answering chant came. Lexa rigidly soaked it in, her sharp jawline regally jutting out as though the words themselves were giving her strength. Finally, she slowly turned around, her body instantly slumping. Clarke rushed to assist her and guided her up the steps of Indra’s house.

She glared at Wrex and Grunt, reluctantly releasing Lexa so they could help her inside. They helplessly stared back with apologetic eyes and Clarke could understand why they had allowed Lexa to force her way out of bed.

When Lexa drew on the mask of the Commander, it was something magical to see and all who loved and respected her, wouldn’t deny her a thing. It was that charisma that had the clans follow a young Trikru girl into battle. Lexa had this way of making herself seem entirely invincible.

It had worked on Clarke too, because – despite her immense worry – she had also just helplessly stood there and became inspired and hopeful, while she listened to the stupidly stubborn Heda, giving hope to their despairing people.

* * *

“Put me down!” Lexa breathlessly demanded while she struggled to get out of Grunt’s hold, who placed her down on her feet to prevent her from further injuring herself. “Clarke!” Lexa desperately called out for her and Clarke hurried passed all the hulking figures in her way, just in time to see Lexa collapsing, thankfully right into Nyko’s waiting arms.

“Clarke.” Lexa’s voice was raw in its urgency, her face ashen and covered in beads of sweat.

“I’m here, Leks.” Clarke breathlessly rasped and froze when Lexa weakly tried to clutch onto Clarke’s collar. She gently took hold of Lexa’s hand and carefully pulled it to her chest, staring at her wife with wide terrified eyes.

There was a moment of complete stillness when their eyes met and Clarke held her breath…

“Ste yuj…” Lexa finally croaked, just before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she started violently seizing.

Everything became a blur after that; Clarke rushing around trying to break Lexa’s fever, who had gone into shock. Clarke had to reopen the bleeding wound Lexa had ruptured by forcing herself outside unassisted.

Clarke hated her. Clarke had never hated Lexa as much as she did in that moment, as her hand shook and she pierced her own fingers while she tried to suture the wound back closed.

She eventually gave up, afraid to cause more damage, and asked Nyko to take over.

“I need some air.” Clarke rasped, unable to glance at Lexa, who was out cold, and weaker than ever. Clarke couldn’t check whether she was still breathing, she was too scared to. Nyko would have to tell her.

Nobody stopped her as she stumbled out of Indra’s back door. Clarke managed only a few steps from the exit and toward the back wall of the house, when she bent over at the waist, and vomited, weakly falling to her knees.

Even as her body heaved and convulsed and the yellow bile left her throat, Clarke felt the panic overshadow her physical response. She wiped her mouth and fell with her back against the wall, uselessly sucking in big lungful’s of air.

Clarke needed Echo.

She couldn’t do it on her own.

“Clarke…” She barely heard her name the first time and refused to look at who was looking for her. Just in case they were bringing her bad news.

“Gonheda.” The title was called more sternly and Clarke’s head snapped up, looking straight into Indra’s stern face and warm dark eyes.

“I can’t.” Clarke stared at her, tears streaming down her cheeks. “She wants me to _stay strong_?” Clarke questioned between sobs. “She has all of this _faith_ in me. She thinks I don’t know why she gave me that stupid title? It was in case something like _this_ happened to her. So that I would keep the Coalition from falling apart. She believes in me so much and I’m going to completely disappoint her.”

Indra just stood there while Clarke ranted and cried, not saying a word.

“How can she even think that I would be _anything_ if she died, let alone be _strong_ for our people?” Clarke snorted and carelessly wiped away her snot and tears on her sleeve.

“Heda believes in you because she knows that you can do this.” Indra finally spoke and Clarke just barked out a harsh laugh.

Because seriously, just _fuck_ Lexa. She could’ve just stayed inside the house; Clarke would’ve handled the people. Why hadn’t Lexa believed in her then? They hadn’t needed to see her standing alive. They hadn’t needed a fucking speech.

Except they had. If they had lost hope, they could be swayed to fight for the other side, or not fight at all. The people had needed exactly what Lexa had almost killed herself to show them.

Hope and strength.

And part of Clarke knew it had been for her too. To make the warriors more manageable. So that they would listen to Clarke and go spend their winter with allies even when they were most likely riddled with worry for their people in Polis. Clarke had seen first-hand the chaos that could erupt when people were scared and without direction.

Still _. Fuck_ , Lexa.

“Clarke?” Another person rounded the corner of the house and Clarke was so surprised she just sat there and stared.

“Honey? Is Lexa –

Abby’s breath hitched as she clutched at her heart, eyes wide and fearful.

“Mom?” Clarke confusedly asked, tears silently streaming down her face.

She watched as Abby rushed forward, throwing her medical bag down next to them and all Clarke could do was fall into the embrace.

* * *

Indra had sent a messenger to the Mountain, to Abby specifically, once she’d seen the state Lexa had been in when she’d arrived in Ton DC, was the explanation for Abby’s miraculous appearance when Clarke had needed her most. She hadn’t known of Clarke’s suspicions about the Arkadians, nor did Indra believe it after Clarke had discussed it with her.

Indra believed in Kane and after speaking to Abby and Bellamy, Clarke learned that Skaikru had no hand in the Heda’s attempted assassination. Her mother wouldn’t lie to her while so much concern shone in her eyes for Lexa, right?

So Clarke questioned Bellamy on whether anyone had left the Mountain for a few days and how they had gotten to Ton DC so fast if they weren’t anticipating being needed there.

Clarke knew that Bellamy’s security detail monitored who left Arkadia and for how long they did so. Skaikru never spent the night in the forest. It was policy. They had rollcall every night to make sure everyone was safely inside and accounted for. Bellamy personally checked that all his people were home, and according to that list, no one had left for long enough to travel all the way to the Iron Clan, make friends with a few Grounders, and then plan and execute a perfectly timed ambush.

Raven had fixed one of the Jeeps that had been stored in Mount Weather and Abby and Bellamy – the messenger had refused to ride in the vehicle – had sped down the Mountain as soon as they’d heard that Lexa had been injured.

It wasn’t as though there weren’t any guns elsewhere in the world. Clarke and Bellamy had discovered an entire cache themselves. So it could still have been that Ontari had gotten her hands on one.

It just didn’t make sense that any Grounder wouldn’t just use a bow and arrow, like someone had already done once, hitting Lexa in her shoulder and right off of her horse during the clan wars. It had hurt to just listen to Lexa telling that story.

But Clarke pushed her doubt to the back of her mind and focused on getting Lexa help first. Maybe Lexa had seen or heard something that could help them figure out what had happened? There was no way that the ambush and attack on Polis weren’t orchestrated by the same people, though.

“Should we move her more?” Clarke worriedly glanced at Lexa, who lay frowning as though she was still carrying the weight of the world, even in her unconsciousness.

“It would be a two hour drive up; three, if we do it very slowly.” Bellamy offered.

Clarke chewed her bottom lip; she needed Lexa to be monitored more closely by the technology they had there.

“I will be able to better care for her at home. She’d be more comfortable too.” Abby explained. “We can get a drip in her, do some scans…”

Clarke wanted that too, but nowhere felt safe anymore if their home could be so easily invaded… She finally relented though, and supervised Lexa being snuggly situated on the backseat, her legs needing to be bent and a barrier of blankets was stuffed all around her, to keep her from moving too much.

Clarke jumped in the front seat and Bellamy squeezed into the tiny space at the back with their luggage. Clarke had barely spoken to him, aside from her quick interrogation and to assure him that Echo hadn’t been in Polis when they were attacked.

He luckily left it at that, but Clarke knew he would be asking about Echo again once Lexa had been seen to.

That was good. Clarke hoped that the knotting in her stomach would have settled by then too.

* * *

Bellamy didn’t wait long to ask after Echo.

Once Lexa was in the infirmary and Abby set to work, he insisted on knowing about Echo’s whereabouts, because why wasn’t she with Clarke like she always was? As though Clarke wasn’t already worried enough about whether Echo might’ve encountered that army on her search for Prince Roan.

“If you care so fucking much about her, you should’ve just moved to Polis and _been_ with her!” Clarke angrily snapped. “It’s _your_ fault that she left! So I don’t need to hear you fucking whining about the woman you supposedly love and allowed to leave you, when the women _I_ love and would follow _anywhere,_ might _die_!”

Bellamy clenched his jaw and stepped back, clearly wanting to shout back – Clarke really wanted him to so that the terror in her heart could be released in the form of anger – but he refrained and averted his gaze from her, most likely knowing what Clarke was trying to do.

“She won’t die.” Abby’s soothing voice broke through the tension. “But I have induced sleep for at least two days. Her body is completely exhausted. Even unconscious, she was riddled with tension.”

Clarke nodded. She’d moved Lexa way too much. The Commander was most likely having nightmares of her Coalition falling apart.

“We had to move her.” Abby stated, as though she knew it to be fact without knowing any facts. Clarke had remained tight-lipped. All she’d told them was that Polis had been attacked.

“Go eat something.” Abby instructed.

Clarke shook her head. “Once the Guard arrives. I want at least two stationed outside this door.” Lexa’s personal guard and eight extra warriors had all been riding hard up the Mountain and behind the Jeep. They would be there soon.

She then drew a chair closer to Lexa’s bed and sat down, her hand impulsively reaching into her pants pocket to play with the bullet still nestled inside of it.

“I’ll let you know when they get here.” Bellamy softly offered and left the room, while Abby went to retrieve another chair and took up position on the other side of Lexa’s bed.

Clarke refused to cry again.

* * *

With a cocktail of necessary fluids and the induced sleep, Lexa was finally starting to look a little better and the steady beep of her heart on the monitor washed over Clarke like a soothing balm.

Abby finally convinced Clarke to go eat something and she relented when Abby promised that she would stay with Lexa until Clarke returned. She needed to go see to her people anyway, or Clarke would’ve insisted on eating in the infirmary.

The warriors had arrived and were all huddled into the dining hall, and after Clarke saw the way the Farm Station kru looked at them, she sent Wrex and Grunt to guard the infirmary door. Only, Wrex took Tomas with him, as Grunt stubbornly shadowed Clarke.

“Thought your job was to protect Leksa.” Clarke murmured after they’d left the hall again and the two of them made their way through the corridors of Arkadia.

“I am.” Grunt smirked and Clarke could only smile back, even as she shook her head and slid the access card she’d stolen from Raven over the scanner.

She entered the control room and sat down, quickly punching in the access codes to the missiles like Monty had shown her seemingly ages ago. Clarke then changed all of the launch codes, feeling a little bit better that Arkadia at least had no missile access. They might’ve been cleared from the ambush on Lexa through simple logistics, but Clarke still had a bad feeling swirling in the pit of her stomach.

It had been the longest day ever, though, so it might’ve just been exhaustion mixing with her worry, adding to the anxiety that had been present throughout the day.

The food was tasteless when Clarke re-joined her warriors in the dining room and they all sat down to finally eat something. But Clarke kept it down, because the warriors were in great spirits at the news that their Commander was recovering and were seemingly looking to her for their emotional cues.

It was as she finished about half of her plate that Clarke drowsily blinked, confusedly watching as one of the guards seemed to lay her head on her arms and fall asleep. Clarke tried to get up, but her body remained heavy and in place.

She couldn’t move at all, even as her heart thudded when Akhila seemed to throw her body upright, before immediately collapsing to the ground again. The rest of the warriors soon followed, all trying to move, but eventually falling down.

All Clarke could do was sway in place and the last thing she saw, before her head hit the table and her eyes fluttered closed, was Pike’s sneering face glaring down at her.

* * *

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

Clarke groggily awoke in a cell with her warriors, Kane, and Raven. Everyone was in the process of sitting up, dazedly and warily staring around. Clarke’s eyes shifted to Kane in question and when he guiltily looked away, the adrenaline that shot through Clarke’s body seemed to clear some of the haze and she jumped to her feet even as a splitting headache almost knocked her right back down.

“What’s going on?” Clarke hoarsely demanded, her throat dry and tasting bitter.

“A coup.” Kane sighed and stared toward the bars of their cell where Miller and one of the Farm Station stood with guns, guarding the door.

“Miller?” Clarke questioned, her heart aching at the betrayal.

He ignored her entirely and kept his back to the cell, staring straight ahead.

“Where’s Mom and Bell?” Clarke asked, even though she really needed to know where Lexa was too.

“We don’t know where Abby is.” Raven bitterly remarked.

For a second Clarke thought that the bitterness was because Abby had sided with Farm Station, but then the blatant omission punched her right in the gut.

“ _Bellamy_ did this?” She choked out, unable to believe it.

“He’s helping Pike.” Kane murmured, looking utterly crestfallen, before he tiredly ran a hand through his hair.

Clarke did a quick headcount of her men.

“Where are the rest of my warriors?” She asked Kane. “Did they drug you guys too?”

Raven laughed dryly, wincing as she got onto her feet, waving away Kane trying to assist her. “No, we were thrown in here when we wouldn’t play along.”

“Two of your men must’ve started eating later, or didn’t eat at all,” Kane explained, “because when they noticed you passing out, they resisted…”

He trailed off and Clarke didn’t need to ask what had happened to them then.

“Where is Wrex?” Grunt growled next to her.

“I’m sorry, I haven’t seen him, or heard any news…” Kane’s eyes were apologetic, but it only made Clarke angrier.

She could only hope that Wrex had been alerted to what was happening and had escaped with Lexa and her mother. Clarke had planned on taking them food when she returned to the infirmary, so there was still a chance that they hadn’t been drugged.

The door leading to the cells opened and everyone stood from their various reclining positions when Bellamy and Pike walked through.

It took all of Clarke’s effort not to leap forward and choke Bellamy through the bars. Because Farm Station would _never_ work with Grounders, even if it was to kill Lexa. Had Bellamy lied about the logs and had gone himself to partake in the ambush? Abby would’ve noticed his absence though. She would’ve noticed or have been informed of anyone leaving the Mountain for an extended period of time…

No, Clarke didn’t think that anyone in the Mountain had been involved in Lexa’s assassination attempt, because that’s what they were currently doing. She just couldn’t understand why _Bellamy_ would side with Pike. It made no sense whatsoever that he would betray her _or_ Kane…

“I’m sorry it had to come to this.” Pike seemed to tell Clarke, not looking sorry at all until his eyes shifted to Kane.

“Where’s Abby?” Kane asked.

“She’s safe. For now.” Pike’s voice was laced with warning.

“You don’t have to do this.” Kane futilely tried to reason.

Clarke didn’t say a word, silently glaring at Bellamy who refused to meet her gaze as he stared at the floor.

“I don’t want to kill my own people.” Pike seemed to want to reassure Kane. “So you and Raven will need to stay here until you can understand why I’m doing this.”

“And the others?” Kane desperately asked.

Clarke already knew what would happen to them, at least she knew Pike wouldn’t have killed her mom if he was counting Skaikru as his people.

“They will be executed in the morning to send a message that we will do whatever it takes to protect our people.”

One of the warriors rushed forward and instantly received the butt of the Farm Station guard’s gun to his face. Two others went to catch him and pulled him away from the barrel now pointed at all of them.

“Savages.” Pike sneered in disdain, shaking his head and left the room again, Bellamy slinking off behind him.

Clarke’s fists clenched at her sides as she stood rigid in the centre of the cell and wondered whether Lexa was still alive.

* * *

She was still standing there, probably hours later - no one had bothered to try and convince her to move - when the door opened again.

Bellamy entered with a large and heavy looking duffle, closing the door behind him. He then casually removed the strap from his shoulder, the weight of it causing him to bend at the waist, and then swiftly swung it upward, right at the Farm Station guard’s head, knocking him out cold.

Clarke visibly swayed as the relief washed over her, not even moving when Miller fished out the keys to their cell door and unlocked it. Bellamy threw the duffle in first, the clanking of weapons enough for the warriors to rush it and instantly start arming themselves.

Raven threw herself into Bellamy’s arms in front of Clarke still blindly staring, not wanting to believe it in case she was disappointed again. But when Raven pulled back and then slapped him across the face, it was as though she’d hit Clarke too, who sprang into action.

“How many do we have on our side?” She asked.

“Farm Station control most of the weapons, but I have a few men waiting on my command to take them back.” Bellamy instantly answered, a small grin spreading across his face when Kane proudly squeezed his shoulder. “They first went after Monty a few weeks ago, sending his mom to convince him to join their cause.”

Clarke cringed.

“He came to me with the information and I started getting closer to Pike when we realised they were planning to take over Arkadia.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Kane asked.

“What would you have done?” Bellamy retorted.

“I would’ve questioned him; tried harder to make them feel welcomed here and to convince them that the Grounder are our allies.”

“And he would’ve denied it and then been so suspicious that he wouldn’t have allowed anyone save his own people close to him.” Clarke answered and Bellamy nodded that that had been his reasoning.

“I dropped hints about how I hated that the Grounders left us in Mount Weather to die, until he finally pulled it out of me that I’ve secretly wanted my revenge all along.”

Clarke cringed again, because that had been Bellamy once, she was proud of him for actually having grown since then. Loving Echo must’ve helped him with that too. But, as Head of the Arkadian Guard, he had still allowed Pike to take the entire Mountain. Pike who now had access to Arkadia’s artillery.

“I thought that only Monty and I would need to be involved in this, but he wanted more people, that’s why he locked up Bryan, Sergeant Miller, Harper and a few others, to make sure we cooperated, no matter what.

“Are they safe now?” Raven asked.

Bellamy shook his head, sending an apologetic look at a tense Miller at his side.

“But we figured that with your help, we could try to take our home back. Pike won’t be expecting anything so soon after taking over. It’s the middle of the night and most of our people are sleeping and will hopefully have enough sense to stay out of the way…”

Clarke nodded and turned to the bag, only her sword remained and it was quickly picked up and handed to her.

Miller threw guns at both Kane and Raven who armed themselves too, Clarke declining the offer with a shake of her head.

“Do you remember your way around?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke nodded and then a knot lodged into her throat but she couldn’t hold it back any longer, she needed to know.

“Leksa.” Was all she managed to croak out and Bellamy seemed to understand and looked like he wanted to hit himself in the face for forgetting something.

“She’s safe for now. Abby locked them both in the infirmary. Pike’s been unable to get in there.” He grinned and then his smile dropped as his gaze fell on Grunt.

“What?” Clarke asked, even more dread pooling in her belly like acid.

* * *

It had been difficult to get Grunt to stay at her side while they quickly hashed out a plan. Bellamy was thankfully familiar with the guard rotations and where all Farm Station’s rooms were located. It was easy, since all of them still stuck together and hadn’t really integrated with Skaikru at all.

They took out twelve more guards on their way to free Bryan, Sergeant Miller, Harper and Monroe. With Pike’s collateral freed and armed, and joined by some of Bellamy’s men, they split up into five groups, Clarke’s warriors only leaving on their Gonheda’s command, and followed their respective Skaikru counterparts. It was her warriors who were the ones quietly taking out Farm Station to avoid sounding an alarm with gunfire and Clarke had needed to emphasize how they shouldn’t kill anyone and instead just restrain them with the zip ties Bellamy had distributed.

“ _We will decide later who dies_.” Clarke had darkly promised them in Trigedasleng and Kane and Bellamy pretended not to have understood the gist of what she had said. Most likely resigning themselves to argue about it later.

They’d already given up arguing with Clarke about taking a gun. Clarke continued to refuse them, instead making sure she had the archers on her team and she, Grunt and the four of them set off toward the infirmary all the way on the other side of the Mountain.

It felt like ages had passed, Clarke’s heart throbbing in her head, when they finally reach their destination - having subdued six other Farm Station guards on their path - and peaked around the corner, seeing another two positioned outside the infirmary door. She looked to the archers, held up two fingers and then ran her index finger along her throat in a cutting motion.

They nodded their understanding and jumped from cover, two arrows instantly sent flying and the rest of the warriors following after them, certain that they’d hit their mark. The only sounds that echoed through the hallway was of the bodies dropping, the clank of metal, and the quiet footsteps of the Polisians hurrying forward.

Clarke froze when she saw the dried blood on the floor, the fresh blood starkly contrasted against it. She then looked to Grunt whose jaw clenched and just managed to stop herself from reaching out to him. Clarke instead ran for the door, the archers taking up position to cover her back, and knocked as loud as she dared.

“Mom!” She whisper-shouted, praying that Abby would hear her; that Abby was still in there with Lexa, but why else would the door be guarded? “It’s me, Clarke!” She stupidly added, needing to fill the silence with something.

The red light on the door scanner switched to green and Clarke was instantly wrapped in her mother’s arms after the door was pulled open. She tightly held Abby back, even as her eyes moved to where Lexa was laying on the bed, the heart monitor still steadily beeping away.

“She’s fine. We’re fine.” Abby mumbled into Clarke’s shoulder before pulling away. “The others?”

Clarke opened her mouth to answer, when a cacophony of gunfire rang out through the Mountain.

She quickly looted the guns from the dead guards, gave both to Abby, who was staring at the bodies in horror, and shoved her back inside the infirmary. Clarke wanted to ask Grunt to stay, because she needed the archers with her, but stopped when she met his defiant glare.

“Lock the door again and stay here.” Clarke instructed Abby instead, who looked about to protest. “I need you to stay with her. _Please_.” She gritted out and Abby relented with a nod and Clarke closed the door herself, waiting for the red lock light to come on, before rushing off toward the gunfire.

* * *

Clarke halted when she found the hallway filled with gun-carrying Skaikru flanking a corridor, eleven people lay dead between them, four of them Grounders. Clarke’s jaws clenched and her eyes met Bellamy’s on the other side of the opening.

“It’s a dead end.” Bellamy explained, flinching when a gunshot went past him and lodged into the opposite wall, already riddled with bullet holes. “Pike is trapped with Harper and Monty, threatening to kill them if we don’t let him leave.”

“And the rest of Farm Station?” Clarke queried, wondering why everyone was gathered in one place.

“Locked up in the cells.” Bellamy’s pride couldn’t help but shine through and it only served to agitated Clarke further.

“Pike!” She shouted, getting as close to the corridor as possible.

“Stay back!” Came the warning.

“Let’s negotiate!” Clarke replied. “No more of our people need to die!”

“I don’t negotiate with savages!”

Clarke held up her hand when Kane moved forward, stopping him from speaking out. Now that she knew that Lexa and her mom were safe, all of her fear had turned into a quiet rage. Clarke was furious at Farm Station, and at Skaikru for allowing it to happen in the first place.

“I have your people!” Clarke sneered. “I’ll trade you all of them, in exchange for Monty and Harper!”

Clarke reached out blindly and grabbed Grunt’s hand when his entire body protested.

“What’s the catch?!”

“You take your people and leave the Mountain for good!” Clarke shouted back, her hand squeezing Grunt’s, entirely drowned out by the large size.

 _Trust me._ Clarke silently pleaded.

Pike was quiet for a long time and Clarke met Kane and Bellamy’s dumbstruck expressions, before completely ignoring them.

“I’m taking them both with me to ensure you don’t follow!” Pike eventually negotiated. “I’ll send them back as soon as we’re clear!”

Clarke had expected that response and looked to Kane, tilting her head and encouraging him to close the deal since Clarke knew that Pike would trust him more than her.

His brows furrowed at Clarke’s compliance, but Kane nodded.

“Swear it on your son’s life!” Kane shouted.

Pike’s son had died at a young age. That was all Clarke knew about that tragedy.

They waited for a few moments, and then finally:

“I swear it!” Pike conceded. “But if I see any of those savages on my way out, I’ll shoot everyone in my path!”

Clarke looked to Kane. “Where are the rest of our dead?”

“They were moved to the morgue...” Kane hung his head and Clarke’s hand squeezed Grunt’s again.

“We’ll collect our dead and then leave you to exit the Mountain!” Clarke shouted to Pike. “If you shoot though, all bets are off and I’ll come at you with all I have and it won’t matter _who_ you hide behind!”

“You have two minutes!” Pike shouted back and Clarke kept her hold on Grunt, not trusting him not to rush at Pike; not blaming him if he were to.

She directed a few of her men to fetch the bodies of their four fallen comrades, motioning the archers to stay at the ready, but Pike kept his word and Clarke managed to get all of her warriors on her side of the corridor.

Excluding Clarke, there were only twelve left of the twenty who had entered the Mountain.

“Tell his people who want to stay, that they will all receive a fair hearing from Heda. The offer isn’t for Pike.” Clarke instructed Kane. “And make sure they’re gone within the next twenty minutes.” She growled, turned on her heel, and marched toward the morgue.

* * *

“Akhila.” Clarke murmured, while her eyes and nose burned along with the fury in her chest as she watched Grunt quietly wrapping Wrex’s body in a sheet, the rest of the guards treating the other seven deceased - Tomas amongst them - with similar care.

Akhila came to stand next to her and Clarke cleared her throat and addressed the room.

“Stay armed and alert, I’ll come get you soon.” Grunt turned to look at her and Clarke stared back, hoping he would trust her, and relaxed only slightly when he nodded that he did. “Come with me.” She then told Lexa’s spy.

Clarke quietly walked the corridors; it had been over twenty minutes already, but she was still careful as she made her way to the front door, passed curious Skaikru and others mourning those who had fallen, and met Bellamy, Kane and a few Arkadian guards, as they were coming back in through the front gates.

“They’re gone?” Clarke asked.

Kane nodded. “I’ve instructed a few men to wait outside for Harper and Monty’s return. I offered the deal for a fair trial and none accepted.”

Clarke wasn’t surprised to hear that.

 _“Stay out of sight and leave us a trail.”_ Clarke instructed Akhila in Trigedasleng and the younger girl lifted her fist to her chest, eyes shining with devotion and respect.

“Sha, Gonheda.” She stated and set out through the front gates.

“Clarke?” Kane questioned, but he went ignored as Clarke stalked toward the infirmary. “As soon as Harper and Monty are back safely, I swear that we’ll go out and capture Farm Station. They killed seven of our people too.”

Clarke stopped a few feet from the infirmary and turned to Kane.

“What happened here today, had been treason.” She blankly stared at him, ignoring the sadness in his eyes. “This matter is now in the hands of the Coalition, and _we_ will decide what happens to Farm Station.”

Kane’s eyes widened as Clarke’s spine straightened and her chest puffed out.

“Given that the Commander is incapacitated, as Gonheda, that decision is now left up to _me_.” She coldly sneered, before turning around and marching into the infirmary.

She found Abby busy examining Raven’s leg, who must’ve hurt it somewhere between the forfeiture and reclaiming of Arkadia. She glanced at Lexa still soundly sleeping, but headed for their bags and pulled out her light armour. The battle armour wouldn’t make much difference against bullets, and would only slow her down, so Clarke didn’t take those.

“Clarke?” Abby questioned, and Clarke was happy that Kane and Bellamy hadn’t ratted her out yet.

Clarke silently strapped on the armour, staring down at the Gonheda mask and twin blades Lexa hadn’t given her yet. So Clarke left them and instead reached for Lexa’s war paint.

She walked over to a small mirror, stuck against a cabinet and started meticulously applying the kohl to match the pattern Lexa always wore.

She’d learned that that was what warriors did sometimes when they were fighting for someone, for their honour; for someone they’d lost, or had been taken. The design tattooed on Indra’s face, was the same as her husband had worn before the Mountain Men had taken him from her.

Clarke sheathed her sword at her side and turned around, ignoring Abby’s terrified and pleading gaze.

She instead walked up to the sleeping Heda and bent down to brush her lips over Lexa’s temple.

“Jus drein jus daun, ai hod.” Clarke tenderly whispered against smooth, warm, skin.

* * *

Clarke then went to fetch her warriors at the morgue, guilt-tripping her mom into remaining with Lexa, but Bellamy and Kane still followed after her. She tilted her chin up as she watched the fire ignite in the grieving warriors when they saw her dressed for battle. Grunt then turned back to Wrex, carefully unwrapped the sheet and then pressed two fingers to his brother’s chest. He then lifted them up toward his face, and masked his eyes with the blood on his fingertips.

Clarke silently watched the ritual being performed by Lexa’s guards, stopping two of them and asking them to stay with Lexa, much to Kane’s chagrin. Even though Bellamy was a confirmed ally and hadn’t lied about the logs, Clarke would be damned if she trusted anyone in that Mountain ever again.

She then almost broke apart again when Grunt walked up to her and held out one of Wrex’s braids.

“For Leksa.” He growled through a tight jaw, desperately trying to hold it together.

Clarke swallowed thickly and pressed it back into his hand. “You’ll give it to her yourself, when we get back.” She emphasized, knowing that Grunt thought that they were marching to their deaths and planned that Clarke would be the only one standing.

Grateful that everyone had rushed to get ready, Clarke lead them all out of the room.

“You can’t do this, Clarke.” Kane continued to try and stop her as they exited the Mountain, to Clarke’s ever growing annoyance.

“How many guns did you give them?” She demanded instead, knowing what a bleeding heart Kane was and he guiltily averted his gaze.

“How many, Kane? Or do you want more of my people to die because of your mistakes?”

He looked pained as he sighed out a heavy breath.

“They have six semi-automatic weapons and two handguns.”

_Fucking Kane._

“It’s the middle of the night, Clarke,” he tried to explain, “I couldn’t just let them -

\- which direction did they go in?” Clarke interrupted by asking Bellamy, not wanting to waste more time searching for the starting point of Akhila’s trail in the dark.

They stared at each other for a long moment, Bellamy looking torn between asking her to stay and going with her, before he slumped in defeat and pointed Clarke in the right direction.

Clarke smoothly mounted a horse and galloped off into the dark forest, following after Varris the tracker, eight warriors at her back and one devastated brother at her side.

* * *

Varris easily found the trail even in the darkness and they trotted their horses for little over an hour before a figure leapt from the trees in the distance and the archers had their arrows nocked a split second later.

Clarke dismounted and met with Akhila who had moved forward once she was sure that she had been recognized.

“They’ve set up camp for the rest of the night.” She softly informed and then motioned through the trees to where smoke was visible about a mile away.

“Do they still have the hostages?” Clarke checked, knowing that the reason they were so arrogant to not have gone any further, was because of their weapons and the leverage they could still barter with.

Akhila nodded in confirmation and Clarke’s jaw worked for a long moment. They had the darkness working in their favour and four highly competent archers.

“Stay here. I’m gonna have a look.”

* * *

Clarke was happy to find Pike with an SMG and a handgun. Which lowered their initial targets to seven out of the sixty-one. She crept back to the warriors and quickly instructed them on the plan. They weren’t to kill the hostages, and needed to prioritize taking out everyone holding and near to a gun.

After the archers took up position, Grunt and Akhila remained at her side when Clarke sent the remaining four to flank the camp and serve as a distraction.

_The truth is, we must look into the eyes of our warriors and say, ‘Go die for me’._

Clarke hesitated a moment, until she remembered the faces of their dead. _Wrex’s_ face; remembered that Lexa would’ve been amongst those had Pike managed to get into the infirmary. Clarke reached into her pocket, swirling Lexa’s bullet between her fingertips and remembered the hatred she’d often seen on the faces of Farm Station and that they’d all blindly followed Pike out of the Mountain. And who would they gun down next? What doubt would they spread amongst an already fragile Coalition?

Setting her jaw in determination, Clarke nodded to a waiting Akhila, who did a perfect impression of an owl that blended seamlessly into the nightlife in the Trikru forest, and almost instantly four gunmen fell, followed soon by another two and Pike’s right shoulder being pierced.

No, Clarke wanted him all to herself as she stormed out of the bushes, screaming a war cry into the air, even as the remaining Farm Station scrambled for the guns from their dead, and the rest of the warriors ran out of the bushes.

Gunfire rang out amidst the whistling of arrows, but Clarke’s glare was fixed on Pike, sneering viciously as he lifted his gun with his uninjured arm, just before Clarke sliced her sword across his neck, and everything went red…

* * *

Clarke sat dazedly on her horse, covered in blood and smeared war paint, as they silently rode back to Arkadia.

Monty and Harper shared a horse behind her, as they’d lost four of their warriors and needed to secure the bodies they had taken with them, on the remaining three. Two others had been grazed by bullets before the Farm Station guns had gotten completely lost in the chaos.

It had been a massacre after that.

Clarke felt completely numb as the adrenaline slowly drained from her body and left her feeling weak. Most of her focus went to just staying on her horse and the rest was trying to forget the mess she’d left behind.

Clarke had needed to count the bodies and make sure that all of them were there… That all of them were dead; that none had escaped only to one day show up and exact their vengeance. Clarke had even gathered up the guns too, just in case the wrong people found them just laying there in the forest.

She didn’t remember much of the actual fighting, just sharp flashbacks of metal piercing flesh, screams that still echoed in her ears, and her arms and feet moving as though of their own volition. Clarke had only stopped her lethal strikes when her blade had been inches away from a terrified looking Harper’s neck.

She wasn’t sure who had killed Monty’s mother, but it was Grunt who had physically picked up the sobbing boy and had placed him on a horse, growling that he needed to get back to see to his brother, who Monty’s mother had helped to kill.

Clarke couldn’t look at Monty, nor at Grunt. The weight of all of the deaths that day, weighed heavy on her shoulders.

She wasn’t pleased when her mother and friends were waiting outside Mount Weather, along with too many people Clarke didn’t want to see. But she dismounted and chose to ignore them, speaking Trigedasleng to her people as they set to work gathering logs.

It took a while and Clarke appreciated staying busy, she only acknowledged the Skaikru when she went to throw the bloodied guns at Kane’s feet as she walked into the Mountain to retrieve the bodies from the morgue and Lexa’s guards to attend the ceremony, making sure to lock Lexa safely inside.

Once back outside, they laid the bodies on the large pyre. And a torch was then lit, which Clarke handed to Grunt, whose eyes finally shot full of tears and Clarke leaned close to his side as the nine of them gathered around the fire, Skaikru thankfully staying back.

“Raun faya, oso woda klin laudnes-de kom foutaim.” Clarke huskily murmured.

_In fire, we cleanse the pain of the past._

They stayed like that for a long time, until the remaining warriors lined up next to each other, taking off their armour and shirts before sinking down onto their knees. Clarke wasn’t even sure where she’d found it, but Akhila then handed her a hot iron poker from the pyre, before joining the queue.

Realisation as to their intentions dawned when Grunt started undressing too, and joined them.

Starting at one end, Clarke stood behind the first warrior – one of the archers - who whispered ‘Eight’ in Trigedasleng.

Clarke examined the pattern of his brands which seemed to be spread out at random, and pressed the hot poker into his skin.

It took forever, lots of reheating of the poker, until finally she stopped behind Grunt.

“Nineteen.” He stated, lifting his chin and Clarke almost dropped the poker.

She silently did her duty as the highest ranking warrior amongst them, blind to the disbelieving stares of the Skaikru, as Clarke added up their numbers, knowing that the four who had been killed had been shot down before they even got anywhere near a target. It had fuelled Clarke’s rage even more in that moment.

The faces of the Farm Station kru flashed through her mind, as Clarke remembered how many people she had killed that day.

Some had been armed with knives and staffs they must’ve made on the run, others hadn’t had any weapons at all. It hadn’t mattered. None of them had even attempted to surrender as they’d furiously defended themselves and Clarke had to admit that surrendering wouldn’t have stopped her. Farm Station had charged them right back and the Little Pauna had roared in response.

After she finished with Grunt, Clarke went to stick the poker back into the pyre and sunk down onto her knees. She then removed the top half of her clothes, barely feeling the chilling bite of the early morning mountain air; actually welcoming the ache on her skin.

“Grunt.” She called and was grateful when he got the message instantly.

Out the corner of her eye, Clarke could see Abby had finally come forward, but stayed a few feet away. Clarke continued to stare into the fire though, as Grunt walked behind her back.

“Fifteen.” Clarke rasped, swallowing the knot in her throat that choked her even harder when Abby let out a muffled cry. The archers must’ve prioritize covering herself, Grunt and Akhila as they’d fought their way through the camp…

Clarke took every single brand, not even wincing as the icy weather numbed her skin and her mind wandered to all the bodies laying out there in the forest…

How many people would she still have to kill to get her home back? To stabilize the Coalition? To defend her people against their enemies? Clarke didn’t know, but she vowed that she would do whatever it took to protect the Coalition. _That_ was the task she’d been entrusted with. That was the purpose of the Heda’s Warrior.

“Oso gonplei nou ste odon kom nau.” Clarke spoke clearly, and briefly closed her eyes when the handful of warriors answered at her back.

_Our fight is not yet over._

* * *

Eighteen.

Altogether, Clarke had eighteen brands covering the top part of her shoulders. A row of five on each side and a row of four right below them. Like stars on the pouldrons of the army generals of old, she thought, before her mother’s horror-struck face punched her right in the gut.

Clarke walked passed the distraught Abby though, the warriors following her like they usually followed Lexa.

It made Clarke feel safe in a way she hadn’t known it would. She usually despised the protectiveness, but she welcomed the solidarity as they quickly gathered Lexa and her things. Clarke didn’t ask, before she took some pain medication, antibiotics, an IV fluid bag, and bandages from Arkadia’s dispensary and packed it into their bags.

She also took a stretcher. The sun was coming up and they could make turns carrying Lexa, and riding down the Mountain.

When they all exited again, Clarke ordered everyone to get ready for the journey and to prepare the Heda’s litter.

A distressed Abby then tried to slap her, and Clarke instinctively caught her wrist, but allowed it when Abby’s other hand came at Clarke in the form of a flimsy fist to her shoulder. She held her crying mother’s hands between the both of them who didn’t struggle in Clarke’s gentle hold, just accepting it.

“Please don’t leave like this…” Abby hopelessly begged and Clarke almost relented, knowing Abby didn’t want them to part on bad terms, until she saw Lexa on the stretcher, looking young and small, wrapped up in furs.

She was stable and getting stronger. Clarke had checked her vitals over and over again to be sure she could be moved, and if they left immediately, they would reach Ton DC before sunset.

“No.” Clarke deadpanned.

“Clarke…” Kane attempted to get her attention after Raven stepped forward to take hold of a devastated Abby when Clarke walked toward a horse.

“Heda had trusted you to handle Farm Station.” Clarke icily hissed.

“We could hardly have anticipated what would happen today.” Kane argued.

“We warned you that they were a threat.”

“We did what we thought was right…” Kane seemed defensive and confused at Clarke anger toward Skaikru.

“I don’t care what you _thought_. I care that Heda came here and her life had been threatened. I care that we had been promised sanctuary and now twelve of my warriors are _dead_ , because _you_ didn’t have a handle on the situation.”

“They were our people, Clarke!” Kane still tried to explain.

“They were enemies of the Coalition!”

“We couldn’t…” Kane helplessly trailed off.

“Seven of your people are dead.” Clarke hissed, watching many of the onlookers stiffen at the cold reminder. “How many more would’ve died when you sent them to capture Farm Station alive?” She asked Kane, who looked completely torn in that moment. “Taking the moral high ground might help you sleep better at night, but what use is turning the other cheek when it only leads to more death for your people?” Clarke asked, allowing her words to sink in with everyone present.

“It had been easy floating people up on the Ark, hadn’t it?” Clarke spitefully growled. “Because they stole some bread, or medicine, or had an extra child…”

Bellamy visibly flinched at that.

“We did what we had to then.” Abby interjected when Kane was too distraught to answer, Clarke knew his triggers and was still so angry that she was viciously hitting all of them.

“And I did what I had to do, today.” Clarke rebutted. “I just didn’t have the benefit of asking someone to push a button and have _space_ conveniently do the dirty work for me.”

“She’ll recover faster here.” Abby desperately switched her strategy, mentioning the one thing she thought would change Clarke’s mind.

It had the opposite effect though.

“She was placed in _danger_ here!” Clarke angrily screamed back, watching Bellamy slump even further in shame. “ _You_ put her in danger. You put my _wife_ in danger. My _family_! Wrex is _dead_! _You_ did that!”

Her mother was in tears as Clarke signalled her people to get going with a stiff wave of her trembling hand.

“You can’t only choose to be part of this Coalition when it suits you.” Clarke sneered, her body still gently vibrating with rage. “Like when you get your stores filled with supplies my people worked hard to hunt, to gather, and make with their bare hands.” She took hold of her horse’s tack. “We are at war, Chancellor Kane, and Skaikru needs to decide whether they stand _with_ the Coalition, or against us.” Clarke threatened, and turned away to lead her horse behind the litter, keeping an eye out for enemies, hardly even noticing the snowflakes falling all around them.

* * *

 


	8. Chapter 8

 

It snowed for three days straight after that; Clarke strictly upholding her intense vigil at the Commander’s bedside back in Ton DC.

When Lexa finally woke up on that second day, she thankfully had no recollection of what had happened in the Mountain, and after Clarke checked her pain and vitals, Lexa was even able to eat some of the broth Clarke had perfected for her convalescing patients. Then came the awkward realisation that Lexa had no idea how to swallow a pill. It had been the only medication available in Arkadia, having been manufactured by the Mount Weather medical team, and since they had exclusively made use of injections up on the Ark, Clarke was working slightly out of her wheelhouse.

It took forever to get the first one down and seeing how tired Lexa still was, and afraid she would choke, Clarke crushed it all up and gave it to her in a shot of water. Lexa had grimaced and gagged, before promptly falling asleep again, still frowning at the taste.

It was only after Clarke had gently smoothed out the wrinkle between Lexa’s brow - Lexa relaxing at the tender touch - that Clarke allowed herself to leave Lexa’s bedside.

Indra had given up her house, ignoring Clarke’s protests, and went to stay with a friend, who the villagers of Ton DC later gossiped was actually Indra’s boyfriend, so Clarke didn’t feel too bad about that for too long. Instead, she spent her days learning about the miracle of salt as a weapon against snow. Echo had already taught her about how it was a natural preservative for foods and Nyko had shown her its numerous medicinal uses, and Clarke finally understood why Lexa had gone to the Boat Clan first, to personally oversee and prioritize its distribution throughout all of the clans before Winter.

Almost every morning, Clarke broke her back shovelling away the snow trapping her inside the house, but it was a nice warm-up given that Clarke went to the training fields thereafter. A few warriors would join her, though most had left for allied clans and Trikru villages, who had taken them in for Winter.

Indra’s scouts reported that they’d seen more enemy warriors marching toward Polis, and Clarke at least took comfort in the fact that it had been a wise decision to wait until they could gather with their allies, instead of just marching the entire Trikru army into a probable ambush.

What remained a constant concern though, was that no Polisian refugees had shown up in Ton DC, as yet. Clarke had already made provisions for anyone that would come, but no one arrived, and it vexed her that Ontari would keep them on and feed them throughout Winter at the possible expense of her growing army. But Polis was stocked up, right? There was clearly enough for everyone... Clarke just hoped that Ontari would have seen that.

In an attempt to try and stop obsessing over the things beyond her control, Clarke kept busy in Ton DC, training most of the day, sometimes helping out the village Healer when needed, and learning what she could about war from Indra.

It was Grunt who remained fused to Lexa’s side, their sorrow almost suffocating Clarke whenever Lexa was up and awake and the two of them looked entirely incomplete in Wrex’s absence. Clarke couldn’t stand it, and would leave the house to chop wood or sharpen her weapons, when she couldn’t immediately find a sparring partner.

It took Lexa two weeks to finally confront Clarke about her avoidance.

“Are you mad at me?”

Clarke, at first, pretended not to hear the question as she continued her manic push-ups in their semi-dark bedroom. The medication Clarke had given Lexa with her supper, usually had her sleeping later the next morning. Well, at least until Clarke could make her escape after warming up for the freezing temperatures.

Lexa must be getting stronger.

“Clarke.” Lexa stated, trying to get her attention again.

“No.” Clarke lied, nimbly jumping up after having lost count of how many reps she’d done, making her even more irritable.

“Then why is there a barricade of pillows between us each night?” Lexa bitterly asked, sitting up in bed to stare at Clarke who avoided looking at her – and the very real barricade of pillows next to Lexa - while she dressed in all of the layers of clothes she now required to go outside.

“You’re injured and need to heal.” She coolly answered, finishing with lacing up her boots, before going to kneel in front of the fireplace and placing some logs on the flaming red coals, to make sure the room stayed warm.

Even before Winter had started, it had been a lot colder in Ton DC than it was in Polis, probably because it was located near the foot of Mount Weather.

“I have healed _plenty_!” Lexa yelled, jumping up from bed and was unable to hide the pain she experienced at doing so. "And you would know that, had you not been sending _Naikou_ to check on me!"

Clarke knew that Lexa had reason to be upset, but she continued to glare at the flames growing stronger around the logs she’d placed there. "I have warriors to train with and Indra is teaching me about war." Clarke murmured, before she got up and walked toward the door, still not looking at Lexa. "I'll see you tonight.”

Clarke then slipped out of the room, nodding at Grunt making breakfast in the kitchen – he had taken occupancy in the other bedroom – and then she left the house entirely, knowing that Grunt would stay at Lexa’s side for the rest of the day.

* * *

The few remaining warriors from Polis seemed almost as antsy as Clarke and were all eager to spar with her for the rest of the day. And when it grew dark, late that afternoon, Clarke’s stomach rumbled so loudly that some of the men couldn’t help but snicker at her.

She good-naturedly rolled her eyes – grateful to still be Little Pauna while they sparred - and bid them goodbye, setting off toward Indra’s boyfriend’s house.

“No one arrived today?” Clarke asked once Indra had opened the door and after they’d greeted each other, like she’d done every day since they’d returned from the Mountain, hoping that Ontari had finally released the Polisians.

“No, Gonheda.” Indra replied with the patience of a saint, because they both knew that Indra would tell Clarke immediately if she had any news.

“Ontari’s army is staying put?” She continued with her usual line of questioning and Indra nodded that yes, they seemed to have settled in Polis for the winter.

“I’m going to have to call the scouts in closer to home. The storms will start soon, making travelling difficult and their tents will offer no shelter.” Indra warned and Clarke sighed, looking around at the unassuming blanket of white she struggled through each day.

It was so tricky to navigate, because everything would seem level on the surface, but Clarke almost broke her leg the day before when she stepped into a ditch a foot deeper than it had appeared.

Just two weeks in, and the novelty had worn off. Clarke fucking hated snow. She hated being cold and wet and constantly trapped and constricted by it. She hated that she couldn’t be home in Polis with Lexa, cuddling on their couch in front of the fireplace, while they watched the snowfall through their balcony doors…

No, it wasn’t the irritating, smothering, snow that Clarke was angry at. She was furious at Ontari the Azgeda Queen, for hijacking her happiness, and Clarke had to periodically talk herself out of going to Polis and just ramming her sword right through that Ice Bitch’s heart.

“Heda will be safe here. No one will be foolish enough to move an army during Winter.” Indra tried to reassure the stressed-out Gonheda. “I have my people in the villages nearest to Polis, monitoring the roads and they will warn us in time, should we need to move Heda again.”

“Mochof, Indra.” Clarke tried to find comfort in the fact that they were safe and had shelter for the winter, but with Lexa still recovering, Clarke couldn’t shake the anxious tension that had her body strung tightly, making her constantly feel on the verge of snapping entirely.

“Heda is recovering well?” Indra asked, and she had this way of seeming to know things and say things without appearing interested at all in the outcome if it wasn’t just a simple yes or no answer.

Clarke eyed her sceptically, trying to figure out if Indra knew about her marital problems or not.

“She’s good.” Clarke answered, lifting her chin in challenge, waiting for Indra to imply something about Clarke not spending enough time with her recuperating wife.

“That’s good to hear.” Indra easily replied and stared right back.

“Good.” Clarke said again, realising too late that she was acting like an idiot, but Indra just stoically looked back at her as though Clarke’s behaviour was entirely normal.

And dear god… Had her insane, stress-induced intensity, become something normal to everyone around her?

“Reshop, Indra.” Clarke quickly added and spun on her heel to march home through the annoying fucking snow.

* * *

When Clarke entered the strangely silent house – usually Grunt and Lexa would be quietly talking, or some of the remaining warriors of the Heda’s personal guard would be there – she knew that something was wrong and drew her sword.

She silently crept through the short hallway and released a long-suffering sigh when the living room came into view.

The house was cold, that upset Clarke the most about the scene in front of her, where Grunt lay passed out on the couch, a bottle of wine dangling in his hand, and Lexa – dressed in a warm, fleecy pair of pyjamas - curled into his side. If they were any other two people, Clarke might’ve been jealous of the intimate way they slept together. Lexa was the gayest person Clarke had ever met though, so even if Clarke believed Lexa capable of infidelity, she wouldn’t be cheating with Grunt. Who she thought of as a brother.

So no, Clarke didn’t feel any insecurity at the scene, but her aggravation at the day grew tenfold as she sheathed her sword and loudly set out to build another fire. She did it quickly and went into the bedroom where she at least only needed to add a few logs; the room thankfully warmer than the rest of the house.

Clarke then took off her sword and armour and went to fetch her wife, feeling relieved when Lexa was already sitting upright - cutely yawning and rubbing at her eyes - because Clarke wasn’t sure how she would’ve gotten Lexa out of the little nest she’d made for herself, in between Grunt and the couch.

She ignored the adorable sight and went into Grunt’s room and grabbed a thick blanket, which she gently covered him with, Lexa having to quickly step out of her way. Clarke’s heart ached seeing Grunt like that, it hadn’t happened before, but she would send a few warriors to check on the two of them in future, just to be sure neither of them died of hypothermia and or alcohol poisoning.

“You’re not supposed to drink while on your meds.” Clarke gritted out as she walked back to their room.

Once inside, she instantly started taking off her boots, her stomach growling and she really wanted to go eat, but Clarke was just so fucking angry.

Lexa always teased her that she became grumpy when she was hungry and it was just fuelling her mood at that point.

“I didn’t.” Came the cold response, after Lexa closed the bedroom door behind them.

“Good.” Clarke icily bit back.

“I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, Clarke.” Lexa lowly replied and Clarke spun around to fix her glare on an equally intense gaze.

“Oh yeah? You can take care of yourself?” She sardonically hissed and Lexa lifted an eyebrow while Clarke stalked closer to her. “That why you took a nap and let the fires die throughout the house?”

Lexa’s shoulders slumped slightly as she sighed.

“Grunt had a bad day...” She guiltily explained, and even though Clarke got what it was like to lose a father and a brother, she was having none of it that day.

“Is that why you rode home for over two hours and didn’t fucking bother telling anyone, not even your _Healer_ , that you’d been injured? Because you were _taking care of yourself_ , Leksa?” She bitterly accused.

Lexa took a step back in surprise at the outburst and something in Clarke finally snapped. She’d been holding it in for weeks, because it had felt wrong to shout at Lexa while she was recovering.

“Were you taking care of yourself when you rode to fucking Azgeda because of your duty, _knowing_ the danger that was there?!” Clarke screamed. “Did your health matter then? Were you taking care of yourself when you dragged your dying ass out of this house to deliver a speech to our people?!”

Clarke’s anger grew when Lexa just stood there, staring back, until her gaze grew harder and her eyes narrowed, causing Clarke to falter instantly.

“You know who I need to be, Clarke.” Lexa’s coolly replied, her jaw twitching, but she held Clarke’s gaze and Clarke knew that Lexa was done with her passive aggressive comments. They were going to fight it out right then and there, and that’s what Clarke had been trying to avoid.

She didn’t want to fight, because Clarke didn’t know where a fight like that would lead when Lexa was so devout in her duty.

“I know that ‘who you need to be’ won’t matter if you’re _dead_.” Clarke sneered back.

Lexa deflated and Clarke’s brows furrowed, but she remained rigid and ready for an offense.

“Heda has been with our people for generations.” Lexa quietly murmured and Clarke’s hands mechanically unclenched at the soft tone, even as her back remained painfully stiff. “Each Commander left behind a legacy to our people; whether good or bad, they had the luxury of choosing for themselves how they would lead. I never had a choice.”

Clarke bit her lip, remembering her own speech about the importance of choices.

“The second I was born, I became a symbol of hope for my people. And when I won the Conclave, I became their strength. My life has never been my own…”

“Leks…” Clarke murmured, not sure what she was gonna say but the fight had left her entirely, because she had known all of these things already. Lexa had just scared the shit out of her.

“My heart belongs to you, Clarke.” Lexa said it with a confidence and certainty that should’ve warmed Clarke, but instead it just left her tummy knotting with dread. “But my life belongs to my people. My legacy _will_ be one of peace. So it had been prophesized and so I have come to want for myself.” Lexa’s eyes searched Clarke’s and Clarke took a step back at the intensity. “I thought that you understood that; that you supported me in my duty.”

“I do.” Clarke mumbled back.

“Do you?” Lexa tilted her head and Clarke felt like a child being scolded and it made her angry all over again.

“ _Yes.”_ She bit back.

“The Coalition will fall apart the moment I show weakness. Our enemies will come for us. They _have_ come for us and I did what needed to be done, to keep my people’s faith; showing them hope and strength when they felt that all was lost. _That_ is my duty, Clarke. I can’t afford to be selfish. I can’t have dreams of spending the rest of my life with you and our yongon, stand in the way of that.” Lexa’s eyes glistened and Clarke swallowed thickly. “My wants don’t matter. What my people need, comes first. And if,” Lexa’s breath hitched and her throat bobbed and she restarted a different sentence, “I know it’s a lot to ask of someone,” Lexa’s voice was hoarse and it made Clarke’s chest ache, “and that we had bonded under unusual circumstances, the future not having played as much of a role as the present, at that time…” She trailed off and Clarke’s brows knitted as she sniffed at her burning nose and eyes, because what was Lexa getting at? “So if you feel you can’t do this with me; that you had made vows without knowing how much would be asked of you… You need to leave Clarke, because I can’t keep hurting you…”

Clarke was stunned and hot tears burned in her eyes when Lexa turned away and furiously wiped her face and Clarke just stared at her back, wondering how the fuck they’d gone from fighting to separating, in a matter of seconds.

_Jesus fucking Christ._

Clarke bit back the remark that Lexa was being way too dramatic and extreme about it all. Why were her only two options being happy with Lexa being stupid for her people, or leaving? _Why?_ But Clarke was hungry and tired enough to not act with the same impulsiveness she usually would’ve and instead stood there studying the tense set of Lexa’s shoulders, the way she seemed to be holding her breath, because of course the idiot would think that Clarke would actually leave her; that it was even an option.

_Fucking hell._

Clarke knew that Lexa would let her go if she felt as though she wasn’t being a good wife to Clarke. And Lexa was right, Clarke had known what she was getting herself into. After the betrayal at Mount Weather, Clarke had been made intimately aware of Lexa’s sense of duty. Just because they were in the middle of another war, didn’t mean that Clarke had suddenly forgotten in all the excitement. It also didn’t mean that Lexa needed to neglect her own health to show her people strength.

 _That_ had been the point, not Clarke’s level of understanding.

She sighed. It wasn’t as clear-cut as that. If the circumstances weren’t so dire, Clarke was sure that Lexa wouldn’t have gone to Azgeda and would’ve asked Tomas to check her wound after the ambush and he would’ve transported her home properly. That she would’ve stayed in bed instead of nearly killing herself to speak to their people. Clarke knew that she was scared of losing Lexa, and unlike Lexa, Clarke felt that she had sacrificed enough for her people to earn a little bit of selfishness. Echo had taught Clarke that she needed to fight for her happiness, because it wasn’t just going to fall into her lap.

Lexa’s life came first for Clarke in any war. And as Gonheda, protecting Lexa, was protecting the people, so she was also doing her bit for the Coalition.

Clarke slowly walked forward and lightly pressed her forehead between Lexa’s shoulder blades, gently taking hold of her hips when the Commander seemed to somehow grow even more rigid.

“I’m sorry.” Clarke conceded, for bottling up her fear and anger until she ended up shouting it at Lexa.

“Me too...” Lexa whispered, instantly relaxing. “I don't want you to leave me, Clarke.” She softly confessed, covering Clarke’s hands with her own. “But I know that it must be difficult to love me...”

Clarke laughed at that, blinking away the stinging in her eyes. “It’s actually way too easy to love you...”

Lexa turned around and Clarke only stepped back because she was scared of aggravating Lexa’s injury. She didn’t even know how Lexa had managed to sleep in that position, squished between Grunt and the couch. Anya had made sure that Lexa had an extraordinarily high threshold for pain, but just because she could deal with the pain, didn’t mean that Lexa was healed.

“I'll try not to take too many risks.” Lexa earnestly promised.

Clarke nodded. “Having a Healer take care of you doesn’t make you weak.”

Lexa bit her lip and glanced away, before she sent an apologetic gaze at Clarke.

“When I woke here the first time and learnt what had happened in Polis, I gathered what strength I could for my people. It didn’t matter whether I would live, but I knew that I needed them to stay strong for those we had left behind. I needed them to stay strong for you, so you might keep the remainder of the Coalition together.”

Clarke nodded, she’d figured that much out on the day.

“But the day I had been shot…” Lexa guiltily looked away again. “That hadn’t been about being strong for my people…”

Clarke’s brows knitted in question.

“I hadn’t been thinking very clearly.” Lexa met her gaze again. “Everything had hurt. I thought that I would die that day… And the only thing that kept me going, was that I had made a promise that I would return to you…”

Clarke’s entire being softened as she took a step closer to Lexa.

“I had been so selfish.” Lexa whispered. “I rode back to Polis thinking that the only thing that mattered, was seeing your face one last time.” Lexa seemed overcome with guilt, a hint of embarrassment tinting her cheeks red, and Clarke tilted her head up and kissed her.

Clarke forgot sometimes that Lexa was all Grounder. Because Lexa, wizened by the knowledge she’d garnered from all of her books, pretended not to believe in all of their mythos. But she had still been raised in the Trikru Forest, closely affected by the Maunon threat, and had been taught to fear and hate guns since the day she could comprehend what the weapons could do. Clarke couldn’t imagine what Lexa must’ve thought when she realised that she’d been shot. Because on the Ground, guns equalled death.

“Just promise me that you’ll at least try to patch yourself up first before you rush home, just because you’re missing my face.”

Lexa let out a relieved chuckle at Clarke’s teasing concession.

“I promise, Clarke.”

* * *

They’d wound up on the bed, kissing heatedly, until Lexa hissed in pain and Clarke flew off of her, going to stand next to the bed.

“Sorry.” Clarke muttered, rubbing her face to try and get rid of the haze of lust that had completely overtaken her. It had been a long while and even when she’d been angry and brooding, Clarke had still missed Lexa like crazy; missed holding her close and just being able to talk to her.

“Come back.” Lexa frowned, her pyjama top hiked up to her bellybutton and her pant legs scrunched up to her knees and waistband halfway down her hips.

_God._

“No. You’re still healing.” Clarke husked, needing to say it out loud for herself too.

“I’m fine, Clarke.” Lexa murmured, while her hand absently caressed over her lower belly.

Clarke stared at Lexa’s fingers for the longest time, until she caught herself and glared up to find a sexy smirk telling her that Lexa was doing it all on purpose.

“Stop that.” Clarke ordered, and internally cringed when Lexa’s smirk broadened.

“Stop what?” Lexa innocently asked, with dark seductive eyes as her fingertips dipped beneath her waistband.

Clarke bit the inside of her cheek. “ _Leksa_.” She warned, before dragging her gaze away from those fingers again to scowl at her horny wife.

“How is it my fault that you have made my body used to receiving love after we’ve disagreed? Now it doesn’t understand why you’re not closer, Clarke...” Lexa earnestly explained with twinkling eyes, causing Clarke to helplessly laugh.

_Devil woman._

“Okay.” She said, smirking when Lexa instantly perked up. “Staying on your back, and keeping your legs down, if you can stretch out your arm and lift it all the way back to touch the headboard, I’ll strip down and have sex with you right now.” Clarke explained while demonstrating what she wanted Lexa to do.

After having had her side slashed open by Sonja – a superficial wound really - Clarke’s entire waist had been so tender that she couldn’t lift her arm, she could only imagine how much worse it must be for Lexa.

Lexa didn’t even think about it though, she lifted her arm and got about sixty degrees from her body, before she winced and had to drop it again.

Clarke grinned triumphantly, until the stubborn Commander set her jaw and tried it again, biting her lip through the pain while she forced her arm up further and behind her shoulder and Clarke had to run forward and physically lower it back down.

“Leks, stop. _Please_.” She urgently whispered, wildly searching Lexa’s distressed face as she continued to struggle to lift the arm Clarke effortlessly restrained.

Seeing the frustration in Lexa’s eyes, the angry tears pooling there, everything finally clicked in Clarke’s self-obsessed brain. Because it had nothing to do with sex, but with Lexa needing to do something aside from recuperating whilst trapped in someone else’s house and being reminded that Wrex was gone and their home had been taken away from them, and the Coalition was at risk of falling apart entirely.

Everything Lexa had built over years of blood, sweat, and sacrifice, was at stake, and Clarke had ignored her and made her suffer through all of it on her own… After Lexa had _finally_ let her in… After Clarke had made a promise to herself to show Lexa that she could confide in Clarke; that she wasn’t alone anymore. That Clarke would be there for her, and the first opportunity that Clarke had to show Lexa that she could be strong so that Lexa didn’t need to be, Clarke had completely and utterly _failed_.

She’d left Lexa with a grieving man because Clarke felt too angry and guilty to face either of them. Because of course Lexa would’ve remained strong for Grunt, and she wouldn’t have shown any of the worry she had for their people in Polis and the Coalition, even whilst recovering from a near-fatal injury.

“Sshh, Baby…” Clarke hoarsely soothed and shifted to lay next to Lexa, wrapping her arms around the suddenly small Commander as safely as she could.

Lexa instantly sunk into the touch as though she’d been craving it for years and Clarke’s guilt grew tenfold as she pressed her face into Lexa’s hair, blindly kissing her head.

“I know…” Clarke whispered through the thick knot strangling her throat as Lexa softly cried into her neck. “Just let it all out…”

“Wrex is gone...” Lexa wetly mumbled and she didn’t even need to say it, but Clarke could hear the sorrow and question in her voice. Why? Why does everyone I love have to die?

And Clarke could hear the fear Lexa held that Clarke would be next.

“I’m so sorry, Leks.” Clarke husked, pressing her face to Lexa’s wet cheeks and held her closer.

* * *

Clarke stayed quiet until Lexa was all cried out and then, for the longest time, they just laid together, as wrapped up as they could manage without causing Lexa discomfort. Clarke kept her head close to Lexa’s and then tenderly kissed her, feeling soothed herself when Lexa exhaled and her body relaxed into the contact.

It was Lexa who pulled away from the soft kiss first, resting back into the pillows and stared up at Clarke with glistening, but clearing, eyes.

Her expression than gradually turned earnest.

“I’m sorry I hadn’t been at your side…” Lexa murmured, swallowing thickly and then licking her lips. “At the Mountain.” She clarified. They hadn’t spoken about anything that had happened at Arkadia and Clarke knew that it was that too, which had slowly been simmering between them.

Part of Clarke had been happy to be angry with Lexa so that she wouldn’t have to discuss what she’d done. She was very sure that Lexa knew every detail already, because Grunt and the rest of Lexa’s Guard would’ve debriefed her.

“Not your fault you got shot.” Clarke tried to keep it light, but saying it out loud still had her heart dropping into her stomach. Her breath hitched at the reminder of how close she'd come to losing Lexa, not once, but thrice, in just a few days: the ambush on Lexa’s way back from Azgeda, the invasion of Polis, and then that stupid coup at Arkadia. Well, it wasn’t three separate occasions, more like a consistent, pervasive fear that she would lose Lexa with about three massive sparks in intensity.

When Lexa remained quiet, Clarke looked up and found Lexa’s gaze flitting over her shoulder, before brilliant green locked onto her again.

“Will you show me?” Lexa whispered.

Clarke sighed, even as she obediently sat up and tried to figure out what she was feeling as she slowly undressed.

Guilt? Shame? Pride?

The room was warm, but her skin was soon covered in goose pimples as Lexa gingerly sat up and stared at the brands covering Clarke’s shoulders.

“You did what needed to be done.” Lexa murmured and Clarke shivered when she lightly grazed her fingertips over the healed marks.

Clarke couldn’t look at Lexa, nor respond to her.

“Indra reported how well they’d worked with Skaikru; all the resources they’d managed to store.” Lexa quietly spoke, but all Clarke could focus on was the feel of Lexa’s gaze burning into her back. “The Trikru had often been guests in the Mountain. Pike and his people saw that not all of us are like the ones who had attacked them.”

Clarke nodded. She’d used that reasoning too. It didn’t make her feel any better though.

“Farm Station refused to acknowledge the alliance and friendship between Trikru and Skaikru. They declined your offer of a fair trial for their actions and declared themselves enemies.” Lexa continued on and Clarke just stared ahead, images of all those bodies she’d left in the forest that day, flooding her mind.

“Clarke...” Lexa murmured and Clarke finally looked over her shoulder. “They had been a clear threat. And they were not Skaikru...”

And of course Lexa had known what was weighing on Clarke’s mind.

What she’d been trying to avoid by leaving the house early and coming home late. Why she couldn’t look at Grunt without her chest hurting. They might call her Clarke of Polis now, but she was still Skaikru. And it was Skaikru’s fault that his brother was dead. It was Clarke’s fault for leading all of them there in the first place, with the promise of sanctuary.

“You're angry that I wasn’t there to make the decision you had been forced to make.”

Clarke chuckled humourlessly, not realising until that moment that yes, she’d been mad at Lexa about that too.

“Some Gonheda I am, right?” She mumbled self-deprecatingly, accepting the shirt Lexa handed to her and putting it back on.

“You had been Gonheda long before I had spoken the words that proclaimed you so.” Lexa confidently stated and laid back down into her pillows.

Clarke turned to lay on her stomach, propped up on her elbows, as she faced Lexa again. That unabashed pride that shone in Lexa’s eyes did a lot to soothe the guilt in her heart.

“Taking a life is never easy, Clarke.” Lexa murmured. “But sometimes we need to do it, to ensure that those who trust in us to make such difficult decisions, will continue to survive…”

“They would’ve been a threat to everyone here. All the Trikru that would’ve found them...” Clarke explained and Lexa sagely nodded her agreement. “That’s not why I killed them, though.” She whispered, heart aching as it hammered in her chest with the real reason Clarke couldn’t entirely forgive herself for those deaths.

“I killed them for Wrex,” Clarke hoarsely rasped, “I killed them all because they wanted to kill you.”

She sunk into the embrace when Lexa pulled her down, it must’ve hurt and it was at an awkward angle, but Clarke needed Lexa’s arms around her as she finally cried for the warriors she’d lost and the enemies she had killed.

Clarke hadn’t even realised how much she’d needed to just purge herself of what had happened. How much she had needed Lexa to listen and to tell her that she’d done what needed to be done. That even though her motivations had been personal, that Clarke had still made the best choice for the Coalition.

Clarke hadn’t realised that the reason she had been able to understand Lexa - the way the Commander would clamp up and silently brood all on her own - was because Clarke often did the exact same thing too.

But she didn’t have to anymore, Clarke realised, much later when she was tenderly placing kisses all over Lexa’s face, smiling – truly smiling for the first time since Lexa had collapsed in her arms in Polis - while she asked an adorably pouting Lexa to wait at least two more weeks for them to make love, just to be safe.

Clarke wasn’t sure why, after everything that they had been through and had been to each other, that it only hit her then, that she really wasn’t alone anymore; that she had someone in her life who she could share her burdens with, because that person understood so intimately what she had gone through and was going through still.

Clarke finally, truly, understood what Lexa had meant when she’d called Clarke her home.

* * *

The snow wasn’t so irritating after that.

Clarke spent more time at home with Lexa, and felt extra shitty when Grunt used the opportunity to take some time for himself, which he had probably needed, but wouldn’t dare leave Lexa’s side up until that point.

Lexa also chased her out of the house to continue her training, and after failing at finding anything that would allow Lexa to make some soap, Clarke learned from Indra that the Commander enjoyed whittling. Something Lexa apparently used to do a lot when she’d been younger.

Indra donated a chip carving knife, and Clarke already had sharpening tools back at the house, so on one clear morning, she set out with a few warriors into the snow-covered forest, in search of wood. Clarke didn’t have a clue what she was looking for, but the guys with her enjoyed wood carving as well, especially since the snow trapped them in their houses for a couple of days at a time with not much to do, and soon gathered enough pieces that had the ‘right grain’ and was dry enough to whittle.

The way Lexa had looked at her when Clarke gave her the presents had been the best thing ever. That big grin and bright eyes shining with pure joy and delight, instead of the pensive frown Lexa, seemingly subconsciously, would too often pull on, which told Clarke that she was thinking about the war.

As Clarke had suspected, Lexa became obsessed with her gift and knowing that Lexa had something to keep her hands busy while she sorted through her beautiful brain, Clarke felt less guilty leaving her in the house. In between the bouts of bad weather, the Commander even joined them at the training field – only to watch though - and Clarke had to frequently resist the urge to fuss over her and wrap her up tightly in her furs in front of the warriors.

Lexa’s mere presence did wonders to boost the morale around Ton DC, so Clarke allowed it, for short amounts of time – because it was fucking freezing outside - and would then look to Grunt who would nod and whisper in Lexa’s ear that it was time to go.

Lexa would roll her eyes, but leave regardless.

She’d promised Clarke that she would take better care of herself after all.

* * *

“No.” Both Clarke and Grunt stated with matching grins, while they retrieved the various food items and crockery they would need to prepare supper for that evening, in the small open plan kitchen.

“Just go sit in the living room, we can play a game of chess in a bit.” Clarke instructed her pouting wife, who half-heartedly glared at them before turning to do as she was told.

“How am I supposed to learn, if you won’t let me try?” Lexa mumbled under her breath as she walked to the sofa and dramatically threw herself onto it, making Clarke wince at the carelessness. Fortunately for the Commander, Clarke enjoyed it way too much when Lexa and Grunt were in a playful mood. So Clarke happily decided to let that one slide.

“You’ve tried.” Grunt snorted.

“And you failed.” Clarke added with a smirk.

For all of the talents Lexa had, for some reason, she just couldn’t get the hang of cooking. It made even less sense, considering all the different fragrances she was able to produce in her soap, while using a variety of ingredients.

Clarke could see Lexa readying to argue more, most likely frustrated at not being good at something, when there was a knock at the front door.

Lexa lifted a brow in question at the two of them and Clarke shrugged, it was snowing outside so they weren’t expecting visitors, especially not at that time of the day. It was just plain rude to show up uninvited at someone’s house during dinnertime.

Knowing why everyone was hesitating, Grunt went to retrieve his sword and walked toward the door as Clarke picked up her own and glared at Lexa who was reaching for a spare laying close by. Lexa rolled her eyes again, but conceded. They both knew that if anything really went down, that Lexa would get that sword no matter what.

The door opened and a gust of icy wind blew through the cosy warmth of the house, and Clarke lifted her sword, staying close to Lexa.

“Clarke.” Grunt called from the tiny hallway, it was close, but they were just around the corner where Clarke had taken up position to surprise an attacker, so she had to peek around it, and scowled when the door was closed again and she recognized the two people standing there.

Clarke kept her sword in hand as Grunt passed her, returning to the kitchen and leaving her to deal with their unexpected guests.

“What are you doing here?” She angrily asked, stepping into view.

Before her mother or Bellamy could answer, Lexa appeared at her side and Abby’s face lit up.

“Nomon!” Lexa happily exclaimed, before moving forward and hugging Abby, again not even showing the discomfort she must’ve felt, even when Clarke could see how careful Abby was being.

“They’re covered in snow, Leks.” Clarke grumpily mumbled, placing her sword to the side, knowing that Lexa was getting her clothes soaked.

Lexa and Abby both ignored her, Lexa standing tall as Abby fussed over her and asked after her health, marvelling at Lexa’s quick recovery.

“Clarke is a very good Healer.” Lexa proudly grinned, not looking at Clarke. “Please come inside, it’s warmer by the fire. We’ll get you dry clothes to wear.”

Everyone avoided Clarke as they passed her, Lexa sending Bellamy off with Grunt before disappearing into their room with Abby, leaving Clarke in the living area all by herself to stew in her anger and annoyance. She seemed to be the only one angry at Skaikru for what had happened. She’d finally mustered the courage to speak to Grunt about his loss and even he had said that Farm Station had killed Wrex and Farm Station had paid for it. That that was all that mattered to him.

Lexa exited the bedroom again, having pre-emptively changed into a dry shirt and finally looked at her.

“Go speak to Nomon.” She instructed with a stern face.

“She doesn’t need to, Lexa.” Abby said from the doorway, dressed in some of Clarke’s clothes. Well, in some of the clothes donated by the people of Ton DC that were now Clarke’s.

“Nomon saved my life from Farm Station.” Lexa continued to firmly look at Clarke.

“We came to deliver the first shipment of supplies to go out to the Trikru villages.” Abby explained even though the two weren’t looking at her. “And I joined Bellamy to make sure that Lexa was recovering well… We could leave…”

“No,” Lexa stated, “you will stay for dinner. There’s a storm coming and you won’t be able to travel safely.” She told Abby, her eyes never leaving Clarke’s.

They stared at each other for a long time, the silence so thick that Bellamy instantly froze when he finally made his way out of Grunt’s room.

Clarke let out a frustrated huff. “Fine.” She conceded, and scowled when the corners of her mouth twitched to reciprocated the stunning smile Lexa flashed her.

“I will make us a good meal,” Lexa announced, “you two should take the time to speak…”

Lexa then stepped forward and bent her head to whisper in Clarke’s ear. “If you feel you can’t reach a resolution, then that’s fine, Clarke. Just try, please?”

“I’ll try, if you promise to stay away from the food.” Clarke murmured, affectionately pressing her forehead against Lexa’s, almost feeling her smile in return.

“I promise.” She conceded and then pressed a kiss to Clarke’s cheek, squeezing her hand as Clarke sighed and went to join Abby in the bedroom.

* * *

“You can’t honestly believe that any one of us actually condone what had happened at Arkadia…” Abby murmured, sitting down on the chair Clarke used each morning to lace up her boots.

Clarke remained silent and standing. She and Lexa had spoken about her anger at Skaikru before, that’s why Lexa had forced the conversation to happen, knowing that nothing would ever be resolved if Clarke didn’t speak about it to her mother.

“You don’t get it.” Clarke finally muttered.

“Then tell me.” Abby pleaded.

“She _bends_ for you.” Clarke huffed out in frustration, pointing at the door. “She allows Skaikru their stares and whispers when she’s in the Mountain. She doesn’t insist that they bow to her like all our people do. She talks our people into pushing down their discomfort and going there to trade with you. Have you gone out to any of the other clans? To go see what it’s like there?”

Abby’s brows rose up in surprise, like she hadn’t even thought about it.

Of course none of them had.

“You get away with sitting in your Mountain and having the clans change their perceptions to include you, but I haven’t seen you do anything to try and include them and make them more comfortable. And Indra doesn’t count.” Clarke quickly added before her mom would mention the collaborations they’d only had with Tondisi. “This Coalition isn’t only made out of Trikru.”

“Leksa allows you your shit, because of me. She gives you the benefit of the doubt and she trusts you, because I told her that she could, and what do you guys do?”

“Clarke, we’ll make more of an effort to reach out, but it’s just too dangerous to travel –

\- you don’t think the Flaudonkru and Desert Clan thought that the Mountain was dangerous?” Clarke incredulously asked. “You don’t think that they pushed down _decades_ of fear to help bring about change, because their Heda asked them to?”

Abby hung her head.

“Every time you guys fuck up, it’s on _me_.” Clarke thickly swallowed and Abby didn’t scold her for her language. “Those warriors who died, they died because they followed _me_ into a place they’d been taught to fear, but did it because _I_ asked it of them, because they trusted me not to lead them into danger…”

“You didn’t know.”

“I didn’t.” Clarke agreed. “But I should’ve seen it coming. I knew Pike was a threat and I should’ve known you would choose to protect Farm Station who didn’t do anything to integrate themselves into Arkadia. You trusted and protected them more even with their clear hatred and at the expense of my people.” She clenched her jaw and tried to calm herself. Clarke didn’t want it to be a shouting match, but the guilt still burned raw in her stomach at what had happened and how it could’ve been so much worse. “Skaikru expects the Ground to bend for you, instead of adapting to how things are done here. And I’m not gonna continue to support that.”

“We’re not asking that.”

“Good. We’ll see how you fair once trade is cut off entirely. When you’re forced to actually go out and hunt for your food and supplies.”

“We’ve been doing that.”

“And you think the wildlife’s just gonna conveniently stick around close to the Mountain as you kill them off with your loud guns? You’re gonna need to travel, stay in the forest for a few nights in search of food. You know nothing about living on the Ground, because you haven’t been. You’ve been counting on the Coalition to support you, and maybe Leksa has a soft spot for you know, but I’m not going to let this continue on any longer.” Clarke earnestly promised. “You still speak about your people as though Skaikru are separate from this Coalition; separate from the Ground. Like you’re exempt from the Commander’s laws. And I’m done ignoring that, because I thought that it was enough that Skaikru wasn’t at war with anyone any longer.”

Abby was quiet for a long moment while she thought, Clarke staring at her and waiting to argue about it further.

“I’ll make sure that the Council knows of your concerns and that we make the appropriate changes.”

Clarke’s eyebrows rose into the air at the easy acceptance, before she masked her features again.

“Just like that?” She couldn’t help but ask.

“Yes, Clarke.” Abby got up from her seat. “I respect Lexa and I respect your role in this Coalition. If you feel that what we’ve been doing is causing Arkadia and the rest of the clans harm, then we’ll try to make the appropriate changes.”

Clarke’s brows knitted and Abby lightly laughed.

“What did you think I would say? You explained what the issue was, and I understand now… We hadn’t intentionally been ostracising ourselves. Again.” Abby explained. “We’d just been so caught up in building a home in Mount Weather that we hadn’t thought further than just that…”

“But you never agree with me…” Clarke mumbled, averting her eyes, when Abby stepped closer.

“It took me a while to see what a great leader you’ve become.” Abby tenderly smiled as she cupped Clarke’s cheek to make the blonde look at her. “Your father would’ve been so proud of you.”

Clarke easily fell into the hug that was offered to her, feeling a big part of the tension she’d been carrying around leaving her shoulders.

“ _I’m_ so proud of you.”

* * *

If Skaikru had known anything about the weather, they would’ve known that they’d be travelling just as a blizzard was about to hit the region. They were supposed to contact Indra regarding pick-up and delivery of supplies on the radio, but Abby had anticipated Clarke not wanting to see them if they’d announced themselves beforehand. Clarke hadn’t taken any of the calls her mother had attempted to make before her unannounced visit.

The delivery hadn’t been due for another few weeks, but Indra had given whatever Ton DC could spare to the Polisian warriors to take with them to their host clans. So Abby and Bellamy had made their way down the Mountain with a small caravan of packed horses and four armed Arkadian guards.

Clarke still didn’t know how the Grounders managed to predict the weather. It seemed a mixture of superstition, actual climatology and calculated guessing. But they’d been right so far, and the little house had been well stocked and prepared for the massive storm that hit that night.

At least Bellamy and Abby could see for themselves how bad Winter really was if you weren’t sheltered by an entire Mountain, and Clarke felt relief that they wouldn’t go wandering about without checking first, ever again. She didn’t know what she would’ve done if her mother had left Arkadia just a few hours later and had been lost to the massive snow storm, that raged for five days on end.

She was also grateful for Abby’s medical opinion, because Clarke knew little about physiotherapy and Lexa was so stubborn she would push through the pain and risk injuring herself if Clarke didn’t stop her. Lexa had argued that she’d managed her own recovery just fine after being hit in her shoulder by an arrow. Apparently, arrows hurt a lot more than bullets and Clarke wished that Lexa hadn’t known that comparison at all.

But Lexa listened to Abby, who suggested an exercise routine and a time-frame for Lexa to follow before she picked up a sword again. And Clarke just grinned victoriously as she watched Lexa promise her nomon that she would stick to it, no matter what.

It was nice, spending time together, mending her relationship with Bellamy who of course blamed himself for the lives lost at Mount Weather. Part of Clarke blamed him too, other parts blamed Kane and also herself. She and Bellamy were good at that, blaming themselves and wallowing in self-pity. They needed Lexa and Echo to roll their eyes at them and get them focusing forward again. But with Echo absent, it was left to Clarke to encourage her friend to learn from the past and be better. To remind him that he did get Clarke out of that cell and had thought to infiltrate Farm Station too. Bellamy was most awkward around Grunt though, who was naturally quiet, but upon noticing Bellamy’s guilt, just slapped him hard across his back.

Clarke had grinned at the gesture, Bellamy rocking forward at the impact, eyes wide in surprise and a bit of terror. Clarke had explained to him after that that was as good a sign as any that Grunt wasn’t going to kill him in his sleep. Or knowing Grunt, just snap him in half while Bellamy was wide awake.

Mostly, they spend their five days in front of the fire in the living room, and played chess and spoke about the clans, Lexa telling them how beautiful the ocean was when travelling to the Boat Clan and Ailonkru… Offering a Trikru guard to accompany Skaikru on their initial journeys to their allied clans once Winter was over and the war had been won.

Lexa would then whisper promises in Clarke’s ear, to take her there soon. It was partly why Clarke was so angry at Skaikru who had been offered the opportunity to travel and hadn’t taken it, when she herself would’ve done anything to explore the Ground with Lexa.

It was really nice spending time together in the little cottage though, and Clarke enjoyed the sense of family it created, even though a few members were glaringly absent.

* * *

“Clarke…”

She heard her name whispered and sleepily woke, feeling Lexa’s hand tenderly caressing over her hip.

“Hmmm…” Clarke hummed, the soft touch lulling her back to sleep.

The room was darkish, but there were still tall flames in the fire, meaning that it was probably after midnight and she hadn’t been asleep for too long.

“It’s been two weeks.” Lexa whispered, kissing Clarke’s shoulder, her hand sneaking beneath Clarke’s top and caressing over her abdomen, causing a shiver down Clarke’s spine, even as she melted into the touch and the kisses trailing up her jaw.

“We have a house full of people, Leksa.” Clarke mumbled, even as she turned around to better accept Lexa’s kisses.

Bell and Grunt were sleeping in the living room and Abby had been given Grunt’s room.

“And yet I still chose you.” Lexa smirked and Clarke laughed out loud, but was stopped by two fingers pressing over her lips to quiet her.

Her eyes had adjusted to the dim light in the room, and Clarke could see the intent way that Lexa was looking at her, the smile slowly dropping from Lexa’s face as she swallowed thickly and stared at her fingers covering Clarke’s mouth.

Mindlessly, Clarke parted her lips and took Lexa’s fingers into her mouth, watching as Lexa drew in a shuddering breath in the quiet room. Clarke gently started sucking, her lower belly clenching when Lexa softly moaned, resting her face closer to Clarke’s, and slowly started sliding her fingers in and out…

_Fuck..._

When Clarke swirled her tongue around the lanky digits, Lexa loudly whimpered, before hungrily replacing her fingers with her mouth, and pressed her body as close to Clarke’s as possible.

The thick furs grew hot and heady as they desperately kissed, arms clinging to each other, and their bodies grinding in search of friction, even as they wildly threw the blankets off of the bed.

With a gasp, Clarke pulled away from Lexa’s mouth, looking at her panting and breathless wife, and could do nothing but clumsily help her when Lexa pulled off her top and stripped her of her pants, before instantly cupping one of Clarke’s breasts.

Even though they both moaned at the welcomed touch - Clarke the loudest - she still shushed Lexa, who just chuckled against her lips as she continued to roll Clarke’s nipple between her fingertips, and softly palmed her breast as her tongue explored Clarke’s mouth again.

Clarke was helpless to do anything but accept it. Dazedly helping Lexa out of her clothes and sighing when warm skin finally covered her own. She ran her hands down Lexa’s back, tracing the toned muscles, trailing her fingertips upward to a pair of strong shoulders and then down Lexa’s arms as she hovered over Clarke.

After two years of rigorous training, Clarke was a lot more defined than Lexa, and yet, the Commander, with her lean, toned, physique, was still so much stronger.

Her eyes fluttered open when Clarke finally figured out that she wasn’t being kissed anymore and she stared right into darkened eyes, glowing in the light of the fire, intensely burning with love and desire…

Clarke moved her hand to cup Lexa’s cheek, watching as Lexa tilted her head into the touch, her eyes sliding shut while she let out a contented breath. Clarke’s other hand was still on Lexa’s arm though and she soon felt the way it strained to keep Lexa up.

And god, Clarke was such a horny idiot at times.

She was so used to making love to Lexa when she was strong and in control, that Clarke had momentarily forgotten that Lexa was recovering from a bullet wound, no matter that it was mostly closed and only slightly tender on the outside, Lexa still had a long way to go before she was fully recovered.

Clarke shifted her hand from Lexa’s face, to her shoulder and gently pushed, knowing Lexa wouldn’t fight her, and moved with her, when Lexa obediently laid down on her back.

Lexa was slightly panting and they’d been together enough times for Clarke to know that it wasn’t just arousal causing Lexa’s breathlessness. She also knew that Lexa wasn’t going to want to stop on her own account. So Clarke bent down and gently started kissing her again, her hand cupping Lexa’s breasts, keeping her touches measured and slow.

Clarke kissed down Lexa’s neck, worshipping her lovely collarbones and lightly sucked love bites on her breasts, before she grazed her teeth over a straining nipple…

Lexa’s breath hitched and she slightly arched, shuddering when Clarke trailed her fingers down Lexa’s abdomen.

“You need to try and keep still, Baby.” Clarke rasped, her lips following the trail left by her fingers, extra careful of the wound below Lexa breast.

She lightly kissed the tender flesh around it though and smiled when a deep moan rumbled from Lexa’s chest.

All Clarke wanted to do was to dip her fingers between Lexa’s legs and lose herself in the wet warmth she knew she would find there. But she tried to remain in control, continuing her languid tease, knowing Lexa’s body well enough to be certain that her plan to make Lexa come with the least amount of physical exertion, would work.

Clarke straddled one of Lexa’s legs and continued to nuzzle her pubic bone, trailing down to lick over Lexa’s glistening inner thighs, whimpering at the taste and trembling with the restraint it took to not push her tongue inside of Lexa, as deep as it would go.

Needing to clear her head, Clarke shifted up again, her stomach bottoming out at the way Lexa was looking at her, like she was readying to press Clarke down and do everything Clarke had needed her to do for the last two weeks.

“Beja, Leksa,” Clarke hadn’t intended it to sound like a plea, but she had little self-control when it came to this woman, “teik ai na yu gon fis op…”

_Let me take care of you._

“Sha, Doctor Clarke.” Lexa grinned and relaxed back into her pillows, sighing blissfully when Clarke kissed her again, seated on her knees next to Lexa’s hips.

Clarke then took hold of Lexa’s hand and placed it between her wide-spread thighs, smirking when Lexa loudly groaned as she discovered just how wet Clarke was for her. She bit her lip hard though when Lexa’s fingers familiarly slipped through her folds and instantly started teasing for entrance.

“No…” Clarke gently rasped when Lexa looked to be getting up.

Lexa froze in her ascend and laid back down again, moaning along with her, when Clarke pushed Lexa’s fingers inside and slowly started rocking her hips.

Clarke almost felt sorry for her, because she knew that Lexa liked to have her close.

“Just keep them there.” Clarke lowly husked, using her own hand to help Lexa as she grinded down onto Lexa’s fingers, her other hand cupping her own breast.

Lexa seemed unable to tear her gaze away, as Clarke sensually rolled her hips, controlling the pace of Lexa’s fingers pumping in and out of her, lips parted and chest flushed and heaving.

“Krei meizen…” Lexa mindlessly murmured.

_So beautiful…_

Clarke arched at the praise; a pulse of pleasure shooting down between her thighs. She basked in the way that Lexa watched her; the need in Lexa’s eyes; the utter devotion... It made her hips rock faster; made her clench down onto Lexa’s fingers, when Lexa’s thumb slipped up and started drawing tight circles to the rhythm of Clarke’s feverish thrusts.

Soon Clarke’s body was trembling with the rapid build of her impending climax, panting heavily while she feverishly bucked along with the strong fingers doggedly pumping into her.

God, Clarke’s entire body felt on fire… Hot and feverish in a way that brought pleasure with every delicious stretch of her abdomen and spine. Moaning each and every time her thighs spread further apart as she rocked forward into Lexa’s thrusts…

“Kom op gon ai, Klark.” Lexa’s accent washed over her, thick with arousal, sending a shiver down Clarke’s spine and a bolt of lightning straight to her lower belly.

_Come for me, Clarke._

With a low drawn out moan, Clarke pressed Lexa’s hand tightly between her thighs, crying out when Lexa’s thumb pressed at just the right spot…

Clarke fell forward as she climaxed, half over Lexa’s torso, trembling on her hands and knees while she breathlessly kissed Lexa’s waiting lips.

Lexa kept her hand still between Clarke’s thighs, firmly cupping her while Clarke rubbed against her palm, her body twitching and shuddering with delicious aftershocks until she shifted to a slow lazy grind...

After a while, Lexa gently removed her fingers, affectionately stroking Clarke down, who just hummed at the tenderness and dazedly smiled against Lexa’s lips.

Lexa then tried to pull Clarke into her arms.

Usually Clarke would instantly melt into her after an orgasm like that, just to cuddle for a bit while she caught her breath and the tingling in her body had subsided. But she knew that Lexa was more than ready. So Clarke smirked devilishly and kissed and licked her way down Lexa’s hot skin and didn’t hesitate before she greedily ran her tongue between a pair of slickened folds and hoped that the wind was blowing strong enough outside, to mask Lexa’s deep moans of pleasure.

* * *

Clarke lay with her head on Lexa’s shoulder, one leg in between Lexa’s thighs, an arm resting over Lexa’s chest as her hand played with the hair at Lexa’s nape.

It felt good to have finally been that kind of intimate again. The connection they shared, suddenly felt clearer. Calmer. Stronger.

“Do you ever wonder what would’ve happened if Skaikru hadn’t fucked up our first few days on the Ground?” Clarke asked, surprising even herself with the random question.

She felt a bit drugged, like she usually did after sex with Lexa. Her lips were still pleasantly tingling from going down on her and it always made Clarke feel sort of euphoric afterward. Mostly silly and mushy.

Also, given their current situation, it was something Clarke often thought about when they were trapped indoors… How things might’ve been, where they all had gone wrong… She didn’t obsess over the past, but Clarke had learned from her various mentors that it was good to pick apart the past and try to not make the same mistakes in future.

“That hadn’t been your fault.” Lexa whispered back, lazily yawning even as she continued to absently stroke Clarke’s lower back, making her feel sleepier by the second.

“But that’s my point.” Clarke softly argued. “It had all been a chain of unfortunate and violent misunderstandings. Like on the bridge when we met with Onya. We were all so scared, and we convinced ourselves afterward that it’d been an ambush.”

After having had a protection detail herself, Clarke knew the signs, they scattered and stayed out of sight, always armed and ready to jump in, but only when needed… Clarke had never spoken to Lexa about the particulars of that day, because she hadn’t been sure how to broach the topic of Anya, but she knew now that Lexa didn’t mind speaking about her nomon. Lexa actually enjoyed it very much. Especially when she was training Clarke.

“It hadn’t been an ambush, had it?” Clarke defeatedly sighed.

“No.” Lexa confirmed. “She wanted to know who you were, why you were there and if more of you were coming.” Lexa yawned again and Clarke loved her even more for entertaining the senseless discussion.

If Skaikru weren’t so trigger happy, everything would’ve played out so differently.

“I know it’s stupid to dwell on the past,” Clarke readily admitted and snuggled in closer, still mindful of Lexa’s wound, “but what do you think would’ve happened if we’d finished our talks that day?”

“She would’ve brought you to me to decide what to do about the village you destroyed, whether it had been an accident or not.” Lexa sleepily answered after a long pause Clarke knew was because she was already half asleep.

Clarke wondered what she herself would’ve done about them in Lexa’s shoes. Clarke’s decision to eliminate Farm Station seemed to have been one that was supported by Lexa, Indra and her mother. Well, accepted by Abby at least. The three women were all leaders, with very different leadership styles, and Clarke still felt so uncertain on what was the right or wrong thing to do when you had so many people counting on you.

She also knew that life wasn’t black and white; that there wasn’t a ‘right way’ of doing things. But out of everyone Clarke had been learning from, she looked to Lexa the most as a mentor and faithfully tried to follow her example.

“And what would you have done once she had brought me to you?” Clarke whispered back, listening to Lexa’s steady heartbeat, her breaths having evened out...

Clarke smiled and closed her eyes, thinking that Lexa had finally fallen asleep, but then:

“I would’ve loved you sooner...”

* * *

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Emberly for giving this a read-through!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy xD  
> xx

 

“Your _favourite_?” Clarke smirked, her grin broadening when Lexa predictably rolled her eyes.

“They’re the techniques I prefer using most often to incapacitate my opponent when I don’t have access to a weapon.” Lexa dryly elaborated.

They were standing in their bedroom the following evening and Clarke had decided to ask Lexa how she’d managed to disarm Clarke that day that Clarke had begged Lexa to train her, which evolved into a discussion on vulnerable points on the body.

“So the first is a knuckle to the temple.” Lexa explained, demonstrating by lightly tapping Clarke on the temple with the knuckle of her middle finger.

They were both already in their pyjamas and wearing socks, having been about to go to bed. It was still early in the evening though and sleeping hadn’t really been the reason they’d excused themselves that night.

“And that can lead to haemorrhaging, concussion, and or death.” Clarke nodded, figuring it all out in her head as she combined it with her medical knowledge.

“Yes.” Lexa agreed. “Usually it’s best to just go for the throat.” Lexa’s finger gently caressed over Clarke’s trachea.

“Yeah, Ekko showed me a few of those.” Clarke grinned. “Throat, nose, and eyes especially.”

“Yes, also, when someone punches or grabs at you,” Lexa lifted Clarke’s arm, “a punch just here, will render that arm useless.” She lightly jabbed at the area below Clarke’s bicep.

“The three main nerves in your arm flow together right there...” Clarke realised and Lexa tilted her head. “Let me show you.” She grinned and went to fetch a piece of paper and coal.

She was very limited in Ton DC when it came to supplies, but Lexa’s curiosity was infectious.

Clarke quickly drew up a figure of the human anatomy detailing the nervous system, and Lexa then explained which area to pinch, punch or press, to render parts of the body useless, numb or in pain and Clarke would name them for her. Like the radial nerve would disable the thumb and index finger, the median nerve the inner palm, and the ulnar nerve the pinkie and ring fingers, which all flowed together on the lower part of the upper arm.

“It takes a lot of practice though, and I would prefer it if you never needed to get so close to anyone intending you harm without a weapon in hand.” Lexa sighed.

Clarke stepped back from where they were leaning over the page and went to stand in the middle of the room.

“Okay. Hit me.” She instructed.

“No.” Lexa deadpanned.

“How else am I supposed to learn?” Clarke countered.

“You can hit me.” Lexa replied.

“You’re still healing.”

Lexa rolled her eyes and Clarke deflated, the excitement slowly draining out of her.

“I have an idea.” Lexa smirked and took Clarke’s hand, leading her out of the bedroom.

Bellamy and Grunt were sitting in front of the fire and Grunt was teaching him how to carve. Lexa only whittled when she was alone, so Clarke wasn’t sure if she was actually any good at it or not. That hardly mattered though, it wasn’t about the end result, but rather that Lexa found the process as soothing as she did her soapmaking.

“Belomi, I need you to spar with Clarke.” Lexa formally instructed, every ounce the Heda, even in her soft fleecy pyjamas.

Bellamy’s eyebrows lifted into his hairline.

“I can’t use a sword, Commander.” Bellamy nervously replied, getting to his feet and warily eyeing Clarke and Lexa.

“I’m showing Clarke how to defend herself should she not have a weapon.” Lexa explained.

Her wording purposely implied that Clarke didn’t know how to fight without a weapon. But Echo had trained Clarke extensively in hand-to-hand combat. They often ended up exchanging kicks and punches at the Pits; weapons entirely forgotten. So Clarke knew very well how to defend herself, Lexa was specifically teaching her about targeting vulnerable points on an opponent’s body.

Bellamy’s wariness left him, though, ever the big brother wanting to protect the people he loved. He immediately agreed to help and they quickly shifted some furniture around to make space, careful not to be too loud in case Abby was already asleep. She’d excused herself even before Clarke and Lexa had, to go read a book on horticulture she’d found that was being used to level out the dining room table.

Lexa then proceeded to recap all the vulnerable points they’d covered, pointing to areas on Bellamy’s body.

“Here will often be covered with armour.” Lexa motioned to Bellamy’s torso.

“Solar plexus.” Clarke nodded.

“But you can also punch here or here.” She pointed to his side.

“Liver and ribs.”

“When your opponent is male, you will obviously go for this region.” Lexa hovered her hand over Bellamy’s groin area, who lightly bent away from her, starting to look a bit green and very worried.

“Ready?” She asked Clarke, who grinned widely at Bellamy, lifting her fists, and nodded.

“I’m supposed to just hit you?” Bellamy hesitantly wondered.

“The better your attack, the more she will learn.” Lexa answered, fully in Amin mode.

“What if I hurt her?” Bellamy asked Lexa, who flat out laughed in his face and Clarke’s chest puffed at Lexa’s confidence in her ability.

“You should probably worry about yourself getting hurt.” Grunt piped up from where he was reclining on the couch and enjoying the show. He and Lexa had watched Clarke at the Pits and had trained with her enough to know her skill level.

“I’ll be surprised if you can even get a hit in.” Clarke smugly taunted and Bellamy let out a long-suffering sigh, but walked forward and half-heartedly grabbed Clarke’s top for his ‘attack’.

She hit him hard on the back of his hand, and as he flinched away, slapped him across the face a split second later.

He winced and shook out his hand as though he’d been stung, and Clarke wanted to look at Lexa for approval, but she knew she would be scolded for taking her eyes off of her target.

It was a good thing too, because Bellamy’s swing was a lot surer the next time, but the Little Pauna was fast, and that fact had gotten her out of a lot of precarious situations. She hit his arm off of its course and then punched him right in the sweet spot beneath his bicep and cringed along with him as it looked as though his arm had been electrocuted to paralyses.

Clarke grinned. “One last time.” She excitedly coaxed; it was really fun.

Bellamy shook off the pain, and attacked again. Moving a lot faster and showing off his actual skill, he swung twice and Clarke blocked those, before ducking under a third, and then hit him right in the solar plexus. And as he doubled over in pain, Clarke brought up a knee and stopped short right at his groin.

Bellamy sunk to his knees in a mixture of pain and relief that it hadn’t been worse.

“ _Why_ …?” He whimpered, clutching his stomach and protectively shielding his crotch with his other hand.

Lexa came to stand next to Clarke and stared down at him.

“Perhaps now you will think twice before commenting about strange _moaning_ winds keeping you up all night, especially over family breakfast. You have made Nomon so uncomfortable that she still can’t look me in the eye.”

* * *

Early the next morning, found Clarke, Lexa and Grunt at the training field while their guests slept in. The storm had finally passed and everyone had been shoveling snow for most of the morning, trying to clear the pathways around the village.

Lexa though, had summoned a few warriors, asked them to relinquish their weapons, and had then released Clarke upon them.

Clarke was merciless as she punched and jabbed, quickly switching from one vulnerable point to another when the first didn’t work out as intended. Lexa’s weight training made her move faster even with her layers of clothing on.

Though she did have a fat lip, an aching jaw and had yet to regain some of the air from when the wind had been knocked out of her, Clarke still stood tall in between a circle of crouched over bodies grumbling in pain, and her back straightened even more at the proud glisten in Lexa’s eyes and the tiny smug smirk as she looked over what Clarke had done.

Warriors didn’t gloat when sparring though. The battles weren’t real and it was a place of learning, so Lexa walked forward and asked each of them where Clarke had gotten them worst and then instructed them on how to defend against the attack and to work on their armour to cover those areas where possible. Clarke knew that next time she tried, they would be way more prepared to defend against her. After sparring together for so long, the novelty of the attack had clearly caught them off guard. She could only hope that an enemy would be as surprised by it.

The warriors nodded to their Heda and then slapped Clarke on her back before leaving the two women appreciatively staring at each other, alone.

Clarke was about to suggest that they go for a ‘walk’ when she noticed Indra approaching over Lexa’s shoulder and frowned at the look on the Chief’s face.

* * *

Clarke stood next to Lexa, Indra on Lexa’s other side and Abby next to Clarke as they huddled around a map of the Trigeda Clan territory spread out on the dining room table. Bellamy and Grunt were present too and everyone was waiting on the quiet Heda to say something.

Lexa though, kept staring at the four crosses she’d drawn on the map, indicating the villages nearest to Polis that Ontari had raided, displacing hundreds of Trikru just as Winter was entering its coldest and most dangerous period.

All of the refugees fleeing their homes had arrived in Ton DC, in search of aid. Problem was, all their immediate neighbours had no space and sending them off to allied clans, was too far a trek in the weather conditions. It was the reason Clarke had stopped hoping that the rest of Polis’s citizens wouldn’t be released and instead had taken to hoping that they would be cared for at home. They simply wouldn’t be able to help them that deep into Winter.

“This had never been about becoming Heda through killing me.” Lexa murmured as she frowned at Polis on the map. “They wanted Polis all along…”

Clarke, who had been staring at Lexa’s face for a clue as to what was going on in her brain, then looked to the map as though Lexa was seeing something there, even when Clarke knew Lexa was just blindly staring at it as her mind worked.

“They’re building an army and if they become strong enough, no title would matter, they would be sovereign through sheer numbers alone; avoiding Heda Soulou Gonplei entirely. Perhaps I fall in the war,” Lexa casually shrugged and Clarke scowled at her, “it wouldn’t matter. They could’ve built their stronghold in Azgeda, but they had limited resources going into Winter. And the Ice Nation is called that for a reason. Their Winters have always been harsher than that of the other clans.” Lexa explained. “Polis, however, had been stocked up with enough resources to last us and these villages for two Winters.”

Clarke nodded, understanding dawning. “And we have weapons and a very nice wall…”

“Yes.” Lexa sighed.

“So she invaded these villages so she didn’t have to share the resources?” Clarke wondered. They might’ve been the only two people in the world as they quietly discussed what was happening.

“Displacing these people serve multiple functions.” Lexa murmured, her eyes finally leaving the map to look at Clarke.

So weary and guarded and angry…

“She gets rid of enemies so close to Polis’s borders.”

Clarke nodded. “And turn them into outposts instead.”

“Yes.” Lexa smiled. “By all accounts, the invasions had been non-violent and minimal lives had been lost. The people had simply been overpowered by their numbers and then told to leave.”

“But that’s a good thing, right?” Clarke wondered, tilting her head in question. “That no one died?”

“It would’ve been, had it not been Winter. Ontari has effectively placed all of their lives into my hands. She hadn’t killed anyone because she knew that we wouldn’t be able to provide them all with shelter. Their deaths will be on me now. The people will feel as though I had failed them when they needed me most.”

Clarke looked back to the map. There were over five hundred people standing outside in the cold with nothing but the clothes on their backs. The children and elderly had been squeezed into homes where they could find a space to keep warm, but Ton DC couldn’t take them all in. They could barely take twenty, and the Polisian Guard had filled the spaces their closest neighbours had to offer.

The refugees would need to travel. And just one blizzard like the one that had just passed, during their journey, and they would all be lost to the cold…

“Arkadia will take them in, Commander.” Kane’s voice crackled over the radio Abby had set up so he could be part of the meeting.

Clarke’s head snapped up and she looked at Bellamy and her mom who didn’t look the least bit surprised at the suggestion and realised that that’s why Abby had asked Lexa’s permission to have Kane ‘join’ in the discussion. They’d already decided that they would make the offer.

“No.” Clarke lowly growled in answer, the atmosphere changing from worry to a thick tension as the Gonheda bristled.

The Skaikru remained quiet and looked to the Commander who was staring at the map again.

“How many will you be able to take?” Lexa murmured, and Clarke’s jaw clenched and her hand went to her pommel gripping tightly onto it to avoid screaming at them.

She knew her mom meant well. She knew they wanted to help. But they always fucked up and the Coalition really couldn’t afford to gamble with the lives of so many. Especially not after their losses in Polis.

“We have room for all of them.” Bellamy beamed at Lexa.

“We don’t have beds, but we do have blankets and bedrolls that we’re storing for Ton DC.” Abby looked to Indra who smiled and nodded that she’d gladly part with those.

“We also have extra food.” Bellamy added. “The area where the cages had been, has been cleared…” He trailed off. “We’ve been renovating in hopes of expanding our clan… It doesn’t look like it used to and it’s still not much –

\- mochof, Belomi.” Lexa cut off his rambling, he was probably anxious about suggesting to house the Grounders in the exact place so many of their people had been kept by the Mountain Men. “I thank you for being a good ally to the Coalition.”

Clarke just couldn’t take it anymore.

“May I be dismissed, Heda?” She lowly hissed, her knuckles white as she gripped her sword to keep Clarke from screaming to the room what a bad decision she thought they were making.

“Sha, Clarke.” Lexa sadly murmured and Clarke turned instantly and marched toward the front door.

“I will speak to the people about the Mountain.” Was the last thing Clarke heard Lexa saying, before she slammed the door shut.

* * *

It didn’t take long for Lexa to find her, Clarke having managed to work herself up into a rage instead of calming down, as she blindly beat the living shit out of a bale of hay with a training staff.

Clarke wasn’t sure what to call the structure she was in. It was wooden and looked like a barn and contained Ton DC’s Winter reserves. It was the only quiet place she could escape to, as the village was teeming with refugees looking to her for answers and the house was filled with family members, ganging up against her.

Lexa leaned against a wooden pillar and watched her for a moment, adding to Clarke’s agitation because why did Lexa keep on forgiving Skaikru?

_…My people will be your people, your people will be my people…_

Their marriage vows rung through Clarke’s head and she gritted her teeth and hit the bale of hay even more viciously, because this would be such a big fuck up. If Pike had managed to convince a few Skaikru of his beliefs… If some saw what Clarke had done to Farm Station as something to fear… If they were angry at her for killing people they’d considered friends… If some were just plain prejudiced and didn’t like Grounders, it could all blow up in their faces. There would be more Grounders than Arkers in the Mountain if they took in all of them, and Clarke knew her people. The presence of so many previously perceived as enemies, would definitely freak some of them out.

And all it would take is one idiot with a gun and the Council not noticing, for everything to go to shit. Clarke still didn’t know who had shot Lexa. Lexa hadn’t seen anything more than her Guard had. Clarke had interrogated her extensively on the events of that day. It could’ve been a Grounder. Everything pointed toward it being a Grounder, but what if someone knew how to slip in and out of the Mountain? Had found a way to bypass roll call or get someone else to mark them present…? Clarke trusted that her friends and family – the Council – had good intentions. But the Mountain was still dangerous.

Why the fuck was she the only one seeing that???

Clarke snapped out of her thoughts when a staff loudly clashed with her own, sending sparks of electricity into her palms. She slightly loosened her tight grip and stared at Lexa, who took a step back, twirled the staff and then beautifully slipped into a battle stance.

Clarke’s heart skipped and ferociously thudded at the challenge and she blindly attacked, not having gotten rid of any of the access energy whilst hitting the stationary hay bale. It had only increased her anxiety and actually having someone to fight, made the Little Pauna roar loudly as she sought to get rid of the tension vibrating throughout her body.

Clarke noticed that Lexa was just blocking her though, and scowled.

“Fight me!” She shouted, increasing the power behind her strikes, even as it hurt her own hands.

Lexa didn’t say a word as she obeyed Clarke’s request and for a blissful few minutes, all Clarke was aware of was the rush of having to defend against Lexa’s expert attack and the pain it caused in her palms. But then Lexa swirled her staff and Clarke was left without a weapon while still raging with energy.

Lexa threw her staff down as well, and curled her hands into fists and Clarke just managed to duck away from a swing toward her face.

She grinned madly as she attacked back – she would later hate herself for forgetting Lexa’s injury – and just let go as she felt her fists and arms being blocked by Lexa, realising that Lexa wasn’t even really attacking her. Her frustration grew at not being able to land a hit, and Clarke grunted loudly as her anger built all over again, until she felt a blow to the space below her bicep and it felt like her arm was being ripped at the spot, painfully zinging down to her fingertips.

She didn’t stop punching at Lexa though, and instead had her wrist grabbed and pinched, her hand spasming as she growled in pain and swung at Lexa with the other, who just pressed the spot in the crook of Clarke’s elbow until the pain had Clarke’s knees buckling.

Clarke slowed down considerably, but didn’t stop. Neither did Lexa who meticulously worked the points in Clarke’s arms, until they were numb and Clarke could barely lift them anymore, the pain making them feel heavy, and Clarke dizzy. She blissfully pressed her face into Lexa’s neck – sweaty and breathlessly panting - when she was embraced in Lexa’s arms and lovingly held against her body.

Clarke welcomed the tenderness, the pain in her arms gradually being replaced by a tingling buzz as Lexa stroked her back, and massaged her shoulders, and Clarke’s heartrate and breaths finally slowed.

“I don’t want to go to war against my people.” Clarke mumbled, her arms still lamely hanging at her sides even though she really wanted to hold Lexa back. “If they make a mistake again, and placed all those people in danger…” She trailed off, having confessed the real reason she was so frustrated with Skaikru constantly messing up.

Before Polis and Lexa, before Clarke had built a life for herself on the Ground… Before then, Clarke would’ve, and had done, everything in her power to make sure her people survived. Now though, all of the people of the Coalition were her people. She’d accepted them even before Lexa had become hers. Clarke wouldn’t choose Skaikru over them. And that frightened her. Because if they did anything to endanger five hundred Trikru refugees, the Coalition would be forced to act. Retribution would be demanded…

The leaders of each clan were held accountable for their people’s actions and Clarke didn’t want to be forced to demand justice from her mother and friends the Grounder way… She was haunted by images of them strapped to a Cutting Tree… She had literal nightmares of Abby bleeding and screaming as warrior after warrior sliced through her flesh…

Lexa seemed to understand her fear and gently scraped her nails over Clarke’s scalp, lightly swaying with Clarke in her arms for the longest moment.

“It’s a choice between sending them through the weather conditions to distant allied clans, or sending them up the Mountain that has space and resources…” Lexa quietly murmured. “With the first choice, there’s little chance that they will make it to their destinations. The second option…”

“… We have to hope.” Clarke mumbled, her arms finally moving to wrap around Lexa, tiny little pinpricks spreading up them.

“The Skaikru Council is trying, Clarke.” Lexa whispered in a soothing voice. “They lost your vision when you abdicated the leadership, but they’re willing to listen and to learn. We will spend more time with them, perhaps we should accompany the people to the Mountain for the remainder of Winter.”

Clarke flew out of Lexa’s arms and stared at her from a few feet away.

“ _No_.” Her heart was thudding faster again and maybe Clarke wasn’t as over what had happened in the Mountain as she thought she was, because just the thought of Lexa setting foot anywhere near it, struck her with terror.

Clarke hated that fucking Mountain.

Lexa held her hands up in supplication. “It had only been a suggestion.”

Clarke guiltily bit her lip. She’d completely overreacted. “I’m sorry.” She murmured.

Lexa smiled and spread out her arms and Clarke slinked closer, allowing herself to be wrapped up again.

“I can’t ask Grunt to go back there…” Clarke murmured. “ _I’m_ not ready to go back there…” She finally admitted.

Clarke might’ve reached some resolution with her mom and Bell and even Kane, but just the thought of being inside Mount Weather, after _everything_ that had happened there…

That mountain was a fucking curse.

“I will discuss with Indra who of her people are familiar with Skaikru, and whether they will be able to join the refugees in the Mountain. It would make the transition easier for both them and the Sky People if they had familiar faces to communicate with.”

Clarke nodded, the Arkadian guards who had travelled with Abby and Bellamy were already staying with friends in Ton DC. Abby had also spoken about the outrage of many against Farm Stations actions. Maybe Skaikru were changing for the better. Clarke really fucking hoped so as she snuggled in closer, her body humming in warmth, still lightly tingling.

“Thank you for understanding.” Clarke lightly kissed Lexa’s neck.

* * *

They spent most of their days trapped in the little cottage, playing chess, Grunt and Clarke sparring hand-to-hand, and checking on the Mountain via the radio Abby had left them.

After Clarke’s mini-breakdown, she’d joined the discussion on the extent of Arkadia’s involvement in the war. Bellamy had then offered his Guard to fight and another argument had followed.

Lexa felt that the Coalition needed to see Skaikru supporting them, but giving them swords would just kill them all and allowing them guns would alienate their allies and serve as too big a distraction on the battlefield. Clarke understood that, and eventually they decided to focus on getting through the winter first. Lexa said that she would find Skaikru something else to do in the war effort and thanked them for opening their home.

Clarke could see Abby was disappointed that she and Lexa wouldn’t be joining them at Arkadia and was she not determined to take care of their guests herself as she’d promised Lexa during their lengthy farewell, Clarke was convinced that Abby would’ve stayed with them in Ton DC for the remainder of Winter.

But things seemed to be going well in Arkadia and it made Clarke feel only slightly less claustrophobic as the weather determined when it would allow her outside or not. Grunt and Lexa made it better and the three of them managed to not kill each other through a variety of activities and often just picking a room and staying out of the way of the others for a few hours.

They’d learned to do that the hard way though.

For someone who had grown up on a spaceship and had spent a year in solitary, Clarke Griffin didn’t do well with being trapped in the little cottage. Perhaps her past was exactly why… After tasting the freedom and wide open spaces of the Ground, Clarke was especially resentful of being cooped up.

It didn’t help that she and Lexa weren’t use to being in each other spaces twenty-four seven. It was definitely a learning curve. One they had gloriously failed a few times as they fought over the most senseless of things those first couple of weeks. Clarke couldn’t even remember most of the heated arguments. Once she’d completely overreacted when Lexa told Clarke the braids Clarke had just finished in Lexa’s hair were ‘nice’ and Clarke decided – for some reason – not to believe her. Which then got Lexa upset, who felt her honesty was being attacked. The arguments were ridiculous in nature and often served only as a match to start a fire that grew into the inferno of tension that was Skaikru and the war and what they would do when Winter ended or Skaikru somehow killed all their people in the Mountain…

It thankfully ended one day when Clarke screamed at Lexa for picking up her clothes ‘too soon’; that Clarke would’ve picked them up herself once she was done brushing her hair and Lexa looked like she wanted to rip her head off, breathing heavily in silent rage before she stilled, blinked and then burst out laughing. Clarke had rushed across the room to kiss her and after making love for a few hours, they decided to try their best to give each other some space the best they could and the arguing had reduced significantly thereafter.

* * *

One evening as Clarke entered the little house - covered in snow but having needed to chop some wood she’d stacked next to the front door - she found Lexa in the kitchen, busy at the coal oven, wearing a pretty maroon-ish dress Clarke had no idea she even owned. The house smelled of delicious stew and candles were lit throughout... She tilted her head, but didn’t ask what was happening yet, as Lexa instructed her to go take off her armour and get into more comfortable clothes.

Clarke obeyed with a smile stuck on her face. Lexa was always doing nice things for her, so it wasn’t really a surprise, and always very much appreciated. She hurried and was back in the kitchen in record time, warily watching while Lexa dished them two bowls of stew.

“You cooked?” Clarke asked, nervously biting her lip, knowing that she would eat the entire pot no matter what it tasted like, just because Lexa had made it.

“I did.” Lexa grinned, her face sobering slightly, her smile turning fond as Clarke couldn’t help but show some of her apprehension on her face. “Grunt supervised.” Lexa added. “He also tasted some and said it was very good.” She reassured.

“I’m sure it’s great.” Clarke added, her shoulders sagging in relief and grinned as Lexa chuckled at her, but her eyes landed on something new on the kitchen counter.

She was vaguely aware of Lexa watching her as she reached out and picked up the beautifully crafted wooden horse. Clarke’s mouth fell open as she took in the detail of its long flowing mane, which looked to be blowing back in the wind, its legs actually bent as though it was running… God, Lexa was really fucking talented with a knife…

“Steltrona…” Clarke whispered in awe, eyes finding Lexa’s crinkled and smiling broadly at her for realising the symbolism behind it. “Its beautiful Leks…”

Lexa walked closer and bent down to kiss Clarke on the lips.

“Happy anniversary, Clarke.” She murmured, before she picked up their bowls and carried them to the dining table, leaving a stunned Clarke in the kitchen gaping after her.

It wasn’t like Clarke had forgotten… Well she had, but the Trikru didn’t celebrate anniversaries like they did on the Ark. They believed that gift-giving was something that happened when people cared, and however frequently they felt like doing it. Clarke knew the warriors at the Pits in Polis always spoke about what they got at the markets or hunted in the forest to take home to their houmons. Even more than that, the Grounder calendar ran along with the seasons, not a three hundred and sixty five day year. So Clarke hadn’t kept up with the dates. She only knew that after the Winter, she and Lexa, would’ve been married for five seasons… The long winters and summers counting as two. No one cared about specific dates and celebrated birthdays whenever they felt like it, in the season they were born in.

But of course Lexa knew about the calendar the Arkadians used. She still kept up the dates in her journal.

“I didn’t get you anything…” Clarke confessed in shame. “I didn’t realised we would be celebrating…”

Lexa stared at her confusedly and then smiled.

“I hadn’t realised that we were giving each other gifts in expectation of a gift in return.”

Clarke pouted at her, knowing Lexa was getting ready to give her a lesson she’d already received. Though Clarke loved giving gifts, she always grew uncomfortable with receiving them. Mostly because many had made her feel that she needed to give them something back. Which was why she adored the Grounder tradition of gift-giving so much.

“Anniversaries are a mutual thing though.” Clarke explained, the Skaikru custom having brought with it those old insecurities. “It’s Skaikru custom… I didn’t know we would be doing it.” She awkwardly explained again and Lexa seemed to take pity on her.

“When I spoke to Nomon on the radio a few days ago, she asked me if we would be doing anything.” Lexa admitted. “I hadn’t planned on anything, but I thought I would surprise you after Nomon told me about some of the anniversaries she’d shared with your father. That he had been the best cook on the Ark.”

Clarke grinned, because her dad had made the often bland Ark food taste delicious.

“I also needed to give you something else.” Lexa ducked her head and then hurried into the bedroom when Clarke expectantly stared at her.

She came back with the twin blades Clarke had discovered among her things in Polis after Lexa’s ambush.

“These had been in Victus’s family for generations.” Lexa told her, unsheathing one blade and showing Clarke. “I had coveted them since the first time I saw them. They’re some of the finest blades in all of the clans.” She smiled, but it soon faded again. “He gave them to me before he faced Ontari…”

Clarke’s excitement instantly dropped. Lexa had told her about that day. Ontari was apparently a great warrior, Lexa had admitted. Once upon a time, Victus had been one too. But he’d sustained many injuries whilst fighting on the front lines during the clan wars and Ontari seemed to know all of his weak spots. She had mercilessly targeted his left knee and his right shoulder until he was barely able to stand upright and hold onto his sword… Ontari had then viciously stabbed her blade into his gut and had sadistically stood and watched as he slowly bled out.

Clarke hated that fucking Ice Bitch.

“He knew that I’d been training you with dual blades.” Lexa smiled again after she’d finally managed to shake off the horrid memory. “I had intended on giving them to you after Winter, during your ceremony to present you to the all of the clans as Gonheda…” She couldn’t quite hide her disappointment.

Lexa really enjoyed a good ceremony. She looked for any opportunity to have one. They’d even had a ceremony when Clarke had finished her mural of Lexa’s battle against Gregor.

Clarke smiled at her, hoping that Lexa remembered that Clarke didn’t really care either way, because she knew that a ceremony was intended as Lexa’s way of honouring her achievements.

“But now with the war coming and your training going so well… If you choose to use these blades, I will need you to become familiar with them, so I can’t wait for the clans to gather to give them to you...”

Clarke nodded, eyes wide as Lexa handed her the sword, as though Clarke hadn’t already gawked at it before. She’d known they were for her, but now they were finally hers, and honestly, it did feel like the best anniversary slash Gonheda present ever.

“Does this mean I can finally get rid of the training staffs?” Clarke smirked.

Lexa just chuckled and walked over to where the food was getting cold. Clarke grabbed her beautiful horse and swords and followed after her as to not take for granted the effort Lexa had put into the evening. Grunt wasn’t even home, which meant that Lexa must’ve asked him to give them some time alone.

“You have graduated to training swords.” Lexa grinned at her.

Clarke chest puffed regardless, because it meant that Lexa was pleased with her progress.

* * *

And when the snow stopped falling two days later and released Clarke from her prison, she immediately set off to the training fields where her warriors would be waiting, eager to spar.

Lexa took up her duties as Amin, and Clarke gratefully fell into the role of Seken, extra eager because she was finally permitted to use actual blades. They were only training swords – blunter than usual – but Clarke felt invigorated by the clash of metal each time her sword struck at her opponents’.

Lexa seemed concerned about something however, and disappeared for the rest of the day. She was frequently strategizing with Indra though, so Clarke wasn’t too worried and focused on doing what Lexa had told her.

It was a few days later that Lexa walked up to her on the training fields and presented her with some armour which she proceeded to strap onto Clarke’s forearms.

Clarke tilted her head in question as she rolled her wrist and found she could still easily move them.

“I want you to use them as shields.” Lexa explained. “I’m having stronger ones made for you at the forge. But these should hold against the training swords.”

Clarke smirked, certain that Lexa would cover her entire body with armour if she could.

“Your swords are shorter, which means you need to get closer to your opponent… Blocking with your sword would prove dangerous against a stronger warrior, but…” Lexa trailed off as her hands caressed over the new pieces of armour and went to rest on Clarke’s biceps which Clarke flexed on instinct, causing Lexa’s eyes to darken.

“… but your arms would be able to block the strongest of blows…” She absently murmured, biting her lip, while she continued to feel Clarke up in front of everyone.

Clarke didn’t mind. They often kissed and held hands in public. They were Bonded so it was hardly anything strange.

“With the ones intended to complete your battle armour, I have asked that they design deeper grooves, so that your opponent’s blades will slide and lock into them, instead of accidentally skidding across the surface and taking of your arm or your head.”

Lexa was fucking brilliant.

“Mochof, Amin.” Clarke rasped in awe, causing Lexa’s eyes to flash to her face as the Commander finally remembered herself and seemingly reluctantly let go of Clarke’s arms and took a step back.

“Duck, block, strike.” Lexa instructed. “Get in close, it will make it difficult for them to swing at you with the full might of their strength.”

She instructed and motioned a warrior closer.

It took some time to learn to effectively alternate between blocking with her sword along with the strike and blocking with her armour against the strike, but Lexa had her learning a few routines, choreographing sequences for Clarke to follow depending on her opponents attack and she soon got the hang of it.

Lexa was the best teacher ever.

* * *

The days seemed to pass faster after that, Lexa paying special attention to honing Clarke’s skills, but also spending time on the other warriors who preened under the Heda’s tutelage. And after she organised match-ups and gave her instructions early in the mornings, Lexa would walk off to the side and gently start twirling her lance.

The first few times it had happened was completely distracting. At first, because Clarke was worried Lexa would hurt herself, but then, upon noticing that Lexa was being careful, keeping her movements agile and languid, almost like in that one yoga class Clarke had attended up on the Ark, Clarke became distracted by Lexa being hot as fuck whenever she picked up any weapon.

Then there was the first-time Lexa had been on her own in the snow and every child in Ton DC had popped up out of nowhere, watching her from afar and creeping closer as though afraid of, but also so very very curious about the Commander of the Thirteen Clans.

Clarke had stopped her match entirely to watch as Lexa noticed them, completing her warm up before she placed her lance down and then sat in the snow next to it. Clarke almost shouted at her from across the field to get up. She was terrified of what catching a cold would do to Lexa’s recovering system. But Lexa started gathering up snow as three of the braver kids managed to come within a few feet, wanting to see what she was doing.

Lexa spoke to them, though Clarke couldn’t hear what was said and the three instantly sprang into action, gathering snow and rolling them into balls. Others soon came closer, standing at attention like miniature warriors, and waited for Lexa to give them their orders. They would then bow and run off to gather whatever supplies the Commander requested.

Clarke had grinned, staying back as long as she could manage as the little army sat about building a miniature Ton DC from snow. They weren’t masterpieces one craved to immortalise forever, but the kids and their imaginations were enough to have some snowmen be this one or that one’s mother and father, and the big blocks of snow were their houses. When Clarke finally couldn’t control herself any longer, she’d gone to join them, Lexa shifting to the side, not scolding Clarke at all for not practicing as she’d been instructed to.

Lexa just continued to try and stick as many pieces of straw under a scarf she’d wrapped around a round snowball head.

Suspecting what she was seeing, Clarke scowled at the side of Lexa’s face until Lexa turned to look at her with a mischievous smirk on her face.

“I’m attempting to capture the pure radiance of our brave Gonheda...” Lexa stage-whispered to Clarke with a massive grin that instantly melted Clarke’s heart and caused her to smile back automatically.

Lexa then leaned closer to tenderly press a cold nose and warm lips to Clarke’s cheek, causing Clarke’s grin to spread from ear to ear as she started building her own snowman with childlike glee. Perhaps the upcoming war always had a shadow cast over them and Clarke had been looking forward to a Winter spent together in Polis, but she had learned that with Lexa at her side, that anywhere could feel like home. Clarke knew Lexa better than anyone, yet she was still continuing to learn new things about the Commander. And perhaps they fought sometimes for no real reason, but they always made up and had learned that not every fight meant the end of their relationship.

Though, the most important thing Clarke felt that she’d learned that Winter, was Lexa’s desperate need to do things outside of her duties as Commander. Like just being Clarke’s houmon for example. From the way she would just enjoy the peacefulness of laying in bed together, to cooking dinner for Clarke and Grunt. To celebrating an anniversary within a custom she wasn’t familiar with...

Clarke had first noticed it when Abby had been there and Lexa had gone out of her way to make someone else’s house feel like home for their guests.

Lexa seemed to crave normalcy and family, and it had never been more evident than that day, when the Heda played in the snow with the children of Ton DC, wearing one of the biggest most beautiful smiles that Clarke had ever seen in her life…

It was on that day that Clarke Griffin grew to love the fucking snow.

* * *

Eventually though, Clarke learned to not stare at Lexa and focused on her sparring instead. Lexa might’ve also scolded her and the warriors teased her too about her ‘moon eyes’. After that hurdle had been crossed, Clarke started to find her niche as Lexa had instructed her to do.

Lexa wanted Clarke to use what she’d learned from Echo, Kahlan and Lexa, and combine it into her own unique style. And after that, Lexa would instruct her again.

Dual blades suited Clarke perfectly. She still only used her awesome twin blades on training dummies, but still, Clarke felt as though she had always been meant to wield them. Echo had taught her to fight with her body, using knees, fists and elbows, because her friend was somewhat of a brawler. So Clarke took those lessons and combined it with the vulnerable points Lexa had shown her. She used her new armour to block strikes above her head, almost at the hilt of her opponents’ swords, bringing her close into their bodies and leaving a large area open for attack with her free fist, blade, or pommel. Clarke could land a variety of blows within just a few seconds and it was almost overwhelming for whomever fought her, to keep up with and defend against it.

She became a menace on the training field; Lexa watching on with pride and admiration as Clarke found her flow.

Lexa had her taking out warrior upon warrior for the following few lessons and Clarke noticed that her opponents were becoming more difficult each match up and thrilled at the challenge. She won enough battles to keep her confidence high and when there was actual grass beneath Clarke’s boots, the worst of the storms having had passed, Lexa drew her katana and stood across from Clarke with a sexy smirk pulling at her lips.

Clarke’s body betrayed her as a jolt of arousal shot through her abdomen right down to the apex of her thighs and she had to shake her head to try and focus. It felt as though the eyes of the entire village were on them as they intently circled each other, but then Lexa’s brows knitted and she straightened, staring at something over Clarke’s shoulder.

Clarke thought that it was a trick - because Lexa was crafty like that - but then Lexa smiled and sheathed her sword and Clarke turned around and her heart almost leapt out of her chest.

 _“Ekko!”_ Clarke shrieked out her joy, dropping her swords and ran toward her sister, leaping through the air and into Echo’s arms, who fell back into the snow under Clarke’s weight, but tightly kept her hold on Clarke regardless.

* * *

It was as Clarke was pulling Echo into a sitting position, in order to better get her arms around her laughing friend, that she noticed the strange man walking toward the Commander, who stood softly smiling at them.

Clarke was off Echo in a second, rushing the few feet through the small layer of snow and kicked the stranger behind his knee, ignoring the surprised shouts of her name from both Lexa and Echo.

As the man fell to his knees, Clarke swiftly drew her dagger and placed it beneath his throat, pulling his head back by his ponytail.

“Chon yu bilaik?” Clarke growled, even as the man had his hands up in supplication, smirking when Lexa came to stand in front of them, having stopped the rest of the warriors from rushing forward, an amused twinkle in her eye.

_Who are you?_

“Heda.” The stranger grinned at Lexa and Clarke knew he would’ve bowed his head, had it not meant that he would cut his own throat open in the process.

“Good to see you again, Prince Roan.” Lexa smirked and bid him rise with an elegant move of her hand.

Embarrassed at her overreaction, Clarke didn’t immediately release him, and instead was carried up as the prince easily rose from the snow with them both.

After finally letting go, Clarke didn’t apologise, she hadn’t known who he was, he didn’t seem to mind having been attacked, so she knew they were cool. Especially considering the casual way in which Lexa smiled at him. Clarke had found out that Roan was the one who’d convinced the majority of Azgeda to stand down when a young Lexa had shown up with one hundred warriors at her back, to face Nia and her three hundred loyalists.

She could see Lexa about to introduce them, but then Echo appeared and Lexa’s eyes softened considerably.

“Hei, Heda.” Echo whispered and bowed at the waist.

Lexa though, stepped forward and tentatively, a little awkwardly, she lifted her hand and wrapped her fingers around Echo’s nape whose eyes widened, before she smiled and returned the gesture, their foreheads resting together.

“Mounin hou, Ekko.” Lexa welcomed her back.

Clarke felt as though her face would split in half as she smiled while watching them. Echo was _there_. Clarke grinned at the prince who shook his head and just smirked back at her. But he wouldn’t know the explosion of joy happening in Clarke’s chest, so she beamed at Grunt as he swept Echo up in a bear hug, lifting her a few feet off of the ground.

Clarke couldn’t stop smiling, because the Prince of Azgeda had been found, and Echo was back safe and sound, and Winter was nearing its end, which meant that very soon, that Ice Bitch was going to get exactly what was coming to her.

* * *

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Emberly for giving this a readthrough before I posted.
> 
> Content Warning: Scenes of Torture and Graphic Violence

 

 

After the excitement of Echo’s return had somewhat abated, they finally turned their attention to the Azgeda prince.

"It’s good to see you again, Roan."

"Likewise, Leksa." He flashed her a charming smile that might’ve had Clarke’s hackles rising any other day, was she not still so high on _Echo_.

Besides, Lexa only had eyes for her, as the Heda straightened her spine, lifted her chin, and proudly motioned toward Clarke:

"This is Clarke of Polis. Gonheda of the Coalition, Conqueror of the Mountain -  

\- thorn in her backside," Clarke interrupted, preventing Lexa from listing all of the things she’d ever done in her life, "and also her houmon."

Roan shook Clarke’s forearm and then smirked at Lexa.

"You are lucky to twice have a beautiful woman fall in love with you, Heda."

"I only feel lucky during those rare moments when she’s not upset with me." Lexa smirked.

Clarke playfully shoved Lexa's shoulder, enjoying the light banter, because it meant that if they got Roan on the Ice Nation throne, that Lexa would have another ally she clearly trusted.

“The spirits have favoured me greatly.” Lexa conceded with a chuckle. “I hope they've been kind to you as well?”

When Roan ducked his head and his face flashed with concern, Clarke gently suggested:

"I'm going to settle Ekko in somewhere and maybe you and Prince Roan can go talk?”

Lexa smiled her gratitude and nodded.

"Whatever Ekko needs." She stated and walked off with Roan, who earnestly started speaking to her.

* * *

They had disappeared toward the forest with Grunt and Lexa’s remaining Personal Guard trailing after them. Clarke figured that it was a gesture for Clarke to take Echo to their house.

She then asked Echo whether she wanted to tell Bellamy that she was okay, as he was worried out of his mind. At her friend’s clear conflict, Clarke had placed the radio in Echo’s hand and had taken her time changing out of her armour in the bedroom, but had heard some of the stilted conversation though, which Echo had awkwardly cut short.

After that, the reunited friends spoke for hours, settled in the living room in front of the fire, Echo instantly asking about what had happened in Polis. Which meant Clarke had to tell her about Mount Weather and Wrex too… Echo’s grief had made Clarke’s own resurface, but Clarke thankfully thought to get Echo talking more about her journey.

Echo had found Roan through a friend of a friend of her cousins’ who had served on Roan’s Personal Guard and who had assisted the prince in relocating anonymously to the Valley Clan. They were all extremely loyal and had managed to keep the prince’s location secret up until Echo had started questioning his whereabouts to her most trusted friends, family and allies.

Echo had discovered Roan already stressed at the news of Victus’s death, who he had personally endorsed as King of Azgeda. And to top that off, a few of the Polis Guard had shown up soon after to tell them that the city had been seized by Ontari. They’d said that the Heda was recovering and that the Gonheda was alive, so even though Echo had wanted to immediately go to Ton DC, she realised how important Roan was, and had decided not to risk travelling with him through the unpredictable winter, and they’d remained in the Valley Clan until the weather conditions had calmed.

“I had made my identity known to the Valley Clan leader on our departure.” Echo nervously explained. “I know that he’s a good ally, so I had asked him to come meet Heda in Tondisi…” She trailed off and Clarke’s brow furrowed, not sure why that was a bad thing. “Do you think that Heda will reprimand me for taking such liberties?”

Clarke grinned, having forgotten that Lexa ran a tight ship and just how intimidating she was as the Commander. But Lexa was most likely already planning a ceremony to celebrate Echo’s success; one that her friend would grump about even as her pride shone through at the honour.

“Well, Ontari knows an attack is coming after the snow melts.” Clarke replied. “Leksa’s been trying to plan how long it would take to meet with all the leaders of the Coalition to make sure that they’re still allies before she summons their armies. So you definitely saved us a few days’ journey if he’s coming here.”

Echo grinned in relief, and it baffled Clarke how Echo didn’t know yet how much Lexa cared about her. But she guessed the two found comfort in maintaining their roles in each other’s presence. Echo was a warrior at heart, awed and admiring of her Commander. The only awkwardness either showed was when they stepped out of those roles. They seemed fine otherwise, and Lexa had never said anything when Clarke and Echo would lay strewn over the couch in their bedroom, while Clarke read to Echo. Lexa just went about her business as though Echo’s presence was just a given and part of their daily lives.

Clarke decided to let the two of them be and was just about to suggest they make something for dinner, when the front door burst open.

“Sorry, sorry! Please don’t kill me!” Bellamy rushed inside, hands held up in surrender and wincing as though he was about to be attacked.

He wasn’t wrong, both Echo and Clarke were standing with their weapons drawn. Clarke had relaxed upon seeing him, but was as confused as Echo’s face reflected at his presence.

Bellamy must’ve driven down the Mountain in the Jeep. With the snow less thick, it was easier to navigate the perilous road.

“I’m sorry.” Bellamy whispered again when he came to stand in front of a stunned Echo. “I just needed to see you…”

Echo’s cheeks were tinted pink, but she was looking as though she had missed him and Clarke knew she should probably leave, but she could do nothing but stare at the two idiots in front of her. Was this how Echo had felt for the year that Clarke and Lexa had denied themselves to each other? Were she and Lexa just as annoying? Hopefully they were at least half as cute…

“It’s okay.” Echo murmured and Bellamy grinned widely as he opened his arms, but then hesitated and searched Echo’s face, who smiled back and just leaned forward into his body.

Clarke watched as Bellamy’s arms enveloped her and he pressed his face into Echo’s hair, his eyes shooting full of tears before he screwed them tightly shut, and just exhaled the tension he’d been carrying throughout the Winter.

Clarke knew she would paint them, and after she got the beautiful scene memorised, she moved to leave them alone, but Bellamy abruptly took a step back, gently grasping onto Echo’s shoulders who had fallen forward at the sudden movement.

“I don’t want to crowd you or anything.” Bellamy anxiously explained and continued to ramble on. “So I’m gonna go again, but maybe you can call me on the radio?” He asked, eyes frantically searching Echo’s face. “Only if you want to, you don’t have to, of course, but you can if you want to. But you obviously don’t have to answer now, don’t feel like you have to!” He desperately shouted when Echo opened her mouth to reply. She then clenched her jaws shut and he seemed to relax again and Clarke just smiled, because she knew that Echo was about to agree to call him. “You don’t owe me anything…” Bellamy bit his lip, nodding as he backed away, down the hall… “It’s just so good to know that you’re okay.”

Echo then smiled a smile at him that Clarke had never seen before and she watched as it seemed to give Bellamy all of the answers he needed as he finally blew out a breath even as he continued his retreat.

“I’ll be back in two weeks, when the Trikru army gathers…” He carefully stated.

“I look forward to seeing you then.” Echo softly replied and Clarke almost slapped her own forehead when Bellamy actually fist pumped.

“Bye!” He widely grinned at Echo, having not even acknowledged Clarke’s existence, and was out the door again, gently closing it behind him. Still they could hear him whooping his elation outside, causing Echo’s smile to broaden even as her cheeks grew darker.

Clarke stood grinning at her for a long while until Echo seemed to gather herself and then slowly turned to face her.

“Shof op, Clarke.” She muttered, causing Clarke to finally burst out laughing.

* * *

The prince was staying with Indra, and Echo offered to keep an eye on him there. Since Clarke and Grunt had already been planning a partition to set up a cot in the living room, Clarke had had to hide her disappointment, but Echo seemed determined to make sure that Roan would remain safe until he was on the Azgeda throne.

“The Ice Nation need him.” Echo explained. “And I’m just a few houses away, Clarke.”

Clarke really needed to work on her abandonment issues, so she let Echo go and was mollified when each morning, Echo and Roan showed up at their door for breakfast. They didn’t have much time for training other than Clarke showing off her skills to her first teacher, because Lexa, Roan and Indra, were constantly huddled together and strategizing. And as Gonheda, Clarke felt that she should be there too, and knew it was the right decision when Lexa seemed pleased at her initiative.

Over the course of the following two weeks, Trikru warriors and the displaced Polisian Guard, started trickling into Ton DC, setting up camp as the days grew slightly warmer. It was still cold though, but the snowfall was minimal. Activity in Ton DC picked up and they were finally able to go hunting again.

And one day, when Clarke and Echo were returning from an unsuccessful excursion into the forest, they were greeted with a large crowd gathered on the plane. Clarke instantly ran forward, pushing her way through the throng of bodies that parted once they recognized her, until Clarke was next to Lexa who was rigidly towering over an unfamiliar man, wearing Azgeda colours, knelt down in front of her and Roan. Next to him was a large bag which had clearly been emptied at the Heda’s feet.

Clarke had to cover her mouth to keep from screaming as her eyes flickered over twenty odd decapitated heads, many of which she recognized, none more so than that of Tali. Clarke’s eyes shot full of tears as she remembered the girl electing to stay behind to become the Commander’s spy… And then her chest ached even more as she looked at Lexa, visibly bristling as she stared down the messenger with dark dangerous eyes.

Clarke wondered if Lexa was thinking of Costia in that moment, perhaps she was. She also knew how much Lexa had adored Tali; how much Lexa cared about all of her people, really.

“Get up.” Lexa’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it had grown so quiet around them that most of the people gathered had heard her.

The messenger scrambled to obey, Clarke could see in his eyes that he knew that he’d been sent on a suicide mission.

“Tell Ontari, that Prince Roan of Azgeda will be claiming his throne, and very soon I will come to remove her from mine.”

Everyone stared at the Commander in shock, clearly upset that she was letting the man go. And after watching as he ran out of Ton DC, the warriors and villagers all turned to Lexa.

“ _He_ hadn’t done this, Ontari of Azgeda did _this_.” She motioned toward the decapitated heads causing Clarke to involuntarily look again, but she soon tore her gaze away to focus back on Lexa.

“Does this frighten you!?” Lexa abruptly screamed over the distraught crowd. “This is not the first time I have received such intimidation from a Queen of Azgeda. Do you remember what I had done then?”

Their agitation instantly turned into agreeing murmurs.

Yeah, they remembered.

“That coward is afraid of us. She resorts to killing innocent citizens because she’s desperate! She knows that we are coming for her!” Clarke watched as the warriors stood taller, their distress turning to anger and pride. “Stay strong, my brothers and sisters, soon we will make Ontari pay for _all_ she has done!”

After the cheers had died down, Lexa swiftly organized for a pyre to be built. Clarke stood quietly at her side, resisting the urge to reach out to her as the Heda’s spine was still so rigid it looked like it might snap if Clarke so much as touched her. Lexa said a few words about every single one of the twenty people who had been executed. She knew all of their names and their backgrounds… Her voice had broken over Tali’s name, who she had left for last. And then Lexa had lit the pyre, standing there for only a few moments, before she spun on her heel and marched to their house.

Clarke’s eyes met Echo and Grunt’s, needing to make sure that they would keep everyone calm. They nodded to her to go ahead and Clarke rushed off after Lexa.

* * *

When she entered their bedroom, Clarke had expected despair, what she got instead was an intense fury she couldn’t remember ever having seen on Lexa before, even as it was cloaked in that familiar passion Lexa tended to exude on choice occasions.

"We have the rightful King of Azgeda as an ally. The Coalition still stands, because _I_ am the Coalition.” Lexa viciously growled, causing delicious tingles to shoot up Clarke’s spine. “That joken branwoda can sit on my throne and pretend all she wants that she’s Heda. She forgets that she’s nothing but an imposter while I still breathe.”

Clarke hid her immense satisfaction at hearing those words and stood and listened and watched, as Lexa paced and ranted, her pride visible in her stature, her words filled with confidence and vows that continued to strengthen Clarke’s heart for the battle to come.

* * *

After that, both Lexa and her warriors seemed revitalized. Lexa had effectively turned the attempt at intimidation into motivation for her people.

The forges remained busy, crafting weapons and armour. The training fields were filled daily with sparring warriors, who Clarke would join on occasion, showing off her skill and magnificent swords. Mostly though, she spent her time at the Commander’s side, through all the strategizing and planning and Lexa vetting new members for her Personal Guard, instructing Clarke to pick twelve of her own.

And whenever they had a moment to themselves, high on the electricity that seemed to be surging throughout Ton DC, Clarke and Lexa would instantly grab at each other.

Clarke moaned as Lexa pressed her body flush against Clarke’s, her tongue teasingly scraping behind Clarke’s teeth, while she pinned her against a tree behind their house.

Clarke felt on fire as she clung to the Commander who was expertly keeping them teetering on that precipice where simply making out, turned into the best foreplay ever.

 _“Heda.”_ A throat anxiously cleared, Clarke vaguely registering the sound before Lexa pulled Clarke’s bottomlip into her mouth and gently sucked.

Clarke groaned and pressed forward to kiss Lexa again, but the Heda had pulled her head back and had lazily turned her gaze toward the interruption.

Their bodies were still tightly melded together, but the absence of lips had Clarke blinking out of her daze, and turning to look at Echo standing a few yards away.

“Sha, Ekko?” Lexa rasped, her voice low and sensual, eyes dark with arousal.

Clarke assumed it was the reason for Echo’s awkwardness as her friend anxiously cleared her throat again.

“The Azgeda warrior is refusing to talk.” Echo explained her presence and Clarke felt Lexa’s body tense against hers, just before the Commander stepped away and the rush of cool air thankfully aided in Clarke regaining her faculties.

“Mochof, Ekko.” Lexa murmured, staring blankly at the ground. “Tell Indra to place him on the Table.”

Clarke’s gaze flickered from Lexa’s passivity to the way Echo’s eyes widened and she faltered for a moment before she stiffly bowed. “Sha, Heda.”

After staring at Echo’s retreating back, Clarke turned to watch Lexa get lost in her head, before the Commander abruptly started walking to the front of the house.

Clarke worriedly following after her.

* * *

Lexa had explained that she had let the messenger go, because Ontari wouldn’t have sent anyone with actual information to Ton DC. She might actually have purposely fed him incorrect information in anticipation of an interrogation. Lexa had also wanted the messenger to return to Polis, having seen Roan for himself and hopefully spread doubt amongst the Azgeda warriors, who were known for their loyalty to the monarchy.

The Commander had then sent out three small groups of warriors to watch the forests surrounding Polis in hopes of capturing someone at random. Indra’s scouts had reported that Ontari had routinely been sending out troops to perform military exercises, and Lexa had instructed they try and pick off a few of them then.

It all made sense, but now Lexa was acting all weird even though her plan had worked out perfectly. Well save for the stubborn prisoner, whose silence meant that he actually knew something, right?

They’d entered the house and Lexa had gone to the large chest she’d been filling with weapons all Winter and had removed six identical daggers. She had seemed preoccupied with gathering her sharpening tools, so Clarke had left her be.

She and Grunt had set out making dinner as the hours ticked by and Lexa remained in the bedroom, intently sharpening the blades. Grunt didn’t seem concerned by the oddness, so Clarke knew she’d made the right decision to back off, but when she and Grunt were quietly eating later that night, Clarke finally couldn’t keep it in any longer and just had to ask.

“What’s happening?” She whispered, glancing at the open door where about half of Lexa’s frame was visible.

Grunt followed her gaze and then looked back to Clarke.

“Leksa is preparing to interrogate the prisoner.” He supplied and went back to his food.

Clarke frowned and sat back in her chair, eyes fixed on the movement of Lexa’s body, showing that she was still hard at work sharpening and oiling the blades.

Clarke had heard stories, at the Pits, about the Heda’s interrogation techniques during the clan wars. Those rumours had been why Clarke had sent the assassin who had nearly killed Echo, to Lexa; confident that Lexa would get the truth out of him, which she had clearly done.

But Clarke also remembered Lincoln strung up in the Dropship… Killing someone was one thing, torturing them for information? Well, that was something entirely different.

Lexa pretended to be all head over heart for the people, but Clarke had learned that the Commander had the biggest heart of all. She couldn’t imagine what Lexa was thinking while she sat there and tried to get herself into the right frame of mind to go and interrogate someone who was refusing to speak.

Clarke dragged her gaze away from the bedroom doorway and focused back on her food, her stomach tightly knotting as she wondered what would come next.

* * *

It was deep into the night when the Commander emerged from the bedroom, her daggers rolled up in a thick dark cloth, her katana at her hip and her knife strapped to her thigh. Both Clarke and Grunt stood and followed after her as Lexa wordlessly exited the house and walked to the Ton DC dungeons.

It was the same place where Kane and Jaha had been held what seemed like an eternity ago.

Despite the late hour, Indra, Echo and Roan were all waiting outside with a small group of guards, casually talking until they spotted Lexa and everyone tensed and Clarke’s trepidation grew tenfold. She wanted to ask questions, but could see that no one was willing to disturb whatever mood the Heda was in.

Lexa’s face was entirely blank of emotion and it completely unnerved Clarke that she couldn’t get a read on her at all.

“Is everything ready?” Lexa stiffly queried, looking at Indra.

“Sha, Heda.”

Lexa nodded her thanks and walked toward where a guard was holding the door to the dungeon open for her.

Clarke was the only one who followed after Lexa, something she only noticed when Lexa halted at the doorway and turned to look at her, dark brows knitting together.

Lexa then glanced in Echo’s direction.

“Perhaps we should return to the house, Clarke? There are some things I need to discuss with you.” Echo abruptly suggested. She was the worst actress ever though, so Clarke ignored her and stared at Lexa who was finally looking at her after hours of shutting Clarke out.

“I don’t want you to see this.” Lexa softly rasped, eyes sparkling intensely and Clarke felt bad that she had shaken Lexa out of her flow, but she really thought that she should be there and not ushered away like some fragile damsel.

She was Gonheda. She needed to know all aspects of war.

“I’m here to learn from you, Heda.” Clarke firmly answered, neatly folding her hands behind her back like she’d seen Lexa often do.

Clarke needed Lexa to know that Clarke was willing and able to handle all aspects of the title Lexa had entrusted her with. That Lexa could count on her to be at her side every single step of the way.

Lexa stared at Clarke for a long time, quietly searching her face, and Clarke remained resolutely staring back.

“You will remain quiet and you will leave if you feel… overwhelmed.” Lexa sternly conceded, not looking certain at all in her decision.

“Sha, Heda.” Clarke promised, eager to prove herself to the Commander and everyone staring after them, as she and Lexa finally entered the dungeon.

* * *

Clarke had taken up position near the wall a few feet from the door. Some candles and torches had been lit around the space, creating an illusion of warmth in the chilly room. The Table was something Clarke hadn’t seen or heard about before.

It was a large, thick, wooden board mounted to a metal mechanism instead of legs. The prisoner was secured onto its surface, bound by leather straps at the wrists, ankles, thighs and across his neck.

Clarke silently watched as Lexa slowly cranked the mechanism and the board shifted until the prisoner was upright, feet resting on another piece of plank to hold his weight. He was stripped down to only his underwear, lightly shivering, and his body and face was littered with fresh bruises from Indra’s failed interrogation attempt. His eyes remained vigilantly trained on Lexa though, who had yet to look directly at him and was instead busy at a table, just off to the side.

She removed her katana and placed it on the table, next to two large bowls, one empty and the other filled with water. A few towelettes were neatly stacked in a pyramid between them, and Lexa utilized the remaining space to roll out her daggers, everything meticulously clean and organised in perfect contrast to the dank, dirty, setting.

Lexa then picked up two of the blades and walked to the prisoner and Clarke jumped in her skin as both daggers were slammed into the wood at either side of the prisoner’s face, the razor-sharp blades easily cutting through the skin on his cheeks and his ears, as he startled along with Clarke.

He quickly regained his composure though, noting that if he held his head still, it kept him a hair’s breath away from the sharp edges, and stared at the Heda, who had turned away from him again.

He was a Captain, in charge of his own unit, Indra had said when she’d given her report on the capture to the Heda. The Chief had shown up again to report on her failed interrogation attempt, but Lexa had just impassively thanked her, before going back to sharpening her blades. It had reminded Clarke of how she herself had sat sharpening her sword while Echo lay fighting for her life… Her emotions had been storming that day though, and had driven Clarke into action. She wondered what Lexa had been thinking of during all those hours sharpening her daggers… Had she been remembering those who she’d already lost to the war? Wrex? Kahlan? Tali? Wouldn’t that just make her angry though? Kahlan had briefly spoken to Clarke about interrogation techniques, and anger was definitely not an emotion that should be present. If you wanted information, you needed to be calm and in control at all times.

And Lexa usually meditated for that purpose...

Clarke woke from her thoughts again when Lexa picked up another dagger and walked toward the prisoner.

“What’s your name?” Lexa softly asked, almost kindly even, had the words been spoken under any other circumstances.

The prisoner remained defiantly silent and Lexa took a step forward, pinched a piece of skin on his forearm between her fingertips, and then slid her blade beneath it, swiftly and smoothly taking about twelve inches of skin with the motion.

His scream was agonized and made Clarke slump back against the wall as Lexa casually went to place the piece of skin in the empty bowl on the table.

Lexa didn’t ask him another question, instead she continued to quietly flay more skin from both his arms, his sides, and his thighs. Like peeling an apple, Clarke disturbingly thought and grew lightheaded as she watched the empty bowl fill with skin, and the prisoner’s piercing screams endlessly echoed in her brain.

The blades were so sharp that the cuts were quick and clean, and bleeding remained minimal, save for the blood pouring from the deep cuts across his cheeks as he inadvertently struggled to be free and continued to cut himself on the daggers at either side of his face, sending streams of blood pouring down his torso.

Clarke couldn’t even begin to imagine the pain he was in, and it made her extremely nauseated, wanting to leave, but her legs had turned to lead, keeping her solidly in place.

When the Heda finally stopped, the prisoner was a trembling, bloodied, mess; large beads of sweat dripping down his face, the salt most likely adding to the sting of the open wounds. The blades at his cheeks, had cut him to the bone.

He breathed heavily, eyes fluttering as he clearly struggled to remain conscious. He’d passed out a few times already though, until the next cut would wake him screaming again.

“Look at me.” Lexa gently requested and his head lolled and then he winced and kept it still when the blades cut his cheekbone.

He had cried for mercy on the fourth cut already, but Lexa had ignored him, and had just continued on. Clarke had had to stop herself from screaming at Lexa to stop. Maybe she would’ve, had her heart not firmly been stuck in her throat, choking her as she watched his suffering. But it gave Clarke time to remember that this was _Lexa_ and she thought on why Lexa would continue and realised that Lexa must’ve wanted to make sure that he knew that she was serious. Up until that point, the man had been a mute pillar of control who not even Indra could break.

Clarke could also see the way Lexa’s throat would bob when she was washing the blood off of her daggers, or exchanging one blade for a newer and sharper one. But Lexa would just briefly close her eyes and take a deep breath before she would turn around and continue slicing into the prisoner until his resolve had dissipated; until he was entirely broken, and would just stare at Lexa with frightened pleading eyes, ever so often mumbling for her to ‘please stop’ between his anguished screams…

“Your life had been over the instant my warriors captured you.” Lexa murmured. “But I will give you a choice as to when you will die. You can tell me what I want to know, and your death will be swift, or you can lie to me or refuse to answer, and I will continue cutting until all of your skin has been removed, and then I will start taking limbs.”

Lexa stared at him for a moment as he seemed to slump in his restraints in defeat. Clarke wondered if he’d even heard Lexa’s threat or whether the cuts through his ears had caused blood to pool into them.

“What’s your name?” Lexa finally asked again.

“Ignis…” He croaked out, his voice sounding raw from all of his screams.

Lexa stepped forward then and removed the blades at either side of his face, is head lolling to the side, but not by much as his neck restraint still kept it in place.

“How many warriors does Ontari have in Polis?” Lexa started her questioning and it was as though the floodgates had opened as Ignis instantly started giving her numbers.

Lexa even loosened the neck restraint, revealing hideously bruised skin beneath, but Ignis seemed to breathe easier, as though the slight relief took away from the pain the rest of his body must have been in. Lexa asked about their people too. As they had feared, Kahlan and his warriors had all been executed… but they learned that most of the Polisians were being kept in the dungeon at the Pits as Ontari’s armies had taken over their homes. They were alive though, and Clarke felt only slightly better, still too disconcerted by the flayed man in front of her to rejoice in the news.

Apparently Guwain had been appointed as Ontari’s General, it had been he who had called for the heads to be sent to the Commander. Ontari had found out later and had approved of it though. Clarke and Lexa had always suspected that Guwain was the real mastermind behind the invasion. He would’ve done it sooner, but the River Clan had a small army. It was the reason he was always scheming and trying to make allies within the Coalition to support his cause.

Lexa continued to quietly speak to Ignis, sometimes repeating a question later on and Clarke realised it was to test whether he was speaking the truth, as impromptu lies were easily forgotten. Ignis, especially, was in no state to consistently stick to a lie, and Clarke was silently urging him on, praying that he wouldn’t be caught in one, because she knew what would happen then. Ignis seemed to have realised it as well.

And when Lexa had gotten all of the information that she could, she asked a question that had both Ignis and Clarke’s eyes widening in surprise.

“Do you have a family, Ignis?”

The man seemed conflicted, showing that there was still some fight left in him when it came to his family.

“Azgeda have been friends and allies to the Coalition for a long time.” Lexa murmured. “I wish your family no harm.”

“Sha, Heda.” Ignis whispered. “A houmon and a skat.”

“What are their names?”

Ignis dazedly smiled as he thought of his family and Clarke’s aching heart shattered into a million pieces, because he was clearly a good man. He didn’t deserve to be tortured in a dungeon.

“Mara and Ilian”

“Soon, Prince Roan will be King.” Lexa told him. “And I will make sure that he tells your family that you have honoured them. That you had been a brave man.” She rasped, when tears filled Ignis’s eyes and he let out a quivering smile. “That your loyalty to Azgeda has earned you the respect of the Heda.”

Ignis just nodded as he quietly sobbed and Clarke raised a trembling hand to wipe at her own cheeks when Lexa drew her knife from her thigh.

“Find peace, strong warrior…” She whispered. “And know that your family will be taken care of for the rest of their days.”

Ignis’s body shook as he sobbed, flooded with relief for his family and what seemed like joy that his suffering was finally over.

Lexa stepped forward and placed a hand on his bruised neck, causing him to still and stare back into her eyes.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Lexa croaked and Ignis closed his eyes, only slightly tensing as the Heda’s knife slid up into his diaphragm, before he released his final breath, causing Clarke to slide down the wall, quietly crying as she watched through blurred vision as Lexa seemed frozen in place for the longest time.

Lexa then went to the table and washed off her hands and her knife, drying it and sheathed it back at her thigh. She then strapped on her katana, and walked out of the dungeon, without looking at either Ignis or Clarke.

As the door shut behind her, Clarke’s tears started all over again.

* * *

Clarke jumped when arms wrapped around her, but upon recognizing Echo, she instantly fell into the tender hold. She knew she was probably overreacting. She hadn’t even known the man, but Clarke was crying for all the people who had died without the battles having even started. All of the death she was constantly surrounded with…

And why, when she felt in her prime, stronger than she’s ever been before, had she completely broken down that evening? Clarke had managed to hold herself together those first few weeks on the Ground, and hadn’t cried then. So why now?

“Heda had sent everyone away.” Echo murmured while she stroked Clarke’s hair. “We can go when you’re ready.”

At the considerate gesture from both her wife and her sister, who seemed to have learned how to effectively tag-team in and out when dealing with Clarke, Clarke realised why she felt that she could cry freely now, compared to when she’d first crashed on the Ground. Back then, she had felt alone, and carried the weight of her people solely on her shoulders. If Clarke had broken down then, Skaikru might’ve all been wiped out.

Clarke felt free enough to just cry for the life of a stranger, because she had people who wouldn’t think less of her for it. People who knew her and believed in her, and who would pick her up and carry until she was able to stand on her own two feet once again.

God, Clarke hadn’t thought that she could love and trust anyone again until she’d met Echo in Polis.

So Clarke squeezed Echo back and moved out of the embrace to wipe away her tears. She thanked Echo and asked her to tell Indra to make arrangements for Ignis’s body, certain the only reason they hadn’t yet, was because Clarke was holding them up.

Clarke than took a deep fortifying breath, and went to find Lexa.

* * *

The house was quiet when she entered, Grunt’s room was dark and his door closed, Clarke could see candlelight still flickering beneath their bedroom door though. But the barrier made her hesitate, wondering if Lexa needed to be alone.

Clarke stood there second-guessing herself for a few minutes longer, before she decided that they were a team and if Lexa wanted to talk, that Clarke would be there, and if she didn’t, that Clarke would lay next to her and offer what comfort she could.

So Clarke slowly opened the door, instantly spotting Lexa laying on her side of the bed, facing the doorway even as she was staring at the flames in the fireplace. Clarke softly closed the door behind her and quietly changed into her pyjamas, painfully aware of the silence.

She then carefully walked over to the bed and sat down in the small space in front of Lexa, reaching out to place a hand on her hip, but withdrawing it again and nervously gnawed at her bottomlip.

“Do you want to be alone?” Clarke tentatively husked. “I could go and sleep on the couch…” She trailed off when Lexa shook her head ‘no’.

Clarke then nodded to herself and awkwardly climbed over Lexa to settle at her back and wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist, squeezing the other beneath the pillow Lexa’s head was resting on.

“Do you think less of me now?” Lexa whispered, her voice thick with emotion and Clarke hadn’t even thought that Lexa would think that.

“No, Leks…” Clarke tried to sound as sincere as possible as she pressed her face into Lexa’s nape. “… You did what needed to be done. The information you got will save a lot of lives.” She honestly explained.

Lexa seemed to relax somewhat at hearing that and it continued to amaze Clarke how much Lexa valued her opinion.

“You don’t know all I’ve had to do to win wars.” Lexa murmured and Clarke snuggled closer, trying to show without words that whatever those things were, it didn’t matter to Clarke. Clarke knew Lexa’s heart, like Lexa knew hers.

“After I won the Conclave, I only had the Trikru army at my back. Even after I defeated the Heda before me, the clans didn’t follow me. Most wanted the title for themselves and so the clan wars had started…”

Clarke nodded into Lexa’s neck that she was listening, and that she’d heard the story before from many others; of how a young Lexa had needed to conquer all of the twelve clans before they would follow her and the Coalition could be formed.

“I planned attacks during the night, sneaking my warriors through enemy camps, killing leaders in their beds… It had been easier after Kostia died and I had been left feeling nothing…” Lexa continued, swallowing thickly. “I sent people infected with disease to destroy entire villages…”

Yeah, Clarke was intimately familiar with that tactic.

“I poisoned food sources and water supplies, led people into ambushes and slaughtered them as they marched passed… I captured and tortured warriors of enemy clans, until they gave me all the information I needed to give the Trikru an advantage during war…”

Lexa had grown tense in her arms as Clarke silently pondered what she’d just heard. Honestly, had it been four years prior and had she still been up on the Ark, laughing and enjoying her life with her Dad and Wells… Clarke would have thought Lexa a monster. But now? After all she had seen, after all the sacrifices she’d been forced to make because others had backed her into a corner and threatened her life and that of her people? Clarke could understand that sometimes you needed to fight dirty, or risk being completely annihilated.

“You had played the hand you were dealt.” She told Lexa, gently taking hold of her hand, laying both of theirs onto Lexa’s chest and used it to press them even closer together. “You fought smart, because you didn’t have the numbers to go head on against your enemies. And after you won, you welcomed everyone into the Coalition. You made them share. You showed them a better way of living that many of them still appreciate you for… Echo had told me how it had been before; how much good you’ve brought to the people…”

Lexa remained quiet though and Clarke wasn’t sure what to say anymore on that, because her respect had only grown for Lexa that night.

“Victory stands on the back of sacrifice, Leks,” Clarke echoed Lexa’s lesson back to her, “I’ve learned that more than most…”

And just like that, Lexa seemed to remember that it was Clarke holding her. Clarke who she’d fallen in love with because they shared so much similarities as young leaders. Clarke who really would understand better than most the horrors one can be pushed to, to protect their people.

Lexa easily turned herself around and pressed her face into Clarke’s neck, allowing Clarke to hold her for the rest of the night.

* * *

The need to defend Polis against the Heda’s retribution had left the enemy home clans with limited warriors, that could still be called on to reinforce Polis against attack. And thanks to Ignis, Lexa now knew exactly how their numbers were distributed. So the Heda decided that they would secure the Iron, River, and Horse clans first, to prevent them from being summoned to Ontari’s aid.

Clarke sat atop Cocoa, riding next to the Commander, Lexa’s red sash startlingly prominent against black leather and armour, twin katanas strapped on her back, her lance prominent as it lay diagonally across them. Clarke couldn’t help but proudly straighten out her matching blue sash.

_Blue for your eyes._

That morning, Lexa had dressed Clarke, just like she’d done before Clarke’s battle with Gregor. They’d braided each other’s hair and Lexa had checked that Clarke was comfortable in all the new pieces of armour she’d obsessively had Clarke practicing in during the days prior. Clarke was especially impressed by the gauntlets Lexa had presented her with. The metal was strong and the grooves had been designed in a way that her opponent’s blade momentarily got stuck in them, allowing Clarke a window of opportunity to strike at the open target of their torsos. Her swords weren’t strapped like Lexa’s on her upper back, instead they sat lower, allowing Clarke to quickly draw them from her sides. She still struggled to sheath them though, but Lexa had assured her that that would come with time.

Clarke felt invincible in all her fancy new gear, especially when Lexa had slipped the Gonheda mask over Clarke’s head, the plume of white feathers having been dyed the same colour as Clarke’s sash.

The people had grown to respect Clarke over the years, as a Healer, a Warrior and a Leader. She had earned her place among them and yet she could still feel the way her armour added an extra wave of awe over the gathered Trikru. She remained standing tall and quiet as Lexa gave her commands to her army, and stuck to the Heda’s side as they led about eight hundred warriors toward the Iron Clan’s main village.

A large contingent had been instructed to stay behind and protect Ton DC and the Trikru forest, keeping their scouts in position should Ontari make an unexpected move. Ignis had only been aware of them being preparing for defence though, and Clarke hoped that the Ice Bitch would stay put until they got to her. Oh, and Guwain too… Clarke was sadistically looking forward to finally delivering on her promise of killing him.

That day, Skaikru was marching with the Trikru too.

Bellamy had arrived when he told Echo that he would. And Lexa had appointed him and about thirty Arkadian guards, to protect their caravan of resources. It would keep Skaikru out of the fighting and their guns would be enough to deter anyone from trying to destroy their supplies during the battle.

Lexa lead her army to an open field about a mile outside of the Iron Clan village where Thraxus had built his stronghold. Indra then moved her warriors forward, while the Heda, Clarke and their Personal Guard, remained at the back. Lexa had sent a messenger to Thraxus, giving him four options: To surrender, to fight her one on one, to meet them on the battlefield, or to be invaded.

Clarke nervously fingered the Bullet in her pocket while they waited on his answer. Most of the warriors had their little rituals before a battle, or a keepsake for luck; their weapon of choice, a certain piece of clothing, braiding their hair a certain way, wearing the same mask... Clarke had watched them all prepare and had then stuck her hand in her pocket, feeling for Lexa's bullet. The one which had nearly ruined Clarke’s life and yet had managed to miss all of Lexa's vital organs when it had entered her. It was Clarke's lucky bullet now, and she grinned to herself.

When Lexa noticed Clarke’s hand in her pocket next to her, Clarke told her about the Bullet and why she had started carrying it around. Her smile then wavered when she watched the Commander reach into the armour at her chest and revealed Clarke’s blonde braid. Lexa then proceeded to tie the golden strand around her left wrist, just below a spikey, leathery, fingerless, glove and snug against her Binding Bracelet.

Clarke had almost forgotten that she'd placed her braid in the box the day of Ontari’s invasion.

“I don’t fear death, yet the thought of you dying terrifies me…” Lexa softly murmured, even as her eyes remained sharp and trained out over her army. “Grunt had told me what you'd been willing to do for our people; that you had wanted to stay and fight with them.” Lexa softly smiled. “I had been so angry with you when I had learned that…” She lightly chuckled. “But how could I be angry when I would’ve done the same?” She smirked. “How could I be angry when I’m so very proud that you are mine…” Clarke blushed and Lexa’s smile broadened. “So now I keep it with me, to give me strength whenever I falter. To remind me that though I fight for our people, I also fight for you and the future we may one day have together.”

Clarke was stopped from leaning across the space between their horses and kissing the living shit out of Lexa, by the sound of beating drums in the distance. The Iron Clan warriors soon appeared in the clearing and instantly starting running at them.

Cocoa jerked forward – or had it been Clarke? – ready to rush right back, but Lexa quickly took hold of her tack and calmed Cocoa down.

The Commander didn’t comment, eyes remaining fixed on the rushing army, the Trikru standing still and stoic, awaiting Lexa’s command. Finally, Lexa looked to one of her warriors, who had been staring at her in anticipation, and after a nod from his Heda he eagerly blew on his horn and half of the Trikru ran forward, battle cries tearing through the air and straight into Clarke’s chest, like a defibrillator to the heart.

Clarke anxiously trotted Cocoa in place, eyes skirting over the clash of bodies, barely having noticed Lexa had dismounted and was standing next to her, holding out a hand. Clarke blindly took it, feeling a bit sturdier on solid ground, her chest still heaving with restraint and adrenaline pulsing through every cell in her body.

They outnumbered the reduced Iron Clan army, four to one. That’s why Lexa had only sent half in first, to make the Iron Clan warriors realise that they were fighting a losing battle, especially once they saw that they would need to resist at least two more waves of warriors. Lexa’s plan was to thin them out and look for Thraxus, and hopefully stop the battle by challenging him, before the entire Iron Clan army was destroyed.

“Let’s see what you’ve learned, Gonheda.” Lexa smirked and Clarke’s head snapped toward her, but Lexa was looking at their Personal Guard.

“Kom wor!” Lexa cried, shoving her lance into the air and charged forward.

It took Clarke a second to react as she dumbly stared after her.

“Come on, Little Pauna!” Echo smirked as she lightly hit Clarke on her shoulder, jolting her into action as Clarke finally drew her blades and rushed passed the second contingent of Trikru, to catch up with Lexa, and right into the deafening sounds of clashing metal and roaring warriors.

* * *

Clarke was admittedly scared shitless.

The absolute chaos surrounding her and invading her senses had her faltering, and that hesitation had Clarke making a near fatal mistake, until she heard the sound of a lance tip hitting a sword blade, inches away from her head. Apparently, Lexa had been fighting in Clarke’s blindspots the entire time, carefully deflecting everyone away.

Their gazes met for a moment, their Personal Guard easily covering them in the fray, and intense green drowned out the chaos, as Clarke found her centre in Lexa’s eyes. Lexa then gave Clarke a reassuring nod. No pressure. It was all Clarke had needed, that little confidence boost that she wasn’t fucking up. She charged forward again, letting her body take over, because Lexa was keeping up with Clarke, pace for pace. Lexa knew Clarke’s fighting style by heart. Going low when Clarke went high, sliding left when Clarke went right… in perfect sync with the moves Lexa herself had choreographed, and it had the Little Pauna eagerly bursting from its cage.

Fighting at Lexa’s side felt better than sex. Maybe. Clarke didn’t have time to ponder the thought further, as she sliced through the Iron Clan warriors, her body arching and ducking away from swords and axes and spears, used to facing various opponents of different sizes coming at her from all directions, because that was what Lexa had been training her to do for the past year.

Clarke was just getting into the zone, roaring as she pulled her blade from the gut of a warrior, already turning to face another, when Lexa’s lance went whirling passed her and speared itself at Thraxus’s feet.

 _“Heda Solou Gonplei!”_ Someone instantly shouted, the phrase being echoed across the battlefield, stopping the fighting as warriors from both sides rushed toward them and excitedly formed a circle around Thraxus and Lexa.

Clarke still stood with her blades drawn, her body jerking forward as Lexa’s dual blades sang from the sheathes at her back… Fuck, Clarke wasn’t sure if she wanted to join the battle, or spar with Lexa. She watched mesmerized as Lexa danced around the large Iron Clan leader, feeling safe with Echo and Grunt at either side of her, allowing her the opportunity to focus entirely on Lexa.

Thraxus had boasted about his fighting skills on every occasion Clarke had seen him. He hadn’t been lying either. Clarke doubted that she would be able to take him down, but Lexa…

Clarke’s chest felt that it would burst with pride as the Heda expertly disarmed Thraxus of his massive sword and pointed the tip of her own at his throat. The Iron Clan leader smirked and lowered to his knees and proudly lifted his chin to expose his throat.

“Ai gonplei ste odon.” Thraxus stated, voice clear and proud.

Lexa had mentioned that he was a warlord at heart, who constantly battle and that that was probably the main reason he had joined with Ontari and Guwain. Clarke believed it as he seemed content to die a warrior’s death, as though his whole life had been leading up to that moment.

“Yu gonplei ste odon.” Lexa nodded her head in respect and sliced her sharp blade clean through his carotid.

And just like that, it was over. It felt like everything had happened in a matter of minutes. Everything had gone to plan, and Clarke wondered why she felt so disappointed by that.

* * *

They relieved the Iron Clan of their weapons, taking up guard posts within the large village, even though they had set up camp outside. Lexa had sent for the rest of the Iron Clan leadership to be detained, and summoned Indra and her Trikru captains, Bellamy and Roan, to the meeting she was holding in their tent. It reminded Clarke of the one Lexa had had during their war against the Maunon.

Large, with a big table littered with maps on one side, and a small section of partitioned curtains a bed of furs lay behind. Most notably absent, was Lexa’s Antler Throne. Indra had offered to build a replica, but Lexa had refused, stating she would be back on the original one soon enough.

There was a smaller table to eat at and a place to wash up, which they’d done, though no amount of cool water was able to calm the adrenaline still surging through Clarke’s veins. She could barely stay tuned in to the conversation as Lexa made provisions for what needed to happen to secure the Iron Clan before they marched to the River Clan the day after. Troops needed to be sent out to nearby villagers to make sure the Iron Clan was notified of the change in leadership. The Valley Clan Leader had shown up in Ton DC as Echo had said, and Lexa had instructed him to simultaneously attack the Horse Clan the next day, which had the least number of warriors to defend with.

They needed to keep moving, so that Ontari wouldn’t know where to send help to, or call any of her remaining allies to Polis. They’d started a plan that they couldn’t stop now and that only added to Clarke’s anxiousness as she continued to pace at the other end of the table, directly opposite Lexa, unable to remain still during the meeting.

She was shaken out of her rapid and random thoughts by a slap on the back from Roan, Grunt too did the same as he passed her. Everyone was leaving and Indra was smirking and shaking her head and Echo’s eyes twinkled with amusement. Clarke watched them all exit the tent and then slowly turned to Lexa, her stomach instantly bottoming out as she locked onto dark eyes intently staring at her, the Heda still bent over the table, but rose up to her full height when she had Clarke’s undivided attention.

Lexa said nothing though as her eyes wandered Clarke’s body, so Clarke wondered whether she was reading the situation wrong; that Lexa was actually upset with her? War-Lexa was really hard to read…

“Sorry I wasn’t paying attention.” Clarke nervously apologised, fidgeting in place.

She knew the plans already though, as she and Lexa had discussed them numerous times, but Clarke had sworn to show Lexa the respect she deserved during official meetings, because she wanted people to know that she took her position in the Coalition seriously. That she wouldn’t slack just because she was the Heda’s houmon.

Lexa didn’t respond to her immediately though. Instead she traversed the table toward their bags, removing her armour and her gloves from her body once there.

“Jusfaya.” Lexa stated as she toed off her boots, even though Clarke’s eyes were trained on the stripping Heda, her head tilted to the side at the term.

“Fire of the blood?” Clarke absently translated when Lexa removed her shirt and was only standing in a pair of pants, her chest wrapped in bindings.

“It happens to most warriors during war.” Lexa murmured as she stalked toward Clarke, still stood at the table, having finally stopped pacing. “Some call it War-fever,” she delicately shrugged, “that feeling where it’s difficult to calm your heart, as though you’re still on the battlefield, ready to fight.”

Clarke nodded and swallowed thickly when Lexa moved closer, pressing Clarke tightly against the table.

“There are two ways to calm the warrior and release the energy they still carry inside.” Lexa smirked and Clarke already had a very good idea as to one of those ways as she stared at Lexa’s mouth.

“They could spar until they’re too exhausted to do much else, or…” Lexa tilted her head and slowly brushed her full lips against Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke jaw went slack, her lips parting as she helplessly allowed Lexa’s tongue to enter her mouth. Her heart seemed to somehow increase its thumping, her hands tightly gripping onto Lexa’s hips, and no, this wasn’t helping at all. It was making Clarke feel as though she could go fight a pauna with her bare hands.

“Leks… wait…” Clarke dazedly mumbled as all her energy focused on trying to weaken her death-grip on Lexa’s hips.

Lexa pulled her head back, one arm lazily wrapped around Clarke’s shoulders, her hand fisted into Clarke’s hair, eyes questioning, as she patiently waited as Clarke had requested.

Clarke swallowed thickly again, her mouth dry as her eyes flickered down between their bodies, to where Lexa’s scar was still painfully visible. They’d argued about Lexa challenging Thraxus. It had been eight months of recovery, but Clarke didn’t know, she wasn’t sure that everything was fine. She didn’t want to risk it and her fears weren’t rooted in any medical concerns. Both of them knew it. Seeing Lexa so fragile and helpless had left a lasting effect on Clarke. Lexa tried to reassure her often, agreeing to use her lance on the battlefield to make sure no one got close enough to hurt her. And since Clarke hadn’t believed that Lexa could beat Gregor, she decided to have more faith when Lexa assured her that she could take down Thraxus.

But their lovemaking had remained mellowed compared to how it had been before. Slow, intense and intimate was still very satisfying, but both she and Lexa expressed themselves physically. And when Clarke had come home from the Pits, high on winning, she would grab a very willing Lexa and not let go until they both lay slightly bruised and exhausted on their bed.

Clarke’s eyes screwed shut when the memory sent an ache of arousal through her body and her hands gripped tighter onto Lexa’s hips. She slowly fluttered them open when Lexa’s cool hand covered one of her own, and Clarke relaxed it on instinct when Lexa took that hand and placed it firmly over her scar, showing that it really didn’t hurt anymore.

She waited for Clarke to stop staring at their hands and look at her once again. Lexa then pushed Clarke’s hand tighter against her skin and let out soft shuddering moan, still very sensitive over the scarring.

“I won’t break, Little Pauna…” Lexa husked while she moved Clarke’s hand to roughly palm her breast.

Clarke whimpered pathetically, unable to hold back any longer as she wrapped Lexa in her arms, twisted around, and pushed the Heda down onto the war table.

* * *

Clarke lazily stretched her muscles after securing her swords at her back, following Lexa’s example of foregoing armour and only arming herself, before they had to go and make sure that the Iron Clan had been secured, though Clarke knew that Indra would’ve had that covered. Clarke would’ve rather been cuddling, but duty called.

She’d learned that there would be no branding ceremony, and that the Trikru warriors often celebrated a battle won with a new tattoo and was thinking about what she could possibly get as they walked passed the Iron Clan citizens who didn’t seem too afraid at the Trikru presence. They’d been in the Coalition long enough to know the Commander’s desire for peace and seemed relieved more than anything that the battle was over and their village still remained intact and though many had been injured, very few lives had been lost that day.

Their personal guard trailed after them, minus Echo, who Clarke had reassured that she didn’t need to protect Clarke like during the Tournament. That she was constantly with Lexa anyway, and that Echo should spend the time with Bellamy.

Lexa had just finished sentencing the Iron Clan leadership to a month in the dungeons, mainly just to allow things to settle and the war to be over, when a few Trikru warriors dragged a struggling prisoner in front of them. Clarke instantly recognized him, even through all the Grounder leathers he wore, and her entire body stilled.

And when their eyes met, everything about Lexa’s ambush suddenly made sense as Jasper sneered back at her.

Clarke drew her swords in response, holding them tightly in her fists, watching the way Jasper’s wild eyes taunted her to attack.

“You took her from me, so I had to try and take her from you.” He smugly smirked and Clarke instantly saw red.

She threw down her blades and ran at him, ignoring Lexa shouting at her to stop, ducking underneath the large arms of warriors trying to catch her on the Heda’s command. Clarke’s momentum didn’t falter until her fist connected with Jasper’s jaw and she tackled him to the ground.

She kept on hitting his face, her anger building with each strike, the burn in her fists spurring her on, until she lifted her left arm and felt it being restrained in the air. Clarke instinctually reared up, her right fist already flying toward her captor, only to find that fist restrained as well and intense green eyes staring right at her as they tightly held onto her wrists.

Clarke’s lips parted and she instantly stopped fighting Lexa’s hold, even as her body remained poised and her heart furiously pounded against her ribs.

Lexa let go of one of her fists, lowered the other, and gently slid her hand downward, nudging against Clarke’s clenched fingers until they opened and she slid her own in between bloodied fingers. The touch calmed her somewhat, even as her knuckles stung in the hold. Clarke focused on that feeling while her blood roared in her ears, making her deaf to the world as Lexa ordered the warriors around them into action. Some to leave the scene and others to take care of Jasper.

Jasper.

Clarke blindly stared at the mess that used to be the face of the young boy she’d befriended her first few days on the Ground. She stared at the blood covering his mutilated nose, one of his eyes had popped right out of its’ socket…

Clarke stared at what she’d done until a gentle tug on her arm had her moving mechanically in that direction.

Clarke kept her head down, recognizing Echo’s legs as she passed them, but couldn’t look at her friend and instead just went with Lexa who led them back to their tent, where she sat Clarke down on a chair next to the small wooden table.

Clarke remained rigidly seated, her fists having clenched again, her heart still hammering in her chest and ears as she blindly watched Lexa moving around the tent, warming water on the coal oven used to also keep the tent warm, and gathering some herbs and bandages, which she placed on the table next to Clarke.

Lexa then drew another chair closer, sitting down too and gently started cleaning the blood off of Clarke’s battered hands.

“Did I kill him?” Clarke hoarsely whispered, staring at the caring way Lexa dressed her hands.

Clarke knew that Lexa had had her men check before she instructed them to take Jasper away.

“Yes.” Lexa murmured, not looking at Clarke.

In fact, Lexa hadn’t looked at her since she’d restrained Clarke earlier and it made the rage still coursing in her veins, grow even hotter.

“ _This_ , you have a problem with?” Clarke sneered, causing Lexa to pause her actions and blankly look up into Clarke’s face. “Not like he’s the first person I’ve killed.” She bitterly remarked.

Lexa’s jaw twitched then clenched, but instead of responding, she looked back down and finished bandaging up Clarke’s hands.

Lexa then got up and started disposing of the dirtied cloths and Clarke’s anger returned full force.

“He shot you!” Clarke screamed. “He almost _killed_ you, Leksa!”

“I won’t lie and pretend that I feel any sadness over his death.” Lexa quietly admitted as she caringly packed the unused bandages and antibiotic salve back into Clarke’s medical bag.

“Then why won’t you look at me!?” Clarke shouted, feeling a panicked breathlessness she wasn’t quite sure the cause of.

“Because I’m angry with you.” Lexa calmly explained and Clarke opened her mouth to shout back and then shut it again, scowling at the Heda.

“He admitted what he’d done. He would’ve been strung on the Cutting Tree right at this moment!”

Even as she shouted it, Clarke knew she was trying to justify her actions to herself. Her mind blanked on anything else she might’ve argued though, when Lexa finally looked at her.

“Do you remember the day you killed Sonja?” Lexa asked, eyes burning with a quiet anger and disappointment that made Clarke wish that Lexa would just shout back at her already.

Her fists unclenched as the guilt washed over her. She didn’t answer, and Lexa didn’t need her to.

“Because I remember it _very_ vividly, Clarke.”

Clark stared at the floor, realising that Lexa was upset because she’d asked Clarke not to make decisions when angry ever again. To not blindly rush at an enemy when she was overcome with emotion and reckless with her own life.

“What you’d done up at the Mountain, with Pike and his people…” Lexa continued. “From everyone I spoke to about what had happened that day, everything pointed to you remaining calm and thinking rationally about what you would do. You made sure to offer a fair trial to any who showed the slightest bit of remorse at their actions. You also ensured that the battle would take place outside of the Mountain, avoiding any more loss of innocent lives.”

Clarke bit her lip and nodded, still unable to look at Lexa, her heart finally slowing as it became heavy with guilt.

“Our warriors would not have known to check him for a gun.” Lexa whispered, her voice just a breath, indicating how upset she was and Clarke finally looked up to watch the tense set of her shoulders, her own fists clenched tightly like Clarke’s had been moments ago. “He could’ve still had it on him. He could’ve shot you down while you ran at him like a joken branwoda!”

“Leks…” Clarke took a step forward, wanting to comfort her even though she knew it was the worst idea in that moment, so stopped instantly when Lexa’s hand flew up, palm out, instructing her to halt.

“I can understand your anger. If he had almost killed you… I can’t imagine – I don’t even want to think about it, Clarke. But you are Gonheda of the Coalition now. I trust you to lead thousands of warriors because you have the strongest mind and heart of anyone I know.”

Clarke couldn’t help but straighten a little, Lexa’s compliments always hit her out of nowhere, increasing their authenticity and Clarke’s reaction to them, tenfold.

“Every single warrior on the enemy’s side will have received orders to kill me.” Lexa instantly shut down any happy thoughts Clarke felt in that moment. “What will you do when we march on Polis? When you see them coming for me? Will you watch your own back? Will you be able to focus on the task assigned to you? Will you blindly charge every single warrior who attacks me and force me to watch you die in the process?”

“It won’t be the same…” Clarke half-heartedly murmured, because her heart had sped up a little as she pictured – like she’d done so many times before – what the battle would be like at Polis; in how much more danger Lexa would be with Ontari’s armies assembled, and Guwain at her side. They would all be gunning for the Heda, because Lexa _really_ _was_ the Coalition, and should she fall, they would finally have won.

Lexa slumped in defeat and Clarke’s browse knitted.

“Perhaps you should go back to Tondisi and remain there until this war is over…” Lexa murmured.

“What?!” Clarke instantly shrieked her indignation and almost clamped her hand over her mouth, because freaking out now would completely prove Lexa right.

So Clarke took a deep calming breath, trying futilely to ignore her racing heart.

“Leks…” Clarke had to clear her throat as her breath hitched. “Please don’t make me do that.”

“I have a responsibility to my warriors to ensure that whomever they follow into battle won’t lead them astray. The lives of our warriors are in our hands. They die for us because they trust that we won’t let them do so in vain. That we ask them to follow us for our people, not for personal gain.”

“I know.” Clarke held up her hands and realised they were shaking and quickly lowered them back down again. “You just said that at the Mountain I acted as a leader. Us going to war is different. I’ll know what to expect. I know you’ll be at risk and I’ll know you’ll have your Guard and you’ll have me. We’ll have each other… Side by side.”

Clarke fought down a smile when she saw Lexa instantly soften at her words. She knew that Lexa wanted her there. She also understood where Lexa was coming from. That she was afraid that Clarke’s hot-headedness would get Clarke and a lot of other people killed.

“Ekko’s assassination attempt had been a surprise and I blamed myself because the arrow had been meant for me. It was my first time in a situation like the Tournament and throughout it I was wound up tightly and I snapped. I reacted out of fear, anger and guilt. And with Jasper… I hadn’t expected to see him here. Or that it was he who had shot you. And when he said that he tried to kill you because I had killed Maya…”

“Anger and guilt.” Lexa murmured and Clarke nodded. “I understand, Clarke.” Lexa gaze had softened and she was even slowly moving toward Clarke again, who held her breath in anticipation until she was wrapped into a comforting hug and Clarke finally relaxed her tensed muscles, feeling utterly exhausted by the day.

“Polis is our home.” Clarke murmured, holding Lexa close, using her familiar scent and feel to ground herself. “You need to let me fight to get it back.”

Lexa was quiet as she stroked Clarke’s hair and Clarke knew she was thinking about it, because Lexa would’ve said no already if she wasn’t considering it.

“I promise you that I’ll be prepared. That you can trust me to lead our people. I’ve trained with Ekko, Kahlan and Indra. I’ve been learning from you… And if anything happens to you, I’ll regroup and come up with the best and safest possible plan to have my vengeance.”

Clarke was only half joking, but Lexa chuckled and she knew she’d been mostly forgiven for charging Jasper like that.

They remained quiet for a while and then Lexa finally spoke:

“Okay.”

Clarke took a step back out of the comforting hug to look up at her face and smile at her. “Really?”

“On one condition.”

God, Lexa and her fucking conditions never worked out well for Clarke, but she wanted their fight to be over, so tilted her head to the side and asked ‘what?’.

“I will decide whether you join our army against Polis, depending on how you lead the Trikru against the River Clan.”

“ _I_ lead them?” Clarke asked, half excited, half terrified.

“Yes. You will lead our army to seize the River Clan, as the Valley Clan marches on the Horse Clan, which will give me time to go to our allies and gather the rest of my armies.”

Clarke felt stunned. She stood there for a long moment, processing what Lexa had just said and whether she had heard her correctly. When she determined that she most definitely had, her blood instantly ran cold. Clarke could practically feel herself paling as her stomach twisted into a bundle of anxious knots.

“You want us to split up?” Clarke shakily whispered.

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all your comments and support, here and on Twitter and Tumblr. This was a massive one and I hope there wasn't too much going on.
> 
> I'd also like to mention ManualWindows, who was the only person to write in the comments that Jasper was the one to shoot Lexa, and also for writing [THIS](https://archiveofourown.org/works/11097927) beautiful piece. Please go read it, it's short and sweet and if you've read my other fics, you'll be able to pick up on all the familiar references. Go give ManualWindows some kudos and love, beja nomonjokas xD
> 
> Final Chapter when I update next!
> 
> xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Lexa is extra.

 

“You just left?” Bellamy incredulously gaped at Clarke from where he sat on the bed in the tent he shared with Echo.

Clarke was laying with her head on Echo’s stomach and her legs over Bellamy’s knees, where she’d gone to fling herself after Lexa suggested going off on her own during war time.

“What else was I supposed to do?” Clarke defensively queried, her first instinct had been to tie Lexa up and shove her into one of their duffle bags and keep her there until the war was over. Her second thought had been to scream at Lexa for wanting to leave once again, because that had turned out just _splendidly_ the last time she’d done so.

“You’re only making it worse by hiding.” Echo murmured, soothingly stroking Clarke’s hair in an attempt to calm her.

_“Ekko.”_

The three friends all tensed at the familiar voice sounding through the closed tent flaps.

Echo then very unceremoniously pushed Clarke off of her and Bellamy jumped up while Echo went to open for the Commander.

“May I enter, please?” Lexa stiffly requested when Echo nervously glanced between her and Clarke still sitting on the bed, stomach fluttering in anticipation.

Clarke was looking for another exit and wasn’t even going to waste her time trying to get Echo to lie for her and had only managed to stand up when Lexa was welcomed inside. Their tent was small and the Heda’s presence seemed to instantly take up most of the tiny space.

“We’ll just leave -

\- stay.” Lexa deadpanned, interrupting Bellamy’s offer and he and Echo froze from where they’d been hightailing it out of the tent. “This is your tent and I won’t be long.” She assured them and waited until Bellamy and Echo had walked back and awkwardly sat down on the bed, as far away from Clarke as possible. _Traitors_.

 “Usually I would give you time to process.” Lexa earnestly spoke, her face blank and her eyes dark as they stared at Clarke. “But I will be starting my journey to our allies in the morning, and I do not wish to leave matters between us as they are.”

Her tone was formal and Clarke knew she was in trouble.

“If you wouldn’t mind, I would like to continue our discussion in the privacy of our own tent.” Lexa stated, staring at Clarke for an answer, but Clarke had taken to staring at the floor in shame. “I’ll wait for you there.” She added and then abruptly left, Clarke immediately started following after her, hurrying to catch up, but staying a few feet behind the regally fluttering coat.

The people all stared at their Heda, like they always did, but Clarke felt as though all eyes were on her. Like that day she’d gone to a party instead of studying for the very important physiology exam she’d had the following day.

Abby had come to get her in front of _everyone_. Worst part was, that Abby had reminded Clarke that it had been Clarke’s choice to become a doctor and to be mentored by her. And Clarke had felt like shit, much like she did in that moment, as she ducked into their tent and went to sit down on the chair she’d occupied earlier, as Lexa closed the flaps behind them.

The Heda then took occupation of the chair opposite and they continued to sit there in silence.

Clarke wasn’t sure what to say, to be honest. They both knew why she had reacted the way she had. Didn’t mean that she had needed to flee the scene though.

“Sorry I ran.” Clarke murmured, glancing at Lexa who she thankfully saw nodding in acknowledgement, while staring at her hands folded in her lap.

“I shouldn’t have surprised you like that.” Lexa admitted, falling silent again for a moment before finally speaking again. “But you had asked me to treat you like I would any other Gonheda, Clarke.”

“I know.”

“The purpose of the General is to be where I can’t be. To make decisions on my behalf, because they know my wishes by heart…”

Yeah, Clarke knew that too. It was why she’d been set on nominating Kahlan, so that he could go on trips and Lexa would be home more often. Clarke knew it because Anya had presented herself as the Heda’s Warrior and wielded all of the decision-making power the Commander of the Coalition had entrusted her with.

Clarke realised that she’d just been spoiled rotten by having Lexa at her side for eight solid months.

“I _know_ , Leks.” Clarke sighed and rested her elbows on her knees and placed her hands in her hair, staring blindly at the floor. The last time Clarke had had such a never-ending day, had been when Lexa had shown up at home, bleeding from a bullet wound.

She felt warm fingers encircling her wrists and Clarke looked up into Lexa’s face who had knelt down in front of her.

“I need to leave tomorrow,” Lexa explained, “and since I’m Heda, I may take whomever I want with me… Indra is perfectly capable of leading the Trikru into battle against the River Clan.”

Clarke bit her lip and glanced down, but Lexa’s fingertips below her chin gently coaxed her gaze up again. And it still somehow amazed Clarke, that those strong, weapon-calloused hands could touch her with a tenderness that left Clarke’s heart stuttering in response.

“I don’t want to leave you either.” Lexa softly confessed. “But you asked me to not treat you as my houmon when it came to Coalition business… So you have a choice, Clarke, you can come with me tomorrow, or you can lead my army against the River Clan. Whatever choice you make, I will support.”

And Clarke could see that Lexa was sincere in her statement. That Lexa truly meant that she would be fine with either choice.

In Clarke’s mind though, there was only one right choice.

“It has been a long day, Steltrona.” Lexa murmured as she slipped her hand across Clarke cheek, behind her ear, and into her hair, gently massaging the muscles at the back of Clarke’s neck.

Clarke’s eyes fluttered, leaning into the touch and resting their foreheads together, because yes, she was physically and emotionally exhausted.

“Why don’t we eat something and then go to bed, you can tell me what you’ve decided in the morning.”

Clarke nodded, suddenly feeling sleepy. At the rate she was going, her heart wasn’t going to make it to thirty.

“I love you.” Clarke husked, pressing a gentle kiss to Lexa’s mouth.

“I love you too, Clarke.” Lexa easily replied, sweetly nuzzling their noses together before getting up to go get dinner.

Clarke obediently ate the food Lexa placed in front of her and allowed herself to be dressed and pulled down into their comfy furs. She released the final bit of tension from her body as her head rested on Lexa’s shoulder, already knowing what answer she would give Lexa the next morning.

* * *

Clarke deeply inhaled, her face pressed into Lexa’s neck, her arms around the Commander’s waist, just sinking into the hug and soaking in Lexa’s familiar scent. Thank god that Ton DC had been stocked with the Heda’s soap…

Lexa seemed reluctant to let go, even as they stood in plain view of the Trikru army. She would soon be departing on her journey, along with Grunt and Roan, who Echo had finally released from her protective custody.

Lexa, at first, had only wanted to take thirty warriors, but Clarke had quickly selected another seventy and assigned them to her. The River Clan would be easy to overthrow, Clarke didn’t need so many Trikru. She assured Lexa that she would be careful and had already sent scouts out ahead of them to report enemy numbers and monitor their activity.

Not being a warlord like Thraxus, the majority of Guwain’s warriors were scattered unevenly between four villages. Clarke would take his home village first and the remaining three the next day. She’d watched the way Lexa’s chest expanded with pride that morning when Clarke had confidently addressed Indra, the Trikru General and Captains, going over the plan she had slightly modified to suit her abilities now that the Commander wouldn’t be leading them.

Lexa caressed Clarke’s cheek with her own, and then tilted her head to lock their lips together, kissing Clarke long and hard.

The kiss was filled with promises rather than goodbyes, and it left Clarke goofily grinning as the Heda finally released her and went to mount her black stallion.

“I’ll miss your face!” The exclamation abruptly burst from Clarke’s chest and her grin grew wider when Lexa’s cheeks tinted pink and the prettiest of smiles spread across her face before she dragged sparkling green eyes away from Clarke and finally set off on her journey, casually punching Prince Roan on his shoulder, who had clearly said something about the cheesy moment he’d just witnessed.

 _Head over heart_ hurt like a _nomonjoka_.

Echo walked up and wrapped an arm around Clarke, guiding them to where Bellamy was finishing getting his caravan ready for the journey to Camp Jaha. Lexa had had the brilliant idea of having it be the gathering point for the armies she would send from their allies. It was the perfect location, because the Trikru forest was riddled with scouts able to warn against any of Ontari’s men trying to spy on them and Mount Weather was a looming presence; the threat of Skaikru missiles protecting their interests something Clarke was certain would be on Guwain’s mind, given the way she’d threatened him with it in the past.

As they reached Bellamy, Clarke’s eyes fell on the wooden cart containing Jasper’s body who she had instructed be buried at the Dropship. Bellamy hadn’t said anything about Jasper’s death, but he couldn’t quite hide his grief for the boy Jasper had once been and his disappointment in how it had all played out.

Clarke could understand that and couldn’t help but think about what Monty would feel at the news. Clarke had taken his mother and his best friend from him… And though she felt some guilt at that – she couldn’t really regret her actions though – Clarke mostly hoped that Monty wouldn’t become a threat because of his grief like Jasper had done.

“Try and keep them out of trouble, won’t you?” Clarke whispered in Echo’s ear, before letting go of her suddenly stiff friend, only to be met with a confused face.

“I’m going with you, Clarke.” Echo slowly stated, as though it had been a foregone conclusion.

Clarke looked to Bellamy who was trying hard to pretend that he wasn’t listening, intently staring at the list of instructions Lexa had left him to help set up Camp Jaha – or rather the large valley surrounding the Ark - as a stronghold for her armies.

“I can handle this, Ekko.” Clarke earnestly promised. “Go spend some time with Bellamy before the real battle starts. I have an entire army who will protect me. I could defeat the River Clan single-handedly.” She smirked.

It was true that they weren’t the best of warriors. Gregor had been the exception and had possessed more strength and size than skill. Over half of the River Clan’s small army was in Polis regardless. The Trikru had them outnumbered and out skilled. Lexa was clearly just tying up loose ends and giving Clarke the opportunity to fly solo. A win over the River Clan would solidify her as Gonheda and boost both her and the warriors’ confidence for the battle of Polis. Clarke had figured out that that was Lexa’s reasoning, aside from their split just saving travelling time.

“Bellamy and I have discussed my duty.” Echo replied with a soft smile and an affectionate glance at Bellamy. “He understands that my place is at the Little Pauna’s side and wishes he could be there too, but he knows that he needs to go and make sure that Skaikru does their part. He accepts that my sistris will never need to ask me to be there for her, it will just always be so.”

Clarke grinned even as her eyes watered. She grabbed onto Echo’s wrist, pulled her the few feet toward Bellamy, and wrapped them both in a tight hug.

* * *

Predictably, anticlimactically, the River Clan battle was over before it had even begun. Clarke had sent a messenger ahead to offer them the opportunity to surrender, which they hadn’t, because that wasn’t how Grounders rolled.

Clarke had sought out the River Clan General on the battlefield though and _made_ him surrender as his people were being slaughtered all around him. She experienced no symptoms of _Jusfaya_ , as resistance had been minimal and the easy way the enemy warriors had fallen, had left a bitter taste in her mouth.

Clarke theorized that Guwain’s people must’ve resented him for focusing more on his own interests than that of his clan. She capitalized on that theory, when she saw the bitterness in some of their eyes when discussing him and smoothly integrated the selected Trikru that would stay behind. Knowing that their stores would be all but depleted at the end of Winter, Clarke left a generous supply of resources behind and could see the gratitude on the people’s faces that things hadn’t gone a more destructive route.

_The Coalition took care of its people._

Clarke felt high on her success, and pleased that nothing had gone wrong like it usually did whenever she was trying her fucking best, and confidently rode through the gates of Camp Jaha with the remaining Trikru army following at her back.

She was glad for the Gonheda mask she wore, hiding her smile as she watched the Grounders who had spent Winter in the Mountain all healthy and happy as they worked alongside Skaikru to set up room inside the Ark and tents outside of it. Camp Jaha’s fence had been opened on one side, to look over the field where Lexa’s armies had first gathered against Skaikru, to make sure that the tents that would soon litter that space still felt part of the base camp.

Clarke rode over to where she noticed Abby excitedly scanning her approaching entourage and quickly dismounted, realising just how much she’d missed her mom as she hurried over and wrapped Abby in her arms who instantly started screaming and struggling in Clarke’s grip.

“Mom, what? Did I hurt you?” Clarke dropped her and started looking her over for injury and Abby took a step back and gaped, her eyes filling with awe as she stared up at the blue, spiky feathers on Clarke’s head and down over the threatening mask.

“Clarke…” Abby realised, touching Clarke’s armour, taking hold of the familiar sash before her brow furrowed as her fingers traced the various sword marks already visible on Clarke’s gauntlets. “You look…” Abby trailed off, but Clarke could see that it was the good kind of stunned.

The armour made Clarke stand out like a sore thumb wherever she went and Lexa had explained that in addition to instantly striking fear and demanding respect, her warriors would also be able to keep an eye on her during battle and protect Clarke instead of losing her in the chaos. Because of course _that_ would be Lexa’s ultimate intent.

“…Very handsome.” Abby finally grinned and Clarke did too, because god, it _still_ felt so wonderful and weird the way she and her mom were with each other now.

“And sexy is hell!” A familiar voice exclaimed and Clarke spun around and she wrapped Octavia in a hug and grabbed at Lincoln’s forearm, who explained that Lexa had visited the Boat Clan first and told them about what had happened, and the two had ridden back as soon as they’d heard, ahead of the warriors Luna would be sending in support of the Coalition.

* * *

Clarke slept in her own tent – which Lexa had declined to take along on her journey – despite Abby’s invitation for her to take the room in the Ark her mother had prepared for her. It wasn’t the room they’d shared in their home in Polis, but it was the Commander’s, and still reminded Clarke of Lexa enough that she preferred the large, quiet, tent to any other space in their stronghold.

She made sure to keep busy during the days, organising the armies and making space for the warriors who continued to stream in. The General of each would wait for Clarke to greet them before they were allowed inside, raising their fists to their chests and presenting Clarke with a letter from Lexa as though it were an official, top secret, document.

In a way they were, because they started out with the name of the General who would be reporting to Clarke and the numbers that Clarke should expect with them. But then the words would flow into Lexa lyrically lamenting her longing and the first time Clarke had stood grinning like an idiot as she reread the letter a few times, forgetting entirely about the Boat Clan warriors waiting on her direction.

Clarke found space for everyone, having asked Echo to take command of the hunts that needed to take place to help feed the hungry warriors and Abby – who was there minus Marcus – had been placed in charge of the cooks. Clarke herself didn’t join on the hunts and instead took census of the armies, organising them into skill categories: swordsmen, bowmen, spearmen, horsemen, and a special demolitions category courtesy of Skaikru. Clarke even drew up the numbers in table format and smirked at the knowledge of how much it would turn Lexa on once Clarke presented it to her.

After the administration part of her duties were done, Clarke spent the rest of her day overseeing training, sometimes joining in, and also meeting with the various Generals to make sure that they had everything they needed and were aware of what Clarke was expecting of them. She kept Indra close, sometimes glancing at the stoic warrior to check that she wasn’t doing anything wrong. Indra’s face predictably didn’t reveal much, but Clarke was sure that the woman would say something when something needed to be said.

Lexa had left her no instruction and Clarke appreciated the confidence, because Kahlan, Indra and Lexa had coached her well on what the Gonheda’s role was and Clarke realised that without Lexa there, Clarke was finally able to put theory into practice. Lexa had never insulted Clarke by babying her. Not even during their first war together, where Lexa had listened to and guided Clarke like she was a competent leader, no matter how new Clarke had been to the role.

It was early one morning, while Clarke was putting on her armour, when her radio buzzed with excited chatter from Ton DC to Indra and then finally from Indra to Clarke. Lexa was on her way and Clarke was ready to jump out of her skin in relief and excitement.

She exited her tent and started shouting out orders that were instantly obeyed. By the time Lexa’s entourage appeared down the road from Ton DC, Clarke had everything prepared. The army, close to two thousand warriors strong, were divided equally on either side of the road leading up to the Ark, because Lexa was a perfectionist, who enjoyed a symmetric aesthetic. That was why Lexa always had twelve warriors in her personal guard. So she could divide them six-six or three-three-three-three.

Clarke was pleased that the instant that the Heda was spotted, the warriors all stood at attention, and rose the flags of the allied clans in perfect synchronisation. They were no strangers to the ceremony, as it was what happened whenever the Commander had called on their respective clans in an official capacity, so Clarke at least hadn’t needed to coach them from scratch.

Clarke watched Lexa, war paint clearly visible on her face despite the distance, as she brought her horse to a halt at the end of the army, about half a mile of space between herself and Clarke - sat on Cocoa, Echo on her left and Indra on her right - and took it all in.

Clarke drew in a shuddering breath of anticipation, noting the Azgeda banners and about five hundred warriors behind Lexa, led by Prince Roan. And Clarke knew that the seizure of Azgeda had gone successfully. Both Lexa and Roan had repeatedly assured her that there would be no need for a battle in his homeclan. Roan was the rightful king and the people wouldn’t oppose him. Even Echo had explained that though, much like the Iron Clan, they were a clan of warriors, that the Ice Nation didn’t want Ontari as Queen and that it was loyalty to the crown that had most likely driven them to follow her to Polis.

“All hail Leksa kom Trikru!” Indra shouted over the valley. “Commander of the Coalition!”

The warriors instantly fell to their knees, in such perfect unison it felt as though the earth shook as knees met ground and a loud metallic clanking of armour echoed across the valley.

Lexa rose a hand that halted Roan and his army and walked her horse forward until she was in the centre of her split army, her eyes seemed fixed on Clarke though, who was grateful for the Gonheda mask covering her face, even as it grew warm and moist as her breaths heatedly puffed out of her chest at the image.

“Rise, warriors of the Coalition!” Grunt shouted over the masses, and without Wrex at his side, he was starting to remind Clarke more and more of Gustus.

The warriors obeyed the command and Lexa started trotting her horse in a circle, smoothly shifting her lance from her back, expertly twirling it around for a bit, before she raised the stallion up onto his hindlegs. She positioned the lance perfectly parallel to the line of the animal’s back, her face a serene mask even as Clarke knew all the muscles that were straining to keep the impressive pose.

The formerly silent warriors instantly started cheering their appreciation as the Commander wordlessly rallied them behind her in a show of power, control and grace…

Lexa’s horse loudly whinnied and Cocoa jerked slightly forward, and yeah maybe it was Clarke, but she knew that Cocoa was a big ol’ slut for the Heda’s mount and he was posing as much as the Heda with his front legs kicking at the air, Lexa’s face stern as she expertly controlled the suddenly wild looking stallion between her thighs, holding the position for what felt like ages.

Clarke’s thighs clenched in answer at the picture they painted. Lexa seemed ten feet tall, posturing for the masses, looking like a giant amongst the large warriors.  Most would never dare take an uncastrated horse into war, but Lexa exuded clear control over the powerful animal, as she thrusted the tip of her lance into the air and the warriors roared in answer.

Clarke took in every inch of the display, knowing that she would be painting and sketching it for years to come. Perhaps even do another mural at the back of the one already in Polis, if that Ice Bitch hadn’t knocked it down... Clarke knew she would just rebuild the wall again and start from scratch as both images were eternally emblazoned in her mind.

“Careful, Little Pauna,” Clarke could hear the smirk in Echo’s voice at her right, “if you get your saddle wet, you will slide right off.”

Indra let out a snort from her left and Clarke couldn’t pay either of them any attention, as Lexa finally lowered her stallion onto four legs again and blindly tossed her lance toward Grunt who caught it as though the impressive repertoire had been tediously rehearsed.

_Pomp and Circumstance._

The lesson ran through Clarke’s mind as the Heda motioned her personal Guard forward, followed closely by Prince – _King_ – Roan and his warriors, as though they’d been practicing the march for weeks.

They hadn’t been, Clarke knew it. It was just that everyone who followed her, knew Lexa’s MO. They knew what the Heda expected, and some of them had followed Lexa into war before.

Clarke forgot about everyone else as she watched Lexa walking her horse toward them, where Clarke was waiting with the Generals of the allied clans lined up behind her for the Heda’s arrival.

The tension grew thick in the air, and if it wasn’t for Echo and Indra dismounting, Clarke would’ve remained staring at the Heda’s warpainted face, instead of blindly following suit, willing her jelly-like legs to steady when she made contact with solid ground.

Lexa dismounted her horse in an acrobatic flutter of black cloth and leather in a move that Clarke would’ve described as ‘spritely’ was it not done with an intense confidence that made Clarke instantly bow at the waist when the Heda appeared in front of her.

“Mounin, Heda…” Clarke breathed, her voice filled with reverence and longing she couldn’t have suppressed even if she’d tried to.

“Mochof, Gonheda.” Came the instant reply, a demure rasp that had Clarke’s entire body tingling in pleasure.

Clarke straightened her spine, staring at Lexa through her mask, wishing they were alone, but she was also so very excited to show Lexa everything they’d done; how big their army had grown.

After Clarke drank in her fill of Lexa’s face and managed to school her expression, she removed her mask, handing it to Echo and then locked her hands behind her back, lifted her chin under Lexa’s dark appreciative gaze and led her toward the Generals of the allied clans. Clarke presented each of them to the Heda, giving her the statistics she’d memorized by heart; reciting each clans’ numbers, their skills, and their contributions to the Coalition.

Clarke walked the line and reached Bellamy at the end, who bowed down low to Lexa, respectfully staring at her feet and Clarke hid her smile as Bellamy’s chest puffed while Clarke described the Skaikru’s involvement in building their stronghold.

Clarke resisted the urge to pat Bellamy on his back, instead moving onto Kane and her mom, feeling the atmosphere change as her houmon and nomon smiled at each other.

They didn’t hug like Clarke knew they wanted to, instead, they looked to Clarke for direction whose confidence grew even more as she shouted various commands throughout the camp, making arrangements for the Ice Nation warriors to settle and for the feast they’d prepared for the Heda’s arrival to commence.

While their people swiftly prepared, Clarke took the Heda on a tour, shadowed by their personal guard, joined by Roan, Indra, and Kane, and feeling so unbelievably proud to convey to Lexa how well their people had worked together.

Because that was what they were fighting for, wasn’t it? Not just for Polis. But for what Polis represented. A place where their people could live together in peace, instead of separating themselves by clan and culture.

* * *

They had dinner amongst roaring fires, surrounded by their warriors, people dancing and singing and Lexa constantly being approached by Generals who’d been instructed by their leaders to swear their fealties to the Heda. Even Bellamy came forth and presented Lexa with gifts of the technology Clarke knew Lexa had been most curious about.

Throughout it all, Clarke remained at the Heda’s side, directing traffic in and out of the Heda’s space, her heart swelling with pride as she could feel Lexa’s intense stare on her whenever the Commander’s attention wasn’t being pulled away by their allies.

And by the time the festivities had died down, later that night, she and Lexa were ushered into Abby and Kane’s quarters for some tea and cake. Abby had been excited to make the offer to the Heda after having discovered for herself Lexa’s sweet tooth, and Clarke was just soaking it all in, ready to burst with love and affection and pride at Skaikru for fucking _finally_ doing something right without having been pressured into doing so. For remaining their own clan, with their own culture, without encroaching on anyone else’s. And for showing their loyalty to the Heda of the Coalition, because the Arkadian guards had also been dispersed in their army and had screamed at their Heda’s display as much as the other warriors had.

Without the need to make sure everything was going smoothly, Clarke could finally turn her full attention on the Heda, who seemed a bit tense and hadn’t said much throughout the festivities. Lexa was usually quiet though. Clarke had learned that Lexa didn’t say much unless it was just the two of them alone. But Lexa seemed particularly distracted that evening, despite her longing stares at Clarke, she didn’t make much conversation with anyone save for reaffirming their role in the war and sending them off with backs straightened at the Heda’s belief in their value in the war effort.

Abby and Kane were doing much of the talking during the intimate gathering, until Abby remembered something about a book she’d found that Lexa just absolutely _needed_ to read and excitedly left to fetch it. Kane’s arrival in Camp Jaha the previous evening seemed to have messed up their belongings though, because Abby soon called out to him in frustration as to the location of the book and Kane spared the two of them an indulgent smile before he went to help Abby in her search.

And then they were finally alone and without her permission, Clarke’s hand instantly reached out to rest on the rigid Commander’s thigh, causing Lexa to jump at the touch as though she’d been burned.

Clarke’s mind immediately went into panic mode, because Lexa had been strangely quiet and just allowed Clarke to take control over the days’ festivities. Her brows knitted and Clarke slipped off of her chair, to her knees, and frantically started scanning Lexa’s unnaturally tensed body.

“Have you been injured?” Clarke anxiously accused as her eyes ran over the dark leathers and then abruptly paused when Lexa’s hand reached out to cover Clarke’s still grabbing at her thigh.

Their eyes met, Lexa’s pupils blown so wide there was barely a sliver of green left, and the familiar hooded gaze instantly knocked Clarke’s breath right out of her chest.

“No, Clarke.” Lexa husked, her voice so low and sensual it had Clarke shivering as she stared up into Lexa’s beautiful face, entirely entranced. “You have done so well here.” Lexa praised, inhaling a shuddering breath as she tightly squeezed Clarke’s hand… and _oh_ … Clarke was such a fucking idiot… Lexa was her wife, her best friend, and her Commander, and throughout the day all Clarke had thought of was the need to impress every single one of those titles.

“Our army is ready for war because of your efforts…” Lexa emphatically breathed, chest heaving with restraint and it hadn’t even occurred to Clarke to remember how much Lexa ‘appreciated’ Clarke taking charge and having confidence in herself. “And I have missed you so much…” Lexa rasped, eyes still dark and hooded and staring fixedly at Clarke’s mouth.

Clarke pushed upward and kissed Lexa hard, threading her fingers into chestnut hair and yes, she’d missed Lexa too. The war went completely forgotten for a long moment as Clarke slid her tongue against Lexa’s and desperately crushed their mouths together to deepen the kiss before she let out a heaving sigh and reluctantly released Lexa’s pliant puffy lips, because Clarke couldn’t help but look again at that face, those pretty eyes, that sexy mouth… Those lashes that were so thick and long that Clarke had once spent a week individually sketching and shading them in an attempt to fully capture their lushness.

“I have no idea where this book –

Abby paused as she entered the room again to see the intimate position her daughters were in, messy hair, kiss swollen lips, breathlessly breathing as they tightly held onto each other.

Clarke reared upright, swaying lightly as her head felt dizzy, Lexa’s hand still gripping onto her own the only thing preventing her from tumbling back to the floor.

“Lexa has been injured.” Clarke smoothly lied, because that was a talent of hers, bluffing and lying, pity she was attempting it in a room with the only two people in the world who could see right through her. Even Kane’s brow furrowed at the declaration, knowing that if Lexa had been injured, Clarke would already be frantically treating her, not announcing it to world, with a chin lifted in defiance, daring them to refute the statement.

Lexa grumbled her disagreement at the blatant lie and when Clarke noticed Abby looking to the Commander, knowing that Lexa would absolutely crumble under the pressure of lying to her beloved nomon, Clarke leaned her body to cut off Abby’s gaze, causing her mom to look at her instead.

“I’m going to take her to our tent and take care of her…” Clarke rasped in a tone that no mother should ever hear from her daughter.

Abby turned a red to match the colour of both Lexa and Clarke and averted her gaze from them, as Kane confusedly stared at the apparent strangeness going on in front of him.

Abby just nodded and Clarke quickly pulled Lexa up by her hand who obediently followed after her.

“Reshop, Nomon.” Lexa mumbled, staring at everything aside from Abby.

“Sweet dreams, Lexa.” Abby awkwardly returned as Clarke hurried them out of the room, but not fast enough to avoid hearing Kane asking Abby what was happening and her mother’s subsequent response.

“They’re going to have sex, Marcus.” The grimace was clear in her tone and Clarke could feel Lexa tensing and faltering as though she was about to turn back and deny it, so Clarke quickly spun around and kissed her.

Lexa seemed to instantly forget about Abby as she returned the frantic kiss and then blindly followed Clarke who took her hand again and pulled her along the Ark corridors. They broke into a light jog when they exited into the evening air, laughing with a contented joy, completely unawares of the warriors who, with small smiles, would respectfully avert their gazes from the Heda and Gonheda running passed them, hand in hand, toward the Commander’s tent....

* * *

Clarke woke with her arms still possessively wrapped around Lexa. They had made love for hours until they collapsed exhausted in a sweaty, tangled, mess. It was the best sleep Clarke had had in a long while.

She could hear the camp buzzing with activity and the warmth of the tent suggested that the sun was already high in the morning sky.

“Leks…” Clarke whispered, gently trying to detangle Lexa’s sex-hair while coaxing her awake.

“Hm?” Came the sleepy reply, even as Lexa snuggled closer to her.

“Do you still want to set out this afternoon?” Clarke checked, because she was surprised that Lexa wasn’t up already and meeting with the Generals.

Lexa hummed an affirmative and blindly kissed the top of Clarke’s breast causing Clarke to grin at the sleepy Heda. She’d been travelling for days on end and had still matched Clarke pace for pace the evening before.

“I need to go get the armies ready for travel then…” Clarke explained, pressing an apologetic kiss to Lexa’s head because she would much rather be sleeping in. “And I need to take census of Roan’s army and speak to their General.”

Lexa grunted something unintelligible and then let go of Clarke, turning to lay on her stomach, leaving Clarke free to get up.

Clarke washed up and put on some light armour with her gauntlets and strapped her swords on her lower back, her eyes occasionally flitting to the Heda who was clearly not in a deep sleep as she wasn’t lightly snoring.

Clarke approached the bed again, bending down low and moved to curiously stare at Lexa’s face from a few inches away.

“Do you want me to bring you some breakfast?” She asked. “And should I reschedule the meeting with the Generals for a bit later?”

Lexa’s eyes fluttered open and she tenderly stared at Clarke for a long moment, a sweet smile on her face before she lifted her head and pressed a light kiss onto Clarke’s lips.

“I’ll get something to eat later, mochof ai hod.” Lexa murmured, playfully nipping at Clarke’s chin. “And my Gonheda has everything under control, so I will spend some time with Nomon; try and calm her heart until it’s time for us to leave.”

Clarke stared back at her control freak wife who was just accepting that Clarke had thought of everything; who was just blindly trusting in Clarke’s capabilities in organising a massive army…

A slow grin spread across Clarke’s face, before she kissed Lexa soundly on the mouth, before she pushed her down onto her back and tucked her into the furs. Clarke then kissed a pliant, yet softly chuckling Lexa on the forehead, and exited the tent.

It felt different issuing her commands that day, more real than ever. Clarke knew it was just her, but as she took control of the armies, she finally, truly, felt like the Heda’s Warrior.

* * *

They spent the march to Polis riding side by side, Lexa filling Clarke in on her trip. It was a small comfort to know that they still had the support of all the other clan leaders, who, loyalty to the Commander aside, seemed to have understood that if Ontari and Guwain were successful in this war, that they would soon come to claim their lands next.

The plan wasn’t to attack that day, they’d only been gearing up to take back the four villages surrounding Polis, but had found them all deserted, Ontari apparently having called in all of her warriors to Polis.

They set up camp a few miles outside of their home and Lexa called a meeting with her Generals, Clarke, Roan and Indra, and quickly ran over the plan in her tent while they stood surrounding the war table.

Lexa had kept busy on her trip and seemed to have carved little figurines she’d painted to represent each of the Generals, colour coded to match their clan. Lexa had chosen a red rectangular block of wood for herself and then placed a white spear mounted on a circular disc to keep it upright, next to ‘her’ in front of Polis’s gates on the map.

“King Roan and I will wait for the messenger to return here.” Lexa explained and then placed a cute little battering ram in front of them. “Once Ontari declines to surrender, we will break through the front gates. I will need the majority of archers with me, to take out the warriors defending from the walls.”

Clarke nodded and checked the table Lexa had _really_ loved, before she subtracted the archers, writing a number down below Lexa’s name. She knew the plan already, but Lexa had suggested they scout the area first, before assigning any warriors.

“… and a quarter of our army…”

Clarke could feel Lexa’s eyes on her. They hadn’t argued about the plan, because it was a great one, Clarke just wasn’t pleased with certain aspects of it.

“Chief Indra and another quarter of our warriors, will attack from the back.” Lexa continued on as Clarke stared at the map where a green, wooden, tree-Indra was placed. “They will first check the hidden exit for vulnerabilities, but will take the grappling equipment to scale the walls. Resistance should be minimal, as most eyes would be on myself at the front gates.”

The Generals nodded and Clarke quickly assigned Indra some men. She’d suggested to Lexa that they place the Flaudonkru there as they needed the lighter warriors if they’d be climbing and Lexa agreed that the work they did on their boats would also help them with the grappling. It was why Lexa then placed a little ship next to Indra’s tree. Statistically, the Boat Clan were a lot leaner than the rest of the Coalition warriors and Clarke thought it was probably because they lived predominantly on a diet of fish rather than red meat.

“We will have some men covering this side, but won’t be entering Polis from there.” Lexa’s eyes were on Clarke as she motioned to the left wall from the front gates and Clarke met her gaze and then nodded, she’d already decided to place the Arkadian guards there to cover the wall and remain out of the actual battle.

“Our main attack will come from here.” Lexa murmured as she placed a tiny replica of the Ark on the map, to the right side of Polis and looked up at Bellamy. “General Blake will use the Skaikru missile launcher and blast a hole in the wall. There’s a large open space and no houses in the area behind it, so there won’t be much more damage to the city’s infrastructure.”

Bellamy nodded and Clarke then watched as Lexa’s mouth twitched into a ghost of a smile, before she placed the final figure onto the table next to ‘Bellamy’. It was a meticulously carved replica of a tiny gorilla, beating at its chest and roaring into the air.

There were a few snickers, poorly hidden behind fake coughs and clearing throats, and Clarke didn’t want to grin at her, but Lexa’s eyes were mischievously sparkling and Clarke just shook her head smiling back before pressing her nose into the book she was writing in.

“The Gonheda will lead the charge into Polis on horseback to flank the enemy. We will charge the front and back using the explosion as a signal to attack.” Lexa looked up to make sure everyone was on the same page. “I will seek out Ontari and challenge her to Heda Solou Gonplei. And when she falls, this war will be over.”

* * *

They were naked in their tent, Clarke laying on her side, stretched out between Lexa’s legs, her head resting on Lexa’s lower belly, her arms cradling Lexa’s thigh to her chest. It was a strange position to find herself in, but Lexa’s fingers were scraping her scalp and it was as relaxed as Clarke thought she would be able to get the evening before their attack.

Their army had surrounded Polis and the Commander had instructed that the war drums sound the instant they were in position. They’d been beating non-stop since the evening before, as Lexa effectively mind-fucked the enemy.

Clarke had thought that the drums would be distracting as they thrummed across the valley, but they’d become soothing and served as a reminder of their numbers and cohesion and Clarke really enjoyed the idea of Guwain shitting his pants, knowing that they were trapped in Polis, with no idea as to when an attack would come.

“I need you to promise me something.” Lexa’s voice was quiet, her tone tentative, and Clarke didn’t want to promise her shit.

“No.” Clarke mumbled, and pulled Lexa’s thigh closer to her chest, her heart picking up speed to surpass the rhythm of the drums.

Lexa was quiet for a moment, but she continued to lightly massage Clarke’s scalp.

“Should I fall during battle –

Lexa stopped talking when Clarke’s head snapped up to glare daggers at her. She got a tender smile for her efforts, Lexa tilting her head to the side and motioning Clarke closer with a gentle tug at the back of her neck.

Clarke obediently crawled up the lanky body, straddling a toned thigh and then lowered onto her elbows to glare at Lexa up close.

“I have spoken to the Generals, they’re all aware that I have chosen you as my successor.”

Clarke’s brows furrowed.

“If Ontari doesn’t kill me herself in Heda Solou Gonplei, she will not be Heda, but will still have her army.”

Clarke nodded slowly. “And you think I should be Heda?”

“If I fall,” Lexa smirked and kissed Clarke’s answering scowl away, “if I fall, I will need you to promise that you will protect our people from Ontari and Guwain... The armies will follow you, so you will just need to push onward and secure Polis.”

Clarke let out a wry chuckle and shook her head.

“You’re not dying tomorrow.” Was all she said and was relieved when Lexa let the topic go, because honestly, it was all Clarke could think about; that all of Ontari’s warriors would’ve been instructed to kill, or at the very least weaken the Heda enough for Ontari to strike a fatal blow. The Coalition might have the numbers and a plan that would ensure victory, but Lexa would be riding into battle with a giant target on her back and Clarke was not going to be fighting at her side. Lexa had decided to place Clarke at the head of half of their army at the other side of Polis. Clarke won’t be able to see her or check whether she was okay…

She felt a soft kiss between her brows where they’d furrowed up into a scowl again and then looked into Lexa’s eyes, her gaze soft and understanding and apologetic for freaking Clarke out with contingencies.

“We will be victorious.” Lexa rasped, while she brushed a blonde lock away from Clarke’s face and behind her ear, trailing her finger down Clarke’s neck. “Because my Warrior is brilliant and strong…” Lexa trailed off as she watched her finger trail between Clarke breasts and downward still, causing Clarke to lift up onto her arms, to allow her better access, her brain mercifully clouding over and shifting aside her worries. “And she has trained hard for the battle to come…” Lexa’s knuckles brushed over Clarke’s abs, causing them to tremble at the touch and the heated gaze.  “…She has trained so very hard...” Lexa whispered, eyes glazed with lust as her hand trailed down between Clarke’s thighs, into the small space separating them. “Clear your mind of worries for tonight, ai hod.” She murmured as her fingers smoothly slid in between Clarke’s slickened folds.

Yeah, Clarke wasn’t thinking anything anymore…

“Tomorrow we will defeat our enemy.” Lexa slipped inside of her and Clarke’s eyes fluttered closed as she whimpered and pressed her forehead against Lexa’s jaw. “Tomorrow we will take back our home.” Lexa slowly pumped into her, Clarke’s hips mindlessly rocking into the strokes.

“ _Yes_ …” Clarke dumbly mumbled, her breaths coming out harder.

“Tomorrow I will sit you down on my throne and worship you with my mouth until the entire Polis hears your screams.”

* * *

Clarke sat on an unfamiliar, yet docile, horse at the wall they would soon blow to smithereens. She didn’t want Cocoa to get hurt when they stormed inside, so had left her at their camp.

Clarke was connected with all the different factions via radio, but still it had been decided that Lexa would signal them with a loud horn, the same horn that had sounded each time the Heda had come back to Polis. Clarke couldn’t help but smile at the theatrics. Lexa was fucking magnificent, she’d kept on reassuring Clarke that morning as they dressed for battle, thinking she was hiding the worry in her own eyes. Not worry for herself or the battle, but worry for Clarke’s safety.

There was no doubt in Clarke’s mind that Lexa would’ve rather she stayed behind with Cocoa, but she would never ask that of Clarke, instead Lexa allowed Clarke to charge at anything she wanted, sometimes even encouraging her, whilst making sure that Clarke was always as safe as Lexa could possibly make her.

Clarke had Echo at her side though, which she knew offered Lexa some peace of mind, and Bellamy standing with the missile launcher on his shoulder. Her personal guard already protectively remained close as they stayed in the treeline and watched a few enemy guards tensely staring out at them.

They knew that part of the Coalition army was there, they just didn’t know how many. The woods provided enough camouflage to prevent a tally and they’d moved into position before the sun had even peaked from behind the mountains and then the drums had finally stopped, the forest having grown deadly quiet and Clarke felt as though she could hear her own heart hammering in her chest as she waited on Lexa’s signal.

The horn finally sounded and Clarke had thought that she would panic, but she didn’t, instead a haze seemed to settle over her, making her feel like she was in a dream as she looked to Bellamy who was already staring at her in anticipation.

Clarke nodded and looked to the wall as Bellamy stepped forward and without much preamble, launched the missile at Polis.

The explosion was massive and Clarke could hear the cries coming from inside, most were distant though, toward the front gates.

Clarke’s mind went to Lexa, calculating the quickest path to get to her.

“Clarke.” Came the urgent whisper from Echo and Clarke squeezed her eyes tightly shut for a moment; her army hadn’t made a move.

Clarke exhaled, picturing Lexa’s pretty face and reminded herself that the best thing she could do for Lexa, was her duty. So she slid one of her swords from behind her back and kicked her horse forward.

“Kom wor!” She loudly cried, thrusting the tip of her sword into the air, the immediate roar that sounded behind her pushing Clarke faster passed the charred and burning debris, toward Ontari’s chalked warriors already rushing to meet them head on.

* * *

Clarke felt fucking amazing.

She would later allow for introspection on the feeling, but as her swords cut down the enemy warriors, Clarke’s adrenaline seemed to only increase with each throat sliced, each gut that she pierced, the sight of blood making her crave even more of it.

She continued to scan the battlefield whenever she had an opportunity, her mind sharp and clear, taking in every detail, like when Indra’s troops joined them in the fray, and that the number of warriors they were battling were less than half than the numbers Ignis had given, meaning that Lexa’s small battalion, were being overwhelmed wherever they were fighting.

The thought drove Clarke forward, shouting at the Valley Clan General to lead his men to the Heda, knowing that she would gut every warrior in her path so that she could get to Lexa too.

It was a few minutes later when Clarke heard it. The shouts in the distance, it was an instant shift in the air, warriors lowering their weapons mid-strike and looking toward the white house on the hill.

 _“Heda Solou Gonplei!_ ”

Clarke’s heart stopped and dropped into her stomach like a rock, and she instantly started rushing to where the hilltop was covered with warriors already running to watch the battle. Her blue sash and feathers were the only things that allowed Clarke a path through the large bodies and she came to an abrupt halt along with everyone who had vigilantly been shadowing her, when they saw that the battle seemed to still be ongoing.

She lifted her hand, surprised when even the enemy warriors stopped, maybe because Roan was amongst those still fighting to keep the enemy away from the Commander, who was swinging her lance, fighting Ontari _and_ a horde of warriors still attempting to strike her down too.

Lexa had an arrow sticking out of her pauldron and another embedded deep in her thigh. It was clearly making her slower and Clarke knew how much of Lexa’s advantage came from her speed and agility.

The Gonheda saw red, Clarke growled and started running forward, but then abruptly came to a halt a few feet later. She wasn’t sure what had stopped her, or rather, had cleared her brain. Maybe it was because her temper had twice now scared and disappointed Lexa and Clarke had sworn to not break her promise again.

So Clarke stilled, feeling Echo at her shoulder, watching her back as Clarke took in what was happening in front of her. Lexa’s personal guard were keeping the River Clan warriors away from her. Clarke recognized them by the way most tended to have their heads cut short at the sides and braided down the centre.

Her theory was proven correct when she saw Guwain standing next to a row of archers, trying to get a clean shot of the Heda as she was inundated with warriors, ironically serving as her shield.

“Get them off the Commander!” Clarke sent her own guard in to assist. Their front yard was keeping the rest of the army away from the battle and the people’s confusion were fast fading and some battles were already breaking out again around her.

“Clarke?”

Echo was the only one to have remained at her side.

“Please keep her safe, Ekko, I’ll be right back.” Clarke pleaded and then took off running toward the house, knowing Echo wouldn’t deny such a request.

At the bottom of the steps Clarke ran into a River Clan warrior, only seeing the sword coming at her, she ducked and blocked the strike with her gauntlet, swinging with her free hand and felt the blade sliding across skin and the warrior screamed in agony. She sidestepped around him and stabbed her sword backward, feeling it penetrate deep into his flesh. Clarke hurriedly ripped her weapon out and continued on her mission, not bothering to look back at the fallen warrior, bursting through the front doors where two others were already running toward her, most likely having been on their way out. Clarke blocked the sword of one, feeling the blade click into her cuff, rendering it useless as she sliced through the second man’s throat, before she twisted her arm and stabbed the remaining one in the gut.

It all happened so mechanically, Clarke quickly disposing of them, too focused on her goal to overthink and just going with her instincts. She just jumped over the dead bodies and ran toward the throne room.

Clarke sneered at the Azgeda throne where antlers should’ve been, but went to quickly open the secret passage behind it. It was dark inside and Clarke ripped off her mask, her body running hot on adrenaline as she tried to calm herself and slowly trailed her fingers along the bricks until she found the gap and her hand landed on the package she'd hidden there.

* * *

Clarke knew she couldn't have taken more than three minutes, yet it had felt like hours before she was back outside, standing on their front steps, her chest aching as she tried to stop her feet from running to the injured Lexa, who had sweat streaming down her temples as she valiantly defended against the continued attacks with her lance, her blades still sheathed at her back.

Clarke ripped her radio off of her belt and quickly spoke into it.

“Sergeant Miller, come in.” She was surprised at the steadiness of her voice, as her eyes remained fixed on the battle. Grunt was a fucking sight as he steamrolled through the enemy trying to get to the Heda. Clarke watched him actually punch a man unconscious.

_“Miller here, go ahead.”_

“When you hear a gunshot, I need your team to all fire their weapons once into the air. Over.”

_“Roger that, Gonheda.”_

Clarke’s hand was shaking when she pointed the gun she'd just retrieved into the air and fired. The fighting instantly ceased as everyone instinctively ducked and when the cacophony of gunfire broke out soon after, they stilled entirely and turned to Clarke pointing a single gun at hundreds of warriors.

“Bak Op!” Clarke screamed, aiming at the warriors surrounding the Commander and they all took a few steps back, even Ontari, or who Clarke had earlier assumed was Ontari as Lexa had been glaring at her, and who really wasn’t that impressive at all.

_Tiny fucking Ice Bitch._

“We have taken the Iron clan, Horse Clan and the River clans! They are all under Coalition control. Prince Roan has returned to reclaim his throne! He has sworn Azgeda’s fealty to Heda and to the Coalition!”

Most of the enemy present were Azgeda warriors and Roan stepped forward, to make sure he was seen and there was quiet, before Guwain decided to open his fucking mouth:

“Shoot her!” He directed his archers who had all lowered their bows.

The order had barely left his lips before Clarke fired, the bullet grotesquely hitting him in the face causing him to collapse to the ground and everyone else to remain frozen in place.

Yeah, Clarke would’ve preferred to run her swords right through him; actually feel him dying at her hand. But his abrupt death served its purpose nonetheless, especially when Sergeant Miller had the Arkadians firing again and Clarke realised she hadn’t been very specific in her instructions. She hoped the warriors didn’t immediately realise that the threat was still outside, but they had their weapons down and the fighting had stopped.

Also, Clarke had been aiming at Guwain’s chest. So she was very grateful that he'd gone down on the first shot. Any more bullets than that, and she might’ve caused a panicked retaliation.

Her gaze went to Lexa and as if feeling it – or maybe because Clarke hadn’t said anything in a while – Lexa turned her gaze from Ontari and looked to her. Clarke scanned her body, trying to hide her worry, needing Lexa to know what she was planning and she wasn’t sure if Lexa understood what she was asking, but the Heda nodded nonetheless, straightening a little to show Clarke that she was fine.

Clarke really hoped so, because there was only one way the war could end right then without countless more losses.

"Heda Solou Gonplei had been called, and you will honour it!" Clarke growled and could see the shame in some of the warriors’ faces. They’d committed plenty of war crimes under Ontari and Guwain’s control. "If not, the Coalition _will_ destroy you all!"

The Coalition warriors decided to cry out their agreement, as if finally realising that Clarke hadn’t suddenly turned into the enemy and that _they_ were safe from any _skaitek_. Clarke appreciated it because the enemy then realised that they were clearly outnumbered and summarily dropped their weapons.

Clarke looked to Lexa and the wide circle that had formed around her and Ontari. Lexa spared her a brief smile which Clarke weakly returned as her stomach twisted and her heartrate picked up even more.

Lexa tossed her lance toward Grunt and it was really like magic how in tune they were to each other and then ripped out the arrow from her pouldron. Clarke almost yelled at her to stop when she saw Lexa moving to the one in her leg and broke off its end. Clarke cringed, but of course Lexa wasn’t going to allow Clarke to have a look at her before she fought.

Lexa was already focused as she glared at a smirking Ontari and smoothly drew her blades from the sheathes at her back. Clarke was vaguely aware of Bellamy appearing at her side. He’d been instructed to rendezvous with Skaikru, so Clarke would have Echo deal with him later, because in that moment, all she could do was watch from her elevated position as Lexa lightly limped forward and clashed her sword against Ontari’s.

Lexa didn’t move around much, instead focusing on defending against Ontari’s angry, yet almost desperate attacks. The Ice Bitch knew that no matter what, she wasn’t going to make it out of Polis alive. Not with Roan there, and she might not even know it, but certainly not with Clarke. If Lexa fell, Clarke’s swords would pierce her seconds after.

The battle against so many warriors must’ve exhausted the Heda though, and when Ontari sliced through her arm, it was both Echo – whose arrival Clarke hadn’t even registered – and Bellamy, who held her in place.

Lexa backed up a few steps, her jaw twitching, her fingers readjusting on her swords, and why the fuck did Ontari have to actually be a competent warrior?

Clarke’s hand gripped her gun, her jaw clenching, she didn’t need to be close to kill that Ice Bitch. She would be a pariah if she interfered after her speech about honour, and subsequently shunned by the Coalition. Lexa would be so disappointed in her though and it was the only thing that kept her gun at her thigh. Well, that and Echo’s arms around her, offering more of a soothing support than actual restraint.

Lexa rolled her shoulders, twirled her swords and dipped into a battle stance to the wild cheers of her warriors. She moved forward swiftly, stepping on her injured leg, letting out a battle cry that was part agony and all intensity.

For the following few moments, Lexa fought as though she didn’t have an arrow in her thigh and taken aback by the implausibility of Lexa’s capacity to bear such pain, Ontari faltered as the Heda’s blades rapidly accosted her. She managed to expertly block the first few strikes, but Lexa was relentless, sneering and grunting, the circle of spectators having to move as Ontari was backed into them. Lexa pressed down on her uninjured leg, using the momentum of her body to spin slightly sideways, her blades cutting like rotors right through Ontari’s chest armour, who didn’t anticipate the Heda quickly switching her angle of attack, bringing together both katanas which she swung like a baseball bat, screaming as she placed all of her power behind the strike and sent Ontari’s sword flying through the air… Before it could even hit the ground, Lexa had leapt into the air with a wild vicious snarl, blades lifted and pointed downward, and stabbed both swords into the Ice Bitch’s torso, gravity and the force of her strength, sinking them almost two-thirds deep into her body.

Ontari sunk down onto her knees, blood dripping from her mouth as she blankly stared up into the Heda’s sneering face.

Lexa paused, the warriors had grown silent, before the Commander ripped out her bloodied blades, pieces of flesh grotesquely sticking to them, and thrust both into the air as she cried out her victory.

“ _Heda, Heda, Heda, Heda.._.” The chanting started up and Clarke’s relief had her standing paralyzed on the steps, slightly slumped into Echo chanting right along with the celebrating warriors.

Lexa roared again as she fiercely stared over her people, preening as she kept her swords raised and her chin up high. Her gaze finally fixed on Clarke, making her shudder and her stomach bottom out when the dark gaze drank her in and a smirk pulled at the Heda’s lips.

Clarke allowed the Heda her celebrations as Roan and Indra and the Generals all went forward to shake her arm or slap her on the back. But when Lexa lightly wobbled at the proud blow she received from Grunt, Clarke found her legs again and started shouting instructions to the people.

The Polisians needed to be freed, the Captains and Generals of the enemy needed to be detained. The rest of the warriors would be escorted back to their home clans, accompanied by a Coalition regiment until such time that the Heda would appoint or approve their new leadership.

Clarke could feel Lexa’s gaze on her as she approached and the Commander said nothing when Clarke removed her blades from her grip and handed them to Grunt.

Clarke then placed Lexa’s arm around her shoulders, dipped down and carefully lifted her up into her arms. She didn’t care what the people thought of it, Clarke needed to take care of that leg because Lexa had probably made things ten times worse by just pushing through the pain like that.

As soon as Clarke had her secured though, Lexa lifted her fist into the air and let out another victory cry and her warriors all cheered and hollered as a blushing Clarke carried Lexa up the steps to their home.

Lexa just wrapped both of her arms around Clarke’s neck and placed a tender kiss at her temple.

* * *

At first glance, it didn’t seem as though there was much rebuilding to be done. Ontari hadn’t destroyed the house, but most everything that was related to Lexa or the Trikru, had been discarded. Like her throne and the portrait of Anya Clarke had painted for her birthday. Both thankfully replaceable.

Clarke had started the process of purging their home from anything foreign, burning the sheets and furs in their room, where Lexa’s prized collection of books had thankfully remained untouched. Most of her time though, was spent with the warriors who had been injured during the battle and the freed Polisians, many who were malnourished and sickly, suffering from wound and lung infections as a result of being kept in an overcrowded dungeon for months. Some had even been placed in makeshift cages when they had run out of space.

Yes, Ontari hadn’t destroyed much of Polis, as most of the destruction had been inflicted on the people. It was going to take time for Polis to become Polis again, but their people were resilient and Clarke remained confident that it would again return to the sanctuary it had once been. Perhaps even better.

Lexa was overseeing the rebuilding of the wall, taking stock of what resources they had and still needed, while reassuring their people that they were finally safe again. She was making use of the schoolhouse as her base of operations to prevent the flow of people in and out of their already violated home, and one day, when the sun had set and Lexa was still not home, Clarke went to fetch her wife, who would work throughout the night if Clarke wasn’t there to stop her.

“Hei, Doktor Gonheda!” A young girl shouted from her front door frantically waving at Clarke until her father appeared behind her, his fist going to his chest even as his other arm wrapped around his excited child to calm her.

Clarke just grinned at them both and waved back as she continued on her walk, her smile faltering when her gaze fixed on the destroyed mural outside of the schoolhouse.

Clarke pushed her anger down though. Ontari and Guwain were gone and they’d survived the ordeal with some significant, though thankfully minimal, losses.

Clarke smiled at Grunt and the rest of Lexa’s personal guard, who before the war would’ve dispersed when within the safety of Polis’s walls, but their loyalty and protectiveness still had them sticking to Lexa’s side even with the threat gone.

Clarke appreciated each and every one of them for that dedication. It was still hard to get back that feeling of safety and security Polis had provided before the war.

Upon entering the schoolhouse, Clarke found Lexa standing in the middle of the large cleared space, still without a throne which she had declared not a necessity at the moment. Clarke had already visited with a carpenter to build an exact replica though. Lexa might not require it, but their people needed to see her sitting on it once again. Dressed in her black armour and her silky red sash, radiating the authority that had brought entire nations to their knees. It would bring their people that much closer to feeling that things were getting back to normal. And Lexa had also made certain promises about having Clarke sit on that throne that she intended on collecting on…

Lexa was gently swaying from side to side as she paced up and down, the arrow wound still clearly bothering her as she favoured her uninjured leg.

In her arm though, she held a sleeping little blonde child Clarke judged at about seven to nine months old. Lexa had mentioned that she would be ensuring that all the orphans left behind by the war were placed in good homes that day.

But there were no other people in the room… And _oh_ …

Clarke had frozen in place as she stared at the picture, watching every detail of Lexa’s serene face. The Commander was completely and undeniably _smitten_. It took Clarke a while to move and take a step forward, Lexa finally – and very uncharacteristically – only noticing her presence then.

Clarke’s breath hitched at the bright green eyes that locked onto her. Wide and vulnerable, filled with hope and apprehension and a question Clarke didn’t need verbalised to know exactly what Lexa was asking her. Lexa wouldn’t say it though, because they hadn’t planned on it so soon… Lexa had asked for some time, until the Coalition was more stable.

Clarke’s heart fluttered and her stomach swarmed with butterflies as she tremulously smiled and tentatively stepped closer, to peak at the baby’s sleeping face.

“Who do we have here?” Clarke softly rasped, her voice cracking slightly.

Lexa leaned into her at the tone, and Clarke instinctively wrapped her arm around Lexa’s waist, holding them close, soothingly rubbing a thumb across Lexa’s hip.

“His name is Aiden.” Lexa murmured, her chin proudly lifting in a way reminiscent of when Lexa introduced Clarke to people.

Clarke nodded dumbly, all her attention focused on accepting the tiny bundle when Lexa carefully handed him over to her as though he was the most precious thing in the world.

“Hey, Aiden.” Clarke cooed when his eyes sleepily fluttered open to reveal a beautiful pair of bright blue eyes. “Are you ready to come home with us?”

* * *

THE END

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thanks to Duckie and Emberly for their support during the writing of this fic.  
> And to everyone who has been reading, thank you for your comments and kudos and patience xD
> 
> If you liked it, please share!
> 
> \- May you read again
> 
> xx

**Author's Note:**

> I'm about halfway through writing this fic, so updates will hopefully be weekly should life and muse work along with me.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> xx


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